SEX IS IMPORTANT, DAMMIT! (Part 1)

Question, dont these guys you are dating know you have a blog, and read it? Or is there some sort of agreement that you draw up before you begin dating where you tell them that they cannot read your blog, doing so may hurt their feelings?

But, this is a LOT. Oh well. If he cant fulfill your needs, MOVE ON. Like you stated in your previous entry, life is too short, pump. What a waste of time, for the both of you.

There are plenty of light skinned, light eyed girls out there that will bend over and serve you what is needed. LOL.

And u are aboslutely correct. He needs to understand that sex is a vital part of a relationship unless you two agree otherwise. People have sexual desires and needs that can't be turned on and off on a whim. If you're partner can't satisfy you who can? There's only so much your hand can do. That's the main reason why ppl cheat. What's so hard about givin up the ass now that yall are exclusive? I hope he really thinks about what he's doing to your relationship. Best of luck to you both.

hhhmmmm.... interesting. At least you got to express yourself to Earl. That's a good step. Now, you need to give Earl the opportunity to express what's really going on with him sexually. "I'm not a sexual person" is not an acceptable answer. Get to the bottom of his sex issues. Ask him to be honest so you can understand where he's coming from. That way you can better determine if you are willing to flex a little to accomodate his anxiety towards sex, or if this is a relationship not worth pursuing.

OMG, I hope you all work out, in order to be in a relationship it has to be 50/50 he has to give and you have to give to, I noticed during the text messages it took him 13 mintues to reply, "Oh my cousins comming over tonight" Could he have been thinking of something to say? maybe, or was he busy? nobody knows but him, but do what makes you happy, thats all I can say on the issue, and he was wrong for saying "Well the last time we had sex I didn't want to but I did it anyway.." NEVER...NEVER...SAY THAT. LOVE YOU
-SHAUN

Hey,

What's up? I'm not a sexual person? Maybe it's my twisted perception of men but what's the one thing men ALWAYS think about? Yes, say it with me: SEX!!! Say it again: SEX!!!

Now if Mister Earl has a sexual issue, he should be honest and say :"I'm looking for a sexless relationship but I always do that by giving my ass up against my will!!!"...

Adam - You told us you are focusing on yourself: cool!!! This man is obviously hiding something.; you've given him the opportunity to be real with you but he prefers to hide, STEP!!! You got shit to do: a party, a book, work and definitely enjoy life.
By the way, if you fail to get a man in NYC, come to Europe, I got tons of men to introduce who'll at least try to treat you right, bobo!!!

Laters,
Jessy A.

I dont wanna be debbie downer or Mr. Pessimistic

but honestly, when reading this my mind went straight to the negative

just playing devil's advocate, i'd say Earl was hiding some shit that he didnt wanna spread--- crabs, clamydia, gonorhea, etc? and was waiting for some shit to clear up or something. thats one logical excuse from going nympho to puritanical prude

im just saying :/

ADAM! There could be a number of reasons why this guy flip-flopped on you. The list is endless, but the bottom line is that he is NOT BEING HONEST WITH YOU - for whatever reasons. You've laid it out for him, and now the onus is on him concerning what he's going to do about it. Do! Not say! Act! Not pontificate! There is definitely something going on that he does not feel comfortable telling you about - and it is the dishonesty issue that I am most concerned about here. Did you ever consider that he could be intimidated by you? Hmm. You are too young to be that stressed. Be careful that you do not become jaded. Earl the eunuch may be cute just like you like them, but like someone else said, there are tons of guys out there, cute. And just like you like them. If Earl is particularly special, you may want to work with him, but in order to do that, he's going to have to Tell It All. PEACE!

You know i experienced this same exact thing with someone else, and i thought i was the only one, that had experienced this, you would think it would be different with men, because we both have needs, but i guess everyone goes through the same issues. In my case, even though he wont admit it, he was doing things outside the relationship and he's with that person now and cheating on them as well, so that shows me it wasnt just me. In your case i hope he gets it together if he "wants you", you too nice looking of a dude to be going through that. I think that its ridiculous the excuses they give for not wanting to do it, and when i read the ones he gave you, i felt like i was reading about my ex. Keep ya head up Adam and do what you gotta do to make yourself happy.

Adam,

I was reading your post and honestly felt that I could have written it myself. I was dating this guy and the same thing occurred. The first four or five months I got all the sex I wanted and after that not so much. Ultimately, we broke up, mainly for that reason. I got the whole “you just want sex” and “I am not a sexual person…I get that from my mom”. We still talk today but he has not explained to me why his sexual needs stopped. He also continues to beg me to take him back and I don’t understand why. Like I told him while we were dating we were simply close friends who kiss and hug each other. I am not putting myself back into a situation like that without a good explanation and a excellent reason.

Roe

Ahhh - classic scenario. You need to reexamine what's happening sir. It may not have anything to do whatsoever with him and another guy. He did what he thought you wanted to see him do initially because the boy obviously likes you. Problem is, his true self is starting to rise faster than a yeast roll being prepared by a Jewish grandmother. You need to distinguish right now if this is the guy you want for the long haul. I mean seriously stop and ask yourself if all his other qualities are enough for you to want to be with him years from now. If that's the case, then you've gotta learn how to deal with the man's insecurity when it comes to sex. Be patient with him. Don't rush him. There's something psychological going on and until you tap the center of his brain, you'll do nothing but become frustrated and push the two of you further and further away.

If you say to yourself that you can't see yourself with him 5 years from now, then cut your losses now and move on because you'll never develop the patience and true love for this boy that it will take to build up on all the insecurities that exist.

All I'm saying is this - there's a reason he's not putting out. If I weren't such a Christian, I'd bet you a few dollars that his reasoning has nothing to do with things you think or what you see. It has everything to do with what you can't see and what you're not thinking about. There may not be another guy. But this guy definitely has some walls up (no pun intended) and if you plan on breaking them down you're not going to do it by pressuring him into doing something he doesn't want to do.

I hope it works out!
-DTW

"I mean, you have a good dude, who's tryna be there for you, we spend time together, we go places, we laugh, we cuddle, all that shit, all you gotta do is hit the nigga off twice a week, why is that so difficult?"

LOL

the only person responsible for your sexual satisfaction is you so do what you need to do based off of that knowledge

MAYBE he's just not that into you. Catch a clue doll

oh honey...you said it. I don't know why people can't understand that a relationship without sex is friendship. The only thing that separates friends from lovers is SEX! you go Adam...i'm subscribing to this blog. Thanks for keeping it real!

In total agreement with the article. If sex were a complete non issue then I would have married a woman yesterday. However, that is NOT the reality. Sexual expression, in my opinion, is a key element of any functional relationship. If you're not attracted to each other,and just enjoy the other person's company, then you're best friends...not lovers. The best thing to do is end the relationship and allow the other person to find someone who will love them emotionally and physically. Personally, as someone said upthread, I think Earl might have gotten infected with an STD(i.e. somebody been creepin)and waiting for it to clear up.

HOWEVER; I am going to play devil's advocate on the matter...regarding Adam's role in this case of lysistrata...

Okay, don't get mad. But I thought it was kind of foul to be puttin his boo on blast before a worldwide audience? I'm hoping that "Earl" is a pseudonym! If not then that was all kinds of sheisty, petty, selfish, and vindictive.

Okay, that aside. I think Earl might have been doin dirt on the low low and came back with something. Well, I look at it like this. Atleast he is looking out for his boo's best interests...

*shrug*

Chile, you need to leave him.

Sincerely,

Toddy English

Oh Adam why do you keep getting with these guyz who are not worth even a fraction of your time, space or energy amour? It's time for you to do the list. Your at the age now where you can start. Just for real write down what you will put up with, realistically and what you absolutely can't deal and then before you get with the next nigga, take a look and see where he falls on the list. It will save you time amour because the right one is still out there.

You are something else with your ultimatums.

He seems like a great guy...He's just not as sexual as you are. NO relationship is PERFECT!

;-)

My most recent relationship I entered for love so I told myself the sex (average) didn't matter. Wrong. Years go by, on a drunken weekend with my partner out of town, I meet someone, we have sex, GREAT sex, and my relationship with my partner suffered to the point of eventually breaking up.

Sex unfortunately is vry important.

Adam, I've come back to this post several times. Usually, in a relationship, I'm "Earl."

The thing is I don't need sex as often as some do. It's not that important to me. I think you should talk with him. You might be surprised how willing he is to have an open relationship, where you could get all the sex you want from others.

On the other hand, maybe that's not what YOU want. I think Darius was right on this one. You, especially put-things-on-the-table-in-writing-even you, must talk to Earl about the matter.

Good luck!