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Dayum, we're batting a thousand today. I've got another new blogger to introduce you all to.
Introducing Mr. Milan Conner and his blog "A Light Southern Gent Meets A Dark City".
Show him some love and make him a part of your daily reading.
CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT HIS BLOG
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Playing In The Background...
"Be Your Lady"
by Khia
from the album "Nasti Muzik"
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Again I want to thank everyone who came out to help me celebrate my 25th birthday with me last Friday night. If you were among the 300+ people who came out more than likely you would have run into my photographer for the evening Dex Star G (The People's Photographer) who is like the TMZ of the New York black gay party scene. It just ain't a function unless Dexter is there. These are only some of the hundreds of shots Dex took. I also wanna send a special shout out to celebrity stylist Philip Bloch (of VH1's "Glam God with Vivica Fox") for coming out to the party.
Scroll down and enjoy. It was a great party. -Adam And of course, a special thank you to everyone at Mocca Lounge for being so kind and courteous to me and my guests. |
| I WANT 2 ROCK WITH U THE 25TH BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR BLOGGER, WRITER, GRAPHIC/WEB DESIGNER, MEDIA WHORE, COMPUTER GEEK AND PROUD LEO: ADAM BENJAMIN IRBY FRIDAY, JULY 25TH, 2008 @ MOCCA LOUNGE, NYC | ||
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Playing In The Background...
"Boyz"
by M.I.A.
from the album "Kala"
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Nigga On The Side
by Adam Benjamin Irby
Can I truly be happy as just the nigga on the side,
Just a piece, a jumpoff, a temporary slide?
A guilty pleasure, an addiction, an aberration you try to hide,
The one you see when you got needs that can't be filled by your "perfect" guy.
If he's so damn perfect,
Then why doesn't he treat you better?
Make you feel half as good as I did,
When we were together?
I made you smile, I made you laugh,
Said I knew your body like second nature.
People stay talking shit about me,
And he looks better on paper.
Break up to make up,
Arguments, rendezvous, texts on the telephone.
If he's so all of that,
How come you can't never leave me alone?
Friends don't know where you are,
I'm the one you're coming to see.
He may have your time,
But I'm getting the pussy.
You pick me up, you put me down,
You string me along, you ain't slick.
I can't front, I had my part in it too,
But now I'm sick of it.
He treats you bad, I treat you good,
I'm the habit you just can't kick.
He's got all the prestige,
And I got a big 'ol dick.
Can I truly be happy as just the nigga on the side,
Just a piece, a jumpoff, a temporary slide?
A guilty pleasure, an addiction, an aberration you try to hide,
Hell no, I gotta go, I have nothing, if not my pride.
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Playing In The Background...
"Leave Me Alone"
by Syleena Johnson
from the album "Chapter 3: The Flesh"
and
"No Happy Holidays"
by Mary J. Blige
from the album "Mary"
and
"Mr. Mistress"
by Ari Gold
from the album "Transport Systems"
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Pictures:
- Me and Ray Cunningham drunk boots at the Chocolate Bar in Brooklyn, back in December '07.
- Ray's promo pic for his new blog.
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Yes kids there's a new blogger in town. My friend Ray Cunningham of BET's "College Hill" just launched his new celebrity gossip blog in conjunction with Bleu Magazine entitled "Ray's Bleu Juice".
Check it out here.
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Playing In The Background...
"Gossip Folks" feat. Ludacris
by Missy Elliott
from the album "Under Construction"
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Wow. After all the partying and drinking and fanfare, here it is, my 25th birthday. I have to say that things aren't perfect but I'm pretty happy with how everything's turned out. I'm living my life on my own terms. I have no regrets. Thank you God for another year of life.
The pictures from the party are coming soon.
-Adam
Hey,
I just wanted to drop this little blog post just to say thank you to everyone who attended my birthday party last night. It was amazing, packed out to the rafters, lines around the corner, all that. Y'all looked so good. To plan something for as long as I planned that party and to have it come to pass in such a great way is just unbelievable. Unfortunately I could not spend as much time with you all individually as I would have liked to 'cuz things were just that crazy I just thank you all for being there. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
The pictures from the event will be up soon.
-Adam
A special thanks to Dwight Allen O'Neal of Christopher Street TV for hosting my party and keeping me sane. I could have never pulled this off without you babe. Also to Maurice Runea for all of his help with promotion and working my door for me. Ricky Day, Fred Pierce, Lee Soulja, Nathan "Seven" Scott and the Men Are From Mars Crew and Charlot Aime and Street Royal Productions for spreading the word about the party via email blasts. And anyone who passed out a party flyer, kept a party flyer, forwarded a party email, told a friend about the party I thank you as well.
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Playing In The Background...
"Thank You For Being A Friend (The Golden Girls Theme Song)"
by Cynthia Fee
from the album "TV Land Presents: Favorite TV Theme Songs"
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I really shouldn't be writing this blog post as I have ten trillion things to do before this party tonight but I had to steal away some time to say a little something to y'all.
-Adam
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Well, this is it people. Tonight is the night of my big 25th birthday party. The party I've been planning since December of last year. This is the culmination of all the hard work we've been putting into this thing for the last few months. The turnout's gonna be great, the city is buzzing about it and there are even people flying in from other cities just to come to the party. I just got off the phone with a blog reader from Atlanta that I'm gonna meet tonight. I been getting correspondence from people coming from Boston, Washington DC, Baltimore and as far away as Miami coming to the party, not to mention the people who haven't contacted me. I have to say that all this fanfare has made me a little nervous. I've never thrown a party like this before and hopefully it lives up to everyones expectations. I'm excited though to meet everyone.
I've gone over every detail of this party with a fine tooth comb, from the cakes, to the graphics and flyers, advertising and promotion, to even the songs that the DJ will be playing tonight (I'm a Leo, a natural born control freak). This is all my vision coming to fruition and it feels great. I've gotten so wrapped up in all the planning of the party that I've forgotten that it's my damn birthday. I honestly feel indifferent about that. I just want this party to do well. I guess I'll feel more birthday-like on my actual birthday on Monday.
If you are in the New York area I'd appreciate it if you would come out to my party tonight.
Here is the information:
FRIDAY, JULY 25TH, 2008 11P-4A FREE ADMISSION
I WANT 2 ROCK WITH U"
THE 25TH BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR BLOGGER, WRITER, GRAPHIC/WEB DESIGNER, MEDIA WHORE, COMPUTER GEEK AND PROUD LEO:
ADAM BENJAMIN IRBY
@ MOCCA LOUNGE
76 READE STREET @ CHURCH STREET, TRIBECA, NYC
FREE CAKE // $5 DRINK SPECIALS // DJ LIKWUID SPINNING THE BEST R&B, POP, & HIP-HOP OF THE 90’S & 2000’S // $250 GRAND PRIZE AWARDED TO THE PARTY GOER WITH THE BEST SILVER OUTFIT
YOU CAN BRING AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU WANT.
THE MORE THE MERRIER!
TRAIN DIRECTIONS: A, C to Chambers Street // E to World Trade Center // J, M, Z to Chambers Street // R, W to City Hall // 1, 2, 3 to Chambers Street // 4, 5, 6 to Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall // PATH to World Trade Center
FOR MORE INFO AND DIRECTIONS CALL, TEXT OR LEAVE ME A MESSAGE ON MY PARTY LINE AT: 646.881.6326
OR GO ONLINE TO: ADAMSWEBLOG.COM/PARTY
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Playing In The Background...
"Tonight's The Night"
by Janet Jackson
from the album "The Velvet Rope"
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Hey Y'all,
Check out the first episode of Season 3 of "Vantage Point"
No, I'm not in this episode, but still check it out, my family's in it. :)
See all the episodes of "Vantage Point" on The And Show You Tube Channel.
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Playing In The Background...
"When I Grow Up"
by The Pussycat Dolls
from the album "Doll Domination"
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DJ Doo-Dirty and Me at the "Dirty Laundry" film premiere back in December '07.
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I appeared on my good, good friend DJ Doo-Dirty's internet radio show, the infamous "Da Doo-Dirty Radio Show" today, which we taped live from my place. My interview starts off at 49:20.
We talked about:
- My birthday party and the silver shorts from the photo shoot.
- "My mother found my blog the other day..."
- My experience in Chicago: "Chicago was wack!"
- The whole ADtv thing (Believe it or not people still ask me about this).
- The Trent Jackson death hoax fiasco.
- People can call and text me now at 1-646-881-6326.
- My interview with Michelle Williams and my other work with Bleu Magazine.
- My progress with my book.
- More about the photo shoot: "I wasn't hard" in the pictures.
- "Do you think that being in the tight shorts makes you look cunt?"
- Fire Island.
- My love life.
- DJ's penis.
- Balancing being open on blogs, radio shows, etc. with protecting the privacy of those you care about.
- The last time I had sex...
- "Gosh, I just want a dick in my mouth today..."
- "I'm a fat mess..."
- "To date me... isn't the easiest thing in the world."
- "I felt like Judy on 'Family Matters'"
- My graphic/web design business.
Right after my interview he plays new tracks from Jazmine Sullivan ("One Night Stand") and Teedra Moses ("So Cool") check those out.
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW!
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Playing In The Background...
"Mr. Radio"
by Chrisette Michele
from the album "I Am"
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Trust me, I know what it's like to lead a busy life so I understand how many of you, as much as you enjoy my blog don't have the time to visit the site and read it everyday. It's cool. That doesn't mean you can't keep up.
Type in your email address in the box below to get all the new posts from the blog delivered straight to your email, cell phone, or PDA inbox.
This box will remain on the right hand column of the blog underneath the category listing for future sign-ups.
You will receive one email a day from the blog with all the day's posts in it. If there are no posts that particular day then you will receive no email. So there's no need to worry about a bunch of emails to have to sort through.
Enjoy.
-Adam
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Pictures:
- Me, fellow blogger Maurice Runea, Dwight Allen O'Neal, of Christopher Street TV and Heyward at the Dugout celebrating Maurice's birthday over the weekend.
- Joseph of POCC, Me, and Father Pony Zion outside Langston's on Saturday night.
- Me, Harmonica Sunbeam, and Maurice Runea at Escuelita on Sunday night.
- Me, tired after a long weekend.
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One messed up toe ain't stoppin' no shows around here! After finally being able to get my injured toe into a sneaker I limped around all weekend promoting my 25th birthday party, this Friday night. It was great meeting so many of you and I look forward to seeing you all on Friday night.
A special shoutout to Dwight Allen O'Neal and Maurice Runea for all their help with promotion this weekend!!! Love y'all!
And just in case you have been living under a rock for the past month and haven't heard about my party:
"I WANT 2 ROCK WITH U"
THE 25TH BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR BLOGGER, WRITER, GRAPHIC/WEB DESIGNER, MEDIA WHORE, COMPUTER GEEK AND PROUD LEO:
ADAM BENJAMIN IRBY
FRIDAY, JULY 25TH, 2008 11P-4A
@ MOCCA LOUNGE
76 READE STREET @ CHURCH STREET, TRIBECA, DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN, NYC
1 block north of Chambers Street
FREE ADMISSION
FREE CAKE // $5 DRINK SPECIALS // DJ LIKWUID SPINNING THE BEST R&B, POP, & HIP-HOP OF THE 90’S & 2000’S // $250 GRAND PRIZE AWARDED TO THE PARTY GOER WITH THE BEST SILVER OUTFIT
YOU CAN BRING AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU WANT.
THE MORE THE MERRIER!
TRAIN DIRECTIONS: A, C to Chambers Street // E to World Trade Center // J, M, Z to Chambers Street // R, W to City Hall // 1, 2, 3 to Chambers Street // 4, 5, 6 to Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall // PATH to World Trade Center
FOR MORE INFO AND DIRECTIONS CALL, TEXT OR LEAVE ME A MESSAGE ON MY PARTY LINE AT: 646.881.6326
OR GO ONLINE TO: ADAMSWEBLOG.COM/PARTY
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Playing In The Background...
"With A Little Help From My Friends"
by Joe Cocker
from the album "Ultimate Collection"
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I know this post may seem a little too top/bottom-male/female-role-centric for some of you. But I'm a top who has pretty much exclusively dated bottoms so this is all I know.
Enjoy.
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"...Pussy is power/Lemme school you girl/Don't get up off it 'til he move you girl/Let no playin' nigga rule ya world/And screw you girl/I got 'em hatin' me/Throws the pussy down/Keep 'em chasin' me/Basically..."
-Foxy Brown
from the song "I Can't"
"The power of the p-u-s-s-y/That's why every motherfucka in the world dress fly/Every baller that can afford it, they cop the best ride/For the power of the p-u-s-s-y.../I know this girl we call her Sweet Cooch Brown/Hands down, mami had the bombest pussy in town/One dip in the girl pool, that's all it took/One sample of the snapple, and ya ass was whupped/Have you buyin' Gucci sandals, matchin' pocket books/Blowin' up her beeper ringin' her phone off the hook..."
-Jay-Z
from the song "P-U-S-S-Y"
In all of my dating experience, relationship to relationship, person to person, there's something, a place, this thing, this point, that I have inevitably run into with almost every single person I've been involved with. So we're arguing, we disagree, I'm doing or am planning to do something that you don't want me to do. In a last ditch effort to get your way you say "Well, if you do that I'm not giving you no ass..."
If I had a dime for every time I heard that one I'd be blogging from a triplex penthouse condo downtown somewhere. So you're gonna use sex, well in this case the lack thereof, as a method of manipulation to get your way, like dude are you serious? We're not Ward & June Cleaver, Mike & Carol Brady, Cliff & Clair Huxtable here. This is not the 50's, this is 2008 my dude. The ol' "close up shop" withholding sex number doesn't work for us, like, hello, we're gay and as beautiful as you are and as many designer bags as you may carry, you're still not a woman and as much as I don't get fucked I'm still not a straight man. Actually that shit probably doesn't even work as well on straight dudes anymore. For this to work the dude you try this on would have to be just so wack and desperate and have like no confidence in himself and that's so not me. I mean come on, you think I'm just supposed to give in to whatever you say because I so desperately must have your ass that I'm willing to sacrifice however it is I feel. Like that's just supposed to shut me down, stop me in my tracks, suddenly change my mind. I don't think so. You been listening to way too many Foxy Brown songs. It's not even about getting it from somewhere else, of course we know that's always an available option, but I'd rather turn my back to you and beat off my own dick and still be faithful rather than sacrifice my dignity. Because at that point if you can just throw your ass up as insurance for my compliance to your whims or simply for the sake of winning an argument, I don't even want it anymore. You can have it. I'm good.
As you've read this tactic is basically wasted on me. I've heard it so many times that it's funny to me now. I think it's really tacky, and immature to throw sex into an argument like that, especially if the argument isn't even about sex. I guess when someone does that they expect the argument to go like this:
"I wanna go to the museum...""Nah, let's catch a movie..."
"I wanna go to THE MUSEUM!"
"I said I wanna catch A MOVIE!"
"Fine, we'll see your dumb ass movie but you ain't gettin' no ass tonight..."
"Aight baby, I'm sorry let's go to the museum."
The argument with me would go a little differently:
"I wanna go to the museum...""Nah, let's catch a movie..."
"I wanna go to THE MUSEUM!"
"I said I wanna catch A MOVIE!"
"Fine, we'll see your dumb ass movie but you ain't gettin' no ass tonight..."
"Oh word, it's like that? Yo, you don't even gotta come with me nowhere. Go to your museum. I'm good."
"Fine."
"Aight."
See, both of us going our separate ways, angry at each other leaving ourselves open for anything to happen. As nice a guy as I am I probably would have given in and suffered through the museum had he not thrown the sex thing up in my face. After that I was mad and thought 'fuck it.'
The thing that makes me so angry about this whole thing is that it reduces me, the top to some type of animal or something. Like I'm stupid or something? Like all I'm about is sex and that's what the whole relationship is about. It also makes me feel as though the sex we are having isn't authentic. I believe that sex should be equally enjoyable for both the parties involved. If you feel like sex is just a faucet you can turn on and off at any whim, like it's not something you need from me then what's the point? Half the fun of sex is to be desired. Nobody wants to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with them. Assertions like this really make me question the relationship. I have yet to say to someone "Fine then, if you don't do XYZ, then you ain't gettin' no more dick!" Why? Because that's retarded, why would I bring our sex life into an unrelated subject? Relationship sex should be a special moment for that couple, something that only they share, not something to be stored up as collateral just in case of a rainy relationship day.
So, bottoms of the world and I guess tops too, all men, women too, next time you and your partner get into an argument and you feel the words at the tip of your tongue, stop yourself, okay. There are much better ways to win an argument. And besides, yes, we aren't Ward & June Cleaver, Mike & Carol Brady or Cliff & Clair Huxtable, but you may be setting yourself up to be like Bill & Hillary Clinton. You know how the old saying goes "What you won't do, your sister will." Think about it. The power is not in the pussy or the ass or in the dick for that matter and your ability to withhold it from your partner. The power is in communication and the lack of it can fuck up the whole relationship.
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Playing In The Background...
"I Can't" feat. Total
by Foxy Brown
from the album "Chyna Doll"
and
"P-U-S-S-Y" feat. Devin The Dude
by Jay-Z & R. Kelly
from the album "Best Of Both Worlds"
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"...And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew.
You would see, the biggest gift would be from me..."
- from "Thank You For Being A Friend (The Golden Girls Theme Song)"
Well, the party is exactly one week from today. My big 25th birthday party, the party that I have been planning since January is one week from today and there's still so much left to do. I still have to get my outfit together, make a playlist for the DJ, order my cakes, make some phone calls and do some more promotion yadda, yadda, yadda all while I'm limping around on flip-flops still dealing with this foot injury.
Throughout all of this, the subject of gifts has come up. Some of you have hit me up asking me what I want for my birthday. First of all I'm honored that any of you would think so much of me to even want to get me something for my birthday. That's really cool.
So what is it that I want? Honestly, your presence at this party that I've put all kinds of blood, sweat and tears into would be great. Y'all know how much I love meeting you all in person. If that's impossible or if you wanna do more than just that, keep it simple, cash and a card will do. That's the gift I always give. And I don't mean a million bucks 5, 10, 20 bucks will do just great and don't skimp on the card, I want a message, I want something heartfelt dammit! LOL I'm a sucker for shit like that.
As tacky as cash may sound I've found that it's the best selection for people like me and my mother even as we're notoriously hard to shop for. The only thing we ever give each other if not cash, is perfume and cologne as the only ones we wear are Eternity (for her) and Fahrenheit (for me. Yes Fahrenheit, it's Dior and it's a classic!). Because nothing is worst than standing there, fake smiling trying to pretend to like a gift that you don't like, especially if the giver of the gift expects to see you wear their gift in the near future.
So there it is. That's what I want for my birthday. Your presence at my party and possibly a few bucks and some tender words thrown in a card if the spirit moves you. And make sure that when your ass comes to my party that you make sure you speak to me. No matter how fucked up or drunk I seem. I wanna know you were there. Handshakes and hugs dammit!
If for whatever reason you cant come to NYC for the party and you still really want to give a gift email me and we'll work something out.
Love,
Adam
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Playing In The Background...
"Thank You For Being A Friend (The Golden Girls Theme Song)"
by Cynthia Fee
from the album "TV Land Presents: Favorite TV Theme Songs"
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One of the compliments that I get fairly often is that I have nice feet, for a boy. Mainly it's because I don't crowd my feet up in them tight ass dress shoes that y'all wear. Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely HATE to dress up. Unless it's like a wedding or a funeral I will always be up in some kind of sneaker. If a party or a club function calls for a hard bottom shoe I just simply won't go. Unfortunately after last night there's a possibility that I may not be receiving that compliment anymore.
Last night in a freak accident of sorts I dropped one of my dumbells onto my left foot. Shocked from the pain I jumped onto my bed. A few moments later I rose from the bed to sit in front of my computer. I felt my throbbing foot for the first time and noticed that my sock was wet. Upon further investigation I realized that I was bleeding. So I hobbled into the light of the bathroom, sat on the toilet and saw how profusely I was bleeding. I felt down at my foot again and noticed that something was loose. My toe didn't feel broken and I really had no idea what this looseness was. So I took off my sock ever so carefully and once I placed it on the floor I had no idea what I was looking at due to all the blood. So I filled my tub with some lukewarm water and carefully stuck my foot in. Maybe with some of the blood washed off I could see what was happening here.
I saw that skin of the top half of my pinky toe was peeled back like an orange, including the nail. It looked nasty as hell but I didn't panic. I reached into the water and placed the skin back to where it was before. It snapped cracked and popped back into place. The human body is so amazing. Surprisingly this toe ordeal didn't hurt as much as it sounds. The vibrating needle that dug through my skin for three straight hours as I got my last two tattoos actually hurt worse. This toe deal was just more gross than anything.
Thankfully I wasn't alone so I sent him to the store at 2am for Band-Aids and peroxide. Yeah I could have bitched up and went to the emergency room or something but who wants to sit there all night. And besides, I work for myself now so I'm one of the kajillion Americans without health insurance. Sure there are health insurance solutions for people like me to buy but I've been too busy and too lazy to explore them and besides I hate doctors and doctor's offices. The only time my ass will see the doctor is for routine STD testing and the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, the former is free and the latter I pay for out of pocket.
Anyway, he returned from the store. I dried my wound, applied the peroxide to it, and put the bandages on it. It wasn't discolored or anything and there were no signs of infection. Waking up today it hardly hurts at all. The only thing I'm worried about is if I'm gonna be able to wear shoes. I'm guessing sneakers are okay but I don't want to aggravate it and I don't want to be bleeding all inside my kicks. And you know I got this party in nine days... but I mean I guess I'll be fine. If it ceases to feel better I guess I may have to drag my ass to the doctor, but I don't think it'll be that serious. Most importantly I hope this thing heals well and doesn't end up looking crazy so I'll still be able to hold my nice feet title.
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Playing In The Background...
"The Wound"
by The Jazzyfatnastees
from the album "The Once And Future"
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Addendum: I decided not to risk the shoe thing. I have a friend coming tonight to bring me some flip-flops. As much as I hate mandals, flip-flops and other shoes of that nature they will at least give my toe a chance to breathe and heal, hopefully by the weekend so I can move on with my life. This was so NOT the week for this!
Hey Y'all,
You know I can't stay away from the camera for too long. I co-hosted two episodes of Nathan "Seven" Scott's You Tube show "Vantage Point" to be airing soon. Check out the promo for it below.
For more info on Nathan "Seven" Scott click here.
Fore more info on Vantage Point click here.
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Playing In The Background...
"I Kissed A Girl"
by Katy Perry
from the album "One Of The Boys"
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Obviously, we all know that as the song says "breakin' up is hard to do" but as a person who's no stranger to bad breakups I've found that music is definitely something that has kept me together through the toughest of relationship times. More experienced readers of the blog will notice that many of these breakup songs listed below have been put as "Playing In The Background..." to a lot of my breakup related blog posts. This particular post though was inspired by my conversations with two friends over the past week about relationship woes, breaking up, and finally getting over it, those conversations quickly turned toward what music they were listening to. You will see that all the songs I've listed are sung by straight women. Like straight women, as a homo I deal with men and all of their bullshit as well so we can definitely relate.
Below I have compiled my top 25 breakup songs, all of which have helped me a time or two, or eighteen. These songs have been the soundtrack of many a lonely sad night in my life. The songs listed here are fairly new, most released within the past ten years or so. I've included all of their info, name of the song, artist, and album so you can go buy (or download) these songs and listen to them for yourself.
This list changes all the time as new songs come out and as new breakups happen. I'm sure that there will be selections that you will know and relate to on the list, others you may not agree with and may want to add to or subtract from the list. Just like every person, every breakup is different so please feel free to leave your breakup music suggestions in the comments section by clicking on the "comments" link at the end of this blog post.
Here we go:
#25
"I Ain't Trippin'"
by Cherish
from the album "The Truth"
The song's message:
Cherish sees their man with another girl and they're cool with it because their all broken up and over it. It's all good homie.
Sample lyric:
"I ain't even trippin (trippin)/And I ain't even mad/Cause me and you been over which means that I been over you..."
My comments:
I think every breakup should start with an uptempo number.
#24
"Losing U"
by Amerie
from the album "Because I Love It"
The song's message:
Amerie's ex is triflin' and he's just no good. She's over it and even though he wants to come back she won't let him because she realizes that him being out of her life is the best thing for her.
Sample lyric:
"Na na na/Na na na/Na na na/Na na na/Losing you was so easy to do/Na na na/Na na na/Na na na/Na na na/Losing you was the best thing to happen to me..."
My comments:
Even if your ex totally dumped you, isn't begging to come back and probably isn't even thinking about your ass the song is still nice to sing along to.
#23
"A Better Man"
by Toni Braxton
from the album "More Than A Woman"
The song's message:
Like Amerie's ex, Toni's ex is triflin' as well and she realizes that after all of his mistreatment that she has to let him go because there simply has got to be a better man for her.
Sample lyric:
"...I've got to get used to not having you around/God gave me the strength/And the courage I need/To move forward with my life/I have to let it be/But it's OK/I Understand/You've got to leave/I won't cry no more/Baby what for?/You don't shed a tear for me..."
My comments:
AMEN Toni AMEN! There just simply has to be a better man for you!
#22
"Your Gonna Miss"
by Ashanti
from the album "The Declaration"
The song's message:
Ashanti is upset over the breakup from her ex and even though there is a part of her that wants him back she realizes that she needs to move on but she also knows that he's gonna miss her anyway.
Sample Lyrics:
"It's killin' me to think that you don't want it no more/I shoulda learned my lesson when you f*cked before/You said some things/I said some things/Seems like this thing is over/Cuz you ain't called since you been gone/But I ain't gonna stress about it anymore/And I ain't gonna cry another night alone..."
"I can't help but think that when your love is gone/Although I find it hard to keep myself from holding on/And when I try to justify what you did wrong/It's like I'm constantly reminded that I can't move on..."
My comments:
This song MUST ALWAYS be listened to with the next song on the list.
#21
"So Over You"
by Ashanti
from the album "The Declaration"
The song's message:
Ashanti went through a hard breakup with her ex man after which she was trippin' for minute, home crying and shit, but now she's over it.
Sample lyrics:
"Said I'm finished with it/Ain't no more hurtin' over here/I done lost my cool for just a minute/But I'm back and I'm doin my thing again..."
"I've had enough/Boy I swear this time I'm done/You can pack up all your stuff/Frankly I don't give a f*ck/I'm so over you..."
"I got my swagga back again/And no, I'm not tryna be your friend/And no, ain't no hittin' this again..."
My comments:
Listen to this song over and over again until you believe it!
#20
"Should Have Known"
by Robyn
from the album "Robyn"
The songs message:
Robyn is mad at herself because her ex played her and she knew that he was no good from the start.
Sample lyrics:
"Should have seen it comin'/I shoulda f*ckin' known/How could I let you play me?/I don't even know..."
"...And then you blamed it all on me/I should have known that's what liars always try to do/It wasn't me it was you/You're the fool..."
My comments:
Did me and Robyn date the same guy?
#19
"Be Ok" feat. Will.i.am
by Chrisette Michele
from the album "I Am"
The song's message:
Chrisette decided to be okay even though her and her ex broke it off and he's with someone else.
Sample lyric:
"I'ma take my Lexus to the mall/Get a little black dress just because/Me and my boo just broke it off/I'ma be fly although he's gone..."
My comments:
I'ma take the bus to 125th street and buy a little navy blue Yankee fitted. Whichever mode of transport you take me, you and and Chrisette are gonna be ok.
#18
"Fool 4 You"
by Cherish
from the album "Unappreciated"
The song's message:
Cherish's man has messed up one too many times, cheating on them with all kids of women, buying all kinds of jewelry and shit. They're over it and decided to never be fools no more.
Sample lyric:
"...Cause I ain't no fool for you no more/Won't be no fool for you no more/I ain't no fool for you no more/I ain't no fool for you no more...."
My comments:
Just close your eyes and let this classical sounding piece wash over you. I've put this one on repeat MANY times. Even if he didn't cheat we've all been fools for someone in some way. Trust me if you've ever been a fool in any way you can relate.
#17
"No Fool No More"
by EnVogue
from the album "Best Of EnVogue"
The song's message:
After all of the tears and the pain EnVogue finally realizes that things need to change. They "see through his lies" and are "finally wise" and are really leaving this time.
Sample lyrics:
"No room for sad regrets/Cause the past is done and gone/And I've learned that it's time that makes you wise/And truth that makes you strong..."
"...Gonna pull my heart together/Gonna leave the past behind/Gonna get to somethin' better/Put you out of my mind/I'm gonna be strong/I'm gonna be fine/I just want you to know/That I'm not gonna be no fool no more/No fool no more/Not like before/Not the way it used to be/No fool no more..."
My comments:
I've cried many a tear to this one. one of my favorite EnVogue songs ever.
#16
"Gotta Get My Heart Back"
by Keyshia Cole
from the album "Just Like You"
The song's message:
Keyshia realizes that she has fallen way to hard for a guy that obviously doesn't feel for her the same way and has to get her heart back to the way it was before she fell for this guy
Sample lyric:
"I know where I/Went wrong when I/Loved you more then I loved myself/I would have done anything for you/Aye, aye, aye, aye/And I learned when I/Realized you didn't love/Me the way that I loved you but now I know./It's hurts inside..."
My comments:
Ever loved someone way more than they loved you and finally realized that you're crazy and that something must be done? This is the song for you.
#15
"Melt My Heart To Stone"
by Adele
from the album "19"
The song's message:
Adele is dealing with this guy who is playing games with her emotions, stringing her along and hurting her feelings. At the end of it all she realizes that she's the only one in love. Damn.
Sample lyric:
"As you tear your way right through me/I forgive you once again/Without me knowing/You've burnt my heart to stone/And I hear your words/That I made up/You say my name/Like there could be an us/I best tidy up my head/I'm the only one in love/I'm the only one in love..."
My comments:
This acoustic ditty is the shortest and the saddest of the list. You ARE NOT to listen to this song under the influence of alcohol or drugs and don't put it on repeat more than three times. I wouldn't want you to do anything stupid.
#14
"Stepping Stone"
by Duffy
from the album "Rockferry"
The song's message:
Duffy tells her ex that she will never be his "stepping stone", his part time lover. That he can't pick her up and put her down anymore.
Sample lyric:
"You got your kicks/You get your kicks from playing me/And the less you give the more I want so foolishly..."
My comments:
You breaking up with the guy that keeps picking you up and putting you down when he feels like it? This is the song for you.
#13
"No Sittin' By The Phone"
by Vivian Green
from the album "A Love Story"
The song's message:
My girl Viv realizes that her ex is gone and that his ass ain't coming back. She also realizes that he was no good anyway and that it's for the best and decides to move on with her life.
Sample lyric:
"We used to sit over there/That was your favorite chair/But now I sit here alone/No use crying bout it/I'll have to do without it/And no I won't sit by the phone/It's not like you did me right/I was just comfortable and used to you/Now I see, I must first love me/And maybe Mr. Right will come strolling along..."
My comments:
Lyrically, one of the best songs on here. This jazzy number captures the essence of the breaking up and moving on process.
#12
"If"
by Destiny's Child
from the album "Destiny Fulfilled"
The song's message:
The girls realize that their man is no good and they had to go, he was "playing around with them raggedy heifers" and all and they weren't having it. Even though they are alone now they are comforted by the fact that they were true and gave their all when they were in the relationship and that he's gonna miss them.
Sample lyric:
"If you don't know/Now you know you're gonna miss/My love/And I ain't stressing 'bout a doggone thang/Cause I was true when I gave you/My love/If you search you will never find another love like/My love/You’re gonna miss me/I ain’t got time while you sit around and play with my/My love..."
My comments:
You know you're much better than that ragged heifer he's playing with nowadays anyway! Fuck him!
#11
"Be Mine!"
by Robyn
from the album "Robyn"
The song's message:
Robyn was in love with a guy who never really was truly hers and he never will be hers. She's all in love with him and he keeps telling her 'Robyn, girl I don't want you', but she still longs for him. After a while she finally realizes that it just ain't gonna happen.
Sample Lyrics:
"For the first time, there's no mercy in your eyes/And the cold wind is hitting my face and you're gone/And you're walking away/And I am helpless sometimes/Wishing's just no good/Cause you don't see me like I wish you would/Cause you never were, and you never will be mine/No, you never were, and you never will be mine..."
My comments:
On the album this song is pretty upbeat, so much so that you may miss the sadness of the lyrics. If you want something a little better to cry to search the internet for the live, slower, sadder AOL Sessions version of this song it's a rival to #15.
Stay tuned for the top 10...
What song do you predict will be number 1?
What's your number 1?
Let me know in the "comments" section below this post.
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Playing In The Background...
"Breaking Up Is Hard To Do"
by Neil Sedaka
from the album "Neil Sedaka, The Definitive Collection"
==========
I'm a top, a full top. Most of my friends are bottoms or vers-bottoms or versatile. Basically, they like penis in some capacity or another, I don't. I'd rather not even give head. Word on the street is that there's a top shortage. A lot of my friends have been burned by that guy, you know the one that says he's a masculine top and sells them the whole thug, trade boy thing only to find out he's getting fucked by someone else or voguing in a dress and pumps all over YouTube (that's a true story). Not that voguing in a dress and pumps all over YouTube automatically makes you a bottom, or gay even, because it obviously doesn't, oddly enough, a good portion of transsexuals and fem queens are tops, but it's just not the kinda thing my bottom friends are into.
I always thought that in gay society that everyone would want to be a top. In some ways I guess it's a little easier, right? I mean, you don't have to deal with all that preparation and stuff, you know that stuff y'all do. And as a top you're in control, at least sexually. You're the aggressor, right? Either way, I think it's great. Some of my bottom friends don't think so. One of them told me that the idea of "messin with a boy's butt" is nasty. I guess that's more for me.
I love everything about being a top. I like ass. I like lean bodies, smooth skin and pretty faces. I like dudes that are a little on the fem side. Not too crazy with it, like with make up and stuff but lemme put it this way, I definitely like a guy who people can tell is gay, you know the fashionable, Vuitton bag carrying kind, the total opposite of me. Most of the guys I've dated are stylists, dancers, and models. That's who I'm most attracted to. I know tops who are looking for the illusive super-masculine bottom. I personally think that that shit is non-existent. Any top that's out looking for a super-thug bottom, you know the guy who they walk down the street with and not get clocked is gonna eventually end up getting fucked, but that's just my opinion. We're all gay and a little femininity here and there is just a part of the deal.
Sex as a top is great. I love having sex with bottoms, even more than vers dudes or dudes who are tops that think I'm just so sexy that they just wanna quote-unquote "bottom only just for me" (if I had a quarter for every time I heard that line...) I love to lay a dude down, to be deep inside him, to feel him surrender to me, to feel his body tense up and relax all around me, to hear him moan my name, call me "Daddy", yell expletives, and tell me how good this dick is, to hold him in place and long stroke him into face contorting, pillow and headboard grabbing, uncontrollable ecstasy as our bodies writhe together. I don't understand how anybody could want to deny themselves of all that pleasure. I'm thankful for it though, 'cuz we can't all be tops. I mean there are the versatile people who get the best of both worlds but they're evil and I don't trust they asses. Pick a side dammit! LOL But as wonderful as sex is for me as a top, sex with me as a bottom must be great well at least that's they tell me.
So how am I so sure of my top status? How can I so confidently assert my position? Well, I lost my virginity as a top. Yup, I been fuckin' since day one. But some may say, well you can't knock the whole bottom thing until you've tried it, right? Well I've tried it. I've been fucked about ten times in my life, every time ending unsuccessfully. All accept for twice it's been with some really nice boyfriend that I tried to "compromise" for usually after coming down from a heartbreak in a previous relationship (I soooo don't play that game anymore.) Ten may seem like a lot to some people but that's merely a drop in the bucket compared to the times I've fucked. I stopped counting that number years ago. There's a big counter in Times Square that does that for me. (I'm kidding about that by the way.) LOL
I remember the first time I took the plunge and decided to try getting fucked. I was young and curious, curious because all the guys I fucked seemed to be having such a good time. I wanted to join in the fun, to see what the fuss was all about. I found this guy on the internet. He was really good looking. I figured that if I was gonna do this it should be with someone I don't know so they can never throw it in my face. So I met him and he did it. I was lying on my back, it was missionary position. He was really into it, literally. Face all screwed up, tellin me how good it felt. I wasn't. The best way to describe the experience would be to say it was like Whitney Houston's sex scene in "Waiting To Exhale" ("...grrr huh?" Exactly.) I was there but I wasn't. It didn't feel as though I was having sex, it felt like sex was happening to me. Sex should not be something that happens to you. It was like "The Color Purple", "mista was on top of me doin' his business..." It didn't really hurt, it didn't not hurt, it just didn't, and it wasn't. I remember calling the guy later that night just to talk and he didn't even remember who I was. That's when I really realized that this bottom thing was so not for me.
Well I guess you'd say, well you didn't like it Adam because it was your first time and you didn't know the guy and he played you. I wouldn't say that either. I remember an ex-boyfriend I had. He was so good to me and I loved him so much. He treated me better than anyone else ever has (in fact he still holds the record) but he was not a bottom. I figured hey, what's getting poked every once in a while to give for being treated like a king? I remember avoiding that penis like the plague. I faked sleep so many times and after a while just straight up avoided sex altogether. I didn't even want to fuck him anymore because I knew that the subject of fucking me was gonna come up. There was this one night when I just said fuck it, I'ma just do it, throw caution to the wind and my legs up in the air and please my man. He would try to open my legs and do his whole top thing and it repulsed me, the man I loved repulsed the shit outta me. He finally got it in and upon looking at my contorted face, a mixture of pain, disgust, and nigga-just-get-this-over-with-ishness he stopped, looked me in my eyes and said: "You really don't like this do you?" I told him "No." We tried to work around it, threesomes, foursomes and such, all that mess, until we, well, I couldn't keep up the charade anymore. I more than anyone knows the value of a good bottom. He deserved someone that fully enjoyed him sexually. I thought it was unfair that I got to fuck him and then carelessly send him off to fuck other people. It never bothered me that he fucked other people, as long as he wasn't giving them the ass, in fact the shit was my idea. I figured that way he'd stop whining to me about it. And I mean, that's no way to be, especially if you say you love someone. Months after our breakup he confessed that trying to fuck me was like pulling teeth and not enjoyable for him either. This same sentiment was expressed by the other boyfriends I tried to bottom for. He also said that he didn't believe that there was a such thing as a total top until he met me.
Even the sex industry is feeling the effect. I have a friend who runs a porn site and he says that even he has a hard time finding tops for his films. Most of his applicants want to bottom. As of late he's taken the drastic measure of distributing literature at gay clubs calling specifically for tops for his films, offering them top dollar (forgive the pun, I couldn't help myself) to fuck his harem of willing bottoms on camera. The top well has gotten so dry that at times he's had to come out of his retirement and fuck on some of his own films. He's asked me to appear in his films a few times, so has FlavaMen and of course I declined.
So there you have it. I'm a top. There's nothing wrong with being a bottom. It's great, it's just not for me. I even gave it a try, ten of them and I still didn't like it. The thought of it... just not for me. While it's great for me that less guys are tops than bottoms because that leaves me more to choose from it's still something that I'm concerned with, well not really concerned with, that's not the proper term, worried about, that's not right either, well, whatever, however I feel about it doesn't occupy too much of my thoughts 'cuz I'm too busy fucking to care.
For more of my penis avoidance hi jinx, check out my Online Dating Horror Story #4.
==========
Playing In The Background...
"Trading Places"
by Usher
from the album "Here I Stand"
and
"Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?"
by Paula Cole
from the album "This Fire"
==========
Hey Y'all!
A few weeks ago I introduced a new way for everyone to keep in contact with me, via voicemail and text message. Even though I don't get to respond to every email and text message as soon as I would like to I definitely do read all of them and I appreciate all the support. A special thank you to everyone who said that they were coming to my birthday party on the 25th (click here for more info on the party). Thanks guys!
Here are some of the text messages I've gotten so far:
"Adam you are like therapy to my heart. Thanks for all that you are. FRIEND IN MY HEAD"
"I got fucked soooo good last night. Hope to get some more tonight... JUST WANT TO SHARE"
"...I am a huge fan, I read your blog as a part of my daily routine. I almost pissed my pants when u wrote about the dog and the condom... Keep the posts coming it's like free therapy and get rid of those silver coochie shorts. The next time perhaps a wet towel"
"The 'unretouched' post was amazing! Rarely do we have the courage to expose out flaws and find peace in their truths. Thank u."
- New York, NY"Just discovered your blog and I'm loving it. As a fellow I appreciate your honesty and keeping real. Keep up tha good work!"
- Atlanta, GA"OMG! LOL After all this time readin your blog and what not, one would think I'd have something deeper or more captivating to say than 'u've inspired me to be comfortable in my own skin' (Cliche this i know) but that's all I got and it's true..."
- Santa Monica, CA"Hey Adam, keep up the good work. I'm feelin your blog."
- Jacksonville, FL
"Adam I love u. I can't wait for the party."
- Hartford, CT"...I love it when you keep the blog updated like this, it gives me my life!"
- Birmingham, AL
Send me a text or leave me a voicemail at:
1.646.881.6326
or
==========
Playing In The Background...
"Beep Me 911" feat. 702
by Missy Elliott
from the album "Supa Dupa Fly"
==========
==========
Pictures:
- Michelle Williams and Me (looking crazy) during my interview with her at Columbia Records offices here in New York.
- The special 2nd Anniversary, Summer, LoveSexy Issue of Bleu Magazine.
==========
I've been holding this one in for a while but back in April I did an interview with Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child. We discussed:
- Her upbringing and her gospel fans reaction to the release of her first secular solo album
- The sound of her album
- Her work with the gays
- Her relationship with the Beyonce and Kelly (the other members of Destiny's Child) and the possibility of a DC reunion tour
- Her love life (yes I talked to the church girl about men)
and more.
Michelle was open, candid, and quite funny. Us both having so much in common, being raised in the church and all made for an interesting conversation.
Check out the interview in the new issue of Bleu Magazine (pictured above) which also features my homegirl Tamia.
The best way to get Bleu is to subscribe. You can do that on their website.
It's only 10 bucks for the whole year.
You can't beat that deal with a stick!
==========
Playing In The Background...
"Hello Heartbreak"
by Michelle Williams
from the album "Unexpected"
==========
A little while ago or so I was up here in Harlem, well, South Harlem or SoHa as the gentriferous (yes I just made that word up) local real estate agents have now deemed it. I was standing on a street corner trying to hail a livery cab. It was a sunny day. I was feeling good. I had on a plaid shirt (everyone knows I wear more plaid than a lesbian), tucked in with about four or five buttons open, exposing my wifebeater underneath, with jeans, timbs, and a Yankee fitted on, my usual everyday look. After a few moments I caught the attention of a cab driver. He pulled up to the curb and I got in. As I made myself comfortable on the beige leather backseat I announced my destination. Usually during a livery cab ride, conversation between the driver, usually an immigrant to this country of either Hispanic or African descent is never more than: this is where I'm going and how much will that cost, after which they go back to yelling into a cell phone ear piece or listening to music on the car radio in their native tongue. This cabbie, a middle-aged Hispanic man was strangely a little more engaging than most.
"...So how much is that?"
"Ten dollars."
"Aight, cool."
As I was getting ready to slip on the earphones for my iPod...
"So how you doin, papo?""I'm fine."
As you can see I tried to abbreviate things...
"So, tell me about yourself..."
This line of questioning was rather odd from a cabbie but I figured that I wouldn't be shady and pretend like I couldn't hear him.
"I'm 24 years old. I'm a freelance graphic and web designer.""I been driving since 3 o'clock this morning papo..."
It was about 2 o'clock in the afternoon at that time. As a cab driver, the fact that you have been up driving for over 11 hours straight is so not what you want to share with a passenger whose life is in your hands.
"Oh for real..."
But I paid it.
"Yeah papo, I just didn't wanna go home..."
"Was it because of who was waiting at home, your wife, your family?"
At that point I just put my earphones away.
"Yeah, my wife, we're always arguing... So tell me more about you papo..."
Well since we're playing the woe is me, love life game I figured I'd up the ante.
"Well, right now I'm on my way to meet my ex-boyfriend to talk about some things. I'm hoping we can work things out. I'm gay by the way."
Now let's see him top that. If anything that'll shut his ass up. By the way, this was in the midst of one of me and Pubby's numerous breakup to makeup cycles.
"Really papo? I have something to tell you..."
Oh, no it couldn't be... I knew it. His ass was talking to me way too damn much...
"What's that?""Me too. I am too..."
"But you're married..."
Well, now I see why him and his wife were arguing. He went on to tell me about how he's had gay feelings all his life and considers himself bisexual in that he likes women but his desire for men is greater. He confessed that all throughout his marriage he'd messed with men from time to time and that as of late the urges have been getting stronger and have started to affect his marriage. He asked for my advice and I told him that he should be honest with his wife and children, yes children about who he is. He went on to ask me whether I was a top or a bottom. I told him that I was a top and from that point on he kept looking at me through the rear view mirror like he was a hungry tigress and I was a piece of steak. He then told me that he was a bottom and suggested that we get together at his second apartment so I could fuck him. All of this seemed like the setup for a hot May-December fuck session except that I would never fuck with a married man, I don't like fucking with guys with kids and that I did not even find him mildly attractive.
Once we arrived at my destination he would not let me out of the car until I took his card with his name and number illicitly scratched into it. As I walked away from the car wondering whether it was coincidental that he just started conversing with me the way he did or whether he picked up a vibe from me and if so how did he know before I told him; he ducked his head out of the driver's side window trying to convince me to actually call him. Yeah... right. As I approached the corner, this other guy, a sanitation worker stopped me asking for my number. All while I'm going to meet my ex-boyfriend for lunch. I told y'all New York is the gayest city in the world.
==========
Playing In The Background...
"Cab Ride"
by Tweet
from the album "It's Me Again"
==========
