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Sorry for this post being so short but I had to sneak it in between the sixty million things I have to do today.
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Play this as you read:
"Should Have Known"
by Robyn
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I saw the show "Cat On a Hot Tin Roof" on Broadway Wednesday night. I won't give the story away for those who are unfamiliar but seeing the pain that Anika Noni Rose's and Phylicia Rashad's character's were in, loving men who did not love them back, really resonated with me. They lived their lives in a constant state of insecurity and uncomfort, like cats on hot tin roofs. All throughout the play I felt as though they were speaking right to me and I knew what had to be done.
So, yup, it's over. I broke up with Pubby again for the very last time this morning. I've just come to finally realize that no matter how much I did, no matter how much I gave that he's never gonna change. It wasn't an easy decision to make but it as the best one for me. And unlike the previous times I broke with him I don't have anything bad to say about him, because this time it's not about him and how he did me wrong, it's about me and how I've decided to finally do me right. It's not even his fault. I'm the only one with the power to have allowed myself to get that way so it was up to me to free myself. Right now I'm really pissed with myself for repeatedly being so stupid. In the words of Robyn, I shoulda seen this coming, "I shoulda fuckin' known."
There's a lot more I could and probably should have said but that's not freedom. You don't see prisoners released from jail going back and trying to settle scores with the warden and their fellow inmates, they're too busy being free for that. In the words of Beyonce "...what was misunderstood, it's all good, it's all good." There truly is no feeling like being free, when your mind is truly made up and your heart is truly in the right place. No hard feelings, just better thinking from now on.
So if you wanna leave a comment, leave a comment just don't send me no condolences and shit, because I'm okay. And whatever's not okay will all be okay in a little bit of time.
As far as the book is concerned, y'all know I'm currently writing my first book. I had dinner yesterday with James Earl Hardy (author of the black gay fiction classic "B-Boy Blues"). I picked his brain about how to get started as far as the publishing end of the whole book thing is concerned. He's a really cool guy and I learned a lot from him. I'm really honored that he would even take the time to dine with little ol' me, especially with his book being turned into a movie and all now. Thanks James.
Just landed on my own two feet,
Shoulda fuckin' known,
-Adam
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Playing In the Background...
"Free"
by Destiny's Child
from the album "Destiny Fulfilled"
and
"Better In Time"
by Leona Lewis
from the album "Spirit"
and
"Should Have Known"
by Robyn
from the album "Robyn"
and
"Be Mine!"
by Robyn
from the album "Robyn"
and
"Mad"
by Vivian Green
from the album "Vivian"
and
"I'm Done"
by Tweet
from the album "It's Me Again"
and
"Single Again"
by Trina
from the album "Still Da Baddest"
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Hey Adam as far as the relationship now you're one step closer to being with the dude you're really supposed to be with
1. i love your poetry. didnt knew that you were a writer.
2.im eagerly waiting for the book to come out. i dont buy any other books but stephen king and dean koontz but im definitlely looking forward to reading yours.
*smooch'z*
Good For you! =]] We all knew something was up with those poems.
But...
In the words of DESTINY'S CHILD...ain't no feeling like being free (from the Destiny Fufilled Album, not b'day.) I dont care if she does sing that line. lol
But yeah,
I love James Earl Hardy, and ELH <3
-NiC
Yeah...I agree with Nic...the poems spoke!
You're on a roll though Benji...meeting with Hardy is a step forward. I'm soooo (and I know I've said this a million times) proud of you. Great work! Luvv!
JB
Well, I sure hate this happen, I know you wondering who the hell is this? This is the one who sent you the e-mail about a week and a half ago telling you to keep doing what your doing, I told you i wasn't going to tell you your fine, etc, because you already know, ! keep those words in mind, keep doing you! and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, much love and I will chat with you soon, love ADTV by the way...God Bless!
-Shaun
hey, i'm sorry to hear that you decided to end your relationship. i'm always rooting for gay couples to make it and when i hear that they don't, it kinda breaks my heart. you did what you had to do! i've been there too many times. don't give up on love, it's what really matters in this world.
peace.
Hmmm. Sounds the like the same thing I'm going through right now. If I could only find the courage to Pick-up and do the same.
Guess it was already said in the comment on no - looks like you are having a burst of clarity. May clarity be with you always.
I was going to say that sucks, but this is a great thing. You were able to decipher between what you thought you wanted and what you actually needed. Enjoy your freedom
Well, all I come say is that I've made some good ass decisions from reading your blog, because you made me realized that sometimes you just have to let go some people in your life. Especially if they can't meet you half way.
So you should be celebrating because you will be lauging when you look back at this day. Free at last (smile)!
"I'm single againnnn...back on da prowl..."
U know u secretly was gonna put that as the song u were listening to! >:)
But on the serious tip, you needed to finally get that out of your system and you got more important things to focus on-- like this b-day bonanza that I keep hearing about...
Hey Adam! I completely understand where you are coming from. My ex and I have not been in a relationship officially for about 2 years now and believe it or not I really finally freed myself of him. I mean we were in that awkward situation where you were best friends then we started dating and then back to not best friends but good friends. During this pretending to be good friends phase I really never took the time to be me again so I always looked for approval and just made myself miserable and now that I've freed myself I can honestly say that I don't give a damn! Hmm... I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!
Good to hear that you're writing your first book, Adam.
Adam,
Glad to see you're using typed words again. Also glad that you're taking care of you in the emotional department. ANOTHER learning experience to make us wiser.
Im sooo glad that you had the courage and foresight to end this relationship when you did.
A coworker of mine is actually going through the same thing...She's in a realtionship thats unfulling, and she doesnt know what to do.
;-)
i love tweet's im done... im glad ur happy with your decision
watch paul newman and liz taylor as well...allthough the sexual dimensions were pretty much taken out by the movie laws back then
Tenessee Williams' movies still exhale this magic
Maggie: I'll win, alright.
Brick: Win what? What is the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof?
Maggie: Just staying on it, I guess. As long as she can.