June 2007 Archives

My boyfriend and I just got in the house for the evening and one of his friends called him and gave him a message for me. It went something like this:

"Tell Adam that I'm tired of the raccoon poem."

I know... I know... I'm terrible, I know. It's just been a very, very hectic week and a half especially with all that Pride stuff last weekend but I will return, chock full of posts and updates by the weekend.

Bear with me.

Love,
Adam

PS: I promise this won't be like my May posting slump, I promise.

This poem is based on a true story. I just came home from the gym about a half hour ago. I was actually trying to get home as fast as I could so I could get this poem that popped into my mind out on paper. I won't tell you much about it as it speaks for itself. I'm showing a new side of me as this poem has nothing to do with dating or relationships or sex. It actually only took me about five minutes to write. It's different for me. Enjoy.

The Big Ass Raccoons Of Central Park
by A. Benjamin Irby

(clears throat)

As I was walking home this evening,
walking home from the gym.
My baby on my mind,
I was thinking of him.
Groceries in hand,
I stopped by the store.
The grass and the moonlight,
as I walked by the shore.
Of Harlem Meer,
a big pond in north Central Park.
Oh dear, I fear,
a rustling in the dark.
In the dim streetlights,
and the light from the moon.
I look to the right,
a big ass raccoon!
Hairy, kinda scary,
wildlife, but pretty.
What a peculiar sight in the middle of New York City.
I walk unfazed,
a chuckle, a laugh.
By all the young lovers,
sitting poised, ready to have.
Rounding the meer,
almost near Lenox Avenue real soon.
Ahead to the right in the garbage,
another big ass raccoon!
Animals, wild animals,
really it's too much.
First pigeons, then geese,
now raccoons and such.
In the path, make a decision,
no "wells" or "maybes."
I'm turning around,
I ain't tryna get no rabies!
So with the bags I had,
turning around to part.
I'm getting my black ass outta Central Park!

I just wanna start by saying that I'm one the six black or latino gay people who wasn't at the POCC Ball at Webster Hall last night, not because I couldn't go or because I'm one of those delusional gays who tries to totally diassociate himself from the ballroom scene, no, nothing like that. I didn't go because I had to go to my part-time day job today and I just didn't wanna be out half the night and be tired in this morning, that is such torture. But a few short months ago, something like that would have never stopped me from going out to such a big event last night. I would have went out, got home late and been tired and evil and bitchy and miserable all day today and if I didnt get at least two phone numbers I woulda really been pissed.

An even bigger part of why I don't go out so much anymore is because I have a man now and now that I have him there's just no reason for me to be out like that anymore. And I'm so past that whole 'I just go to clubs to dance lying-ass-bullshit!' Yes that is bullshit and your single ass knows it too! That withstanding, I was never really into clubs that much anyway, so now I'm really over it. But what kills me is that when I was single and looking for a man ("...big mistake... huge!" -Julia Roberts) I wanted a relationship and I would often get involved with people who had the same old gay story (violins playing) "I, I just don't wanna be tied down right now. I was involved with someone and I got hurt and... and I just need time to do me... etc, etc, etc..." While I don't regret those or any of my past relationship experiences disasters, wastes of time, etc., they helped make me who I am today, even though I must say they missed out on a really great guy. But I digress...

Though most dudes associate being in a relationship with bondage (which may be good if you're into that sorta thing) I have found a great freedom in being attached. Because when you're single and supposedly not looking, you are still looking, sure you are, subconsciously or sometimes not so subconsciously. When I was single and "not looking" and I would go to clubs and see a fine ass dude looking at me I would look back. If I didn't step to him myself I would damn sure want him to step to me. I would wear my flyest gear to the club, why? So niggas would look at me and admit it, you do it too.

Thinking about the whole elimination of the looking factor from my life now I thought about all the other things being involved has freed me from. I decided to make a list. Being in a relationship has freed me from:

- Feeling like I have to go out. I can go to the club, or not go to the club, I don't care. I got a man waiting for me at home.

- Looking for dates. Yeah he's cute and I could probably bag him. But he's probably an asshole like the last three dudes I talked to. I'm good. I got a man at home.

- Looking for dates... online. No more sitting up at two in the morning with one hand on my dick and the other on my keyboard. I can just 'tap my baby on the shoulder, he'll roll over' and I will do the same. And it feels good to be one of those people that can say on their online profile that their taken and have a man at home. Even though I never said I'm totally against a hot threesome tho...

-Looking for dates... on the chat line. That's just pitifiul. But in our horniness we have all done it. Everybody has that story about the beast they met on the chat line. And if you dont have one then it's you. Get into it!

- Being the third wheel. When my best friend has a boo. We can double date.

And these are just the beginning of all the wonderful things having somebody in my life has freed me from. So you can go ahead and live your fancy free life in your clubs, on your internets, and on your chat lines. I'm good. I got a man at home.

==========
My Boyfriend and Me (lookin' like a deer in the headlights) with the lovely Candace Jones at her showcase at Joe's Pub in NYC (06/15/07).
==========

You may have heard her song "You And Me" from the "Save The Last Dance 2 Soundtrack" or Ne-Yo's "Sexy Love (remix)" which featured her, hopefully you did 'cuz I sure didn't! I was totally clueless about the girl until Friday night. A friend of my boyfriend who is in Candace's camp invited us to her showcase at Joe's Pub down on Lafayette Street.

When we arrived there was list mania going on. You were not getting in there unless your name was on the list because it was sold out, and the place looked packed. As we waited for my boyfriend's friend to come get us. A sexy ass petite woman walks in through the front door and through the crowd, face beat, hair snatched (I love peppering my blog posts with the lingo), in this hot purple dress who seemed to be floating on air, kissing and hugging everyone who stopped her. I leaned over to my boyfriend and whispered "Is that her? Is she the girl we came to see?" at that point I still didn't know her name. When I received my ticket I looked at it and it said "Candace" on it.

When we finally got in I saw that it was definitely as crowded as I thought. We squeezed through the crowd to met up with some other friends of his by the bar and had some small talk before the show started. After about 15-20 minutes they introduced "Candace Jones" and, lo and behold, it was the pretty girl with the purple dress. I loved her performance and her stage presence, she really commanded her stage and connected with her audience. She went on to talk about how she likes to dabble in different genres of music and went on to label them as different flavors of candy, confection, but also short for Candace (think Lil' Kim "How Many Licks" video). She performed all of her songs with background singers and a live band so she gets extra points from me for that.

I will attempt to summarize her performance that night. It will be a little difficult for me though as I don't have official titles for the songs. All I know is that I liked 'em. So I'll Do the best I can.

The first song she performed was "Popped Up" (club candy), a club banger. Then she did one of my favorites of the evening "Breeze By" (R&B candy) a woman scorn, R&B ballad where she sings the line: "You're fucking with my dear emotions and I don't like to cry". Next was "Kansas City(?)" (jazz candy) a jazzy ballad that gave her the chance to really show off her pipes. And then "I'm Not Goin Nowhere" (pop candy), an Avril Lavigne, meets Britney Spears, meets black girl, rock-ish-pop song which sounded great live.

Then there was the kee-kee of the evening... "Fresh Like Us" or as I like to call it, the "Get ya lovin' on time" song. Throughout her upbeat performances she had two male dancers on the stage with her, you know, giving the usual, butch queen R&B back-up dancer effect. Then that music started and them hoodies came off to expose one of them with a tight pink shirt on an the other with a tube top looking thing walking runway, voguing, and dancing around her. The audience collectively gagged, but it was a really nice touch. I wasn't expecting it at all (think Mya "My Love Is Like Wo/Whatever Bitch" performance on Mad TV, YouTube it). To end the evening she performed "Best Move" (girl candy) which is basically one of those all my ladies put ya hands up solidarity type of songs (think the end of Faith Evans "Brand New Man", except it's not so much about a guy). It was a really, really good show and I can't wait to see what great things are in store for her.

When she came out into the audience after the performance my boyfriend and I took a picture with her (the one on top of this post, I know I look CRAZY! LOL) and I said to her that she has "won over a new convert". I also took video of the performance and uploaded it to YouTube. Check out the kee-kee of the evening "Fresh like Us" below. You can check out the rest of the songs on YouTube by visiting my channel, the A. Benjamin Irby Channel. Be sure to subscribe if you want to get notified whenever I add new videos.

Also check out Candace Jones' MySpace Page to watch Candace's new "Best Move" and buy all the tracks I mentioned here and more.

Links:

Candace Jones' MySpace Page

The A. Benjamin Irby Channel @ YouTube

==========
Me & My Boyfriend:
Top: At The KissMyBlackAss Party, printed in this weeks issue of Next Magazine.
Bottom: At the Bleu Prom taken by DatzWhatzUp.net.
These pics are terrible! LOL
==========

Well if you've been reading the blog you will notice that I talk about my boyfriend... a lot. I can't help it okay, he's my baby. And I'm trying my very best to not be one of those people, you know the ones that talk about their man all the time (especially when their man ain't talking about them, but luckily our feelings are mutual, and as much as I gush about him he gushes about me, he just doesn't have a blog... yet). In true Carrie Bradshaw, "Sex And The City" fashion I refer to him only as "my boyfriend". Some of y'all nosy heifers done put two and two together and got in already and have shocked me by already knowing who he is! LOL I'm not a big secret keeper as far as my life is concerned, I'm an open book (I have a blog for pete's sake).

When I go to events I purposely don't put up pictures of me and him and if you haven't noticed I always take pictures by myself or with other people when we go to different places and trust me trying to keep this whole thing up isn't easy. I have done this for two reasons:

1. Fear, unfortunately I have to admit. I know, I know, I know, it's the worst reason to do anything. You should never do anything motivated by fear. I tell people that all the time. I was afraid that if I started takling about him so much in the beginning that we may break up or something and people would be emailing me saying "Whatever happened to what's his face?"

2. It's my blog not his. When I first started this blog I was single. I wanted it to be a place where I could share my thoughts, feelings and experiences and you could share yours. Lord knows I'm not perfect and neither are you, we've all been hurt, but we could come here to help heal eachother. Now that I have him and he's such a big part of my life now and he makes me sooooo happy of course I can't help but talk about him, I love to talk about him. But I wont let the fact that I finally have a man now distract me from my original focus. And besides, I know he loves me and all (I love you too baby) but I do realize that he never asked for all of this. It's really not in his nature to wanna be all up in the spotlight and I know that he even had his own fears and/or reservations about us at first. So that's why I took my time before even mentioning him here.

I was gonna just pick a random day to show y'all a picture or something but Next Magazine and DatzWhatzUp.net beat me to it. So yes, this is my boyfriend. What's his name you ask? His name is MY BOYFRIEND! LOL

If you've been reading the blog you would probably would have noticed that I dont talk much about my family or anything outside of gay life, events, and my taudry sex-capades (don't you just love those LOL). But since today is Father's Day I thought it would be fitting to talk about my relationship with my father and with that I'll be christening yet another category on the blog, the "Family" category.

Friday afternoon as I was making my rounds to some of the other black gay blogs I ran into ShawnQT's Blog and I read his latest post entitled "F*ck Fathers". Needless to say, it was a pretty heavy post speaking about his relationship with his father. After reading his post I began to think about my relationship with my father. His post moved me so much that I had to reply. I said:

"Dayum, that was heavy... but it did make me think tho... I grew up with my father and mother together. They'll be married 30 years this year. My father was there, even though at times I wish he weren't, he was far from perfect and we didn't get along most of my young life. We're okay now though. He's really trying hard to be close to me in my adult life but I keep pushing him away. He called me twice the other day and I have yet to call him back. After reading your post I feel as though I should call him back. He's not perfect and event hough we never talked about the past or really resolved it at least he's trying... right? Thank you for your post. Really man... thanks."

Basically that's it in a nutshell. My father and I didn't really get along when I was younger. I'm not gonna go into so much detail as I don't remember everything, most of which I've blocked out. My parents separated for about a year and a half when I was younger. I can hardly remember that, I don't even rememer how old I was, it had to be sometime between seven and ten years-old, I totally blocked that out.  All I can really remember is that he would yell, and say things, bad things... a lot. And I remember crying... a lot. He was never really physically violent (my mother wasn't having that!) but he would make threats. My mother would say that it was due to the fact that he had been physically abused by his father as a child and it is true that hurting people do hurt people. And not to make excuses for his behavior but I know it must have been hard for him as a black man working to support his family in our society especially since he didn't finish high school due to the fact that his father died when he was teenager and he had to go to work to help support his family. Then there's the generation gap thing. My father is forty years older than me, which is something pretty uncommon for people my age. He's old enough to be my grandfather. A lot of things about me he just wouldnt understand.

As I said in my reply on ShawnQT's blog. My father does make attempts to get closer to me now as an adult. They seem genuine, I mean, I know they're genuine but there's a part of me that thinks 'too little too late nigga'. We get along, we're civil but I have to admit even though he loves me and I love him something in me will never let me get too close to him. I mean we're cool but I don't see us going fishing anytime soon. Above all else and beyond all the lovey-dovey emotional stuff I do respect the man's bottom line. He always had a job and he always did what he had to do to support his family but even that I can't give him too much props for because that's what a father is supposed to do. But what I can give him today is a phone call.

And I guess I'm proud to be an American, just don't mention President Bush or health care.

Michael Moore's "Sicko" will be in movie theatres Friday, June 29th.

==========
Top:
Me and Alesha Renee, host of BET's "The 5ive" (I know I'm lookin' crazy in this pic)

Bottom:
Me with some of the other readers including: Front row: Tweetie (co-host of the MTV special "Dances From The Hood"), Nik (runner-up from season 5 of America's Next Top Model), Alesha Renee, Me, and legendary rapper Eric B. Back row: Spry (celebrity stylist, Nathan Hale Williams (TV/film producer), and Darnell Jefferson (actor).
==========

I just came home not too long ago from an event at the Magic Johnson Theatres up the street. About a month ago I was asked to participate in the Harlem USA Read-A-Thon, an event where celebrities, like Nik from "America's Next Top Model" and regular people (like me, cuz ya know I'm no celebrity) read books to kids and then encourage them to read. There were about three hundred kids and twenty of us. I was originally paired with the host of BET's "Hotwired", Alesha Renee, but we didn't end up together. I did end up with Smooth, a co-host of the upcoming MTV special "Dances From The Hood" (airing sun/06/17/07 at 8PM).

I have to admit I was a little nervous reading to the kids thinking that they may not be... well... so receptive... dammit I just thought they might be some bad ass kids! Fortunately I was wrong, the kids were little angels and were very receptive and interested for the most part. Smooth and I traded chapters of "Because Of Winn-Dixie" by Kate DiCamillo, a story about a little girl who meets and falls in love with a stray dog. The kids took over after that. After the reading session was over we had a brief question and answer period with the kids. As the kids asked me more about what I did as far as my web design business I saw how their eyes lit up while I answered them. The children were so impressionable, filled with such innocence and beauty. They can be anything they want to be. They have the power to change the world.

Being an adult now and being around all my fancy adult computers and fancy adult parties and shendigs I forgot what it was like to be a kid, to be around kids. Being with the kids today made me realize how much they need us. And more importantly how much we need them.

==========
Me in front of the "Hollywood" sign in Hollywood, California.
(wed/05/16/07)
==========

"I wish they all could be California girls..."
-The Beach Boys

About two months ago my boyfriend, who's originally from California asked me if I wanted to go to Los Angeles with him to visit his family. I said sure, and went online that night to order my plane ticket. We went on that trip about a month ago but I never got the chance to write about it. The trip happened between May 15th and May 17th, 2007. Here's what happened:

Like all native New Yorkers I had my preconceived notions about LA all set. I thought everyone would be all fake and plastic and everybody was either an actor, trying to be an actor, or a washed up actor. The concierge in me though definitely wanted to take in all the tourists sites I could. I only had two days. As soon as I arrived to LAX I was ready to hit the ground running. LA was gonna know that Adam B. Irby was there! So here's what I saw:

Day One:

Beverly Center:
We've all heard about the celebrity sightings and all the references to this mall on different TV shows and movies but finally seeing it in person I realized it's just a big ass mall. It was a cute mall, with cuter stores than your average suburban mall (we really don't do malls in New York), but a mall nevertheless. We didn't stay there long.

Hollywood:
As we drove through the streets of LA I asked my boyfriend to let me know when we were approaching Hollywood because you know I had to play the song. Jay-Z and Beyonce bumped out of the speakers as we drove down Hollywood Boulevard greeted by lines of tall palm trees on each side of us as far as the eye could see. Most people think Hollywood is a glittery and glitzy place. It's really not. The epicenter of Hollywood, Hollywood Boulevard and Highland Avenue where Grauman's Chinese Theatre and the Walk Of Fame are is very reminiscent to Times Square. Hollywood itself looks like any normal American city with normal sized middle class housing and regular people. It was cool to see the iconic record shaped Capitol Records Building but it was kinda weird though that it leans a little to the left.

Janet Jackson's Star on The Hollywood Walk Of Fame:
I'm a huge Janet Jackson fan, actually we both are. So when my boyfriend first approached me about going to LA the first place I thought about was visiting Janet's star on the Walk Of Fame, which she got in 1990, shortly after the release of the "Rhythm Nation 1814" album. Much to my chagrin, Janet's star was in the ghetto! The Walk Of Fame was much longer than I thought running all the way from Grauman's Theatre several blocks down Hollywood Blvd and even down some side streets. Why is Janet on a side street? To be exact (click here for a Google map of the exact location of Janet's star), Janet's star is located on Vine Street between Selma Street and Sunset Blvd in the middle of the block on the right (east) side of the street next to the parking lot for Washington Mutual Bank right across the street from Smoothie King. While Vine isn't exactly a side street, why couldn't Janet be on Hollywood Boulevard closer to the Chinese Theatre? Even her producers Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis are on the main drag. I'm not gon' lie. I was a little tight about that.

The LA Subway System:
Another one of the first things I wanted to do was take the subway in LA. I actually like to try out the rapid transit system in any city I visit. Here in New York, the subway is a way of life for us, 75% of us (including me) don't drive, so it's a vital thing here and it's the fastest way to get anywhere, especially in Manhattan. In LA where everybody starts driving at 15 and where everything is at least a 30 minute drive from one thing to the next I found the subway to be pretty, very clean, well kept, efficient (for the little ground it covers, LA is big, and really spread out), and very empty. I had to convince my boyfriend to park the car he rented so we could take it as he himself had never taken it before always opting to drive like 99% of LA. There's also this thing about earthquakes and everybody's scared of being underground if one happened... pussies! What's funny was that anytime I mentioned the fact that we took the subway to every friend of his I met in LA they all gave me that same "you took the subway" weird look. What's even funnier is that the subway fare is collected on the honor system. I guess LA is trying to do anything they can do to get people to take the subway.

Downtown LA (Union Station & Olivera Street):
We took the subway to LA's Union Station, which is like LA equivalent New York's Grand Central Terminal (architecturally) and Pennsylvania Station (due to the fact that they both carry Amtrak). Union Station was one of the most beautiful municipal transportation structures I had ever seen. It's construction is a lovely mix of Art Deco and Spanish Architecture. Outside Union Station is historic Downtown Los Angeles. We stood on Olivera Street in front of an ornate cross on the spot where Los Angeles was founded. What's interesting is that Los Angeles is not the city's full name. LA's full name is: "El Pueblo De Nuestra Senora La Reina De Los Ángeles" (translated: "The Town Of Our Lady The Queen Of The Ángels", no wonder why Spanish people have so many names!), founded September 4th 1781. In case you didn't catch it yet, I'm a geography nerd, a road geek, and a history buff. You know I was living for this!

Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles:
Half the fun of traveling for me is to eat at all the different places you can't eat at at home. I already had In & Out Burger right after I got off the plane. Now it was time for dinner. I had dinner that first night at the world famous Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles (the one on Pico Blvd, there are five of them) with my boyfriend and his mother. The chicken and the waffles were excellent. It definitely lived up to all the hype.

South Central LA:
I don't like to go nowhere without visiting the hood and South Central did not disappoint. It is everything you see in the movies. We visited my boyfriend's friend's house over there and it looked just like it did in the John Singleton movies ("Poetic Justice", "Boyz In The Hood" and "Baby Boy") standing on the front stoop of the house I felt like anytime Justice and Iesha (Janet's Jackson and Regina King's character from Poetic Justice) would come walking up the block, poppin' gum and that Tupac was gon' pull up in the mail truck. Then at that instant a police helicopter flew over, it was an amazing moment.

Skid Row:
To continue my tour of the West Coast hoods I got my boo to take me on a late night drive through the back part of downtown to see Skid Row. Due to the fact that the skid row here in New York, the Bowery was cleaned up years ago (now it's the eastern border of NoLIta and lined with overpriced condos) and that our homeless population has gone down considerably (I'm not sure how though, all I know is that I don't see them so much anymore) I thought that places like LA's Skid Row couldn't possibly exist anymore, boy was I wrong. I had never seen such urban devastation in all my life. People sleeping in tents and making shanty towns on the streets, people begging and trying to get into the car even as we stopped at traffic lights. And there was a police station in the midst of it all. Why isn't anything being done about this? You wouldn't think that a place like this would lie in the shadows of the gleaming Library Tower and a few miles from Beverly Hills, Bel Air, and Malibu. I ain't gon' lie I was a bit scared being down there. It's definitely not a place I want to walk through at 1AM.

Day Two:

Hollywood... Again:
After having breakfast at a restaurant in Hollywood near where my boo used to live we drove up to the Hollywood Hills (mountains are more like it) so we could get some pictures by the world famous "Hollywood" sign. Shortly after that I met my boyfriend's father.

Beverly Hills & Bel Air:
Beverly Hills was everything I imagined. Rodeo Drive is like 5th Avenue with sunshine. All of our designer favorites Prada, Louis Vuitton, Versace, etc. were all there. On the corner of Wilshire Boulevard and Rodeo Drive I was excited at the site of the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel, especially because it was the hotel used in one of my favorite movies, "Pretty Woman" starring Julia Roberts. We even had a celebrity sighting, Nicole Richie walked past us on Rodeo Drive.

The Beaches (Santa Monica Pier & Venice Beach):
After driving for what seemed like an eternity down Sunset Blvd we finally got to Pacific Coast Highway. That's it, that's the end of America. It was such a crazy thought. I had never seen the Pacific Ocean before and to know that I had traveled to the other side of the continent amazed me. We didn't spend much time at the beaches because it was still a bit too cold to be on the water. We had a funnel cake at the little amusement park on Santa Monica Pier and we got some fake designer sunglasses and matching henna tattoos at Venice Beach. Even though it was cold I still had to run out into the ocean so I could at least be able to say I dipped my feet into the Pacific.

We were supposed to go clubbing in West Hollywood (LA's gay area) that night but after we had dinner we got back to the hotel and fell asleep. And as y'all know that was fine with me 'cuz I'm not big on the clubbing thing anyway. That next morning before our flight back to New York my boyfriend and I spent some more time with his mother and grandmother. While I had a great time in LA just being able to spend the time with my boo made it all worthwhile.

It's so crazy how this dude all the way from LA came into my life when I wasn't even looking for him. Because New York dudes definitely weren't doing for me. Y'all know, you read the blog. What was so great about that trip was how happy we were then and how he introduced me to his family and friends. Being able to type this now as he lies here asleep next to me knowing that we are even happier now is amazing. I wish they all could be California boys, then maybe some of y'all single hos could be a little happier!

==========
My best friend Mike, my 'nephew' Drew, and me on the Bleu carpet at the Bleu prom. (thu/6/7/07)
==========

As much as that Shop Boyz song has been a guilty pleasure of mine since first hearing it on a friends MySpace page and then hearing it again on the radio in Connecticut last week it had since become the soundtrack to last Thursday night.

My boyfriend took me to three parties that night.

The first of which was at Obivia in NoLIta to launch his friends' "Eternal Bachelor" t-shirt brand (my mother would LOVE to see me in that shirt LOL). It was a very nice mid-twenties and up professional crowd, everybody was cute and well groomed, the bar was dimly lit and trendy with bloody dungeon decor. Very grown and sexy. He introduced me to a few people, we mingled and took some pictures before taking a cab ride to party number two.

The second party was a benefit for Bleu, the magazine, not the cheese, the Bleu Prom, held at Strada on 21st & Broadway in the Flatiron. What would be hot is if an LGBT magazine, or organization held a prom for minority NYC LGBT youths who I'm sure are feeling left out this time of year. I read in the New York Times about a gay prom in Long Island but I never heard anything about one here in the five boroughs.

We arrived at the prom pretty early, so early that we left the party and had dinner at Mayrose across the street. Soon after returning to the party which featured performances from Sony's Music With A Twist label (read the press release here), it's their LGBT record label (a concept for which I have no comment). I really enjoyed the performance by fellow Brooklynite, Jonathan Mendelsohn (think Justin Timberlake with some actual soul). He did an original song and then he sung a really good rendition of Stevie Wonder's "Ribbon In The Sky" which me and my boyfriend slow danced to, it was prom after all. The fun though didn't really start until my best friend/brother, Mike arrived with my two 'nephews' (from now on my blog ' ' symbolizes gay family) because I was getting a little bored not really knowing anyone there except my boyfriend, his best friend and his boyfriend. We chatted, mingled and took a few pictures on the "Bleu" carpet (some of which were of me and my boyfriend kissing LOL) and jumped in another cab to head to party number three.

The third party was the after party for the Bleu Prom held at Luke & Leroy's in The Village. I spent most of my time there outside with Mike and my 'nephews' talking and kee kee-ing, and catching up because we hadn't seen each other in a few days. Every so often my boyfriend would grab me or bring someone by for me to be introduced to. On our whirl inside the packed club they played the song again: "Party like a rock... party like a rock star..." As much as I don't want to I can't help but like the song and it was fitting due to the evening I was having. We mingled a little more outside the club before taking a cab back uptown to go home. For a person who hardly ever goes out doing three functions in one night was a first for me. I had fun.

LINKS:

-Bleu Magazine

-Jonathan Mendelsohn's MySpace Page

My boyfriend and I were talking the other day and we were just reviewing all of the things that have been happening to me lately, increased readership of the blog, my web design business starting to become more popular, and many other developments that I'm not even at liberty to discuss yet. He ended things quite soberly with the phrase "...don't get caught up, baby".

I had to literally shake myself, ugh, perish the thought. I shudder to think that I would be one of those people. You know the type, the ones that do anything for attention, dressing all crazy and/or scandalous, trying to be where they think everyone is going to be, always on the scene, always in the village, or at the clubs acting crazy, doing or saying anything to bring attention to themselves. We hate those girls! It seems like everybody nowadays is doing whatever they can to attain some type of plastic, pseudo-celebrity status., in New York especially. NYC is the home or should I say breeding ground of the black, gay, mini-celebrity.

Being that my boyfriend and I are both leos it is certainly within our nature to believe our own press. We also love attention. But I mean, who doesn't? Even the most laid back of people want attention from somebody, right?

In our reality-TV infused society, celebrity has become the new American dream. Shows like American Idol, Popstars, America's Next Top Model, and the Search For Newest Pussycat Doll have taken regular everyday people from modest obscurity to superstardom (well maybe not quite superstardom) overnight and has made celebrity more accessible, tangible, and attainable than ever before. At this rate there are gonna be more celebrities than regular people and wouldn't defeat the whole purpose of celebrity in the first place? I think that the point of reality TV was to show how celebrities aren't much different from you and I, which they have done but unfortunately it has caused the adverse side effect of giving everyone a popularity complex. I guess it's like what Andy Warhol said years ago. Everybody gets their 15 minutes of fame but unfortunately everybody wants it in the same hour.

In my own life if I'm to be known for anything I want to be known for my work whether it be my writing or my web design, etc. As these things grow I do realize that some notoriety is going to naturally go along with it. It probably won't be of pop star proportions or anything but a few more people may recognize me on the street now. My boyfriend just wants me to take it all in stride. And I definitely wouldn't want to let any by-product of my work move my focus from why I started doing the work in the first place.

Even though my boyfriend and I (I know y'all 'bout tired of me starting my posts off with those four words) have been together for about four months now and we spend most of our time together I discovered a new side of him, well, more accurately a new side of us last night. After work he stopped by my job to pick me up, we grabbed a few slices of pizza, had a rather lustful walk through Times Square checking out the butch queen remnants of the Puerto Rican day parade crowd (yes, we check out dudes together). Then we went down to Webster Hall for the second installment of the KissMyBlackAss (KMBA) Tea Dance. Basically it's a party that starts earlier in the evening. This one began at 6PM. The organizers are friends of ours and I collaborated with them on the design of their website. We couldn't make it to the inaugural party but we were determined to attend this one.

The KMBA party unlike the 'black' parties I'm used to has it's roots in house music as opposed to hip-hop and is more of a multi-cultural affair. It wasn't exactly go-go boys, glowsticks and Kylie Minogue bumping out the speakers in Chelsea, even though I'm really curious about how the white parties are and I plan to go to one in the near future. It was a happy medium, house music with a touch of urban-ness, definitely an environment where everyone could feel comfortable. What was almost crazy was that there were actual real live... women there. Like real women  with uteruses and fallopian tubes and everything! I haven't seen any of those at a club in like forever.

My boyfriend, who is a club promoter (who does mostly black parties) actually had a night in the club where he wasn't working and could focus on more important things... me. We spent the whole night together all cozy and all over each other. As DJ Quentin Harris' spinning got more intense and the whole crowd started getting more and more into the music (almost like it was a religious experience) my baby started wilding out on the dance floor. He always told me how into dance music he was and how he used to dance back in the day but to see it with my own two eyes was amazing and I have admit, a little funny. He's so cute. Even I started to dance a little bit. As things between us started getting hot and heavy on the dance floor our eyes landed on these two guys that were also together (they were friends though) we even joked about wanting to take them home with us. We were so horny that night.

Unfortunately I had to leave the party early because I had to wake up early for work this morning. I also had to miss the performance by Ultra Naté. But it was a great party, definitely a breath of fresh air, I had a good time before 10 o'clock and was still able to catch enough sleep for work the next day. In a word, perfect.

LINKS:

KissMyBlackAss - A Monthly Tea Dance

Ultra Naté's Official Website '

====================================================================
WARNING:
SOME OF THE LANGUAGE AND/OR SUBJECT MATTER IN MY BLOG MAY BE OFFENSIVE
TO SOME AND IS NOT SUGGESTED READING FOR ANYONE UNDER 18 YEARS OF AGE.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
==================================================================

Today I am christening a new Music category on the blog due to the fact that I am an avid music listener and consider myself pretty observant to the ebb and flow of the industry at large by spending large amounts of my online time on YouTube, watching rare videos and on message boards and blogs such as the world famous Janet Jackson Fan Board which I'm a senior member of (now that I've said it out loud I'm not sure how proud of that I am anymore) the That Grape Juice Blog, and ConcreteLoop trying to get a first look at all the latest happenings across the industry. Along with various articles about music I'll choose an artist every month to showcase.

This month we honor one of my favorite post turn of the century artists, Robyn Rihanna Fenty, better known as Rihanna has resurfaced with her third album "Good Girl Gone Bad" which hits stores today. Being the music freak I am I downloaded the album weeks ago. When I first heard her first single from the album, the #1 smash "Umbrella" I knew it was destined to be a hit. Once I heard the new album I was hooked. It was even better than I thought it would be and I see that she had really stepped up her game.

When Ri Ri (that's what I like to call her) dominated the summer of 2005 with her debut single "Pon De Replay" I didn't get into her right away. I liked the song but as y'all know I'm not much into reggae and I thought that since her and Teairra Mari (RIP, her record deal that is. It's a real shame too because that album was hot and I like her) were coming out on the same label around the same time and being pushed by Jay-Z (Teairra, more than Rihanna) that Teairra would be the R&B chick and that Ri Ri would be the reggae/dancehall chick, especially with the runaway success of Sean Paul at the time. I also had a slight problem with that album cover (left). She looks like a dayum alien! That was a terrible shot. I prefer the alternate international album cover (right). That's the one that's loaded in my iPod. After loving Teairra Mari's album so much I decided to give Rihanna a chance and I was pleasantly surprised. I even started to like Ri Ri's album a little better. Contemporary R&B tracks such as "The Last Time", "Willing To Wait", "That La, La, La", "Now I Know" and "There's A Thug In My Life" (which nicely sampled BlackStreet's "Dont Leave Me" which sampled Tupac's "I Ain't Mad At'cha" which I'm pretty sure sampled something else) foreshadowed Rihanna's current forays into R&B/Pop and showed everyone, me namely that she was more than just a dancehall gimmick. Even the reggae/dancehall/island flavored tracks "No No No", "Here I Go Again", the second single "If It's Lovin' That You Want", and my personal favorite, the Diane Warren penned title track "Music Of The Sun" failed to disappoint.

Her first album showed promise but the second one confirmed that she was here to stay. "A Girl Like Me" (main album cover [left], German re-release cover [right]), released less than eight months after it's predecessor contained another summer smash, Rihanna's first US #1 hit "S.O.S." A song that was first offered to labelmate Christina Milian (my future baby mama and the only woman I'd ever have sex with) who was rumored to have turned it down citing that it was "too pop". Some say this led to her departure from the label. Nevertheless "S.O.S." was a major turning point for Ri Ri and still one of my absolute favorites from her.

I can vividly remember the first time I heard "S.O.S." it was the middle of the night and I was at work (I used to be a night auditor) and I heard the distinctive Soft Cell "Tainted Love" sample with a unique, yet familiar voice singing over it. It was playing on Z100 here in New York (the #1 radio station in the country). When I first heard it I new it had hit written all over it. I figured that it was for a soundtrack or something being that it was released so soon after the first album. The first time I saw the video I was in a hotel room and I had just finished... er... umm... how should I say it... fucking this dude and I heard that "La la la, la la la, la la la la la, oh..." coming from the TV and I glanced over, awestruck by how hot she looked (gosh I'm such a fag). I watched the video while he laid on the floor basking in the post-coital, post-orgasmic glow. At that moment I fell in love (with Rihanna, not with him or anything, I can't even remember his name). I was officially a fan. For her to come back out so quickly and make people take notice the way she did, she gained my respect. The video was hot, they played the hell out of it on MTV gaining Rihanna even more fans. She officially stepped her game up.

"A Girl Like Me" came out and I purchased it. The album design and the photographs were a definite upgrade from "Music Of The Sun" but I have to say that "Music..." was a better album as a whole. But tracks like the second single, the dramatic (but kinda nasal) ballad "Unfaithful", the third single, the smooth (but kinda like what everybody else was doing at the time) "We Ride", the midtempo reggae duet "Dem Haters" featuring Dwayne Husbands (who did a good job but who the hell is he?) the smokin' hot, rock tinged "Kisses Don't Lie" (another of my all time Rihanna favorites) and my favorite track on the album, the beautiful, single-worthy, best dayum ballad she has ever sung, (why the hell was this not a single?) "Final Goodbye" made me able to forgive her for some of the weaker songs on this album.

A little over thirteen months later Rihanna is back with her third album "Good Girl Gone Bad" (pictured at the top of the post) which she co-produced and it's her best and most consistent album yet. Every song here is a winner and this album will definitely bang in the clubs. I was already intrigued early on by it's interesting song titles "Breakin' Dishes", "Shut Up And Drive", "Sell Me Candy", etc. but then I was amazed at how good it was when I downloaded it a few weeks ago. It's just about all me and my boyfriend have been listening to since then. I even encouraged New York black gay club promoters Men Are From Mars, and Bonafide Party NYC to have a songs from it ("Lemme Get That" featuring Justin Timberlake and "Breakin' Dishes" respectively) playing on their websites that I designed and the Men Are From Mars guys used another song from the album ("Don't Stop The Music") in their YouTube promotional video for New York Pride this year. Like I said, this album is definitely gonna bump in the clubs.

Here's a play by play of the album:

1. Umbrella feat. Jay-Z
We all know it, we've all heard it. Hate it or love it. It's #1 on Billboard, it's a hit.

2. Push Up On Me
An 80's flavored upbeat club banger with a Rihanna twist.

3. Don't Stop The Music
Rihanna over a hot techno-pop beat with an ingenious sample of Michael Jackson's "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'"  "ma-ma-say-ma-ma-sa-ma-ma-cu-sa". The lyrics remind me of Kylie Minogue but the delivery is all Rihanna. HOT! HOT! HOT! Definitely single worthy.

4. Breakin' Dishes
Everyone's favorite track on the album so far... Ri Ri is definitely channeling Fergie in this uptempo banger about a woman scorn. If they don't make this catchy-azz song a single I'm writing Jay-Z a letter myself! Also HOT! HOT! HOT!

5. Shut Up And Drive
The rumored second single from the album. It's a sexy double entendric (yes, I made that word up!), rock-tinged song that I personally love but I'm afraid will not have the same universal appeal "Umbrella" had. Basically it's more TRL than 106 & Park. But "S.O.S." was kinda the same way and look at how huge that turned out to be. Hopefully this gets used for a car commercial or something. I love the chorus:

"Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean.
Got a ride that´s smoother than a limousine.
Can you handle the curves, can you run all the lights.
If you can baby boy, then we can go all night.
Cause it's zero to sixty in three point five
Baby you got the keys...
Now shut up and drive..."

6. Hate That I Love You featuring Ne-Yo
They all laughed and scoffed six months ago when Rihanna was taking voice lessons from Ne-Yo (like all artists don't take them between albums, even she [and you know who she is] has a voice trainer... duh!) But it all paid off on the syruppy sweet duet. A definite easy hit, if this isn't released as a single, at least on the radio I'm personally going to 1755 Broadway to scour the entire building for Jay-Z so that I can mush a rancid chitterling cream pie in his face.

7. Say It
In the vein of "Music Of The Sun" and "We Ride", "Say It" is another one of those sweet top down ride to the beach summery midtempo jams. Vintage Rihanna.

8. Sell Me Candy
The first of the Timbaland produced tracks. This song is hotter than Las Vegas in July. It's short, coming in at under three minutes, it definitely make you want more. But thankfully that's why God created the repeat button.

9. Lemme Get That feat. Justin Timberlake
Not only is this the most single worth song on this album. It's the most singleworthy song out right now. If I don't hear this on the radio in a few weeks don't be surprised if you turn on the news and they report that Jay-Z is suddenly missing.

10. Rehab
A hot midtempo track written by Justin Timberlake, much in the vein of the midtempo songs on his album. Also produced by Timbaland.

11. Question Existing
This eerie-sounding, trance-like collaboration with Ne-Yo is the closest thing to a slow song on this album. Rihanna's spoken word part of the song tries a little too hard to be introspective. Think Janet Jackson's "Special" ("water your spiritual garden", remenber?) but not as cringe-inducing. Still not a bad song.

12. Good Girl Gone Bad
It's weird but artists who aren't technically the best vocalists (Janet Jackson, Ashanti, Mary J. Blige) always sound great wnen their voices are layered and Rihanna is no exception. "Good Girl Gone Bad", another collaboration with Ne-Yo, while musically sounding a little too 'Irreplaceable-esque' for comfort still manages to be vintage Rihanna. Vocally think "The Last Time" meets Ri Ri's "ooohs" from "Dem Haters".

This is the most consistent R&B/Pop album I've heard on 2007 and definitely Rihanna's best yet. It's predicted to sell 400,000 units it's first week (even better than I expected). Even the Beyonce-itis phenomenon isn't keeping her down. All of her naysayers and haters are eating their words right now and she's even gaining new fans. I know that by now you have been hearing all the good things being said about "Good Girl Gone Bad" and even if you don't like her or "Umbrella" give it a listen. You may be pleasantly surprised. Ri Ri, you are a hard worker and I knew you could it.

PS: And don't think I downloaded and didn't buy. I pre-ordered the UK import 2 disc set.

                                                                     My boyfriend took me to this industry function at Jay-Z's 40/40 club here in New York the other night. He knows a lot more people than I do as y'all know I'm not really much of the 'go out' type but he asked me to come and I came with him. When we got there, surprisingly there were actually a few people that I knew there. After some shared smiles and small talk with them I proceeded to sit down on one of the low tables in the rather cramped room we were in. After a while my boyfriend came over and encouraged me to take this opportunity to do some networking which actually made perfect sense since I'm doing the web design thing now and I had business cards with me. I did a little networking but I didn't overdo it like this actor guy there who just unenthusiastically handed his business card to me and everyone else there without so much as saying a word. I was the industry party networking equivalent to email spam. It's like "Yo! I didn't ask for this shit!" He could have at least said hello.

But anyway, around that time the strangest thing happened to me. This girl, the lovely young lady in the picture on the right above this post came up to me and asked me:

"Excuse me. Can I take a picture with you?"

I was kinda confused as to why in a room of all these 'industry' folks that she would want a picture with me. I hesitated a little but then said "Okay, sure."

Then the gentleman with her (also pictured above on the right) said "I want a picture with you too."

"O... kay." I said, even more confused than ever.

That's when she said "You're A. Benjamin Irby right?

"Yeah."

"We read your blog all the time"

"For real?"

"Yeah, I even tell my friends about it" He chimed in.

"Oh my God! Are you serious? Wow! This is so crazy!" I gushed.

They proceeded to tell me how he, up and coming R&B artist Xavier Raye and his sister An'Drea ended up at the party.

But anyway, you'd think that when I started my blog that I'd know that like "Duh! Adam, People are gonna read it" but having someone who you don't know from Adam (or is that Adam4Adam, either way, forgive the pun) come up to you and say they enjoy your work doesn't make it any less surreal. It's a great feeing especially because I give out so many personal details of my life here. So if you read and enjoy the blog feel free to write a comment or click here to send me an email. Just knowing that I'm not talking to myself means so much.

After I talked to them I started running into even more people I knew. This guy, a model who frequents the same Janet Jackson Message Board as I do, a girl I went to junior high school with and hadn't seen since then, she's tryna break into singing now, and another guy who went to the same church I used to go to. I even saw up and coming R&B singer Chrisette Michele (she's the hook girl from Jay-Z's "Lost Ones" and NaS' song). I even heard that T.I. and Emily King (another up and coming R&B artist whose sampler I snagged from the party, pretty good, 4 full songs one of which is a cover of Bill Withers "Ain't No Sunshine" [one of my favorite songs ever!] and none of those dayum annoying-azz snippets) and some other folks I can't remember made appearances but I didn't see them.

The other interesting story of the night was my encounter with Nik. You remember her, the first runner up from season five of America's Next Top Model. She beat out my homegirl (well I don't actually know her but she seems mad cool and a little ghetto, which I love.) Harlem's own, Bre and she lost to that other girl. I don't even know her name... Anyway. I saw her and said "Hi". Being authentically me I told her that me and my mother were over the fact that she lost to that other girl. She was like 'yeah, but it's cool'. And I was like 'Yeah, it's all good you look good, you're doing your thing." Then we both proceeded to take the photo op and smiled for the picture above this post on the left. I had a good time.

LINKS:

- 40/40 Club New York

- Xavier Raye's MySpace

- An'Drea's MySpace