WHY I DO WHAT I DO/THE REASON BEHIND THIS BLOG...

Someone visited the blog recently and commented about its explicit nature. They said that it was "T.M.I." (that's too much information, for those of you not up on the lingo) that I was giving way too many graphic details about my sex life. They went on to ask whether I had thought about the ramifications of it all. What kinds of employment promotions and opportunities it could keep me from? What people would think? What they would say...

My first instinct was to jump into a defensive place. You know the fierce queen inside of all of us (yes, she's in you too) puts on her reading glasses and is at the front line of battle when she thinks we're being attacked. My thoughts went to the disclaimer at the front of the site, "if you don't like it then why are you reading it, ain't nobody ask you to come here", and of course the proverbial "who do you think you are, you can't tell me what to write, I'll write what the hell I wanna write" defenses. Then I realized that without giving the reader's words, or any words for that matter a moment of unbiased thought I could start to sound irrational, hyper-defensive, and downright faggot-crazy (and ain't no crazy like faggot-crazy). So I stepped back for a moment and let the genuine concern from this reader wash over me.

Before I started this blog all these thoughts and questions entered my mind. Not only had they entered my mind but they bought real estate, built condos and Starbucks' and started to gentrify my mind. Trust me I had given this a lot of thought. What if my boss came online and ran into my blog or one of my co-workers, or my mother, or one of her church friends or one of my aunts or one of my old friends from high school or junior high school, what if, what if, what if? If if was a fifth we'd all be drunk. I knew what I wanted and needed to do and I was not going to "what if" myself into rife mediocrity. No thanks. The day my mother told me that if I continued to live my life as the gay man that I am I'd die before I was 30 (and a happy Mother's Day to you too Mom) I knew it was time to cut the apron strings and start living my life for me. Psst **whispering** I used to have mother pleasing issues. Your life is God's gift to you and he gave it to you for you to live it not for anybody else. If you live your life for other people and you get hit by a bus tomorrow, what's gonna happen? Yeah, they may cry, they may even miss you but they will move on and you would have just wasted your life.

The main reason why I talk about sex as freely as I do is, well, because I can. Why the hell shouldn't I? I'm human and humans like to fuck, especially gay humans. It's just as simple as that. God gave us sexual needs and urges so why not talk about them, they're beautiful. I'm so blessed to be in a country where I can say what I want and live my life freely so I ask again, why the hell shouldn't I? For so many years gays have been vilified and have had to live out our days hidden in some damn mental closet afraid for our lives and our well being and now we have a chance to have a voice and dammit I'm using mine. I am a man who has sex with other men which involves me putting my erect penis into my partners rectums (and even his in mine on occasion) and it's something I enjoy and what's so wrong with that? Oh yeah... that's right, the Bible says it's wrong, that's right, the infallible word of God that's been passed through thousands of fallible mens hands like the cheese plate at cocktail party, the same Bible that has been remixed more times that a Deborah Cox record... riiight. I'm so glad to have a personal relationship with God and not be bound by the hypocritical brainwashing of the church (especially the black church) any longer. Because there is no queen as messed up as the double minded church queen. While I do believe that there is truth to the Bible, what God inspired and what we have today I believe are definitely not the same thing.

To address the employment situation, I totally understand where the reader is coming from on this one. Employers now are actually Googling (searching on the search engine Google.com) prospective employees as a part of the interview process. I know already that if some staunch corporate employer Googled "A. Benjamin Irby" (try it) they would probably be at their desk gagging or maybe even titillated with their hand doing the ok grip jerk on their small, hard corporate dick, either way I probably wouldn't get a call back, at least not for the 'job' they listed in the want ads... well... I guess that depends on the newspaper because the back of the Village Voice... anyway I digress. Thankfully I'm not staunch corporate lawyer, investment banker, accountant guy. I'm artistic, graphic designer, web designer, writer, free expression guy so that's not so much of a worry for me. Even my day job is in a very liberal field working for an even more liberal company so I don't have to worry much there either. But that's not to discount this concern because it is very real for many people and I do what I do for them as well. I'm sure it's good to know that after working hard all day at being homo-geneous (and not homo-sexual) among the breeders in corporatia (my nickname name for the corporate world, you heard it here first) it's good to come home to my gay ass writing about life, relationships, drama, and hot sweaty man sex from our point of view. And besides, anybody who wants to deny me any job or any anything because of what I have written on this blog can take their job and shove it up their ass and then call me and tell me how good it felt and then XTube it so we all can watch. What God has for me is for me and if I have to compromise myself and my values (yes, even I have values) to get something then it's definitely not meant for me to have. period.

Lastly, I do this blog for the newly out gays and the gays who still have issues coming into who they are, the ones in that small town that may not have another positive gay influence or person they know to discuss issues and concerns with. My prayer is that by reading about my real (not sugar coated or watered down) exploits you can learn from my mistakes and be a more well adjusted homo. Cuz lawd knows half of these homos out here are crazy as hell and are suffering with all kinds of issues. I also do this for straight people. I know y'all reading cuz y'all email me too. The theme for this blog is that "we are all way more alike than we are different" and the straight people that read and enjoy the blog are coming to learn than besides who's what goes in what hole and who doing what to whom, heartbreak, love, and emotions are all the same, we're all human at the end of the day. And most of all I do this for anyone who is nosy and loves a kee kee, and a good read.

Thanks reader for your question it has given me a reason to re-evaluate my motivation and as a result has strengthened my zeal for my writing. Again, thank you.

PS: And to any haters, this does not count the reader who asked the question that inspired this post (you know who you are) but to anyone who may have malicious, hateful feelings toward me or my blog:

IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY BLOG, DON'T FUCKIN' READ IT THEN... BITCH!

Have a nice day.

LINKS:

- Google.com Search For "A. Benjamin Irby"
- XTube

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Song Of The Day:
"The Workout"
by Utada (Hikaru)
from the album "Exodus"
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