I just want to say for the record that I'm not really into threesomes, especially in the context of a relationship. I mean, I've had them, I've experimented, but for the most part they are just not my thing. At one point I, a top was in a relationship with a versatile-top. Although we got along pretty well, sexually it just wasn't working. In an effort to save our relationship we decided to try to incorporate threesomes as a regular part of our sexual practices. I mean it's just sex, right? In the words of Julia Roberts in the movie "Pretty Woman" that was a "big mistake, huge..." Having that extra person there, even though it was supposedly all in the name of sex, created all kinds of tension between us, mistrust, competition, resentment, and even a lack of sexual fulfillment, believe it or not, it was a mess. Not to even mention the third person's feelings, there were situations in which the third person liked one more than the other. Not to mention the possibility of situations where the third person could try to get in contact for a meeting with one partner without the other partner knowing about it. Like I said, just a mess.
Eventually that relationship ended, after a post-relationship rough patch, we're friends now and I realize that that's what we should have been all along. We give each other everything that we were giving before, just sans sex. When we realized that sex was gonna be an issue for us we shouldn't have moved forward. Granted, not moving forward when everything else feels so right is not the easiest thing in the world to do, but I've learned that sometimes sex is a bigger deal than we think it is and we must regard it as such.
I've heard that a lot of older couples use threesomes to bring back the spice into their relationships after years and years of monogamy. I can't really say much on that because I'm not what anyone would consider "older" yet and I have yet to experience years and years of monogamy with anyone. But as a young person I've realized even from my limited experience, that the whole threesome thing should not be introduced as an integral part of a budding relationship. I look at things this way, If you've been together less than a few years, that other person should be more than enough for you. There are too many freaky-deaky two person things to explore to have to be calling in reinforcements so soon. I mean, of course there may be some exceptions to this rule. But if you really think that one person or just that one person isn't enough for you then maybe you just aren't ready for a monogamous relationship with them yet or ever and that''s perfectly okay. Just be honest, tell your partner, there's no need to string anyone along.
Also, really big, majorly important, never let your partner talk you into doing anything you are not comfortable with, especially threesomes. Never feel like you have to feel like you have to participate in threesomes to quote-unquote "save the relationship". All forcing yourself into something you don't want to do will do is make you harbor resentment toward your partner. If you're gonna participate in a menage a trois it should be something you both enjoy, not your partner's half-assed way of keeping you around but still getting to legally fuck someone else. Everybody should be equally participating, you shouldn't be just standing there, sitting there, laying there, watching your partner go at it with someone else as if you weren't there. All that says is that you probably shouldn't be there. Either way, if you both aren't equally into the threesome thing and are just doing it to "save your relationship" you're just prolonging the inevitable. In that case, walk away while you still can stand each other.
So that's my opinion, but what do you think about the whole idea of threesomes? Vote in the poll below and tell us your opinion in the comments section.
Every week I will update the blog with a new poll question.
Click here to check out all the previous Adam's Web Log Polls.
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Playing In The Background...
"Threesome"
by Ruff Endz
from the album "Someone To Love You"
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I think one option is missing...I never like to judge the arrangements individuals make in their own relationships. Traditional relationships don't work for everyone...and that doubly true for queer people, I think. For some, adding a third person to the mix may in fact be a good thing, and for others it may not. I think it's a choice that people should feel free to make without feeling as if their relationship isn't authentic. So, if I had to check a box it would be the "It depends on the couple. People should feel free to organize their relationships how ever they'd like" box.
Im going to go back to watching Fox News right now...
I hear ya Joey - but, I still think some things are better left alone. I don't think having a threesome when you're in a relationship is a good idea. As ABI stated - it's a huge mistake. A really huge mistake.
I agree with you adam and feel that you're right on point. I believe that sex is something intimate and special and when too many people get involved it takes away from that
I'm with Joey B. on this one. We all have different preferences and no one arrangement will work for everyone.
That being said, I definitely think Adam's comment about everyone being comfortable with what your doing is an important point. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to be 'abnormal'.
In porn...YES! A real relationship...NO!
Too many cooks in the kitchen. LMAO!
;-)
As someone in a long term relationship who has also had some 3-somes, I agree with Joey: It depends on the relationship. And it is most definately NOT the way to 'repair' some problem with your relationship.
My partner and I didn't do this until we were in the relationship for a number of years, and we have been very careful to make sure that we try to make the 3-way 'even' -- i.e. that the person doesn't focus on one partner more than the other. We don't do this very often either, btw.
Also, maybe it's just us, but we've tended to have incredibly hot sex with each other after we've sent the 3rd person home!