February 2008 Archives

Hey y'all,

It's almost 3am and I just taped an impromptu video blog with my good friend Derrick L. Briggs. He's been saying that he wanted to go back into video blogging and he invited me along for the inaugural ride.

Basically it's us sitting around my messy ass apartment, drinking beers and talking shit.

The subjects include:
- "social tops" and "social bottoms"
- Janet Jackson and her new album
- Mine and other bloggers YouTube shows
- "Blogger's Live"
- A glimpse of my cat Keisha
- Nathan "7" Scott's trip to Africa
and other random shit.

Good times.

It felt really good to be on video again.

If you've got a spare few minutes this lovely Leap Year Day, check it out.

-Adam

Just in case you can't see the video embedded here view it directly on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1KixfDpM-U

For more of Derrick's videos check out his blog and YouTube Channel.

For those of you wondering about my YouTube videos, me and Nathan are working on it. They'll be back in March.

In the meantime check out my YouTube video series, adam. The Miniseries.

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Playing In The Background...
"Luv"
by Janet Jackson
from the album "Discipline"
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A still shot from the footage I took of Cheri Dennis perfroming at Splash night club last night here in New York City.
==========

Hey guys,

Here's some video I took of Cheri Dennis performing live as Splash Nightclub here in New York City last night. It was good to see that Cheri stopped by and showed some love to the gays. Janet Jackson was rumored to have been coming to this party too to promote her album "Discipline" that also dropped yesterday, but by 1:30a me and my homegirl Quetta from Miami didn't even care anymore so we left. By that time we were all Janet-ed out. I already did the "Good Morning America" and the VIP room at "TRL" with Janet that day. I was all up in Janet's grill. My Janet fix has been more than satisfied.

Anyway, I have uploaded both of Cheri's performances last night on the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel for your viewing enjoyment. The  performances ("I Love You" and "Portrait Of Love" ) are also embedded here. Check out even more live performances from your favorite artists on the channel.and be sure to pick up Cheri's album "In And Out Of Love" in stores now as well.

And if you're craving even more Cheri check out the audio interview I did with her here.

There are seven more videos from this concert and even more live concert footage of Janet Jackson, Rihanna, Amerie, Teedra Moses, Vivian Green, and more on the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel. Subscribe today, it's free.

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Playing In The Background...
"Showdown"
by Cheri Dennis
from the album "In And Out Of Love"
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A still from the video I recorded of Janet Jackson performing her new single "Rock With U" live in New York for a taping of "Good Morning America" this morning. That little cute thing in the middle, That's Janet.
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Alright, alright, alright, I know, I know, I know. This is the third of my Janet Jackson related postings here. It is also the last of the trilogy. Tomorrow we go back to our regularly scheduled programming (that is unless Janet does something really amazing tomorrow). I know that I'm probably driving my two non-Janet loving gay readers ('cuz literally there has to be only like two of y'all, all the gays love Janet) crazy with all of this but y'all know how much I love me some Janet. I love her so much that I have spent the past 24 hours totally and completely inundated with her.

Just in case you're new to the blog, don't watch TV, or have been living under a rock for the past week, Janet Jackson's new album came out today. It's called "Discipline" and it's actually good this time, I swear (read my review of it here). Like for her past few album releases, a huge media and promotion blitz around the release date here in New York. And for these past few albums me and my hard core Janet fanatic friends come in from all over the country, buses, trains, and aeroplanes to celebrate. Because I'm Adam Benjamin Irby, your favorite blogger I'm gonna take you along for the ride, in style.

Things started yesterday with Janet's appearance on BET's "106 & Park", which is actually now taped at CBS Studios on 57th & 11th, but that's a whole 'nother story. Even though I was there, if you watched the show you wouldn't have seen me because I wasn't in the audience. Thanks to my homie at BET (thanks homie) I was able to get backstage access to the show, which not only had an appearance by Janet, but by Andre 3000 and Will Ferrell, there to promote their new movie, the basketball comedy "Semi-Pro". Thank God for friends in high places.

I got a tour of the studios and saw all the people there doing what they do. It almost felt like I was back in the 7th grade and this was career day or something. Even with all the business there was a certain expectancy in the air. Word had spread that Janet was in the building and even the people who worked at BET, who were used to seeing celebrities day in and day out were starstruck. I won't give any names though.

During Janet's segment on the show there was a part where one of the co-hosts Rocsi invted a fan on stage who was crying uncontrollably at the sight of Janet. That fan was Tirza (who reads the blog, hey girl, if I spelled your name wrong, holla at me). As I watched her from backstage meeting and hugging Janet I told my homie that if there was anybody who deserved to meet Janet Jackson it was her. Every time Janet does something in New York she's there, rain, shine, wind, cold, standing outside all night, homegirl is dedicated. I love me some Janet but that girl LOVES Janet. I was so happy for her.

The funniest part of the whole thing was the part that you didn't get to see on TV. During one of the commercial breaks the warm up people had kids (literally kids, the median age of the whole "106 & Park" audience in person and at home is like seventeen, I'm getting too old for this shit) from the studio audience dancing on one of the stages. One group of kids started doing that new 5000 dance, I think it's called. It's basically a total ripoff of the dipping that they do in the black gay ballroom scene, except now the straight kids do it. So as the music is playing of the boys does a dip. When he hit the floor, Janet who's sitting on the couch, watching from the other side of the studio extended her right hand down across torso and to her left, crossing her other arm and did an ol' nasty, ballroom queen snap! It was funny as hell. Only the gays got into it, the straight people didn't even notice. I love Janet, she's such a queen.

When the taping was over I met the rest of my Janet friends from the audience who rushed in a cab to get over to Best Buy to wait outside, in the cold, all night to get wristbands in order to gain entry back into the store the next day to get an autographed CD from Janet. Now y'all know good and damn well my black ass was not tryna stand outside in the motha fuckin' cold (it was like 30 degrees last night) all motha fuckin' night for no damn wristband. I did that shit once in 2004. I met Janet, she signed my CD and I'm good. Matter fact, where the hell is that CD? See, I probably done went and lost the shit. I'm good.

The next morning I arrived to the Nokia theatre for the taping of Janet's performance on "Good Morning America". While some people were waiting out there half the night or possibly all night last night. I arrived only fifteen minutes before the doors opened. Thanks to another friend in a high place I got my hands on some guaranteed admission passes. Once I arrived inside it was like a damn family reunion. Was every homo in the New York Metropolitan Area at this place. I hear my name being called out here, an "I see you" text message from over there and not to mention having to cringe at the sight of ex dates. Ugh, sometimes our pink little world is entirely too small. I ended up on an aisle seated by fellow blogger and Janet fanatic Darian Aaron. The performance was hot, lip-synched, as expected but the dance moves were awesome, especially on "Feedback". She performed "Feedback", "That's The Way Love Goes" and "Rock With U". All three are available on my YouTube Channel.

Later that day after a quick run home for a wardrobe change I joined my homegirl Mika from Baltimore on the front of the line for entry to MTV's "TRL". She, and her guest, me were on the list to get in. When I looked at the confirmation email Mika had from MTV it said that to be let into TRL you have to be between the ages of 16 to 24. Damn, I really am too old for this shit! Anyway, we and a select few others were given black wristbands while the remainder of the audience was given yellow ones. Our minds spun at the speed of light wondering what exactly the difference in wristbands meant. While we waited, out of nowhere Matthew Knowles (the music industry executive better known as Beyonce's daddy) strolled casually by us down 45th Street, on his cell phone unbothered. That's New York for ya.

Once we finally entered into MTV Studios at 1515 Broadway and were processed and stripped of all of our worldly possessions, even our hats (I was on national TV today without my Yankee fitted! Only for Janet). We learned of our black wristbanded fate after we watched Janet perform "Feedback" in the main studio. As soon as she was done we were all whisked out into the hallway where a MTV staffer told us that we were selected as VIPs. We as VIPs, the sixteen or so of us were going to spend the remainder of the show in a smaller studio, just us and Janet. Of course were all excited at that news.

Once we were all seated in the studio Janet walked in and took her place on the plush red couch in the center of the room. During the commercial breaks there were yells of "I love you Janet!" "Icon!" "Werq Miss Janet!" and "The face is sitting Miss Janet!" among other things from the fans. She graciously thanked us for all the compliments while continually flashing her world famous, high voltage, kazillion dollar smile. At one point LA Reid (chairman of her record label, Island/Def Jam) peeked his bald head in the room. We thanked him for everything he's been doing involving promotion for the album. TRL did their whole broadcast about Janet and the album. He definitely pulled some major strings and/or spent some major bucks to make that happen. Hopefully it all generates some major sales for the album.

After the TRL taping was over my out of town friends raced over to Best Buy for the album signing that they stood outside all night for. I walked them over and made my rounds on the line saying hello to people, putting faces to the screen names of people I had been talking to on the Janet Jackson Message Board for the past six years. All in all it was a great day. I'd only do all of this for Janet and some of it I don't plan on ever doing again.

So I spent the day with Janet and I'm gonna spend my night with Cheri Dennis. Her album released today too.

I have uploaded all three "Good Morning America" performances on the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel for your viewing enjoyment. Two of them "Feedback" and "Rock With U" are also embedded here. Check out the rest on the channel.

There are seven more videos from this concert and even more live concert footage of Rihanna, Amerie, Teedra Moses, Vivian Green, and more on the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel.

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Playing In The Background...
"2Nite"
by Janet Jackson
from the album "Discipline"
==========

Janet Jackson's releasing a new album, her tenth, "Discipline" on Tuesday. Along with being a milestone and a red circle on the calendar of every gay man's life it's also a big day for Ms. Janet. Many are saying that after the disappointing sales of her last two albums that this is her last chance to prove that she's still relevant to the world (outside of the gays that is). Others are much more hopeful, counting on whatever LA Reid and Def Jam has up their sleeve, saying that if Mariah could get signed to Def Jam and comeback after "Glitter" and the emotional breakdown that followed it, that anything's possible.

What do you think? Take the poll below.

Read my review of the album here.

Comment and let us know whether you will be buying the album?

Every week I will update the blog with a new poll question.
Click here to check out all the previous Adam's Web Log Polls.

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Playing In The Background...
"What's Ur Name"
by Janet Jackson
from the album "Discipline"
=========

Janet Jackson
"Discipline"
2008 Island/Def Jam Records
4.5/5

More and more I'm noticing that my undying love for Janet, a Taurus, born Janet Damita Jo Jackson in Gary, Indiana on May 16th year of our Lord, one thousand nine hundred and sixty-six is based more on my childhood memories, nostalgia and her groundbreaking achievements as a black woman than her music, especially as of late. This, her third album since that terrible thing that happened in 2004. The thing that has seemingly marred the sales and promotion of her last two albums, okay more the first one of those two, that second one just wasn't all that great. Well, it's a brand new day and like Mariah she gotten the Virgin Records monkey off her back and has signed a new deal with Def Jam. Let's see if the third time is the charm.

Janet didn't exactly explode back on the scene with her first single from this, her tenth album, the D'Mile and Rodney Jerkins-produced "Feedback". The sparsely promoted song, which in my opinion is her hottest in years was received well by critics, but wasn't the radio smash it deserved to be and is still fighting it out on the charts. The response to the accompanying video though has been lukewarm, even from fans. These early events did not giving me confidence of a looming "MiMi-like" comeback for Ms. Janet. Her lack of visibility for the last month or so, having performed the single basically nowhere doesn't help either, but I'm not giving up yet. At the end of the day it's all about the music right, so let's get to it.

The album starts off with the "I.D." interlude. Yes, the interludes are back, but they are back a la "The Velvet Rope", so they actually make sense and are listenable, unlike the ones from every album since then. Again like "The Velvet Rope" the this album is almost like a movie or a theatrical show, the interludes like movements, unifying the songs, all flowing one into another. They all have a basic theme which I won't give away here. Also like "The Velvet Rope", this album is also best when listened to as a whole.

Next is the first single, "Feedback" which flows directly into "Luv", the third single from the album, tailor made for urban radio. The crunk, bouncy number which at times seems a little more Ciara, than Janet, smartly uses the metaphor of a car crash, litigation and all, for falling in love:

"...I should sue ya.
I shoulda stopped at the red light cuz,
Now I'm like a deer caught in headlights, oh
He hit me with his love, la-love, la-love, love...
Got me caught in a wreck I'm a mess...
He crashed into my heart..."

Then there's "Rollercoaster", an upbeat number featuring Janet's world famous robotic layered vocals over a busy Darkchild beat. The second single, the electronic "Rock With U", co-written and produced by Jermaine Dupri & Ne-Yo is tailor made for pop radio and can be best described as Kylie-lite, a surprising feat from that particular writing and production team. Being Kylie-lite is hardly a bad thing here though as Kylie is Janet-lite on "All I See" from her latest album "X", coincidentally Kylie's tenth as well. I see it as returning the favor. Even with that Janet makes this track all her own with her trademark layered "oohs". "2Nite" produced by Stargate adds a little 80's throwback flavor to the album. The best parts are the bridge and short the breakdown at 3:27. Janet, I love that part, why didn't you make that part longer?

This time around Janet decided to slow things down in the middle of the album and not toward the end like she usually does. The next three songs, "Can't B Good", "Never Letchu Go", and "Greatest X", produced by Ne-Yo, Johnta Austin & Jermaine Dupri, and The Dream respectively, seemingly drag the album down at first but upon a second listen they contain small bits and of pieces raw soul and vocal progression from the small-voiced diva, especially at 2:58 on "Never Letchu Go". Even with all that, the only single-worthy track out of the three is "Can't B Good", no "Again's" or "I Get Lonely's" here.

Things perk up with the Jermaine Dupri produced "So Much Betta" which features a fun chopped and screwed vocal on the chorus and a soaring layered vocal channel. At only two minutes and fifty-three seconds as soon as you start getting into it's over, prompting many rewinds. Next is "The 1" which features two witty rap verses by Missy Elliott. Though produced by Dupri as well the beat sounds a lot like something Rich Harrison would do. This Harrison jacking though isn't as blatant as frequent Janet collaborators Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis' last year on "Disrespectful", the first single from Chaka Khan's last album. 2:47 into the song Missy exclaims "This is crazy!" referring to the beat I guess. Unfortunately, I can't fully agree with Missy. Yes the beat is indeed crazy, but it would have been crazier in 2005. If there was such a great need for the Harrison sound why didn't they resurrect "Pops Up!" or "Speed It Up (Put It On You)", which are Janet tracks actually produced by Harrison that were cut from the "Damita Jo" album. Another Dupri joint, the mid-tempo, summer single-worthy "What's Ur Name" is a favorite of mine on the album with Janet's vocals riding the beat perfectly. Even the reference to the T-Mobile Sidekick smartphone in the chorus is non-obtrusive enough to not be cringe inducing. The shortest track on the album at a meager two minutes and thirty-four seconds, also prompted multiple rewinds. They should shoot this and "So Much Betta" together as a dual single video a la the videos from Missy Elliot's "Miss E..." album, but more than likely if this is miraculously chosen as a single the label will more likely throw in the rapper du jour of the moment to lengthen things.

Next is the title track, "Discipline", the only "baby making" track on this album and unlike some of the ones from the last two albums this one is actually sexy and very soulful, it's right up there with "Any Time, Any Place". Yes, even though there is a little moaning on this one, it's tasteful. There are no swear words and the song rather than being blatant and explicit is filled to the brim with cleverly written double entendre. As you guessed this song is sort of a bondage S&M metaphor, think "Rope Burn" 2.0, except with whips and things. At 0:52 Janet coos:

"Daddy, I disobeyed you,
Now I want you to come punish me..."

with such conviction that I feel like I'm in her bedroom with a whip in my hand. That was some of her best acting since Chip Fields burned her with the iron on "Good Times" back in the day. Closing my eyes listening to this I can almost see Janet tying up and disciplining some lucky audience member, whipping him on stage in front of 80,000 screaming fans. Or better yet having that lucky guy whip her. The chorus almost melted my speakers with the lyrics:

"I need some discipline tonight
Don't hold back
I've been very bad
Make me cry
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Daddy make me cry..."

The song ends with eerie chants of "Take out your frustrations on me..." which is sexy, but a little scary. In fact at 2:00 Janet actually exclaims "I'm scared..." and you know what Janet I'm scared too, but I'm also turned on. I've got some disciplining to do.

To end the album is "Curtains", a midtempo number laden with guitar and horns especially dedicated to the fans, another of Janet's more soulful tracks. I cant wait to see this one on tour. I could see her closing things out with this one.

If you haven't figured it out already, this is Janet's best album in years and even though it's probably not gonna pull in "MiMi" numbers the first week especially since they just started promoting it yesterday. But it's a quality record that I actually believe in. Hopefully LA Reid and Def Jam nurture properly because it has the potential to be a huge hit. Because Janet needs it, scratch that, I need it, for my own sanity. If this record doesn't go #1 I'm gonna lose it.

If you must download, download: "Feedback", "Luv", "Rock With U", "What's Ur Name", "Discipline"

ALBUM IN STORES TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 26th, 2008!

GO BUY IT!

Buy the album from Amazon.com here.

Website: JanetJackson.com

LISTENING SESSION:
Listen to "What's Ur Name" below:

Listen to "Discipline" below:

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Playing In The Background...
"Discipline"
by Janet Jackson
from the album "Discipline"
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Pictures:
- Me & R&B artist Lyfe Jennings @ Sony Club for the listening session of his new album "Lyfe Change".
- The current issue of Bleu Magazine with openly gay R&B/pop artist Ari Gold on the cover.
==========

I've been vaguely mentioning this on the blog for the past few weeks but I'm working with Bleu Magazine. Bleu is a lifestyle magazine targeted towards urban gay men. It's a great magazine that I really believe in. Check it out, it's on newsstands around the country. Anyway, I was assigned to cover the listening session for Lyfe Jennings new album "Lyfe Change" at the Sony Records Building here in New York.

The session was held at the Sony Club on the 35th floor of the building. The room was beautiful, the walls covered with rich dark wood and floor to ceiling windows with a jaw dropping westward view of Midtown Manhattan. The hors d'oeuvers, passed around by servers clad in black suits were scrumptious, as were the cocktails and wine.

As I sat among the other journalists from other publications waiting for the session to start, Lyfe Jennings himself walked into the room. He headed to the front of the room, turned on the stereo and started proudly playing cuts from his new album. I can't give you guys any details of course as the full story will appear on the Bleu website. But what I can tell you is that Lyfe is a great guy, very down to Earth and passionate about his music. Even though this is his third album he still possesses a hunger that many new artists don't even have. He was really interested in what we had to say, even the criticisms. Which weren't many because the album is excellent.

Once again, be sure to check out Bleu Magazine's website, get yourself a subscription and be sure to add the magazine as a friend on MySpace.

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Playing In The Background...
"Never Never Land"
by Lyfe Jennings
from the album "Lyfe Change"
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Hey guys,

I don't normally do this, posting YouTube videos that aren't my own, but I absolutely love this music video so much that I wanted to share it with you all.

My favorite girl pop group, Girls Aloud (they're from the UK and most Americans, unless they are serious music geeks like me know nothing about them) have a video for their new single "Can't Speak French". I did a blog post about them before, check that out here.

Anyway, I know this video is probably not something my average reader would find themselves watching but check it out anyway. Y'all know I like different shit.

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Playing In The Background...
"Can't Speak French (Jeremy Wheatly Radio Edit)"
by Girls Aloud
from the album "Tangled Up"
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"Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary..."
-Tony Toni Toné
from the song "Anniversary"

As I woke up this morning amidst the four to six inches of snow that's blanketing Manhattan as we speak, turning on my computer, busy as ever, doing sixty things at once, I almost forgot. It's February 22nd, the anniversary of the first blog post I ever wrote, it's our anniversary. So I had to drop everything and take a moment to say thank you. Thank you to you all who visit this blog, the lovers, the haters, the readers, the gawkers, the subscribers. You all are what make all of this possible and I appreciate it so much. Who knew that a little place where I came to gripe and whine about my relationship issues would grow into such a big thing, and resonate with so many people.

There's been a lot of growth in the past year from my first blog post to this, my 200-something and the growth is not just mine. My first blog post was about how my best friend Mike and I went to a little off-broadway show and saw from the balcony of the theatre the huge dick print of one of the characters. Since then that little off-broadway show, like that guy's dick, isn't little anymore. "In The Heights" just started it's run on Broadway last week.

And my best friend Mike, who was just an aspiring singer last February, taping himself with my digital camera is now singing backup professionally for big people, people with record contracts and labels and everything. I can't mention them here because they don't all know he's gay yet. That's still some people in the music industry who have a problem with that. That's such bullshit, but to protect his career I won't say who he's worked with, but you know if it were up to me I'd let you know.

As far as my growth is concerned, where do I start. I've laughed, cried, fallen in love, out of love, fucked, dated, masturbated and you've all been along for the ride. And all along the way I've grown as a writer. Not only am I writing a blog, I'm writing for a magazine now and I'm working on a book. I can't believe it's been a year already. Time goes by so quickly when you're having fun.

Thank you all, all the readers out there for your love, support, the advice, and the reads along the way. I'd name names but there's way too many of y'all and I don't want to forget anyone. You know who you are and that I love ya. You know you're appreciated. Hit me up on Yahoo and next time I sign on, hopefully before 2036, I'll respond to your message and we'll chat, maybe even cam if I'm feeling frisky. LOL

Love,
-Adam

PS: Fuck the haters! (I mean that literally if they're good looking haters, just be sure to nutt in their faces and never call again afterwards LOL) And NEVER give up on your dreams.

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Playing In The Background...
"Anniversary"
by Tony Toni Toné
from the album "20th Century Masters - The Millennium Collection: The Best of Tony Toni Toné"
==========

So I went on a date Valentine's night. I can't really describe it as a Valentine's Day date so much as a first date that just happened to have taken place on Valentine's Day, a total coincidence. The guy I went out with was the one I told you guys about the other day, the one I met a few weeks ago and saw at the HIV/AIDS discussion forum in Greenwich Village last week. He's really cute, totally my type, sexy, very smart and into helping the community, which is doubly sexy, and a dancer, which makes him flexible and that's triple-ly (yes, I just made up that word) sexy, and I know that will come in handy whenever we, well, you know, have sex. So for that reason, we're gonna call this one, Mr. Bojangles.

Bojangles and I met up Thursday night and ended up dining at Cafe Mozart on the Upper West Side. Once seated inside the cafe, cheezily decorated with corny Valentine's shit, we talked over our endive salads. I found out during the convo that he was attracted to me before I even approached him. The eye contact was good, he looked good, definitely my type. I could definitely see myself being something with this dude. The conversation eventually veered toward sex, as it always does and that's when he dropped the bomb on me. He told me that he was a virgin, yes a virgin, like he's never had sex before, virgin. I couldn't breathe. I held it together, but I couldn't breathe. You mean to tell me that this fine ass dude is a virgin. You know what that means... I ain't gettin' none no time soon, if ever. You know how virgins in their 20's are. They're all prudish, judgmental, sterile, and cold and don't like sex, they're weird. I mean they can't really like it because if they liked it so much they woulda had it already, ya know? And I mean, well you know, y'all know I'm a sexual person. He said he read my blog but did he really read it? I'm not necessarily tryna bone on the first date but I can't be with a dude who doesn't like sex. I mean, what he's doing is admirable. He went into the whole "I'm saving myself for the one I'm in love with" thing and that's all well and good but I don't know...

So I'm thinking, this is gonna be our first and last date. A dude like me can't possibly roll with no virgin. But I stayed cool, calmed down and got into the fact that Bojangles is a quality dude. He has everything I'm looking for, looks, brains, body, his work/school schedule works with mine, and he's really doing his thing as far as his career is concerned and most importantly, he's really likes me. Maybe he's the other half of the power couple I've always wanted to be in. There's no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I mean, at the end of the day, how important is sex anyway? Honestly, I haven't even been having sex much lately. Shyt, I been fucking all these years and what has it gotten me? So hey, everything happens for a reason. Just then my brain and my heart outvoted my dick and I decided to give homeboy a try. I mean, if we fall in love we're gonna be having sex anyway so what's the big deal if I have to wait a while for it. At least I got a quality dude that I can step out on the scene with and be confident that every dude in the place hasn't been with him and that's more than worth the wait. And I can't lie, a lesser part of me does really want to be the first to tap that, whenever he's ready, that is.

Even with that, I'm not sure exactly how this thing between me and Bojangles would work. I'm gonna feel him out a bit more, figuratively and literally and see. After the cafe we went to the 24hr Apple Store on Fifth Avenue, where I bought a new iPod. From there we got in a cab back uptown. When he got out of the cab we didn't kiss. I figured with him being a virgin he probably didn't kiss on the first date. I was right. When I got home he texted me, letting me know what a good he had. I had a good time as well. We even made plans for a second date.

On the second date, the next night I got a kiss, four of them. I was kinda apprehensive about going for it at first but I'm glad I did. It was electric. I like him. I told him that I was cool with waiting for sex, however long it took, but I also kept it real and told him that in order for me to be able to abstain with him that I would need to see him... a lot. I would need to have my mind fairly consumed with him. Like they say "an idle mind the devil's workshop." He couldn't be but so neglectful of me partly because I'm a Leo and I like attention and being with him, talking to him, knowing that he's there for me is the best way to insure that nothing happens. It's not that I don't have self control but every little bit of help helps. Nothing's set in stone yet but I could definitely see myself chillin' with Bojangles.

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Playing In The Background...
"The Show"
by Girls Aloud
from the album "What Will The Neighbours Say"
and
"Virginity"
by TG4
from the album "Time For The New"
and
"Virgin"
by Chico DeBarge
from the album "Long Time No See"
==========

Anyone who talks to me for more than five minutes can tell you that I love New York, I absolutely love it here. There's no place like it and I feel so fortunate to have been born and raised here. The best thing about New York, I know I've said this before, is that this city has the finest ethnic gay men anywhere. The streets are teeming with attractive gay life, especially in Manhattan and especially around the shopping districts. Retail draws the gays like a moths to a flame. I haven't gone shopping in a minute, but yesterday I was asked to tag along on an income tax return mini-shopping spree with a friend of mine and after going from store to store, seeing all these fine ass dudes I was inspired to write.

I started typing this blog post into my Blackberry after walking into Urban Outfitters on 72nd & Broadway and seeing the fine ass dude working the door. Brownskinned and thin, about 5'9, 150 lbs, in a hoodie and jeans, he greeted me with a smile and the customary company greeting as I undressed him with my eyes. Returning the greeting, I walked past him, looking back at his ass, further fueling my fantasies. Later in SoHo at the Levi Store there's an even finer dude at the register, beautiful skin, million dollar smile, waves deep enough to swim in, in jeans hanging off his ass just right, his white bottom belt encircling the middle of his ass like the equator, giving a little hint of underwear, definitely makin' a nigga wanna visit the tropics. Damn, I'm already lovin' the equator, now I'm wondering what the prime meridian is like (get it?). Then this little hispanic chulo just walked past me with dark eyebrows and the most luscious, pink, kissable, I would love to have them wrapped around my dick-able ass lips I have ever seen. And at Uniqlo, this fine ass lightskin dude with a thin mustache and goatee just walked past me... 'May I help you?' Yes, you most certainly can, in more ways than one. Can you show me to the fitting room 'cuz I got something for you that's just your size and if it's too big I bet you I can make it fit. Either way, it's definitely a purchase you won't regret and will never go out of season. Damn, dudes were not this fine when I used to work in retail. My friend keeps asking me how he looks in shit and I just can't seem to pay attention. He's clothes shopping and I'm boyfriend shopping. Making eyes and checking out asses puts a whole new spin on re-TAIL therapy.

Just when you think that there are no good looking men left after searching online and in the clubs, don't give up hope, they're just all out shopping. And to all of you jumping ship and leaving New York for Charlotte, Atlanta and the West Coast, have good time and don't forget to write. I'm staying riiiiiight here.

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Playing In The Background...
"In Those Jeans"
by Ginuwine
from the album "The Senior"
==========

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Hey Everybody,

I just wanted to start by saying HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to you all. This is the first one we are spending together. Many of us, including me are single on this day but that's no reason to feel bad. At the Helmsley Hotel (of the Leona fame) they are throwing an anti-Valentine's Day bash tonight where people are encouraged to bring pictures of their exes to be placed in a large shredder. Models will also be on hand for partygoers to take pictures with so that they can send them to their exes, making it look as though they have a hot new boyfriend or girlfriend. See, this, even though it's all under the guise of fun is unnecessary. It's bitterness. If you are single today there's no reason to lash out on the holiday or on people who are in relationships. In fact, I've never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day and that's okay. Instead of staying home tonight, being all bitter and over it go out to a bar or hang out with friends or call someone up an schedule a date for tonight, it's not even noon yet. Besides, there are so many singles functions going on tonight that you may even find yourself a new date. And if you decide to stay home, I mean, this is a work night, pamper yourself. Run that bubble bath you never have the time to take, buy yourself some chocolates or a new outfit, be good to you today, call your family and tell them how much you love them.

So, being the proactive, "walka, not a talka" person that I am, I managed to book myself a date for this evening. It's our first date, I don't know him all that well. We first met at a discussion event a few weeks ago after which I gave him my card and he hit me up on FaceBook. I saw him again last night at an open forum on HIV/AIDS prevention for black gay men. We exchanged numbers and after few subsequent text messages I asked him out on a date. He seems really nice and from what I've seen is pretty involved in the community. Despite the heavy expectations of love on Valentine's, the date is gonna be real light,  coffee, dessert and conversation. Of course, I'll let you know how that goes.

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Playing In The Background...
"Happy Valentine's Day"
by Outkast
from the album "Speakerboxx/The Love Below"
==========

In Tuesday's blog post entitled "It's Not About What He Knows, It's About Who He Knows..." I said that:

"What's crazy is that in the largest city of the most powerful country in the world, with one of the largest black gay communities in the world that everybody knows everybody and the chances of you or your date having coincidental relationship or sexual overlap is damn near unavoidable."

Yes, as unavoidable as it is, that doesn't mean that I would never date someone who has friendship, relationship, or sexual history with a friend or and ex or a "frex" (a an ex who becomes a friend). Shit, if I took that stand, there'd be no one left to date. I'd have to move out of town and start over. What I do though is take greater consideration of my friend's, exes, or frexes feelings whenever the situation arises (as each individual processes that sort of thing differently) because I realize that dating this new person (who I may not even like next week) isn't necessarily worth causing friction in an already established friendship.

As far as I'm concerned I don't care if my friend dates my ex or vice-versa. An ex is an ex for a reason. Like Chaka Khan says "When it's over it's over. If it's done, oh baby it's done" (I will PayPal $1.25 to the first person who can tell me what song that lyric is from). Who am I to stand in the way of their blessing? Maybe they could be right for each other. You know how the saying goes, "one girl's trash..." It's all good with me as long as they handle things respectfully. I'm learning though that few people are as evolved as me in that regard so I've learned to tread lightly and in that case I decided not to tread at all.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Love Machine"
by Girls Aloud
from the album "What Will The Neighbours Say"
==========

PS: Shade is shade only if it's rooted in truth. Shade that is not rooted in truth is like a tree with no branches. A tree with no branches gives no shade. **SNAP**

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Hey everybody. I'm back. Thanks for holding me and the blog down while I was gone.

-Adam
==========

Remember that guy I told you about (in this post), the one I met last week? It's over. Yes, over before it even had a chance to begin. Let me tell you why.

When we meet people, like people, look to date people, there's certain things we want them to know. Stuff, you know, like their ABC's, how to talk, social graces, mingling, speaking to people, how to dress, how to fuck, or in my case, be fucked, how to suck dick, you know, all the things we like, everybody's different. The person could be damn near perfect, knowing everything and doing everything right. But I've seen time and time again that the one thing that can burst your bubble, that can pull the rug right up under you, that can pop the helium balloon of bliss you two are floating on is who you know. What's crazy is that in the largest city of the most powerful country in the world, with one of the largest black gay communities in the world that everybody knows everybody and the chances of you or your date having coincidental relationship or sexual overlap is damn near unavoidable.

So, yeah, I liked him but he knew somebody. He admitted it to me last night. He's friends with an ex of mine who is now a friend of mine and even though I'm not giving you much detail, trust me, going further with our relationship would definitely put a strain on the relationship between me and my friend. So I had a decision to make. A year ago I probably would have said, fuck it, he's cute, I like him, my friend will get over it. But today, I realize that possibly wrecking the great friendship with my ex that we worked so hard to attain after our breakup really wasn't worth it, even if the guy is cute. Who knows how me and the new date will feel about each other in two weeks? By then I could be over him or he could be over me, and then what? You know how the homos are. So I broke it off.

Last night, instead of bunking with a cute guy I snuggled up under the covers with my maturity. Bah humbug.

So that brings me to this week's poll question: Would you date a friend's ex? Vote in the poll below and tell us your opinion in the comments section.

Every week I will update the blog with a new poll question.
Click here to check out all the previous Adam's Web Log Polls.

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Playing In The Background...
"No More Drama (P. Diddy Remix)
by Mary J. Blige
from the album "No More Drama"
==========

PS: And you best believe I told my friend about this. Adam ain't nobody's fool.

"He holds the stars in the sky
He holds the land back from the sea
And if he can do all of that
Surely he can take good care of you and me..."
-Shirley Caesar
from the song "He's Got It All In Control"

I know, I know, it's been a while since I posted on the blog, going on four days to be exact. While I know that's not a big deal on most personal blogs, Y'all know I post like every day or every other day. Well, life has been a little crazy this week. There has been a major change since the last time I blogged, thankfully, for the better, but nevertheless scary. I can't give you details right now but the one thing I can say is that God is good and when a door closes he certainly opens windows. He's got it all in control.

In dating news, I met a guy this week. He's nice, we have a whole lot in common. We chilled, we had a good time. We'll see.

But in the meantime, don't worry about me. I'll be back to blogging regularly in the next few days.

Love,
-Adam

==========
Playing In The Background...
"He's Got It All In Control"
by Shirley Caesar
from the album "All Her Best"
and
"Newness"
by Musiq Soulchild
from the album "Juslisen"
==========

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

I just want to say for the record that I'm not really into threesomes, especially in the context of a relationship. I mean, I've had them, I've experimented, but for the most part they are just not my thing. At one point I, a top was in a relationship with a versatile-top. Although we got along pretty well, sexually it just wasn't working. In an effort to save our relationship we decided to try to incorporate threesomes as a regular part of our sexual practices. I mean it's just sex, right? In the words of Julia Roberts in the movie "Pretty Woman" that was a "big mistake, huge..." Having that extra person there, even though it was supposedly all in the name of sex, created all kinds of tension between us, mistrust, competition, resentment, and even a lack of sexual fulfillment, believe it or not, it was a mess. Not to even mention the third person's feelings, there were situations in which the third person liked one more than the other. Not to mention the possibility of situations where the third person could try to get in contact for a meeting with one partner without the other partner knowing about it. Like I said, just a mess.

Eventually that relationship ended, after a post-relationship rough patch, we're friends now and I realize that that's what we should have been all along. We give each other everything that we were giving before, just sans sex. When we realized that sex was gonna be an issue for us we shouldn't have moved forward. Granted, not moving forward when everything else feels so right is not the easiest thing in the world to do, but I've learned that sometimes sex is a bigger deal than we think it is and we must regard it as such.

I've heard that a lot of older couples use threesomes to bring back the spice into their relationships after years and years of monogamy. I can't really say much on that because I'm not what anyone would consider "older" yet and I have yet to experience years and years of monogamy with anyone. But as a young person I've realized even from my limited experience, that the whole threesome thing should not be introduced as an integral part of a budding relationship. I look at things this way, If you've been together less than a few years, that other person should be more than enough for you. There are too many freaky-deaky two person things to explore to have to be calling in reinforcements so soon. I mean, of course there may be some exceptions to this rule. But if you really think that one person or just that one person isn't enough for you then maybe you just aren't ready for a monogamous relationship with them yet  or ever and that''s perfectly okay. Just be honest, tell your partner, there's no need to string anyone along.

Also, really big, majorly important, never let your partner talk you into doing anything you are not comfortable with, especially threesomes. Never feel like you have to feel like you have to participate in threesomes to quote-unquote "save the relationship". All forcing yourself into something you don't want to do will do is make you harbor resentment toward your partner. If you're gonna participate in a menage a trois it should be something you both enjoy, not your partner's half-assed way of keeping you around but still getting to legally fuck someone else. Everybody should be equally participating, you shouldn't be just standing there, sitting there, laying there, watching your partner go at it with someone else as if you weren't there. All that says is that you probably shouldn't be there. Either way, if you both aren't equally into the threesome thing and are just doing it to "save your relationship" you're just prolonging the inevitable. In that case, walk away while you still can stand each other.

So that's my opinion, but what do you think about the whole idea of threesomes? Vote in the poll below and tell us your opinion in the comments section.

Every week I will update the blog with a new poll question.
Click here to check out all the previous Adam's Web Log Polls.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Threesome"
by Ruff Endz
from the album "Someone To Love You"
==========

I'm single, and I get lonely sometimes. Lately I've been too busy to notice, but sometimes at night when I'm in bed alone and horny it creeps up on me. Those are the times when I could call an old standby jumpoff or go online and try to score something real quick, but what's that really gonna do? The person will come and I'll fuck them, knowing good and damn well I don't want them, don't like them, and probably wouldn't claim their ass in the street, but I know that  because the person likes me that will let me have my nasty way with them whenever I feel like it. Pity sex, we've all done it. Deep down inside, I know that shit is wrong, so I've refrained. I promised myself, no more pity fucking in 2008. I will not stick my dick inside anyone who I know good and damn well I would never want to see again.

Speaking of single and lonely, I've been back online, back on the dating sites, you know BGC, A4A, M4N. Well, I should say that my account's been online because I haven't physically had the time to log in in a minute. Yesterday I had a whole bunch of work to catch up on on my computer and I decided to leave the sites on the background, checking periodically to see if I got hit up. Ya know, hey, why the hell not? If I'm gonna be stuck working hard on the computer all day I may as well try to see if I could have some company over for when I decide to take a break. There's gotta be another lonely, good-looking, normal, hardworking soul like me out there, right?

Hmmm, well, thankfully I did manage to get a lot of work done, because after being signed on to the sites, running in the background for ten hours, nothing. Absolutely, nothing. Oh, it's not that I didn't get hit up, oh no, it's not that, it's just who I got hit up by that was the problem, same ol', same ol'. I can separate them into their different types:

The ones I'm not attracted to:
Most people who hit me up fall into this category. I'm picky, what can I say? I mean, is what it is, I don't hit them back. That's the unwritten rule of internet dating. If someone hits you up and you're not feeling them, you don't hit them back. No hard feelings. But then there's the people that I'm not attracted to that after I don't hit them back don't seem to get the point and continue to send me messages. Like, what's the point of that?

The creepy white men:
No offense to white men at all, and I'm sure there are many normal white males online out there looking for affection, love you guys, but I'm just being real here. The white men that hit me up online 99.999999% of the time fall into one or both of these two categories. They are either the old ones who hit me up looking to pay for sex, you know the ones who send you messages that say things like "How are you thi$ evening?" and shit like that, like ewwww, how disgusting and creepy is that? Then there are the ones that only get off on my being black and quote-unquote "forbidden" and think that all young urban black males are hung, studly, thugs who exist only to fulfill their creepy desires to be ravaged, smacked around, punished and disrespected by big black dicks. They say shit like "I'd love to drain your big black cock" or "I got some white boy pussy for that big black cock" and 'ol nasty shit like that. I mean, what the fuck happened to hello? Both of those types, the big spender and the 'dick-o-phant' are both creepy as hell. All that stuff's not just confined to white men though, I had an older black guy hit me up asking me to go with him on a ski trip, all expenses paid. Yeah, right?

My fellow top friends:
On my profile it says clear as motherfuckin' day that I'm a top. But some people don't let a little thing like that that stop them from trying to fuck you. They hit you up and say things like "Yo son, if you wasn't a top I would definitely hit that" or "You ain't no top, you look like you need dick in ya life" and the best one yet "Yo son, you need to find a bottom and I'll come and help you dig that out." Like I need some other dude's help and if I did find a bottom I don't want your bum ass slobbering all over him, no thanks. And of course these people are almost always looking a hot ass mess, that is if they even have a picture on their profile, which they they usually don't, and if they do it's a picture of some greasy ass, funny looking dick as if that shit is supposed to impress me and what's even worse is that these losers are usually like 30, hitting me up trying to sound like Fabolous or somebody. Like, get real? I don't even give tops the time of day because I'm not tryna relive Online Dating Horror Story # 4.

People without pics:
I don't even know why they waste their time. This is 2008. There are cameras, web cams, digital cameras, scanners, and camera phones everywhere. There is no reason for any of us not to have pictures in digital format at our disposal, none. They need to take their Quasimodo lookin ass back under the bridge with that shit. Oh yeah, then there's the "You know what I'm sayin' son. I don't put my pics online 'cuz i'm DL" guy, whoopti-fuckin-do, that's even worse. Either way, I don't know why they waste their time.

The miscellaneous weirdos:
There was the guy around my age who hit me up yesterday, not bad looking, but a foot fetishist. He hit me up asking me how I take care of my feet. Wow.

Yeah, some day yesterday was. Now I see why people aren't on the sites so much anymore because there seems to be no more normal attractive people left on there. Maybe I need to leave the shit alone before I get all lumped in among the crazies. I mean, damn, do all the freaks come out online?

After a day of nothing, I was done with my work and decided to relax. At about 8pm this guy hits me up online. He looked pretty good in his pic, but that was the problem. There was only one picture and you know what that probably means. So I gave him my number, he called and the first question I asked him was whether he had anymore pics on like a MySpace page or something. He told me that he didn't have a MySpace. What the fuck did he mean he didn't have a MySpace, my ten year old nephew has a MySpace. There are fucking cats and dogs with MySpace pages, what the bloody hell did he mean, he didn't have a MySpace page? What the fuck? Oh hell no! A million alarms were going off in my head. He wanted to come over and I was having serious doubts about this. In an attempt to soothe my apprehension he uttered the words "Nah, don't worry son, I'm official." That made things worse, my apprehension was even stronger now, especially since that's the same thing Chim Chim Chimney, Online Dating Horror Story #2 said and we know how that turned out.

Before I knew it we were off the phone and he was on his way. Thankfully I only told him what stop to get off on the subway and did not give him my address. I refused to go through another pity date, that could possibly lead to pity sex that I'd feel super shitty about in the morning. I had to stop this. So I sent him a text message about five minutes after we got off the phone. I would have called but I didn't feel like having to explain myself, and besides, just in case he was a whiner I didn't wanna hear him bitch about my decision.

A: "I know this is gonna sound crazy but... don't bother coming. I'm not really confident in ur looks as u only have 1 pic and I wouldn't wanna waste your time. Hopefully this catches you before you leave home."

No Pic Guy: "It's all good."

A: "Thanks. I had to think about that, ya know?"

NPG: "I'm good, you just missed out on a sexy ass nigga."

A: "So you say. It wasn't worth the risk. I'll live. Have yourself a good night. :)"

And there you have it. He probably thought I was weird as hell but he didn't know the type of day I'd had. I don't regret what I did because more than likely, based on experience, Murphy's Law, and the law of averages, he was a hot mess. So I masturbated and once I busted a nut. I was over it. And besides I've had enough Online Dating Horror Stories to last a lifetime, you've read 'em.

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Playing In The Background...
"U + Ur Hand"
by Pink
from the album "I'm Not Dead"
and
"Saturday"
by Lil' Mo
from the album "Based On A True Story"
==========

"Bros over hoes," the age old pact between straight male friends that puts the value of their friendship above that of romantic relationships with women, or in this case, hoes. The concept seems to work so well for them, at least while the males are still young and not ready to marry. The partakers in this pact seem to realize that relationships, lusts and infatuations come and go but the brotherly bond between men can last a lifetime. It seems as though this is never the case for gay men, at least from what I've seen.

How many times have your gay friends ditched you for some date? How many times have your gay friends canceled plans with you for some date? How many times has a gay friend tried to flirt with, act sexually inappropriate toward, slept with, or straight up tried to steal your date? Not to mention the friends you've ditched, the plans with friends you've canceled and the friends dates you've slept with or stolen. Uh huh, thought so. I guess "bros over hoes" don't work so well when all the hoes are bros and vice versa.

The sad thing about all this though is the apparent absence of strong friendships between gay men. Is it all just a farce? Are our gay male friends really our friends or just people were not attracted to enough to sleep with or perhaps even just someone to keep us company between relationships? For many of us, our whole world seems to revolve around the presence or absence of a man. As much as we don't like to admit it, maybe we as gay men are more like the stereotypical straight woman than we think.

Comedienne, Mo'nique said in one of her televised comedy shows something to the effect of "When I leave, all the bitches in the house leave..." talking about how she doesn't trust other women around her man up to and including her Mama! While this bit got big laughs from the audience it exhibits a very serious problem that's no laughing matter. This sort of mistrust between women obviously can't be applied to all, but it's prevalence can't be denied. I'm sure we all know at least one woman that has exhibited this sort of behavior toward other women before as we also know at least one gay man who doesn't trust other gay men around his man, sounding familiar?

What's the main thing you see girls in the hood, girls on talk shows, and the girls you know fighting about? Men. He's my man, bitch! Don't look at my man, bitch! You can't have my man, bitch! That bitch tried to steal my man. The absence or presence of a man has split up the bonds between women all throughout the ages, aunts and nieces, mothers and daughters, sisters, shit, my sisters, they had a big falling out over a man last year. Often in a love triangle situation involving two straight women and a man the blame for it all is never even placed on the man, even though he's the cause of it all.

That same triangular situation between two straight male friends and a woman will usually turn out a little differently. Once the woman is found to be sleeping with both male parties involved they will usually write her off as a "ho", "a trick", or "just a piece of ass", give each other a pound/dap/hand shake, compare stories, have a beer and move the hell on. Even if the two straight men fight, that anger is usually only momentary, unlike the endless grudges, animosity, and shade that the gay men and straight women hold on to toward each other long after a situation has run its course. Looking at both situations it's quite peculiar that if a love triangle played out between three gay men that more than likely the two gay friends response would be more like that of the two straight women than that of the two straight men. When it happened to you what was your response like? Crazy, huh?

Relationships between gay men are so intense, yet fragile. The begin so suddenly, develop so quickly and break so easily. How many times have we let the men we love, like, stalk, date, obsess over, fuck, or let fuck us turn our whole world upside down, forsaking all others, friends, family, work, ourselves just to be with them? Lord knows I have. It's to the point now where if me or any one of my close friends gets with a guy we as the friends basically expect to be shafted for the date. How sad is that? We, me, you, I have to remember that life goes on whether we have a boyfriend or not and that no one's life should revolve so much around a person, boyfriend or friend that their presence makes or breaks us.

At the end of the day it's all about balance, bros don't have to necessarily be over hoes or vice versa. We just have to learn how to spread ourselves a little more evenly and not neglect anyone. While enjoying the splendor and excitement of a romantic relationship, especially when its new, we can't forget about our friends. Because once the date is long gone, I mean that is if things don't work out of course, your real friends are gonna be there for you, just like mine are there for me. Now I've gotta start taking my own advice.

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Playing In The Background...
"Over A Man"
by Sharissa
from the album "No Half Steppin'"
==========

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile