If you've been reading the blog you would probably would have noticed that I dont talk much about my family or anything outside of gay life, events, and my taudry sex-capades (don't you just love those LOL). But since today is Father's Day I thought it would be fitting to talk about my relationship with my father and with that I'll be christening yet another category on the blog, the "Family" category.
Friday afternoon as I was making my rounds to some of the other black gay blogs I ran into ShawnQT's Blog and I read his latest post entitled "F*ck Fathers". Needless to say, it was a pretty heavy post speaking about his relationship with his father. After reading his post I began to think about my relationship with my father. His post moved me so much that I had to reply. I said:
"Dayum, that was heavy... but it did make me think tho... I grew up with my father and mother together. They'll be married 30 years this year. My father was there, even though at times I wish he weren't, he was far from perfect and we didn't get along most of my young life. We're okay now though. He's really trying hard to be close to me in my adult life but I keep pushing him away. He called me twice the other day and I have yet to call him back. After reading your post I feel as though I should call him back. He's not perfect and event hough we never talked about the past or really resolved it at least he's trying... right? Thank you for your post. Really man... thanks."
Basically that's it in a nutshell. My father and I didn't really get along when I was younger. I'm not gonna go into so much detail as I don't remember everything, most of which I've blocked out. My parents separated for about a year and a half when I was younger. I can hardly remember that, I don't even rememer how old I was, it had to be sometime between seven and ten years-old, I totally blocked that out. All I can really remember is that he would yell, and say things, bad things... a lot. And I remember crying... a lot. He was never really physically violent (my mother wasn't having that!) but he would make threats. My mother would say that it was due to the fact that he had been physically abused by his father as a child and it is true that hurting people do hurt people. And not to make excuses for his behavior but I know it must have been hard for him as a black man working to support his family in our society especially since he didn't finish high school due to the fact that his father died when he was teenager and he had to go to work to help support his family. Then there's the generation gap thing. My father is forty years older than me, which is something pretty uncommon for people my age. He's old enough to be my grandfather. A lot of things about me he just wouldnt understand.
As I said in my reply on ShawnQT's blog. My father does make attempts to get closer to me now as an adult. They seem genuine, I mean, I know they're genuine but there's a part of me that thinks 'too little too late nigga'. We get along, we're civil but I have to admit even though he loves me and I love him something in me will never let me get too close to him. I mean we're cool but I don't see us going fishing anytime soon. Above all else and beyond all the lovey-dovey emotional stuff I do respect the man's bottom line. He always had a job and he always did what he had to do to support his family but even that I can't give him too much props for because that's what a father is supposed to do. But what I can give him today is a phone call.
Great post man.
My Mom and Dad had me when they were 40. That had to be rough on them as well as me because we just couldnt understand each other. Now that I am older, I let go alot man, and although my Father was a provider for his fam, there was never the closeness between me and him (he was a blue collar worker that loved football, I loved football and the blue collar worker for very different reasons). Now I work hard to have a good relationship with my Dad. He is a good guy, and I can't focus on what happened in the pass. I know now, it's all good with me, I am a better man for forming our relationship as it is now.
You don't have to go fishing with your Dad, but for you, as well as him, work real hard to push pass that wall. It happened, it is what it was, had to be hurtful, and if you think about it now, probably does hurt alot still, but don't focus on that, focus on your father now making the effort to call his son. Let the guard down a lil man to benefit you, because just like some women have daddy issues, some of us brothas do to and it will help you in your relationship with your man, to form a better relationship with you dad. Both of you are grown ass men now, benefit from that. Have a great Fathers Day man, and again, thanks for sharing a great post.
Father's are very important in the family structure and how generations are succeeded. God wants good fathers to love, protect and be the priest for the family. With the attack on fathers, and the absence of fathers, many families are open to attack in many ways. The issues Shawn wrote in his blog are problems with many homes, all because the father was not there being a man, an example, a provider, a protector, and most of all, a God-fearing man.