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Okay, after rereading today's blog post I realize that I'm a little angry. If you are innocent and I offend you in the next few moments I do sincerely apologize.
-Adam
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A few weeks ago, Wednesday, December 5th to be exact, I went out to two parties after work that night. I noticed this guy at the first party, DJ noticed him too. He was short, nice face, like 5'7-5'8, light brownskinned, thin, with a fat little ass, definitely our type. I would have probably said something to him, or at least introduced myself but he was leaving and with him another chance to find true love or at least a date for the upcoming weekend. Okay, that was a little dramatic, but you know what I mean.
Shortly after, we (Me, DJ, Shorty, Tye Sexy, and Soulgee aka our crew "Media Inc.") left the party to head down to Dwight's weekly function at Mocca. Once we arrived at the 28th street downtown 6 train station and went through the turnstiles the first person I saw, of course was the guy from the party. He was speaking with a friend, they signaled for Tye Sexy. She went over and talked to them while I stood with my boys about 10 feet down the platform. Every so often I'd glance over at him while DJ and I contemplated my next move. At that point I'd kinda decided to leave things alone. I figured that I'd had my chance at the party. I could have stopped him before he walked out of the door. Besides, I never made a habit of picking up guys on subway trains anyway.
When the train arrived fate would have it that we all end up in the same car and that I would end up entering the train car right behind him and that he would turn to the door that I leaned up against and that we'd be face to face. So I said "Hi." We shook hands and exchanged names. Then the eyes turned on, his and mine. You know "the eye", the "I'm-attracted-to-you-I'm-tryna-see-what's-good" eye, followed by some flirtatious smiles and lip licking. There was definitely chemistry there, beakers and test tubes, white lab coats and shit. So I gave him one of my promo cards (I never leave home without them, that's how half of y'all found my blog) and we exchanged numbers. We talked briefly a few days later. I asked him out on a date and he told me that he'd be busy until the following Sunday and just about all this stuff he's doing in general. The conversation felt a little rushed. After that I just thought I'd leave it alone. I hate meeting a decent guy to find that he's too busy for me. I figured if he's busy like that it probably would never work for us anyway. I'm a Leo, we need attention. I'm not the kind of boy that you can let down and think that everything is okay. 'Cuz boy I am only human. This boy needs more than occasional hugs as a token of love from you to me... I digress, I just went off on a tangent there. I will PayPal thirty-two cents to the first person who can tell me what song my little digression is from.
Anyway, I got to work that next Tuesday and I ran into his number again in my phone. So I decided to text him. Why didn't I just leave well enough alone?
Adam: "Whaddup, it's Adam... from the train, remember me?"
Guy At Party: "Sorry sir. Been busy with work and preparing to move and just a lot of good things." How are u?"
A: "I figured as much. I thought I'd give you a lil time. I'm good. Where u movin' to?"
GAP: "[Another borough of New York City], next month. How are you?"
A: "I'm fine. A lil busy myself. I was thinking about u last night and thought I'd hit u up. So I'm sayin', when can I see u?"
GAP: "We can get together and hang as friends."
A: "So we couldn't go out on a date?"
GAP: "My boyfriend would not appreciate that."
A: "Gotcha. :)"
GAP: "Well I said we can still hang as friends."
Fuck outta here... hang as friends? Hang as friends? Say what!?! Get the fuck outta here! What kinda new fangled shit is that? (smile Dwight & kiemie) Anyway, I'm not even gonna fuck with this right now, there's more...
So I'm at another party last week. This fine ass dude walks in. I don't remember who I was standing next to but all I remember is saying to them "Dayum, who is that?" Actually, I don't think I'd ever seen him around before. That nigga was fine, he was around my height, lightskinned, toned body, and a beautiful face. DJ saw him too and he was also, definitely our type.
I watched him for a while. I wanted to see who he was talking to, who he knew, whether he came in to meet somebody, like a boyfriend of something. He didn't appear to have any romantic involvement with anyone at the party so I prepared to make my move. I sat by him, bringing over Kiemie for moral support and we all talked, me and him Kiemie and his friend. After awhile I got him alone and the eyes turned on again, mine and his. The whole time we conversed we never broke our mutual stare, there was definitely chemistry, I'm talking about mint Mentos and Diet Coke here. So much so that his friend came back and asked whether he was "interrupting something". We actually had a whole lot in common, especially our taste in music, more so than I do with the average person, which was actually really refreshing. So after talking for the better part of an hour I asked him for his number. We exchanged digits and I told him that I'd like to see him again sometime. Him and his friend left not too long after that. After exchanging two lingering embraces he left for the night. I have to admit I was a little excited. Yeah, me, excited, I shoulda known that this was gon' be trouble. I texted him the next day:
Adam (about 12 p): "I was wondering if we could do something this weekend? I'd love to chill w/ u and show you my music collection. :)"
Fine Ass Guy (about 1:30p): "I'm doing good. Sorry about not texting you. I'm at work. How are you?"
A: "It's all good. I'm home, working on my blog, tryna ask u out on a date this weekend, what's good?"
FAG: "Aww, that's so nice. I'm leavin' 4 the holiday."
A: "Aight, well when are u leavin/coming back? Maybe we can work something out. U can call me if you want if ur not still at wk."
(Did you just cringe at that statement? Because I cringed, I even threw up in my mouth a little. I reached so hard on that one that I may have dislocated my shoulder. Ouch.)
FAG: "Ok, I'll call on my break."
A: "Kewl."
1102p, 10 motherfuckin' hours later. He obviously never called. Now here's where I shoulda left well enough alone, but ya know me. I always gotta push it.
A: "Whaddup?"
The next motherfuckin' day.
A: "What's good? U harder to find than a straight man in Atlanta. I'm still tryna kick it w u... When can you fit in a little time 4 me?"
Ahhh, dignity. Only but a distant memory now.
FAG: "LOL U work today?"
A: "Nah I'm off, what about u? Can I c u before u leave?"
FAG: "Well you know I have a bf and me and him are supposed to go out when he gets off."
A: "No I didn't know that and boy is he a lucky man... Aight then, I won't bother u. Have a good time then."
Now I see why Mr. Nederlander failed my black ass in 10th grade chemistry. I wouldn't know chemistry if the shit blew up in my face (which it does all too often). I don't understand this. Maybe I'm not seeing something, maybe I'm missing something, but please someone, anyone of you my lovely reading public answer this question for me:
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU FLIRT WITH SOMEONE AND EXCHANGE NUMBERS WITH SOMEONE KNOWING GOOD AND DAMN WELL YOU HAVE A MAN?
Maybe it's me...? Am I crazy? Am I reading too much into things? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. But, I mean, this shit is crazy. Like, did they exchange numbers with me out of pity? That's so fucked up. If you don't like me or think I'm ugly or whatever just tell me. Just be fucking honest with me. That's much easier to deal with than this. But don't give me false hope that you may want to communicate with me further on a romantic basis, if you know you don't or if you know you have a man.
And don't give me none of that friendship bullshit either. If a guy comes up to you in a club or at a party and flirts with you and asks you for your number you know good and damn well he doesn't wanna be your friend. And if you have a man you don't have no business flirting with me or giving me your number anyway.
Like, what the fuck? Was I too needy? Did I come on too strong? You meet someone at a party, you exchange numbers, you text/call the next day and set up a date. Is this not the natural progression of things anymore. Did I miss a memo or something?
You know what. Today I have to admit I miss being online. The whole online dating, A4A/BGC/M4N thing. I've been doing the whole Puritanical, meeting people the organic way shit for what like three, four months now and it's bullshit, pure fucking bullshit. At least when I log on to the fucking internet I know what the fuck I'm getting. Hi, Hi, ur cute, ur cute too, okay, alright, let's date/talk/fuck, okay. And if you don't like somebody you just don't return their message like a fucking compassionate human being. All of this splendor in the privacy of my motherfucking home. I have half a mind to say fuck it and go the hell back. Fuck these Puritanical bitches, they can turn their noses up at me all they want 'cuz they asses is lonely too.
This is such bullshit. Men are all fucking bullshit. Fuck 'em all, damn them all to hell, the whole fucking evil lot of them. Fuck this, I'm going to me something to eat... Where's my cuddle-buddy?
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Playing In The Backg...
OH, FUCK THE FUCKING BACKGROUND MUSIC!
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PS: Oh and fuck the bitch who says I bring this on myself and is all on that "it's what you put out there", snap-snap, "Love Jones", coffeehouse, neo-soul, tofu-soy eating, poetry reading, universal energy, mystical bullshit. Like I go looking for this shit! Fuck you bitch!
You did not ask for this but you do have a comment section so...
Adam just ask up front do you have a man/ are you single when the chemistry thing takes off that way you are not left feeling foolish. And no ti papan you don' bring this on yourself but after reading you're blog for a bit I wonder if perhaps you maybe are searching too hard. From personal experience I shall give you this because it helped me find Trumph, when you are kool with being alone, when the single life becomes a life you love for the freedom you have and the ability to sleep with whomever you want whenever you want, when the longing for someone else ceases to be so much a need but simply a desire that is not the highest priority...And when you can honestly say you feel these things within yourself...Then he will come to you and you will not even expect it. It's how it always is Adam and it shall be with you.
You're cute, you seem nice, and you seem to have your head together (even though you shouldn't be drinking vodka when you only have eaten strawberry shortcake, you need to eat to a big juicy triple burger with bacon on it and cheese, and a fried egg...Oh dear I'm hungry now...) so he will come to you just give it time. Remember my friend, l'amour, love is not easy. Not in the process nor in the finding either...But I sense you know this already...Be patient and be content within your situation and he will come I promise....
Adieu mon ti papan...
P.S.
Oh and if I am over stepping my bounds with my advice which you certainly did not ask for but that I felt could help I humbly apologize sir...
Woo! I hope that my comments/advice didn't seem to be like a poetry fest or whatever I was just trying to help dude. Thats something I have not fully understood yet either is why someone would do that. Although I am not shy at all when it comes to approaching someone u have more guts than I do. But, that does suck n people shouldn't do those things. I agree, they know that u are infatuated w/them or why else would u approach them!!!! Thats just life though Adam but, don't be mad at the whole world. How is that gonna help anything?!
Hey Pumpkin...been a while...happy holidays and the rest (I hate Christmas)...loved the Dirty Laundry reference ("My son...is one...of the gays!").
Anyway...nothing wrong with internet dating, no shade i've picked it up thanks to your inspiration lol...but beyond that, fuck what people say how you get yours...throughout history the puritanicals have been responsible for the most heinous acts. Gays can be so fascist sometimes, instead of embracing the many manys of how we can live...and not all guys are shit Adam, you know that! This is all a part of dating...or so i've learned...in the end you can't give up cause a few girls lead you elsewhere...mwah!
JB
Yeah, that's real fucked up that happened to you, man. I don't think that you were needy after reading this blog post. You might've reached a little too hard, I don't know.
You had me rolling with the "Superwoman" reference (lol).
Dearheart, it is possible you are projecting your needs onto them when they are merely being friendly. What you perceive as flirtation may simply be polite conversation in their mind.
From reading your blog it does appear you see men in very distinct categories--"a piece", cuddle buddy, hook-up, etc. Is there no place in your easy compartmentalization of your relationships for someone who is just a friend? Or must everyone be either a potential fuck or a past fuck?
Instead of asking what's wrong with other men, you might take a look in the mirror.
Adam,
First off, the song is Superwoman by Karyn White. Who, by the way, currently resides in Sacramento and owns an interior design business (I wikipedia-d her).
Secondly, there are two ways to look at these situations. One these boys know damn well they shouldn't be exchanging numbers if they got a man. So no, you don't bring this on yourself. On the other hand if they are exchanging numbers that means they are thinking of turning in the lease on their car... in other words they don't plan to have boyfriends for long because they are obviously looking elsewhere.
What can I say Adam? Shit happens and I guess it's happening to you.
You have ruled out a large database of potential men when you left the Internet. Obviously most guys not online are probably involved as you have found out.
Keep trying I guess. I get frustrated myself and I'm talking about online!
P.S. The song you digressed to is "Superwoman" by Karyn White. ;)
well, Adam I can totally agree with you on all aspects of that blog. I don't understand it and never will. As me and a friend of mine always say "if you understand it, then that may mean your fucked up too". The only conclusion that I can come to is that these people have esteem issues (don't think that a pretty face or tight body excludes these people), a lot of gays have deep underlying issues that they refuse to acknowledge or even seek help for. We all want to be wanted , especially hot boys. It seems to be a thrill to them to know that someone outside their "relationship" shows interest in them. I call it the Diana Ross syndrome. It's definitely some shit to contend with, but don't sweat it, Baby Boy. As I Have told u before, you seem to have much to offer someone.......and when u least expect it.
Happy Holidays !!!!!!!!!!!!
First, the single is "superwoman" or "I'm not your superwoman". What do you know about that? Second, they were feeling you at the time I'm sure. Maybe they got caught up in the moment or they wanted to see if they still had it or they may want you as their back up plan...who knows? They are on that bs...don't let them discourage you.
Why are my comments coming so late on here? I swear...
"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU FLIRT WITH SOMEONE AND EXCHANGE NUMBERS WITH SOMEONE KNOWING GOOD AND DAMN WELL YOU HAVE A MAN?"
Well, to answer your question, I think it has a LOT to do with getting attention from someone else. And, knowing that other people, beside the person your in a relationship with, find you attractive...Its "Self Validation", pure and simple.
LMAO!! Now, you know that there is no reason for you to get THAT desperate (with the txt's). But, then again, we ALL have our moments...Especially when we REALLY like someone.
;-)
Adam, it's rough out there! Online, you pretty much know they want sex or they just don't reply like you say. But in the real world, when someone starts flirting with them, most guys are so thrilled with the attention they flirt back. I'm not surprised in the least - you have lots of charisma, and you know how to turn it on. That comes through on your blog loud and clear. I imagine in person it's even more true. These guys probably were flying high for a long time. Having that kind of power is a curse, man. You have to find someone who can see past that charm and into your soul. You'll find it. I feel certain because the other thing that comes through loud and clear in your blog is that you are, to the core, a genuinely nice, honest, sweet guy, with lots of integrity and the ability to stand by a commitment.
Dear Adam-
First of all that was really funny, sorry to be laughing at your expense but your reaction towards the end had me in stitches.
( The fuck everbody rant) My ex boyfriend would come home from the clubs all the time with phone numbers and I would ask him why do you have these numbers? Or random guys would text him, he would always say " oh I me this guy he seemed really nice he asked me for my number or he gave me his number, I didn't want to be rude so I gave it to him or I took his number. Im not saying thats what happening to you, but it might be. Keep your head up boo.
people exchange numbers just for the attention, for the thrill, etc. IT's really nothing personal against you, although it is a fucked up game to play. You could just ask if they're single upfront, but then, what's to stop them from lying? It's tough out there, babe, I know. Keep ya head up.
I agree with the above comment...people just exchange numbers to feel like "hey I can still get attention even though I have a man already." They use your sincere interest as an ego boost for themselves. It's fucked up man.