Prepared. A Poem.

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Hey,

My poetry comes to me unexpectedly and fast like lightening strikes. Most of my poems only take like five or ten minutes to write, inspiration is crazy. I'm here in my crib, alone on a Friday night, washing my dishes, listening to Chaka Khan wail the hell outta "Angel" when this poem came to me. I had to let the water run, scramble for a pen and run to my notebook. This poem, like all me poems describes what I'm going through right now. Even though it's pretty black and white, you won't get the full understanding of how this poem applies to me until I write my next dating update blog post, a dating update that I'm afraid to write.

You know how I always say that things aren't real until you write them down and that your mind can always reason your way out if doing something or accepting something until it's on paper, in black and white, starting right at you. Well I'm happy now and I'm afraid that as sure as I write that down that I'll jinx it. I'd rather have my happiness bubble burst before and deal with it quickly and privately than to write a blog post about it, tell the world, still have it burst and then I'll feel like an asshole. But I can't hold it in anymore. It's not like I haven't eaten my words here before but no matter how many times I've had to endure the pungent flavor of my declarations, they don't taste any better with repetition. I guess the more cynical part of me is waiting for the proverbial ax to fall, hence the poem. I guess I did kinda explain things, huh?

Shout out to Steve from Blueberry Hill for always being supportive of my poetry. :)

Enjoy.
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Prepared
by Adam Benjamin Irby

You say you want me, but it's still hard to believe
You say you didn't mean to hurt me, but it's so hard to receive
Hardening my heart, my only reprieve
Just in case you decide to leave
Again

You say you understand, you say you've grown
That's why even when I told you to, you never fully let me alone
So much I had to give you, so much inside of me
I could love you better than him, but you just didn't wanna see

You say it's the past, you understand, you want me to trust
You're here now, I'm here now, let's take it slow, let's become us
You're sorry for hurting me, communication is a must
Let's keep it real, how we feel, don't hold it in, let's discuss

It's easy for you, you're not the one who cried
Pitiful, miserable, broken inside
You walked away, went about your day, so easy to say goodbye
I sigh

I let it go, it helped me grow, I'm not even mad
I'm different now, you're different now, there's no need to feel bad
Run into my arms, I've always been here for you, let's rekindle what we had

Watching you sleep, so peaceful, so angelic, so serene
Wondering how the fuck you could ever be so motherfuckin' mean
Is this real, real for real, or is this just a passing mood
Or are you really ready for something real and tired of playing with these wack ass dudes?

I mean, I hear what you're sayin'
You say you're not playin'
But a part of me will always wonder if were only delaying
The inevitable, the push and the pull, your black ass not staying

For now I'ma chill, I'ma enjoy this moment, live in the now, enjoy each day
But I already know what I'll wear, I already know what I'll say
I already know what I'll do, I'ma be prepared this time, if decide you walk away
Again

DAMN, WHY IS THIS LOVE SHIT PERPETUALLY FUCKED THE FUCK UP?

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Playing In The Background...
"Hurt Again"
by Mary J. Blige
from the album "Growing Pains"
and
"Careful"
by En Vogue
from the album "Soul Flower"
and
"Angel"
by Chaka Khan
from the album "Funk This"
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