A few years ago I met this guy online, let's call him Thomas. Thomas and I talked online for a while, exchanging pleasantries, being flirtatious, being sexual. We exchanged numbers and continued to talk every so often. One sunny afternoon out of the blue Thomas calls me and says that him and his friend are in my area and that I should be outside in fifteen minutes. I told him that I would need more time than that to get ready. I was meeting him in person for the first time and I wanted to make a good impression. He insisted that it wasn't necessary and that he had only just thrown himself together so there was no need for me to do anything extravagant. I jumped up and tried my best to get somewhat ready in such a minimal time.

After having them outside waiting in the back of my building for about about fifteen minutes, fifteen more than the fifteen I was originally supposed to be ready in, I got to the car. Thomas stepped out of the passengers seat of the car onto the cracked sidewalk, we shook hands. He was attractive, cute even, he looked better than his pictures and he was definitely right about not being put together. He had on an old ratty looking t-shirt, some sweats and some flip flops. As messed up as his outfit was it took nothing away from his looks though. Upon entering the car I greeted his friend as well. Thomas looked back, smiled and asked me why I was so well put together. He reiterated the fact that he said over the phone that I didn't have to do anything special. Then he asked me was that why I was took so long. I have to admit I was a little embarrassed, but it was cool though. His queries were all in fun.

We drove around for a while as Thomas' friend was running various local errands. During the ride I was pretty much silent in the backseat. I was just passively listening to their conversation and watching their dynamic. I like to watch friends, especially best friends, interact with each other, there's nothing like it. These two were definitely best friends. Every so often they would look back at me just to make sure I was still alive.

We ended up going back to Thomas' friend's apartment. His apartment was very nicely decorated. You could tell that a gay man lived there. After sitting on the couch a while Thomas declared that he was taking a shower. As he walked toward the bathroom he grabbed my hand and I followed him. We got into the bathroom and as soon as the door closed behind us we grabbed at each other like animals, kissing, fondling and grabbing at each other ravenously. We eventually got out of our clothes and made it to the shower where our foreplay continued, hot and heavy in the steam of the running water. Right when I was about to enter him he stopped me.

"Adam, stop. I can't do this..."

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do this..."

"Why?"

"I'm positive."

I couldn't breathe. I stood naked with my back up against the moist tiled wall, my head spinning like a centrifuge. Here I was about to fuck this dude with no condom (as most people don't exactly keep them on the soap dish). What was so crazy was that I pretty much knew I was gonna get some that day and I had condoms and lube on me in my jacket. I just never bothered to go get them. It would have ruined the mood and the spontaneity of the moment. In all this time I never even bothered to ask what his status was. It never even came up in all of our prior conversation. This was the first time in all of my fucking around that I was confronted with HIV. I never really talked about it much before. I knew my status, I'd been tested, but I never really discussed it much with my partners. He continued.

"I want to. I really want to but. I had to let you know. You're such a nice guy."

"Wow, how did this happen?"

In retrospect I see what a dumb ass question that was for me to ask, but I asked anyway. He proceeded to tell me that he pretty much knew who he contracted the virus from and that he tried to confront that person but the person moved to another state and changed their phone number. He said that his best friend, the one in the living room was one of the only people who knew. With a little sass in his voice he also said:

"Oh, and don't think that I'm the only one. If you're out here fucking around I know I'm not the first person who you've run into who has the virus. I'm just the first to tell you."

With sex, but a distant memory, we finished our shower, in silence. I wasn't angry, or scared, or disgusted by him or anything like that. I knew better, I knew the facts, I knew that HIV wasn't just gonna jump on me just because I was in the shower with him. I wasn't necessarily done with him either, he was a really cool person and HIV wasn't gonna change that. I was just sober, soberly thinking about all the fucking around I'd done, all the possibilities, how fucked up that person was who infected Thomas and just ran away and how Thomas didn't even have to tell me about his status, it's not as though I asked. I also wondered exactly why he told me. It was all just so crazy, he was so young, so good looking, he didn't look sick, he wasn't in a hospice with tubes running out of his body. He was nothing like I imagined HIV to be, he was like, like me.

We dried off and went back into the living room the friend was sitting on the couch like nothing happened. I guess from his perspective nothing did happen. He wasn't in the shower. We got dressed and ended up back in the friend's car. As we drove around I sat in the back of the car in uncertainty until Thomas asked:

"What train station do you wanna be dropped off at?"

They dropped me off at the train station. We said our goodbyes and I never heard from Thomas again. The scariest thing about that story had nothing to do with Thomas but everything to do with me. I totally let sex cloud my better judgment that day. I knew so much better than to do what I was gonna do but almost did it anyway. He had to be the one to stop me from protecting ME. How sick is that? Not being able to trust yourself to do what you know is best for yourself, that's scarier than anything else that happens on Halloween.

I remember sharing this story with my one of best friends about a year after it happened. We were sitting in the Village talking about life and the virus and it's effect on our community. We also talked about the 46% statistic, which now I heard is up to 48%. I told him that with statistics like that it's like it's either me or you now. Any one of us is can be one test away from a positive result. That's one of the reasons why I am never one to judge. We can get tested and we can take all of the necessary precautions and not be promiscuous of course but if you've ever been sexually active there's never any way to be 100% sure. Your test can come back negative today and show up positive a few months from now as HIV can lie dormant in your system before there is enough antibodies of it to be detected by a test.

I'm no doctor and you can always look up the facts from a much more reliable medical source than me but the point I wanted to convey here was that we all need to make better decisions. We also need not judge anyone, especially those with HIV because none of us are exempt. I have friends today with HIV and I love them, respect them, and treat them as I would any other friend and they are all fine, healthy, dating and living their lives as they should be. At times in the midst of all of our fun and day to day living I forget that they even have the virus. They have to remind me at times and that's the way it should be. It's not something I need to dwell on. HIV, as unfortunate as it is is not a death sentence.

Thomas was the first person I ever met with HIV and as dumb as it sounds today, back then I really was shocked at how healthy and quote-unquote "normal" he looked. My experience with Thomas taught me how important it is to be nice to people, all people and to have an aura of openness about myself so people could feel comfortable telling me anything. I actually wish that Thomas would have kept up with me. I tried to correspond with him after that but to no avail. I don't fully understand why he never wanted to talk to me again but I respect his decision. I never got a chance to thank him for that day in the shower. He taught me more than all the sex education classes in the world could have taught me and I'm different today because of it.

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Playing In The Background...
"It's O.K."
by BeBe & CeCe Winans
from the album: "BeBe & CeCe Winans Greatest Hits"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 03:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

So I'm on BGC earlier and I responded to a message. As the sent message confirmation page came up I glanced at the porn ad on the page and I was shocked to see yet another person I know doing porn. That brings the number of porn stars I've slept with up to five. Damn.

Why? Why did he do it? Was it for the money? Or is he just an exhibitionist freak like that? I hope it wasn't just for the money. Because I know for a fact that black gay porn acting does not generate much money, unless you're in such high demand that you're doing movies all the time and even with that you aren't making all that much money. No more than a really high end professional like a lawyer or a heart surgeon or something like that would make and that's on the exceptionally, exceptionally, exceptionally high end of black gay porn. And is even that kind of money worth all the mental stress, the stress on your body, your life, your relationships, and your reputation? Not to mention that a good portion of your earnings will go to all the liquor and drugs you'll probably be using to maintain such a taxing lifestyle. Why do think half of these niggas dicks can't get hard in porn? What good is a twelve inch dick if the shit can't get hard?

I know someone who owns a porn production company, I'm sure some of my porn connoisseurs out there have seen his stuff. He's sat and told me, cracking up laughing, about how he's gotten guys to fuck and be fucked in some of his movies for as little as fifty or twenty-five dollars and at times even for free! On the high end he won't pay any of his actors, even some of the better known ones more than a couple hundred bucks for a scene. And royalties? What royalties? This ain't network TV.

The only people who seem to make the real money in black gay porn are the studios. The life of the average black gay porn star, at least from what I've seen is far removed from the lifestyles of people like Jenna Jameson, Heather Hunter, and even Jake Steed. First of all we're talking gay here, gay porn by virtue of us being a sexual minority (at least that we know of) probably wouldn't generate as much interest and money as straight porn and black gay porn, a minority within a minority, I'm sure puts further restraints on things, probably further stifling possible earnings. I'd bet that most of these guys we see in these porn films have more than likely fell on some type of hard times to even consider doing it. Of course I'm sure that there are exceptions to all of this, but every black gay porn star I've met is hardly rich or extremely happy with their career choice.

I'll be damned if I ma fuck on camera for a measly couple hundred bucks! Awww hayell naw! But people do it, why? I'd love to ask that guy I know, what made him do that shit? If his parents saw that shit, they'd die.

Don't get me wrong, even with all I've stated, I personally have nothing against porn. I even watch it at times. My issue with porn isn't so much the morality, but the money, well the lack thereof that concerns me. I'm so shocked that these people don't get paid more, they damn sure deserve it. But at the end of the day, it's an industry with adults over 18 who in sound mind have signed on the dotted line for whatever it is they get. It just ain't for me. I know we're in an economic crisis right now and times are hard, but they ain't that hard, at least I hope they aren't.

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Playing In The Background...
"Porno Star"
by Joe Budden
from the album "Joe Budden"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

So I'm online on one of the dating sites minding my own business when this guy hits me up. This guy hits me up like every day with the same gross message and every day I ignore him. First of all he's like 37. Even though I'm not into older guys, especially ones that much older than me, I set them to a higher standard, because they're older. I expect more from them in the ways of couth and conduct. There's a certain way that an 18 year-old, a 25 year-old and a 37 year-old will step to someone he's interested in and they're all different. Usually I would ignore this guy as I'd been doing, but he just didn't seem to be getting the hint and I wanted to nip this in the bud. So here we go and as always I have my sidebar comments thrown in:

37yo: come over man...I want to suck you off

Sidebar: That's no way for no one, not to mention a 37 year old to greet anyone. How gross? As much as I like sex and as sexual as I am on this blog I have yet to initially greet someone online or off by saying something like "Yo shawty, I wanna fuck you." And I don't respond well to greetings like that. Like how many other dudes have you greeted like that today? Yuk! Believe it or not I'm becoming more prudent as I get older. I know, it's hard for me to believe too.

Me: U must not have read my page, ur way too old for me.

37yo: oh come on man...I look great, nice body etc! not old looking or anything

Sidebar: Y'all, please don't ever do this. If someone online has made it clear that they aren't interested in you please move on. Don't try to state your case to them, it's so unattractive and beneath you. You are wonderful and if someone can't appreciate that, fuck 'em. Even if the person is me, fuck me too (not literally LOL). There are people who I've hit up online and are obviously not feeling me and I let it go. I wouldn't have let it get this far. If I hit you and you don't hit me back I get the message. This shit is what internet stalkers are made of.

Me: Why are you debating this with me? That alone is unattractive. I'm someone who is telling you that he doesn't want you to suck his dick. If you are as great looking as you say you are then there should be a bevy of other willing and eligible dicks that you can suck on. Mine is just not one of them. It's like dude, move on, have some dignity.

Sidebar: Okay, I probably could have phrased that a little better, but after having him hit me up on the same shit for the past several days. I was annoyed.

37yo: honestly, do you want to debate with me? I am not pleading a cause with you dude! so Dude, its not like honestly move on!!! you made a statement and I responded, I am not begging or pleading, cause just this reaction tells me lots about you....and your very selected requirement is a great peak into your insecurities little guy! So dont start, and dont act like you are any more than the piece of meat that you are! I have never made a claim that I am so good looking that I am a must get.....you on the other hand seem to think you deserve exclusivity....makes me wonder why not go to the under 18 websites....?? Since you aren't ready to play with adults!!?

**yawns** All that from the guy who wants to suck MY dick? Really?

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Playing In The Background...
"The Greatest Love Of All"
by Whitney Houston
from the album "Whitney Houston"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Yes ladies and gentlemen, from this day forward my blog will take on a new moniker. Adam's Web Log - The Official Blog Of Adam Benjamin Irby will also be known as "Turkey Chili For The Gay Soul".

I know it sounds crazy but, I had a conversation with Someone a few minutes ago via IM that inspired this new nickname. Here it goes:

Someone: ur a great writer sir, well actually a cut above decent.

Me: thanks

Someone: lol ur welcome

Me: what did u read?

Someone: i read alot. i read really fast. i can dig ya views on things and some shit is like (***squints eyes***" now adam"****)

Me: opinions are like assholes... lol

Someone: true, but its all entertaining and chicken soup for the black gay soul. shit that people don't want to hear that everyone knows is tru, so on that note i commend u

Me: it's more like chili for the black gay soul. i like chili better, more protein, turkey chili to be exact. it's low in fat too.

Someone: wat about the vegans

Me: fuck em

So there it is people, "Turkey Chili For The Black Gay Soul". I'm not changing the name or anything, it's just a pseudonym, a nickname if you will.

By the way, I actually enjoy that Hormel Turkey Chili pictured above. It's a staple in my pantry. It's great for those of us out there watching what we eat. It's meaty, satisfying and will warm you up inside, kinda like my... blog. But anyway, like I was saying. It's really low in fat, really high in protein and although a can is two servings I usually eat the whole thing as a meal. It's an especially good meal for those of us who are trying to work out and build muscle. The best thing about it is that you can eat it and not be hungry afterwards like most of the other stuff out here that's good for you and it's a quick meal. Just empty the can into a bowl and microwave it for two minutes.

Here's the nutritional breakdown courtesy of FakeOutTakeOut.com, a really good blog for those of us looking for healthier ways to enjoy our favorite foods. Check it out, they have great recipes there.

Hormel Turkey Chili:
Serving size: 1 cup (serves 2)
Calories: 210
Fat: 3g
Fiber: 6g
Protein 17g
Cholesterol 45mg
Weight Watchers Points: 3

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Playing In The Background...
"Keeps Gettin' Better"
by Christina Aguilera
from the album "Keeps Gettin' Better: A Decade Of Hits"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Doing what it is I do here I get a good amount of correspondence from you all, letters, emails, comments and such. Although it can be overwhelming at times, I do read EVERYTHING, and I appreciate it so much, even if I don't always get a chance to respond.

I'm such an email pack rat that I don't even delete anything. I just let all the letters sit in my email box and let the server figure out what to do with them. The most touching letters though I save though. Looking through my letters last night I stumbled upon what has to be my new absolute favorite. This letter I received a little over three weeks ago. Here it is:

Dear Adam,

I certainly enjoy reading your blog. You are a scrupulously honest person and also an amazingly gifted writer. I am a 63 year old black gay male. I have lead a full life and identify with much that you write.

I enjoy the connection to my youth that having a window into yours provides me. The most salient fact that I have garnered from your writings is that when it comes to interpersonal relationships little has changed. Many of your battles have been my battles. The one enormous game changer has been HIV. Since its first appearance over 2 decades ago, I've lost more friends and acquaintances that were very dear to me.
Keep on writing and believing in yourself. You have a very special talent and your great personal charisma leaps of the pages of your blog. You are also one sexy little dude. forty years ago I could have taken you on. I was a hot number back then. LOL

Son, treasure every moment of your SWEET, young life. It goes by very fast. Carefully store and hone your memories. The day will come when they will be not only your best possessions but a major coping mechanism when your "Old and Gay". Don't fear the aging process. Do prepare for it.

I wish you the best in your precious life Keep on titillating and stimulating my ancient sensibilities.
-MH

I'm always honored to receive letters from older people, people who have already been where I am and have gone through what I'm going through. I try my best to be receptive to any precious kernels of advice they can offer. Like the Bible says "there's nothing new under the sun" and as I talk to more and more older gay people I realize that the interpersonal struggles that we go through today and the ones they went through are basically the same, except that we go through ours with BlackBerries and iPods.

Thanks so much MH, and everyone else for your letters. Keep 'em comin'.

If you ever wanna send me a letter or a message, ask me a question or just wanna say "Hi" click here.

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Playing In The Background...
"Beautiful, Dirty, Rich"
by Lady GaGa
from the album "The Fame"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

This weekend I saw "Noah's Arc: Jumping The Broom" for the second time. I saw it the first time when its writer/director Patrik Ian-Polk held a screening here in New York this past summer. Before I get into my thoughts on the movie I'm gonna share with you an alarming review of the movie that I read in this week's issue of Next Magazine, a publication that touts itself as "New York's Gay Guide".

Sink Noah's Arc (Logo Features) and pray it's never found. Continuing from the Logo series about the lives and loves of a group of gay African-American Los Angelinos, Noah (Darryl Stephens) and Wade (Jensen Atwood) travel with their posse to be married in a picturesque summer home in Martha's Vineyard. Jumping the Broom references a slave marriage tradition, the requisite shout-out to black history.

For a well-intentioned portrayal of a broader gay community, do any of these characters have a white, Latin or Asian, friend or boyfriend? I'm totes for being black, gay and proud, but segregation's ovah!

Patrik Ian-Polk, returning as writer/director from the TV series, has brought us the cinematic equivalent to Hallmark's Mahogany cards. Every random phone call and Jacuzzi dip includes some profound life lesson.

The considerably talented and smokin' cast is stuck playing gay archetypes: the unrepentant slut (Christian Vincent), the flaming sass (Rodney Chester) and the twinkie newbie (Gary LeRoi Gray) dash about in fabricated mini-operas. As all the couples jump to jealous conclusions, scurry off in tears, make up, kiss and do it all again, the action is peppered with deadly earnest inspirational platitudes that would make Kirstie Alley willingly lose her lunch.

Honey, this sunken ship proves dreadful gay filmmaking knows no color.
--AC

from Next Magazine
Vol 16.17 | October 24th, 2008

If this is not the most ridiculous shit I've ever read. What the fuck? How could they trash this movie largely due to the fact that there weren't any prominent white characters in it? This is the same sort of criticism that the 1992 film "Boomerang" also received. The romantic comedy, starring Eddie Murphy, Robin Givens and Halle Berry was set in a black owned and operated corporation and like "Noah..." also does not feature any prominent white characters. And so what? How many hundreds of films have all white casts and don't have as much as a black extra.

Did black folks go up in a tizzy after seeing that after six seasons, ninety-four episodes and a movie of "Sex And The City" (which happens to be my favorite show ever by the way) that there were no prominent black characters. Yes Blair Underwood was Miranda's boyfriend in a few episodes in season six and that Samantha dated a black guy in season three, episode five "No Ifs Ands Or Butts" but did black folks ever expect the "Sex And The City" girls to adopt a fifth friend Keisha, just for integration's sake? No. Oh yes, Jennifer Hudson appeared in the movie as Carrie's assistant. As much as we love JHud, if her character wasn't written into the movie or if it were played by a white girl the universe wouldn't have ceased to exist. A common consensus among black folks I know is that JHud's character seemed unneeded and forced anyway, as though they were purposely looking for a way to inject some color in the film and some black folks into the seats. I'd like to think that people enjoy a well written show with characters and stories that they can relate to no matter what color the actors are. Black folks are not as petty as people think, just because we don't see ourselves in a movie doesn't mean that we can't enjoy it. If that were so black folks wouldn't have much to watch.

What's even crazier is that the premise of the movie didn't leave much room for anyone outside the core cast not to mention random white faces thrown in for good measure. The main characters went away to Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, a summer vacation island, in the winter time. So obviously the island wouldn't exactly be teeming with life. Not too much opportunity to run into a random white person there. For most of the film the characters stayed in and around the house they were staying in. Not too much opportunity to run into a random white person there either. Oh yeah, but there was the white guy that gave one of the main characters, Ricky a blowjob in a barn somewhere on the island. There you are, there's our random white person. Happy now?

Trivial fabricated reverse racism issues aside, the movie was good, very enjoyable. One of the best, if not the best in the black gay and even the gay genre. Definitely a step up production-wise from the show. It's funny, it's warm and highly entertaining, you never know what's gonna happen next.

The movie tackles the ups and downs of gay relationships in various stages, the hopeful optimism of the main character Noah (Darryl Stephens) and his groom-to-be Wade's (Jensen Atwood) relationship, the worn-in pessimism of Chance (Douglas Spearman) and Eddie's (Jonathan Julian) relationship and Alex (Rodney Chester) and Trey's (Gregory Kieth) relationship. The latter two are long term, seemingly harmonious, yet troubled gay marriages. Their troubles, which are excellently portrayed in the film, don't ultimately end up being enough to dissolve either marriage though. The arc wouldn't be complete without a look into the resident promiscuous, commitment-phobe Ricky's (Christian Vincent) numerous trysts throughout the film, the most prominent of them being with "Noah..." newcomer, the young Brandon (Gary LeRoi Gray) who is also a student of Chance, his college professor. Oddly enough you may remember Gray best as a child actor from his role on "The Cosby Show". He played Nelson Tibideaux, one half of Cliff Huxtable's (Bill Cosby) set of twin grandkids, Winnie and Nelson, his oldest daughter Sandra's children with her husband Elvin. In the film we finally get to see what lies beneath Ricky's oversexed behavior, his secret love for Noah which ultimately had to succumb to Noah's love for Wade. in between all of the twists turns and drama are hilarious appearances from recurring characters Brandy, Noah's coke sniffing boss (Jennia Fredrique) and adorably obnoxious British rapper Baby Gat (Jason Steed).

"Noah..." is a feel-good, laugh riot that serves up just the right of heartfelt drama and emotion to make us all remember why we're all fighting for gays to marry and jump the broom in the first place.

GO SEE IT!

If you're in New York you can see "Noah's Arc: Jumping The Broom" at:
Clearview Chelsea Theatres
260 West 23rd Street
off 8th Avenue
New York, NY 10011
(212) 691-5519

If you want to check movie times and availability anywhere around the country click here for the "Noah's Arc..." movie listing at Fandango.com.

And for even more info check out: NoahsArcMovie.com

Think about this. Isn't it funny how people criticize more positive black films like "Noah's Arc..." and "Boomerang" for lack of white characters, but you never hear the same criticism for gangbanger films like "Boyz In The Hood" and "Menace 2 Society"? Interesting.

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Playing In The Background...
"Sandcastle Disco"
by Solange
from the album "Sol-Angel And The Hadley Street Dreams"
===========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

This has been my romantic life for the last couple of weeks:

Adam meets boy.
Adam and boy talk.
Boy comes to see Adam.
Adam cooks dinner.
Adam and boy have have a good time.
Adam fucks boy.
Adam and boy cuddle.
Boy tells Adam that he'd like to get to know him.
Boy has to leave so Adam walks boy to the train station.
Adam and boy make plans to see each other again.
Adam texts boy.
Boy never texts back.
Adam hasn't heard from boy since.

Adam meets another boy.
Adam and boy talk for a couple of weeks.
Adam and boy have actually known and liked each other for a while but have never made any moves toward each other romantically.
Boy comes to see Adam.
Adam and boy mess around.
Boy sucks Adam's dick.
Adam and boy cuddle.
Boy spends the night.
Adam cooks breakfast.
Adam and boy make plans to see each other again on Sunday.
Boy leaves.
Sunday comes and goes, Adam doesn't hear from boy.

Yeah, so that's it. What's weird about it all is that situations like these don't hurt me as much as they used to. In years or even months past I'd be a basket case, calling and texting trying to find out what happened and what went wrong. Now I don't bother. Situations like this annoy me more than anything. I LOVE honesty and I HATE my time being wasted. If someone only wants sex or a hot meal or a place to stay for the night and is not attracted to me, I'm absolutely fine with them telling me that. Lord knows I'm honest with people about how I'm feeling. I don't have the patience to lead anyone on. At the end of all the day honesty is always the easier choice. If someone told me to my face 'Adam I think you are the ugliest thing on Earth' I'd have more respect for them than if they sat up in my face lying and telling me how cute they think I am. I don't why they stopped calling and at this point I don't care. It is what it is.

The bright side to situations like this is that they tend to make for good blog posts. Being a blogger I tend to think of my life and it's misadventures in terms of blog posts. Something happens and I'm thinking 'this would make for a good blog post' or 'how do I present this situation in a way that makes for an interesting read?' or 'what am I gonna have Playing In The Background... when I write about this?' I'm not sure how healthy that is, but what's tragedy good for if you can't exploit it for your professional benefit? Ask any of our favorite singers, songwriters, poets and writers that question. What has driven a good portion of the most prolific music, art and books of our generation? Pain.

Speaking of pain, rather than wallow in all of this and fall into my rut of emotional eating and beating myself up asking why, as of late I've taken all of that energy and have used it in a much more beneficial way. I've been hitting the gym pretty hard lately. As soon as my mind started to drift into why the second boy hadn't called yesterday I jumped up, put on my sweats and sneakers and headed right to the gym.

Turning 25 has really had an impact on me. I'm not a kid anymore and my metabolism ain't gettin' no better. As I get older I'm realizing that it's gonna take a little effort to stay in shape. It seems like everywhere I look, especially in the New York gay scene filled to the brim with aspiring actor/model types, everyone around me has pecs and abs and what not, especially these kids coming up, the eighteen and nineteen year olds. What the hell are these kids eating nowadays and why didn't anyone feed it to me?

After slightly letting myself go this past summer I begun to look at my body and myself differently. Seeing Madonna, a white woman literally twice my age and five years younger than my mother dance, sing and jump rope across the stage of the Izod Center earlier this month, doing more physically than I could ever dream of without as much as taking a breather, really put things in perspective for me. One of my secret dreams has always been to have the quote-unquote "perfect" body. Perfect for me at least, as perfect is relative. I never wanted to be one of those big muscley guys (I never liked big muscles and yes I made that word up). I've always fancied leaner, more cut up and defined body types. As of late I've been working toward that and it's been working. As always I wanted to share my fortune with you so I decided to post what I call:

Adam's Lazy Man's Guide To Fitness

On average I've been going to gym about five to six times a week lately. Now I'm not one of those people who is just loves to work out and loves the gym. I'd much rather be home watching "90210" eating apple pie and ice cream. I'm no gym rat and Lord knows that with working out there is pain, not horrible gut wrenching pain but pain nevertheless, well actually it's more discomfort than anything else, but as I've started to see results I've learned to appreciate the pain and it becomes worth it. As horrible as going to the gym regularly sounds for a lazy person like me, the more I incorporated it into my regular life I've come to realize that it's not so bad, but this isn't an easy place to get to. I realize that I'm no fitness expert or guru but these are the steps I took to get there. Hopefully I can help out a fellow lazy person.

1. Understand what working out is, what it does and why it does what it does.
2. Make going to the gym as easy and as not a big deal as possible.
3. The only thing we have to fear is fat itself.
4. Understand that "A shitty workout is better than no workout at all."
5. Understand that one of the best things about working out is that it counteracts all of the horrible foods you eat and will make you able to eat them with less consequence.
6. Align yourself with one of those crazy people that actually enjoys working out.

1. Understand what working out is, what it does and why it does what it does.

I've never been one of those "because I said so" people. Whenever one of my parents or someone older than me uttered that inevitable phrase during my childhood as reasoning for me to do something they commanded that I do it often fell upon deaf ears and subsequently a sore behind, but I didn't care. I'm not the type to do shit just to do it, I gotta know why I'm doing it. This carried over to my adulthood. While we know that working out and weightlifting builds muscle and gets people into shape many of don't know why, well at least I didn't. When this was finally broken down to me in a simple yet still cerebral way it all made sense and thus made working out something of interest.

This is how it was broken down to me. Working out basically works like this. To lift weights the body uses its various muscles. When we lift just the right amount of weight that pushes those muscles to their limit, they tear, hence the pain/discomfort/fatigue of working out. When those muscles tear the body naturally rebuilds them, but when the body rebuilds them it rebuilds them bigger and stronger. So if you continually increase the amount the weight you lift over time you continue the process of ripping, tearing and rebuilding the muscles of your body, hence the terms bodybuilding and ripped. Once you're satisfied with your size you won't need to increase the weight you lift. Protein in your diet helps a lot in this process, hence why people who work out are always drinking those nasty-ass protein shake things. For me understanding why and how this whole thing works made it more desirable to do and gave me some kind of direction to go in as far as all this fitness stuff is concerned.

2. Make going to the gym as easy and as not a big deal as possible.

Out of all the rules this is probably the most important for lazy people like us. If working out becomes to complicated we aren't gonna do it. In order to combat the arsenal of excuses I've built up for not going to the gym I've made going to the gym as easy as possible. I joined a gym six blocks from my house. In the past I'd joined gyms that were further away and as a result I found myself not going and the key to the whole gym thing is to go as much as possible. If you can drag your ass there more than likely you'll do something. Just getting to the gym is half the battle.

3. The only thing we have to fear is fat itself.

The gym can be a scary place. It can be pretty overwhelming for a beginner. All those muscular people banging and clanging weights doing all kinds of different exercises on different machines, levers and pulleys moving about as you wonder what its all for. Most gyms offer some kind of personal training assistance for beginners. It's not Hollywood celebrity caliber but it's cool to have to someone show you how all the machines work. Pay attention because when the introductory period of maybe a 45-60 minute session or two is over you're on your own, unless you decide to buy more sessions and that can get really expensive. Plus it's not really all that necessary.

In the beginning don't expect to be "He-Man" or anything, more than likely your lazy ass won't be able to lift as much as the gym regulars. My tip for beginners is to use the machines instead of free weights and be sure to read the directions on them before attempting them, also watch other people use them before you try them out. Your first trial on or with anything should be on the lowest possible weight setting just so you can get the movement together. After that find a weight that's mildly uncomfortable but that you can still move. You're just starting out so don't set crazy unrealistic goals for yourself. Pick a weight that you can move 10-12 times. The last few repetitions should be a little but not too difficult, you should feel them. Do the normal 3 or 4 sets of 10-12 repetitions with a short rest between sets. If you can't finish all the sets and reps just do it until you're tired, don't push so hard at first the point is to get yourself used to the whole gym-going life.

A lot of people, mainly men are intimidated by the gym as beginners. Lord knows I was. Here you go in your regular life smart as hell, shitting on those whose mental prowess is inferior to yours or maybe you're smooth, Mr. Man, Mr. Cool, with your big ol' dick, and/or your pretty face, Mr. Ladies Man or Mr. Mans Man (depending on whichever way you swing) or maybe you're rich and powerful, with hundreds of corporate minions trembling at every syllable that escapes your lips, well none of that shit matters at the gym. All of your status symbols, titles, bank accounts and all that other shit is checked at the door. The gym is all about physical strength and everybody has to start at the bottom.

It can be quite embarrassing not being able to lift weights as heavy as all the musclebound dudes around you. If you see five guys bench pressing two and three forty-five pound plates on each side you will probably feel a little foolish lifting the bar. Which for a lot of people can bring back terrible repressed memories of high school weight room. The easiest way to combat this is to start out using the machines. In most gyms the bench presses and dumbbells and other free weight activities that the bigger and more experienced people use are usually separated from the workout machines that smaller more inexperienced people tend to use. In my gym I'm lucky enough to have the free weights and the machines on separate floors, downstairs and upstairs respectively.

The cool thing about machines as opposed to free weights is that the machines do a good portion of the work for you, not so much of the lifting but of controlling the weight. When you bench press or do dumbbell curls not only are you lifting the weight but you have to use your strength to control the weight as well. Machines do the control part for you, which takes great stress off of the beginner. Losing control of a weight while lifting can cause great injury. The absolute best thing about machines though is that most of them are constructed so that no one can really see how much you're lifting. It's a great way to build yourself up so that when you do graduate to using free weights like I have you will be strong enough to not have to start out with the bar.

Now of course we all know that it shouldn't matter what people think about how much we can lift. And we should all be able to lift that bare bar with pride without our insecurities getting the best of us. A wise and strong man once advised me not to care about what people may think about how much or how little I can lift. That I should concentrate on me and what I need to do, fuck everybody else. Everybody, even the big and muscley guys had to start somewhere. The thing to fear is not the stares and snickers of the muscley guys, but the effect that fat, fast foods and the sedentary lifestyle of most Americans will have on our health. All of our insecurities won't matter once we're morbidly obese or once our arteries are clogged with fat and we have a heart attack. The only thing to fear is fat itself.

4. Understand that "A shitty workout is better than no workout at all."

Unlike like damn near everything else in life I see the gym as a quantity over quality thing. Don't not go to the gym because you feel as though you don't have enough time to devote to it. I say all you really need at the absolute least is a half hour a day. I'm way too lazy and too busy to spend three and four hours a day at the gym and besides after an hour to an a hour and a half I start getting bored anyway.

A wise man once told me that "a shitty work out is better than no work out at all". Many times I find myself getting to the gym an hour or even as little as forty minutes before it closes and although I don't have much time to spend there I still go as I don't wanna get out of the habit of going. Even if I'm kinda tired or really don't feel like going I still muster up the strength to go. I just probably won't work as hard but so what. I don't beat myself up over it. The key is to make the gym like eating and sleeping, a regular part of your daily life.

5. Understand that one of the best things about working out is that it counteracts all of the horrible foods you eat and will make you able to eat them with less consequence.

The coolest thing about going to the gym is that you feel a little better when you eat all the junk foods you like because you know that you are gonna eventually work them off (as long as you don't start eating more junk food because you started working out), but what's even cooler is that when you really start getting into the workout groove you'll want to eat better because you know that it will accelerate the results that you are seeing. So basically you're psyching yourself out, but instead of psyching yourself into thinking that Mr. Whatshisname is really gonna call or that some fake-ass bitches who aren't worth your time anyway really do like you, this psyching out is gonna actually do you some good.

6. Align yourself with one of those crazy people that actually enjoys working out.

You see those crazy-ass people at the gym, the ones that seem to be enjoying themselves, lifting those weights, all muscley and chiseled. These muscle people, although they are a different species from lazy folk like you and me do live outside the gym. It would do you some good to get to know one of them and even start working out with one of them as it'd be quite encouraging to you. I wouldn't advise that you start making conversation with random muscley strangers at the gym (although it wouldn't be terrible or anything), but rather think of people you know who work out regularly. C'mon you gotta know somebody, and if you're gay you have no excuse. Find that person and tag along with them to the gym.

I've aligned myself with a friend of my friend who lives down the street from me and works out at my gym. Not only does he work out regularly at my gym, he works out with his lover regularly at my gym. They are both "He-Men" who live together, are in a long-term relationship and are very much in love. It's a great thing to see. So not only do they encourage me to stay fit, their example encourages me that true love and finding the one (or at least the one you can learn to tolerate for the long haul) is possible.

Although I don't work out with them everyday, because I'm not trying to impede upon their couple, bonding workout time (I have better manners than that). I have taken what they've taught me and have applied it to my workout routine.

So, relax, follow these rules and working out shouldn't be so bad.

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Playing In The Background...
"The Workout"
by Utada
from the album "Exodus"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 04:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

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This is one of my favorite posts. It's about rules. I'm naturally a rebel, so I hate rules, especially dating rules, but there is one rule I follow though. Here it is.

Enjoy.

Originally posted on December 12, 2007 6:00 AM
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I really hate those people who like make up rules for every fuckin' thing. Like that awful fuckin' three month rule. You know, the one that says you have to wait until you're dating someone for at least three months until you finally fuck. Like, what kinda bullshit is that? I co-sign with my friend and lyricist extraordinare, Shorty Roc's sentiments on that:

"Three months! Three months, and you not fuckin him!?! If you not fuckin' then him who is? 'Cuz if you make him wait that long you know he gon' be fuckin' somebody..."

My sentiments exactly. That shit is stupid.

In general I don't like time contingent rules regarding people and relationships. We watch the damn clock enough in our lives between our jobs and schools and other obligations. Relationships should be the one thing that we allow to just let flow naturally. I mean, don't get me wrong, even though it's not my particular thing I guess there are some things in relationships that should have some sort of time based guidelines and you should never rush anything, but it's just the rigid, regimented nature of it all that rubs me the wrong way. In the end if things are good between you and the other person I say let nature do its thing and sit back and enjoy the ride.

((sigh))

Unfortunately as time marched on my outlook on rules began to change. As much as I hate rules, namely the three month rule, due to a few horrible experiences I'm finding it necessary to break my own rule and enact a rule of my own:

Whenever I meet someone and we like each other and decide to date I'm not gonna introduce him to anyone for at least a month.

A solid month, that doesn't just mean knowing him for thirty days either. It means that I would have to be seeing him on the regular, like two to three times a week for at least four weeks, that's the trial period. And by the end of that trial period we would have to be dating exclusively. As y'all know I tried the dating around thing and I'm just not into it. Besides, I'm way too jealous for that shit. If I'm really feeling someone I don't wanna be with anyone else while I'm trying to get to know them and I know that I can't handle knowing that they're with someone else, especially if we've had sex. And nowadays I'm too busy to date eighty-five people at once anyway.

Before the trial period is over I'll try my best not to even mention him to anyone, especially my friends. Of course I'll write about him on the blog, he'll be aliased of course. It's just that nothing's worse than liking someone and telling the whole world about them and having things just fall apart, especially when its so soon. 'Cuz then you have to deal with the questions: "Oh what happened to so-and-so?" and "Didn't you really like him?" and if things turn out really bad I'm gonna have to go into damage control mode. I think those first four weeks should be the trial of whether you actually like the person or whether it's all just lust and you're only holding on until you finally fuck. That's another reason why the three month rule is bullshit. At least if things dissolve during the trial period nobody knows it ever happened and we both go off into the sunset.

So that's it, that's my rule.

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Playing In The Background...
"Scared" feat. Irv Gotti
by Ashanti
from the album "Ashanti"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

I went to a club on Sunday night, while I was there I got inspired and typed these words into my Blackberry. Overall I'm okay, but let's just say I wasn't having the best moment at the time this poem was written.

The Crowded Room Full Of Lonely People
by Adam Benjamin Irby

In the crowded room of lonely people
Lookin' for my plus one
Trying to find my equal
In this haystack
Trying to find my needle
In the crowded room of lonely people

We hide in our bubbles
The ones we don't wanna break
It's a facade
So real, but yet it's so fake
We strut around
Like life's just a piece of cake
In the crowded room of lonely people

I just wanna die
Just wanna break down and cry
I don't know why
Why I came out tonight
Wanna go home
Want someone just to hold tight
In the crowded room of lonely people

The music's blaring
My heart is tearing
'Cuz I'm comparing everyone to you
I'm sick of crying
There's no denying
That I'm not fully over you
But I don't know what else to do
Feeling lonely in this crowded room

Mortified
I just had to walk away
From this guy
This is too just much to take
Tried to say "Hi"
And he said "This is my date"
In the crowded room of lonely people

Couples kiss
And yes I hate them so much
'Cuz I miss
I'm missing the tender touch
Of the one
The one that's moved on and such
In the crowded room of lonely people

I just wanna die
Just wanna break down and cry
I don't know why
Why I came out tonight
Wanna go home
Want someone just to hold tight
In the crowded room of lonely people

The music's blaring
My heart is tearing
'Cuz I'm comparing everyone to you
I'm sick of crying
There's no denying
That I'm not fully over you
But I don't know what else to do
Feeling so lonely in this crowded room

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Playing In The Background...
"Whatever Happens"
by Michael Jackson
from the album "Invincible"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

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This is another of my favorite poems so I decided to repost it. It's about an itty bitty word that can make a huge difference in our lives. It's one that some of us should start using more often.

Enjoy.

Originally posted on April 17, 2008 5:53 AM
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No.
by Adam Benjamin Irby

So smart, so powerful,
So strong, yet true,
So clear, so concise,
Telling you what I won't do.

So potent, so forceful,
So real, so brave,
So defiant, non-compliant,
Telling you how I will no longer behave.

So fearless, so apparent,
So timely, yet long overdue,
Nowadays I'm finding,
It's become so much easier to say no to you.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"No Fool No More"
by EnVogue
from the album "The Best Of EnVogue"
and
"No"
by Kandice Love
from the album "Def Jam's Rush Hour 2 Movie Soundtrack"
and
"Unappreciated"
by Cherish
from the album "Unappreciated"
and
"Fool 4 You"
by Cherish
from the album "Unappreciated"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Yes, hello all. My name is Adam Benjamin Irby and I am a big ol' bottom. I love dick, oh how I love dick so much. My life isn't complete unless I am sitting on a dick. In fact I am sitting on one one right now right now, oh yeah, that's right big daddy, that's the stuff.

Are you bitches fucking happy now?

I swear some of you people make me so fucking sick I could hurl.

It's been repeatedly brought to my attention that some of you have taken issue with the fact that I mention that I'm a top on my blog. Some have even gone as far as to say that I say that I excessively say that I'm a top because I'm trying to convince myself of it, like I have an issue with being a bottom, like I'm some kind of closet bottom or something. The wildest and most outrageous of the allegations is the suggestion that I have some kind of contempt for bottoms. That's the shit that makes me mad. This whole matter has to be the dumbest shit I have ever fucking read.

Lemme break this down: I fucking write fucking a fucking blog in which a considerable portion of it is about, guess what, fucking. Anal penetrative gay male sex to be exact. And when one is engaging in anal penetrative gay male sex with another gay male, one participant in that sexual act is known as the bottom, the penetrated partner and the other as the top, the penetrating partner. Do we understand that?

Are you still with me or am I moving too fast for you. Actually let's take a breather and let that sink in. If you need to go back and read the last paragraph over again... Alright, you ready? Let's proceed.

This is deep, now follow me on this, I don't wanna lose you now. So if when I have sex my preference and standard practice is to be the penetrating partner, that would make me a what? Don't all yell out at once, raise your hands, yes girl in the back of the room... Yes I would be a TOP.

If I write a blog post talking about sex, describing what I'm doing during sex, penetrating my partner, my role would be that of a what? Don't all yell out at once. A TOP. Bingo.

So I am a man who during sex prefers to penetrate other men with my penis and looks for partners who enjoy being penetrated. Most people would describe me as what? A TOP. By George I think you got it!

Now whether you personally think that I'm a top doesn't concern me at all, you can think I'm a bottom all day long, start a rumor, and email chain if you will. I don't give a fuck, I'm not fucking you, what's it to you? I only fuck with people who can read anyway and some of y'all obviously can't! If I were a bottom I'd have no problem saying it. I'd be the best dick riding-est, dick taking-est, bad-ass bottom motherfucker y'all ever seen and I'd talk about the shit on here with just as much candor and explicitness as I do right now being a top. Being called a bottom, or just plain ol' being a bottom isn't a bad thing or an insult. In fact I'd love to read a blog by someone who's a straight up full bottom who is as explicit as I am. I'd love to get the viewpoint from the other side. If you know of a blog like that let me know.

I even wrote a blog post about a time in which I bottomed (read that post here). How the fuck do y'all think I know that the shit is not for me? Y'all know I'm a freak. I had to try the shit out first. I didn't just pull this whole "I'm a top" shit outta my ass (forgive the pun), like what the fuck? So to answer the question, have I ever been fucked before? Yes. Did I like it? No. Is there anything wrong with being a bottom? No. I also wrote a blog post where I talk about how much I love bottoms (click her to read). This is ridiculous.

I'm sure some of y'all still stuck on that masculine/feminine bullshit may look at me with my silver baseball caps and airbrushed pictures on my banner and say "Oh that bitch is too cunt to be a full top." You think that shit bothers me? Hell no. Have I ever had problems getting ass when I want it? No. I know me, I see me, I don't think I'm feminine. I'm your average, everyday homo. I like Britney Spears and "Sex And The City" just like the next fag. Do I switch when I walk? No. But I like guys who do.

The only reason why I would say that I'm a top all the time is because I talk about sex all the time and when I have sex my position is what? TOP. You fucking idiots!

The overall issue here is not my saying that I'm a top. The problem is that you have an issue with whatever it is you do. Maybe you have an issue being a bottom? As for me, I'm good.

So you're probably wondering why this whole issue annoys me so much and gets me so mad. It's not because people may think I'm a bottom or that I'm scared that people will think that I'm a bottom or even that people think that I'm some kind of undercover bottom. I don't care about that. I don't give fuck what people think as far as that's concerned. I know what's going down in my bedroom. What makes me mad is the fact that someone would think that I have a problem with bottoms, a good portion of my friends and virtually all of my romantic partners are bottoms. Like hello, there are no tops without bottoms. I love bottoms.

Top, bottom, versatile, whatever, we're all gay men, no one is no better or worse or gayer than the other, this is bullshit. In a time where there are still motherfuckers who read my shit that still have a problem even telling people that they're gay you (I took a motherfuckin poll to prove it, look at it here) people are throwing stones at me for being an out and proud gay male who says that he's a top. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. But really, what kinda stupid, fucking asinine, ludicrous-ass bullshit is that?

Think about it.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Trading Places"
by Usher
from the album "Here I Stand"
==========

Addendum: I realize that this blog post was a lot, a lotta cussin', a lotta sarcasm and it may have even been perceived as angry. I'm actually not so much angry as I am annoyed by it all. That whole thing actually kinda blindsided me. As I stated I was offended by the fact that here I am a very out and proud gay black man getting all this static for saying that I'm a top while it's gay dudes out here trying to front on the DL. That is crazy to me.

People who've been around for a minute who know how I am read stuff like that and say 'Oh that's just Adam, he just needed to get something off his lil' bird chest.' (LOL) Either way the post wasn't meant to offend anyone who didn't need to be offended and if it did offend you, take a moment to look inside and ask yourself, why?

As always, I enjoy all of your comments, positive or negative and whether you agree with me or not I'm all about the discussion.

((Muah))
-Adam

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 06:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBacks (0)

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Welcome to yet another "Ask Adam..." blog post. Where readers of the blog send me their life, love, sex, relationship and other pressing questions. I'll do my best to answer and advise them here on the blog and other readers will be able to weigh in too.

Enjoy.

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.
==========

Today's question is from a young guy wondering whether he should get into the ballroom scene. I'm pretty sure that quite a few of you, especially my straight readers don't know much about the ballroom scene. The simplest most elementary way to describe it would be to say that the ballroom scene is composed of fraternal groups of dance teams that compete against each other runway walking and doing vogue-style dancing at competitions they call balls. These groups are called houses and hare usually named after things that have to do with fashion, such as the "House Of Misrahi" named after fashion designer Issac Misrahi, etc (click here for a more in-depth definition of the ballroom scene). It's something that's really big in the black gay community. Like the fraternities and sororities that are found on college campuses the ballroom scene can be quite all-encompassing and some overzealous participants in it have been known to get so wrapped up with it all that some say they actually lose sight of reality. It is for that reason that today's letter writer is concerned. So lets get to his letter.

Adam,

I need your help. I'm 21 now, on my last legs in terms of college, and will walk my first ball next week. I want to ask you, if you think it is smart, at 21, to just begin delving into the ballroom scene. Mind you, I am not going into the ballroom looking for life or close "girlfriends," drugs, or any other vice it is infamously associated with, I just want to vogue. I love the beat, the art, and it pulls me in, does that make sense to you? Sure, adulation and applause from those who enjoy the same thing is always nice, but it is not my main reason for getting into the scene. I don't know, I almost feel as if I am too late to really jump into the scene, (most kids start at 17, I only found out about the scene at 18-19ish, and have been going back and forth with the idea of getting in for a while). I just don't want to be seen by anyone as a ballroom queen, and I don't want to be caught up, but I do want to finally enjoy my gay, something I never do. I am always SCHOOL, SCHOOL, and more SCHOOL. What do you think Adam?

Thanks,
EnVogue

The thing is that even though I have an appreciation of the artform, I'm not a participant in the ballroom scene. Sure, I've been asked several times to join different houses, but I can hardly dance so there's no way my awkward ass is gonna be able to vogue. I often joke and say that the only thing I could ever do in a house is be secretary or treasurer. Besides it's just not my thing. But I wasn't gonna let this setback leave EnVogue's question unanswered so I decided to turn to an expert. I submitted EnVogue's question to my best friend Mike Icon, who walks schoolboy realness for the House of Icon and won in his category at this year's Latex ball back in June. Here's what he had to say:

My advice to you EnVogue is to not dive into the scene full force!!! Walk a mini-ball deluxe (like Jack's Mizrahi's Rumble Ball, a popular monthly mini-ball here in New York) so that you can get an idea of the "ballroom" feel!! People from the ballroom can be very shady and not everyones skin isn't tough enough for ballroom shade!!! You also want to give your self time to adjust to the scene, kinda get the flow of how its run, the politics of it all!! Make sure you performance is up to par, you don;t want to get chopped your first time around. Turn it to the point where people are gonna remember your name!!

You should look at the scene as a extracurricular activity and not a "lifestyle." Continue to do well in school and work because the scene can distract you and many people start to drift away from the important things in life and become 100% ballroom. Just take your time and make it fun. As far as your age is concerned, you're still young, some people are 28 years old that vogue and still don't get their LIFE, so this is a good age to start because your in a different stage and you level of maturity is very different than your average person starting in the ballroom scene!! Remember, "you make the scene, it doesn't make you!!!!"

-Mike Icon

So there you have it EnVogue. according to Mike you don't have anything to worry about. As long as you don't let the ballroom scene take over your life you should be fine.

-Adam

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.

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Playing In The Background...
"Work"
by Ciara
from the album "Fantasy Ride"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 04:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Today is an historic day for me. Tonight I'm going to see one of my favorite artists, Janet Damita Jo Jackson in concert for the first time. I've seen her do live performances for TV such as "Good Morning America" back in '04 and again earlier this year, "The Today Show" in '06, and TRL earlier this year but never a full on tour concert so I'm excited.

I'm checking out her "Rock Witchu Tour" as it rolls into the Izod Center at the Meadowlands in East Rutherford, NJ, the same place I saw Madonna two weeks ago. I'm hoping that the show goes off without a hitch. As we all know Janet had been diagnosed with vertigo but hopefully everything's alright as far as that's concerned. She performed in Washington, DC the other night and the "feedback" from that show was positive (forgive the pun). So I'm confident that tonight will be great as well.

I'm really excited about her adding songs from her first two albums, her 1982 debut and her 1984 release "Dreamstreet" to the set list as she's never performed songs from these albums on her big tours. I have no idea what the set list is like or what order it's in I wanna be totally surprised. I know Janet's gonna rock my world and LL Cool J is opening for her. Yeah, this is gonna be a really good concert.

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Playing In The Background...
"Young Love"
by Janet Jackson
from the album "Janet Jackson"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Remember that interview I did with my friend Carlos King and the Hot Boyz a while back about a new reality show that Carlos has put together, chronicling the Boyz, a group of black gay men and a woman (don't worry, if you didn't see you can it watch it here). Well a sneak preview of the show has hit the internet.

Check it out below:

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Playing In The Background....
"Hot Boy" feat. Dre
by Christina Milian
from the album "So Amazin'"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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I wrote a blog post on Tuesday entitled: "What EXACTLY Are You Looking For In A Man? Here's "The Secret" To Getting Him..." (which I suggest you read here before continuing with this post) where I tell the story of a close friend who says that using the philosophies of "The Secret" and "The Law Of Attraction" are the way to draw the quote-unquote "perfect" man into your life. He put his theory into action by making a list of all the attributes he wants in a man, mental, physical, spiritual, sexual, etc., and posted it on his wall in hopes that his list, being visible out in the universe will be somehow cosmically draw the perfect man it describes to him.

For experiment's sake and in cooperation with his theory I in turn made a list of all the attributes I want in a man and I posted it on the blog. I put these attributes into six categories: "Personality", "Relationship Habits", "Beliefs and Other Habits", "Miscellaneous", "Physical and Tangible', "Sexual Characteristics", and "Overall". I found that in completing this exercise that I wanted much more than I thought I wanted in a man, especially in the category of "Beliefs and Other Habits" which was substantially longer than all the others. Of course, as soon as I listed the physical attributes that I look for in a man that I knew that I was asking for trouble and that a comment like this would soon follow:

"From reading your post and others similar...

I can say that you fall into the usual group of typical gay men. The same ones who jump from man to man and wonder why they can't settle for real, real. The ones who fail to realize the common cause for failure. You come off as quite superficial in your desires...and I guess this can be a reason for your failed and failed again unions.

It's a lot about image/looks/sex...and less about substance. No matter how you become verbose in going in all the mumbo jumbo talk...it's just a disguise for the fact that at the end of the day...you are just too superficial.

All the best.
-Observer"

*claps hands sacrastically*

Bravo! Brav-fucking-vo!

How avant garde?

What a tour de force?

Don't you just feel great about yourself? Coming on here with your bullshit fake email address trying to call me superficial. Wow. How innovative? Like I've never heard that one before. If you read that whole blog post and only the parts where I mentioned looks and sex (the smallest parts mind you) are all you took from then it you are obviously insecure in those areas. The least you could have done is leave a real email address. You're like a kid who rings doorbells and runs down the block. Because you don't even have the courage to leave a valid email address I cannot have any respect for you or anything you had to say. You wanna be bold? You wanna be fierce? You wanna "read the gurls"? Bold and fierce is saying something to someone and having the courage to accept whatever it is they have to say back. I can and have admitted when I was wrong or when someone has pulled my card but you haven't. Nice try, but you fall into the usual group of typical people who try me and fail miserably. Now run along and join the others who've failed.

For future reference it's okay if you disagree with me. I welcome debate, I think it's great. But at least leave a valid email address so we can discuss the matter like adults. I may even want to sip further from your fount of wisdom, but I can't do so without a valid email address. I'm human just like you are, there's nothing to be afraid of. Don't be the annoying ass kid who rings doorbells and runs down the block. Have a little more respect for yourself and whatever you have to say.

- Adam
==========

Now what that comment did, besides annoy the hell outta me, was shed some light on a very sensitive subject that I've been wanting to discuss here, but have never quite found the right way to express: Looks. I'm about to get really honest here. Like really, really honest almost to the point where I was almost kinda wary about posting this because of all the drama I know it's gonna probably cause. A lot of people aren't gonna like what I have to say (what else is new), but fuck it. I'm just gonna keep it very real. Usually I'd save this for the end but I'm gonna start off with it.

The message of this post is to convey two things:

1) Looks matter. They do. Get into it. We're human. We have eyes. We see things. Anyone who sits here and says that they don't matter is lying to themselves. Looks aren't everything though, but in most cases they are what initially attract us to each other and to dismiss their importance in an attempt to seem deeper and more grounded than someone else is futile and unrealistic.

2) Anyone who sees someone else who accepts the above truth, that truth being that looks do matter and says to them that they are superficial is more than likely insecure in themselves and probably lacking in their own looks.

You know what the first thing I thought when I read the comment from Observer was? Ugly, she must be ugly. Someone rejected her due to her looks, she's scarred by it and my being specific about what I'm into struck a nerve with her. I don't know how Observer looks or her life story to say for sure that she's ugly or scarred, but she damn sure sounds like it. Someone who is attractive and secure in their looks would therefore understand the importance of looks in the scheme of things regarding attraction and coupling and not dismiss them or a person who knows the value of them as quote-unquote "superficial". Superficial is just another one of those words that insecure people throw around to make themselves feel better. Ooh some random anonymous computer person called me superficial, I'm gonna go into a corner and cry. Oh please.

Looks are what initially attract us to people. In a crowded club or on a dating website, looking at a stranger from across the bar or on your computer screen you can't see the content of his character or the virtue of his soul, you see how he looks. Looks are what ignite our initial interest in people were looking to date and with that we go deeper to subsequently discover the more important things, like what's in their heart and soul.

People like Observer like to try and make normal people like you and I feel guilty for having standards and expectations as far as looks are concerned, by throwing around words like shallow and superficial. I've always said that there is no such thing as prejudice when it comes to sex and relationships. Sex and romantic relationship are the closest instances in which people can be with one another and in such cases we are more than justified in being discriminatory.

Case in point. The times that I've been online or in a club and have sent a stranger who caught my eye a message or walked up to them and said hello, alluding to some sort or romantic overture or subsequent date and that person said to me "Oh, I'm sorry I'm not into black guys." or "Oh, you're a little too skinny, too young, too old for me." etc. Am I to then go back to that person and say that they are superficial just because they don't like me? Ummm no. Why you ask? Because they have the right to like or not to like whatever it is they like, even if it's not me. I can't fault them for that. Sure I may be a wonderful person inside, but if I don't ignite that initial aesthetic spark in that person that's okay. I'm okay. My inner wonderfulness will be for someone else who is attracted to me discover. I'd sound like a nut, or maybe like our Observer friend, to knock someone and call them superficial simply for liking what they like. And because someone is not into me that doesn't make me any less attractive or wonderful, I'm just not for that person. So I shake the dust from my feet and more on.

As far as that silly comment about my being quote-unquote "superficial" being the reason why my past relationships have failed. That's just retarded. I've dated quite a few people with a few significant relationships in between and things haven't worked out with those people for various reasons. To date someone means that we have gotten past what we look like, the thing that initially attracted us to each other and are into each other for deeper reasons due to the fact that we've gotten to know each other better. To say that my past relationships have failed solely because I date guys who look a certain way would mean that all of the guys I've dates are the same because of how they look and that's just dumb, or maybe that I responded to them all the same because of how they look, also dumb. That whole statement was a dumb, half-assed attempt at insulting me, that wasn't really thought out very well.

To believe that statement would mean that if I only date guys who I'm not attracted to everything would magically be okay. That I would have to as she says "settle" for someone. We are all way to special to have to "settle" for anything. To "settle" for someone is to do them a grave disservice. I want someone to want and desire me. To love me for me, all of me, looks and personality. I don't want to be with a man who has merely settled for me. Trust me, I've been down the whole 'oh I'm really not attracted to him physically, but he's a really nice guy so I'll give him a chance' road and that shit obviously didn't work either, you must not have read that blog post. So now what Ms. Observer?

People are so stuck on being nice and politically correct nowadays. It's not nice to say that you think someone is ugly. It's not nice to say that you feel that someone is unattractive. Why are you so scared to feel it? You're thinking it. It is what it is. So when people are specific about the physical aspects of the people they're attracted to we're so quick to call them superficial or shallow or mean. People want what they want and like what they like, if it just doesn't happen to be you or me that doesn't make us any less beautiful or wonderful. We're just not attractive to them, that one person or those people, big whoop. That's just one or a few opinions, opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one, so what if somebody doesn't like you. A good portion of the people who read my blog don't like me. Does that stop me from spreading my sunshine? Hell fuckin' no.

There is nothing wrong with you liking what you like. If you only like dark skinned men, or light skinned men, or big men, or thuggish men that's your preference and you have the right to have it. Hopefully you find that man of your aesthetic dreams that also has the best heart and soul and all the love in the world for you. That would be your quote-unquote "perfect" man. And I wish everyone that sort of happiness.

Love and relationships are not easy, as we learn and live our lives more than likely we are gonna have to date quite a few people to find someone who fits. That has much more to do with how the person is rather than how they look. Just because someone looks a certain way it doesn't make them a certain way. And just because you are attracted to people that look a certain way that doesn't make you superficial.

Like I said, that whole comment Observer left was just unfounded and dumb. Now I'm starting to see why she didn't sign her full name to her comment. I wouldn't have either. Observer's comment is so the cookie-cutter, knee jerk, typical reaction that an insecure person has to someone who is secure and not afraid to say what it is they want. So thank you Observer for totally missing the point of my blog post, just as I knew someone was bound to do and for being the inspiration of this blog post. People like you are just another reason why I do what I do.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Echo"
by Ciara
from the album "Fantasy Ride"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

People have been asking me lately exactly what it is that I'm looking for in a man. I always thought it was pretty obvious. I want what everybody wants in a companion, right? We all basically want the same things, right? Usually I'd say something like "Oh, I want him to be good looking and nice, etc." When asked this question by a close friend, I gave that answer and he stopped me mid-sentence, saying no, that he wanted me to be specific about the attributes I'm looking for in a man.

He as well as many other people, including many of our favorite celebrities is a big believer in the philosophy of "The Secret" and "The Law Of Attraction". I'm no expert on it, but as it has been explained to me it's putting the things that you want out there in the universe, speaking things into existence, calling those things that are not as though they were, if you will. He believes that you get the things you want in life by proclaiming exactly what is it you want and by putting that energy out there you will attract what it is you so desire. He says that often we put way too much thought, concentration and energy into the things we don't want instead of what we do want, so it's not to even ponder upon those things. He says that it's a waste of energy.

It's all about not so much about physically looking for the things we want, but more about having the faith that the things that we want will come to us if we are open to them. Sounds like good old fashioned prayer to me dressed up in new age clothing. Even the term "calling things that are not as though they were" derives from the Bible. The latter clause of Romans 4:17 says "...calleth those things which be not as though they were". This is one of the cornerstones of the "prosperity teaching" movement championed by many of your favorite televangelists such Creflo Dollar, Paula White and such. Of course this whole thing is very controversial and has its many supporters and opponents in the Christian faith. But I digress.

He has posted on a wall in his apartment a whole laundry list of attributes he wants in a man (no joke) and he has full faith that this man will eventually come to him. So to answer his and everyone else's questions I've decided to publicly post the attributes of my so-called perfect man. I'm writing them as though he already exists and we're already in a loving relationship and I'm just merely describing him to you all. This was actually harder than I thought it would be because I never really say down and thought about this stuff line-for-line. It was also hard not to mention the things I didn't want. Many times during this exercise I had to tame the cynical queen who lives inside of all of us in order to only accentuate the positive. So here it is:

Adam's Example Of The So-Called Perfect Man For Him:
I'm in a loving relationship with a man who is like this. I've broken his attributes down into categories sectioned in no particular order of importance.

Personality:
- He's not bougie and is very down to earth. He knows when to be quote-unquote "classy" and when to be quote-unquote "ghetto". He can adapt to any situation.
- He's a genuinely nice person and always has something nice to say about people, but he's no pushover and is a worthy opponent in a battle of wits.
- He's smart and is excelling in his career field of interest.
- He's confident in himself and his abilities.
- He's a good talker/communicator, but is also a good listener.
- He's not overly masculine and most certainly is nobody's thug but isn't a raging queen either. Most people see him would automatically assume that he's gay and he's cool with that.
- He's not selfish and recognizes the importance of compromise in our relationship.
- It makes him happy to make me happy just like it makes me happy to make him happy.
- He brings out the best in me and I in him.
- He has a good memory like I do.
- He's funny, likes to laugh and can give as well as take a good joke.
- He's a hopeless romantic like I am and believes in the power of love as much as I do.

Relationship Habits:
- Overall he's secure, but can be a little jealous at times.
- He's not argumentative and when we do disagree he doesn't like to end things without a proper, fair and agreed upon resolution.
- He has his own life, but makes time for me and puts me in a special position of respect as his partner.
- He values people and relationships with his own family and friends.
- When he loves he loves hard like I do.
- He's not the type to make me pay for all of the hurtful things his exes did to him.
- He's my biggest fan and I am his.
- He has my back and I have his.

Beliefs and Other Habits:
- He's neater than I am and likes to keep the house clean. He loves washing dishes, especially after I cook and he loves to iron.
- He has my same taste in music, movies, television and most pop-culture (even and especially the weird stuff) and is open to trying new things.
- He does not smoke anything or do any drugs but likes an occasional social drink.
- He is out and has no issues with being gay. He's so pro gay that he's damn near an activist.
- He had the same core religious beliefs and political affiliations as I do.
- He does not stress money and material things but instead puts more thought and energy into helping others.
- He's frugal and good with money, especially saving money, some even call him cheap at times. He just knows what to and what not to spend money on.
- He's an optimist and always sees the glass half full.
- He's consistent, faithful and always keeps his word.
- He always smells good.
- He has great hygiene habits, like exceptional.
- He's punctual and encourages me to be as well. You can damn near set your watch on his arrival.
- He's very supportive and encouraging of my dreams and aspirations.
- He's a hustler (not in the illegal way). He can't stand procrastination and is very much a "don't talk about it be about it" kinda guy.
- He's really into eating right and exercise. He often stops me from eating things I know I shouldn't be eating.
- He likes to read and encourages me to do more reading.
- He's into the arts and cultural stuff that I think is boring, like Broadway-caliber theatre, art museums, opera and stuff like that, but isn't an elitist snob about it and understands my distaste for these things, but drags me to them anyway.
- He's not perfect, but is a big believer in "The Golden Rule", has a strong conscience and always strives to do the right thing, and corrects me when I don't.
- He feels the same way I feel about children.
- He tells the truth and is honest, even if it hurts, but doesn't use it as an excuse to be an asshole.
- He takes pride in his physical appearance and mine.
- He lives life to the fullest, not taking anything for granted.
- His dream is to find the perfect man, settle down and live happily ever after.

Miscellaneous:
- His friends and my friends get along.
- He has a career in or a strong interest in fashion and can dress me when needed.
- His family is cool with him being gay and in turn they are really cool with me.
- He's really cool with me doing this blog and often suggests things that I should write about. When he has time he even proofreads it for me. I help him out however I can with his career as well.
- He has no criminal record.
- He lives in New York City. He loves New York as much as I do and has no plans to leave.
- His dream residence is some kind of multiple floor rooftop loft with great views of the city either in Brooklyn or Manhattan.
- He likes cats, especially Keisha, my cat.
- He can handle my super-religious family.

Physical and Tangible:
- He's shorter than me (I'm 6'0), actually he's 5'9 or less.
- He has a skinny, slim, slender, or petite build (height and weight proportionate, normal or underweight on the BMI chart) and weighs at least 10-15 lbs less than I do (I'm 160-165 lbs).
- His body is smooth, with hardly any body hair like me and whatever hair he wants to get rid of he regularly shaves and/or waxes.
- He has a ceasar-based short haircut.
- He only has piercing in his ears.
- People would describe him as pretty or a pretty boy.
- He's my age or younger.
- He has nice teeth and a beautiful smile.
- He's a great dresser.
- He's of African American or Hispanic descent or somehow has those mixed into his adjacent ancestry.

Sexual Characteristics:
- He is a bottom and has no issues with it and appreciates me being a top as much as I appreciate him being a bottom.
- He loves my dick just as much as I love his ass.
- He loves to suck my dick.
- He loves it when I eat him out.
- He's kinda freaky and is open to trying new things with me but hates threesomes and other group sexual activities like I do.
- He's not as open to the public with his sexuality as I am. Most people know him as a good boy, but he's a super freak behind closed doors.
- He understands the value of foreplay and a long passionate love making session as much as he does a quickie.
- He'll let me get some on the first date and not feel all weird about it.
- He has great hygiene habits, like exceptional.
- He regularly shaves and waxes the nether regions as needed.
- He is a sexual person a high sex drive like I do.

Overall:
He's the perfect man because he makes me feel perfect, he makes me better and I do the same for him.

So there it is, that's him Mr. Perfect, he's all that stuff. The jury's still out on whether I one-hundred percent believe that just because I proclaimed all of this stuff that this guy is just gonna up and ring my doorbell tomorrow. Either way it's good to have all my thoughts and wishes in such an organized format. 'Cuz often times we say that we know what we want but do we really? This exercise was a real eye opener. So what is your perfect man like? Or this this a whole bunch new age mumbo-jumbo?

==========
Playing In The Background...
"M-A-N"
by Chante Moore
from the album "Exposed"
==========

Addendum: Please be advised that the above is a long-ass list and the chances of someone coming along and possessing every one of the attributes listed is damn near impossible. I realize that. The exercise called for perfection and this is my perfect man and in the realm of perfection there's no need for holding back. Although there are a few deal breakers listed. Anyway, don't be hater and let me have my fantasy.
- Adam

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

Someone alerted me to this a few minutes ago. I totally forgot about this.

I did a second appearance on Nathan "Seven" Scott's "Vantage Point" show way back in June.

Check it out:

For more of Nathan's projects check out his YouTube channel.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Hot N Cold"
by Katy Perry
from the album "One Of The Boys"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Today is a wonderful-ass motherfuckin' day. As I sit here on my bed today, early in the morning, typing this blog post with the sun shining through my window as Queen Latifah coos about "georgia roses" while Stevie Wonder plays the harmonica in the background I have just realized that this is the first time in my romantic life that I am not looking for a boyfriend.

It's always been one thing or the other. I've either had a boyfriend or was on a search for one. Now I'm not doing either and believe it or not (that statement addressed more toward my belief than yours) the shit is okay. I didn't mean for this to happen, it just kinda did. I just got out of a bad situation, you know, tryna heal and what not. The usual knee-jerk response would have been to go in for the rebound with the first person who showed me any attention, but not this time. Usually after every bad breakup the next guy I end up with is someone I really don't want, but just someone who's nice to me and in some cases actually worships the ground I walk on. Once I fully get over the initial breakup and get back on my feet again, I snap out of it, look over at the other side of the bed in disbelief at the mess I've made and abruptly break it off with the rebound guy, with no genuine regard for his feelings. I meet another jerk and the process goes around again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. At this point I've been through enough shit in my love life to know now at twenty-five what it is I'm looking for and I just don't see the need to mess around with someone for rebound's sake and use them just for the sake of having company. It's so messy and such a dead end road. So to that I say... ummm... err... you know what? I'm good.

All of that rebound shit was all due to me lying to myself. Lying and saying that I'm good, that shit didn't hurt me, that the prior relationship was nothing, that I don't need time to heal. That I'ma just move right on to the next bitch. In turn trying to make something work with someone who I knew good and well that I didn't want just to fill an empty space inside of me. Using them, playing with their emotions. Boy do I know how that feels. It feels terrible, it's selfish and it's shitty, to say the least. One thing I can say at the end of this my bad breakup is that that shit was payback for all the fucked up shit I've done to others. That little nigga put me through it, but it's all good. With all debts paid up and the slate clean I'm open to have something real come to me. So just in case you're out there currently fucking, or have fucked someone over, trust and know that that shit will come back to you in a pretty little package to bite you in the ass and it won't be pretty.

One of the promises that I made to myself coming into 2008 was that this year I was going to start cultivating new friendships instead of always being on the hunt for the next date. I'm a person who values my friendships like gold, they mean so much to me, the dates, the fucks, the boyfriends, they come and go, but I have friendships that span several years. Due to this their volatility, over time romantic interests have become less and less important to me and to you too I'm sure, because really, how many of your ex-dates are you cool with? So this year I've made a few really good new friends and have done all I can to stop things from ever crossing the line.

Case in point. I met a guy this summer, a fellow blogger. I was instantly attracted to him and I found out subsequently that he was attracted to me as well. Upon further investigation we found out that we're both tops and therefore sexually incompatible. From that point we decided to just be friends and in the months since we've grown to be just that. What's funny is that the more I got to know him the less attractive he became to me and vice-versa I'm sure. So instead of trying to force things into an awkward boyfriend situation that would have been broken up by now I gained a good good girlfriend which I'll probably have forever.

So, what do I do about sex? Good question. Y'all know me, as much masturbating to Nubian101 as I do to get by I'ma still need me some ass every so often. Well kids as of late I've learned to appreciate the jumpoff. You know, someone who's kinda like a friend, you're cool with them, but they're not like your bestie, your BFF, or your ace. They can spend the night and even cuddle with you but they also know when it's time to go home. Your time together is your time together and anything else you all do when you're not together isn't up for discussion or concern. They're in your life mostly for the sex and you're in theirs mostly for the same thing. You don't hate your jumpoff, it's quite the opposite but, you're not in love with them and for whatever reason you can't see yourself ever actually being with them either. Back in the day I'd get too emotionally attached to anyone who I was having sex with regularly and would want more, but I've grown to realize that in the case of the jumpoff that ruins things. I've learned to appreciate the beauty of the jumpoff relationship now, because it is quite a beautiful thing.

So, what about love? I'm not your typical cynical-ass queen who's been burned and has stopped believing in love, no not at all. I very much do believe in love. I just believe that it will come when it comes and I'm not rushing it or standing in its way. Like I said before I know what I want. So when the right guy comes along with all or the most important of the things I want and need we'll get together. In the meantime I'm gonna continue to work on me, working, writing my blog, going to the gym, writing my book, being the best me I can be until that day comes, but in the meantime I'm really not worried about it. Y'all didn't hear me, I'm like seriously not worried about finding a man. That was not just a sentence I typed, that was big. I'm like seriously not worried about finding a man. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and off my mind. It's, it's effin' beautiful man.

I feel free now. I'm more honest now. If I only want someone for sex, I tell them. I don't lead them on to think that there will be more. I've been running into people online or out in the streets that I wronged before, like people I fucked (or didn't quite fuck) and stopped returning their phone calls and shit like that and I'm apologizing to them. I just wanna be right, it's such a great feeling. Even if someone online asks me why I'm not replying to their messages, whether it's because I'm not attracted to them or whatever. I tell them the truth and even why I'm not attracted to them if they ask. The whole online thing has ceased to be a search for "the one" and has become only but a mere source of entertainment for me as of late. I've been running into some really peculiar characters lately who have served as great sources of writing inspiration.

You know, that Jesus was really onto something when he said "...Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32).

Free yourselves.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Georgia Rose" feat. Stevie Wonder
by Queen Latifah
from the album "Trav'lin' Light"
and
"Moratorium"
by Alanis Morrisette
from the album "Flavors Of Entanglement"
and
"I Believe In Love"
by Syleena Johnson
from the album "Chapter 2: Pain And Forgiveness"
and
"Integrity"
by Daryl Coley
from the album "When The Music Stops"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 07:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Now I have done some mildly freaky shit in my life, but for the most part I'm pretty traditional about mine, that's my choice. But writing this blog, hearing from you all and being exposed to all different kinds of people and all different kinds of things has made me pretty open and non-judgmental. I've basically seen and heard it all, if not live, most certainly on the internet, so at this point nothing really surprises me. I'm pretty much the "If you like it I love it as long as you're not hurting anybody" type of guy. But every once in a while something will come along that will make even me raise an eyebrow.

Someone just sent me this message online:

"What up son. I got a wyld fetish for dudes that SNORE when they be sleep. If you smoke or drink, dont deny that shyt- you snore. dont be embarressed cuz I like snoring. Im about to be real with you: Im tryna make you nutt in your sleep "ON THE PHONE" while you snoring. Be honest and real about your snoring cuz the louder you snore- the better that shyt is yo. I know it sounds weird but its sexi as hell!!! If you snore and this phone shyt sound good, hit me back wit a message letting me know how bad you snore. If you not feeling this, let me know so I can let you fall back and you wont get messaged again. This is no joke and im very serious- trust me, you go be feeling this shyt when I do it! Make sure you hit me back son. open yo pix if they locked. *if you got fuked up feet or you feminine, do not respond - just put me on block*"

A snoring fetish. What the fuck?

That's a new one.

Too freaky for me.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Can We"
by SWV
from the album "Release Some Tension"
==========

PS: I don't snore anyway.

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

==========
Don't you just love it when you hear a song that summarizes your life and exactly what you're going through at that moment. I was on the train the other day and this song came on my iPod and I almost busted out laughing. I always loved this song (and Christina Milian I'm a huge fan of her and her beautiful self), but now it carries with it an even greater meaning. Christina, how'd you know?

Play this as you read this blog post:
Christina Milian
"Foolin'"

==========

Hey everybody,

It's been forty-one days and forty-one nights since the last time we talked, sure I've written about some stuff, answered some questions and have even given some advice but it's been a while, forty-one days to be exact, since we talked expressly and specifically about me. For anyone who hasn't read the last "Life Update" post, click here to check it out and catch up before you continue.

When we last left off I was depressed, recovering from the embarrassment of having a not-so-great turnout at that "No Shade" party thing I was involved in planning back in August and I had finally put my foot down regarding breaking things off with Pubby and had taken the drastic measure of changing my phone number to ensure that I wouldn't go back on my word.

The day I posted that last "Life Update" post, September 1st, Pubby called me, we talked for a while and I told him that I was changing my phone number and that I was not giving it to him and that I didn't wish to speak to him any longer, that I was tired of him using me, loving me in private and not in public, it hurt way too much. I was tired of being played and tired of the back and forth. I was tired of loving someone who didn't love me the same way. We ended our phone conversation awkwardly. Once the blog post I wrote about it was published he replied to it, it shocked me to see his name in my email box as he'd never replied to any of my blog posts before. But as he said in the letter he only replied to my blog post because that was the only way he could contact me. I read his letter and it was more of the same ol' thing, more of him turning things around and not taking any responsibility for his part in anything, as usual, like I'm crazy. I read it two more times and I deleted it. I deleted it from my email box. I deleted it from my phone. I deleted it from the server. I deleted it from my life. As much as it bothered me to do it I let him have the last word. We haven't communicated since. It's really over.

Many of you criticized me for doing something as drastic as changing my phone number to solidify a breakup, saying that I was only running away from my problems. With all the love in my heart I must say, no offense, but fuck you all, ye naysayers. Changing my phone number was the best motherfuckin' thing I've done in a long time. As the weeks rolled by, the act of changing my phone number became less of necessity and more of a symbol, a symbol of my strength, strength to admit that I was weak and needed a change. If I were as strong then as I am now I could have kept my perfect phone number the way it was, but I wasn't. Sometimes when you're not strong enough to walk away from something you've gotta run away, hence the change of phone number. In the past I've compared my relationship with Pubby to a drug addiction and when you wanna get over a drug addiction you go to rehab. When Britney and Lindsay and all the pop tartlets we know and love go to rehab they it's always located far away from the drug-ridden clubs of LA and New York because there's no way you're gonna get off drugs if you're around the shit all the time. That's why most rehab centers are in Idaho and Utah and other middle-of-nowhere, out-of-the-way places. No matter what anybody says, you are responsible for your happiness and your sanity. Do whatever you must do to maintain it and if people can't understand it, fuck 'em, with all the love in your heart. (LOL)

The more I took the focus off of Pubby and myself with him and onto me, I realized that I didn't want to call him and I was glad that he couldn't call me. Yeah, we could have emailed each other, but I didn't and he didn't. What I did was the best thing for me, I deserve to be happy, I deserve someone who is absolutely nuts about me the way I was for him and in a secondary way what I did was the best thing for him too, with me out of the picture he could stop using me as a crutch and focus on the person he's with. There's no hard feelings and I wish him all the best. PRAISE THE LORD, it's really over, no more "Foolin'" for me. I'm free, thank you Jesus.

In other news I'm very proud of myself because I've really gotten up on my exercise game. I've been in the gym at least four to five times a week for the past few weeks in preparation for the fall photo shoot I'm planning and because it's just good for me. It's about time I change the face of the blog again. I'm officially 25 so it's time to put all the silver shit away now. Look for a new photo shoot and a blog redesign in the next couple of weeks.

As far as my book is concerned it's in the research and development stage. I want to thank everyone for all of the numerous inquiries about the status of the book. It's coming, but I'm definitely not trying to rush it. As I've said many times before my life is a constant fight, a struggle against mediocrity and I refuse to put out just any ol' mediocre-ass book. So many books get published every day and slide right under the radar. I definitely don't want that for my book, but to answer your questions again, it's coming along. A special thanks to James Earl Hardy for all of his support and advice regarding my first book.

There are also other HUGE developments underway that I can't even speak on as of yet and I'm SO excited about them.

I wanna thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and encouragement and emails and MySpace and Facebook messages. I get them all I read them all and they encourage me sooooooo much, more than you probably realize. ((MUAH))

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Playing In The Background...
"Foolin'"
by Christina Milian
from the album "So Amazin"
and
"So What"
by Pink
from the album "Funhouse"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 07:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

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Pictures:
- Model and iconic New York socialite Amanda Lepore & Me. It took everything inside of me not to wiggle my face in her breasts.
- Model/icon/my homegirl Isis Tsunami, Me (lookin' like I just ate a whole bucket of chicken LOL) and Laverne Cox of "I Want To Work For Diddy".
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Isis and I attended the Paper Magazine, Patricia Fields party on the Upper East Side last night. It was a trendy shindig, fashion forward, more like fast forward, attended by models, designers and the people who they plus-oned, along with a plethora of New York's most infamous socialite eccentrics. We stopped by for a while, did our twirl, had some drinks, mingled a little, did a little networking and then left to find some real food.

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Playing In The Background...
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough"
by Diana Ross
from the album "Diana Ross"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

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With this post I'm launching a new category, "Ask Adam..." where you can send me all of your life, love and relationship questions. I'll try my best to answer them here on the blog and other readers will be able to weigh in too. And of course whatever you send will be kept anonymous.

Enjoy.

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to be
possibly shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.
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Living my life openly and freely as a gay man here in New York, yet struggling to find to true love, sometimes it's easy to forget about the struggles my gay and transsexual brothers and sisters are going through all across small-town America and around the world just to be themselves. There's so much that us big city gay folks, especially us here in New York City take for granted. Receiving a letter from a small town reader puts so many things into perspective. Here's his letter:

What's happenin' Adam.

I'm kind of new to your blog but I gotta question for you. What would you do if you realized that the people in your life that you call friends and family don't really love you? I'm 19, living in a small town, Monroe, Louisiana and I've been struggling for a long time about coming out to my family and closest friend, but last night I realized that if I was to come out to them that it would change our relationship for the worst, if not end our relationship. Because you already know that being gay in the black community is not really accepted, so you can imagine how it is in a sort of small city where everyone is very religious. But even though I pray that my family would accept me for who I am and not let it be a big deal that I'm gay, I know that they wouldn't be okay with it because I was raised not to be okay with it. I think that's why I have such a hard time accepting it myself. But yeah, back to the question, how would you handle knowing in the back of your mind that these people that you love besides all their flaws, wouldn't love you if they knew the real you?

Oh yeah, and I wanna say I think you a real cool dude and keep doin' what you doin' because even though I'm not at the point in my life where I can live life comfortably I'm glad I can see people like you do it and give me courage to do it myself.
- Small Town Boy

Small Town Boy I'd like to say that I'm honored that you would entrust me with such a serious, potentially life altering question, I really do appreciate that.

Okay, first off I need to let you know that it's not necessarily that your family and friends don't love you or wouldn't love you if they found out that you were gay. It's that the gay thing is something that they don't understand. Human beings are known to fear what we don't understand and out of that fear we defend ourselves, striking back against that thing.

As with your family and close friend and most of our society at-large, their issues with homosexuality and homosexuals are a result of cultural conditioning and religious belief. Religion is a very powerful thing. To have billions of people believe in and obey something, based on fear, whether it be the words of the Bible, the Torah, the Qu'ran, etc., wholeheartedly, with no questions asked is power of unfathomable proportions. Religion has been the force behind every war on this Earth since the beginning of time. Everybody believes that they're doing their god's will, that only their religion is right, so much so that they are willing to fight and die for it. So if someone's religious texts condemn homosexuality, as all three of the aforementioned texts do, the followers of those religions will also. For you, who is someone your family and close friend presumably love and care about to come out and say you're a homosexual, in their mind you are making them choose between supporting you and supporting their god. Their god is usually gonna win.

This reminds me of when I came out to my parents, who are ministers and are super religious. My mother actually came to me about four years ago about being gay. She asked me and I told her the truth, that yes I am gay. Wanna know what the first thing she said to me was: "You know you're going to hell, right?" See, religion, in it's truest form. Adherents using fear as a way to keep themselves and each other in line. When I heard her say that I wasn't even offended because I knew that's what she was gonna say because that's how we were raised. That's religion. It's when she told me that "If you continue in this lifestyle you'll be dead before you're thirty." that really hurt. Just now, four years later I'm finally over it and only because I know that that statement was just a product of fear and of course I don't believe or receive any of it. I will not only see thirty, but I will live prosperously and abundantly long, long, long after it. But her saying that still has left put damage on our relationship that will probably never be fully repaired.

On a side note let me say to my straight readers out there: Be careful what you say if ever your child was to come out to you and say that they're gay. Granted, it may not be what you want for them, but it's their life and you can't live it for them. Although your child coming out my be devastating news to you, you cannot respond out of anger and fear. Remember, after all the shock and anger that's still your child and if you want to retain a healthy relationship with him or her after such a sensitive time you must choose your words carefully.

After I came out to my mother that day I went to work that night and jumped on Craigslist looking for apartments because I figured that my religious parents would not have a homo living in their house. Surprisingly, my mother wanted me to stay, probably in an effort to keep closer tabs on me, but stay nevertheless. I stayed until they moved down south two years ago and I moved into my own apartment here in New York. This goes to show that sometimes our family and friends won't necessarily react as harshly as we think. Sometimes we have to give them a little more credit. So from that day on my mother knew, I knew and for the next four years we lived in a stalemate. I was respectfully living my life as a gay man, being respectfully discreet around my parents and she lived in her denial, hoping that it was just a phase I was going through, until a few months ago when I officially came out to my whole family.

The main reason why I was so apt to come out to my mother when she asked me was because I was prepared. If she were to kick me out that day I had a full time job and was mentally and financially prepared to live elsewhere if need be. Being gay or being anything outside the norm calls for being fiercely independent. Unfortunately because we live in a society and among people who don't fully support us we must be able to fully support ourselves (and one day hopefully each other, but that's a whole 'nother blog post). I was 21 when I came out and you are now 19. Where do you work? Are you going to school? Are you financially and mentally prepared to live elsewhere if your family wanted nothing to do with you? It's wonderful to be out and free like a grown-up, but business must be taken care of first. If you are dependent on your parents to take care of you then you are still a child, living in their house and are bound by their rules. If you wanna live by your own rules then you gotta get your own house. If you want your parents to respect your lifestyle, you must first respect theirs.

So for now if you cannot take care of yourself I say don't come out just yet. Get a job, save your money, make preparations to get your own place, preferably out of that town and in a place like New York or if you wanted to say in the South, I'd suggest Atlanta. In a bigger city there are more opportunities for you as a young person in terms of work and education. There are also gay districts in cities such as these which will make for better social opportunities, better for you to possibly find new friends and a mate. Large cities like Atlanta and New York are filled to the brim with small town immigrants yearning to breathe free.

Coming out to my whole family later down the line was no big deal to me because I'm independent. I live on my own and don't ask anyone for anything. Being independent, even though all of my family may not agree with everything I do with my life, they have to respect me because I'm my own man. I would not get that same respect if I had my hand out asking them for money every three seconds. And as a result coming out to them was easy and they took it even better than I thought. Being on your own makes coming out so much easier for you and them and they'll respect you more for it.

I know that it's painful to live in the closet when you really want to be out, but you must understand how important timing is with all of this. Unfortunately so many of us, gays and transsexuals come out way before we are ready, thinking with our emotions and not with our heads. Many of us come out in our teenage years, parents kick us out and we are out on the streets with incomplete education and no place to go. This road usually leads to unhealthy relationship choices, prostitution or other illegal means just to stay alive. This is tragic but it doesn't have to be this way. As horrible as living in the closet is, due to the society we live in, sometimes it's necessary for a while, especially if we are dependent on someone else for our survival. Our ultimate goal should be to become independent so we can live our lives however we see fit. So devise a plan and think before you act.

As far as your close friend or any friend is concerned. We can't choose our family, but we can choose our friends. Any friend that would have an issue with you being who you are is someone you don't need in your life. But in my experience, my straight friends, even the male ones were much better about me coming out than even my family members. If someone is really your best friend, you being straight or gay shouldn't matter. If it does then that's not your friend. But as far as your individual case is concerned I would say because you live in a\that small town where everybody knows everybody it's probably best to tell no one including your friend until you get your plan together.

Now is the time for you to work on you, get your mind right, get your money right, get your education right so you can be the person you want to be and stand on your own two feet. I know being young and not living in the most ideal situation is hard, but you can't rush things. Coming out is big business, basically you are declaring that you are living a different life than the one you we're taught to live. Maybe your parents can deal with that and maybe they can't, but you need to be prepared either way. In a perfect world, gay wouldn't be such a big deal, but unfortunately it is. You wanna be grown, you wanna be free, you wanna live by your own rules? You gotta pay the cost to be the boss. Start devising your plan.

You'll be fine. I promise.
-Adam

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to be
possibly shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.

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Playing In The Background...
"Work That"
by Mary J. Blige
from the album "Growing Pains"
and
"I'm Coming Out"
by Diana Ross
from the album "Diana"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

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Madonna rocking it out at the Izod Center in New Jersey last Saturday night.
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For those of you who wanted to know whether the 168 bucks I spent on the Madonna "Sticky & Sweet Tour" concert was worth it... YES IT WAS! My first big concert ever and it was Madonna, what a way to pop my concert cherry. (LOL) It was even worth the trek out to Jersey, that turned into a damn adventure of buses, trains and a 60 dollar cab ride (the Port Authority of NY & NJ needs to get their shit together as far as their so-called link to the Meadowlands/Giants Stadium/Izod Center complex is concerned). It would have been much easier if we had snagged tickets at Madison Square Garden, but hey it was good to see her wherever we got a chance to. I would have gone to Philadelphia or Atlantic City if I had to. It would have taken just as much time and complication anyway, maybe less.

Anyway, it was a great show with no opening act, honestly she didn't need it. I learned once I got there that our sold out show was her first tour stop here in the United States so everything felt really fresh. She even paused in the middle of the show to say how good it felt to be back in America. If you're going to the concert don't want to know any of the set list don't read any further. I didn't know it beforehand and I have to admit that the surprise factor was nice.

She opened with "Candy Shop" and performed most of the other songs on the "Hard Candy" album (this list is not in the order of the show by the way) including "Beat Goes On" with Pharrell and Kanye West on background screens, "4 Minutes" with Timberland and Justin Timberfake (y'all know I can't stand him) on background screens, "Miles Away", "She's Not Me" in which she exclaimed "Don't you hate it when you have that friend that's trying to be just like you including trying to fuck your boyfriend? Fucking bitch!" and proceeded to kiss all four of her younger female dancer look-alikes (a la the infamous Britney and Christina MTV kiss) before proclaiming that she herself is a "bad ass bitch", a beautiful performance of "Devil Wouldn't Recognize You", "Heartbeat", "Spanish Lesson" and "Give It 2 Me", which she ended the show with.

In between the new songs she performed classics such as "Human Nature" with video of Britney Spears playing in the background, "Music", "Get Into The Groove", "Ray Of Light" "Hung Up", a hot rendition of "Vogue", an even hotter rock remix of "Borderline", she even took an audience request, a playful version of "Open Your Heart" in which she asked for audience participation after admitting that she forgot the words, "La Isla Bonita" complete with authentic Spanish band and dancers (a la her performance of the song at Live Earth last year). The performances of the night were her rousing version of "You Must Love Me", in which her voice sounded incredible, the only thing that would have been better would have been if she would have busted out with "Take A Bow", and my absolute favorite of the night was her performance of "Like A Prayer" which was almost like a religious experience. Also strung throughout the performance were political statements, basically Madonna's views on the issues, view which were obviously liberal, shown on the background screens with Madonna herself taking a few jabs at US vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, even performing in "Palin glasses" for part of the show.

The other star of the show were here dynamic background screens providing a good amount of the spectacle throughout the night, expanding and contracting, rising and falling depending on the needs of the song. The show was a technical masterpiece that runs super smooth and went off without a hitch.

The most incredible thing is that this woman on the stage singing, strutting, dancing, dancing while jumping double dutch all in heels is fifty years old, five years younger than my mother and has more athletic stamina than me, a man half her age. That's crazy! Maybe I need to start doing that yoga and pilates shit too.

If you have tickets to the show, be excited. If you don't have tickets to the show, get tickets. If you can't tickets go on YouTube and watch the pirated video of it with the lights off and save up for the next tour.

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Playing In The Background...
"Like A Prayer"
by Madonna
from her show "The Sticky & Sweet Tour" live at the Izod Center, East Rutherford, NJ, USA
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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Michelle Williams and Me at Columbia records offices here in New York back in April.
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Y'all know I did an interview with Michelle Williams for Bleu Magazine back in April. It ran in their last issue. For those of you who missed I've posted it here just in time for her new album "Unexpected" in stores tomorrow.

Michelle is one of the nicest and most genuine celebrity folks I've ever met. We both grew up in church, her COGIC and I Pentecostal/Apostolic, having such similar backgrounds, we clicked immediately. The interview was so laid back and playful that it hardly felt less like work and more like catching up with an old friend. Here it is:

You can never know what to expect from Michelle Williams. Even her big break appearing in Destiny's Child's "Say My Name" video back in '99 as the newest child of destiny came as a surprise. Then in the middle of all that pop success she did the unthinkable and dropped an under-the-radar gospel album in 2002 and then did it again in 2004 ("Heart To Yours" and "Do You Know" respectively). Along with her music career Michelle has been building quite an acting resume, appearing on TV shows such as the UPN series "Half & Half" and starring on Broadway in "Aida" and traveling with the cast of "The Color Purple". Now she's hitting us with her first pop/R&B/dance record, aptly titled "Unexpected" this summer.

In the interview Michelle, the small town church girl from Rockford, Illinois, and I talk music, ministry, and men... yes, men. How unexpected?

Adam: Michelle, you've always hit us with the unexpected, from your joining with Destiny's Child, to putting out two gospel albums right in the middle of such a successful career in pop music and now with your first solo pop/R&B record entitled "Unexpected". Why do you feel that this is the time to release this record?

Michelle: I did wanna do an R&B album, but what I didn't know was that it was gonna turn into such a dance album. Everything I've done has always been like that though. I like to keep it so nobody knows what Michelle is gonna do. I wanna keep it that way.

How would you respond to your detractors who say you're "backsliding" from your gospel roots? You know how church folk are...

Baby, bye... [laughs] It's like I can't win for losing because I did the gospel stuff at the height of my career with Destiny's Child. If I would have waited they would have been like, "She ain't got no money so now she gon' try to use us and do gospel..." That's why you have to continue to do you and continue to do the things that you know you are to do and I don't think I'm doing anything I'm not supposed to be doing.

'Cuz it seems like it came from your heart to come out and do the gospel albums at such a time...

Absolutely. Everything I do is gonna come from my heart and one day there's a possibility that I will do gospel music when I feel that I'm ready to be committed to that genre.

One thing I admire about you, especially coming from the church world is your openness to everyone. You've worked in many arenas, you played an HIV positive character on the UPN series "Half & Half", you've worked on Broadway and you've done a lot of work with the gays. I know that that's something that's not looked upon so favorably in the church. So how do you reconcile that with your staunch Church Of God In Christ upbringing?

The thing is, I love my upbringing, that's my foundation. I was raised I the church and I was beginning myself to be judgmental. I left home when I was seventeen to go to college and I remember when I went away from home and I had to make decisions for myself. When you grow up a certain way, in COGIC or Pentecostal church you just think that that's the only way and if you're Baptist, get away, if you're Catholic, get away...

"They going to hell!"

Exactly. [laughs] But I think that even within the Pentecostal and Church Of God In Christ movements that's changing with new leadership. But my heart goes out to everybody, everybody struggles, everybody's struggling, I don't care what it is, we're all struggling.

As far as the album, we've heard about "We Break The Dawn" and we've even heard about "Stop This Car" but tell me about some of the other tracks on this album that people probably haven't heard about.

"Hello Heartbreak", that song is hilarious. It's wonderful because it's like, you're in a relationship, but you're like, something's finna hit me around this corner. Then it's like, oh, hello heartbreak! That's what it is. Hey sadness, I knew I was gon' meet you, 'cuz you never fail, you always gon' be around. That's what "Hello Heartbreak" literally says. I have "Lucky Girl". I feel like the luckiest girl in the world because I feel I got a man who understands me so, where I don't even have to open my mouth, he knows how I feel.

That is lucky...

Ain't that lucky? [laughs]

Don't we wish we all had that? [laughs]

Chile... [laughs] I don't have it but...

It's nice to sing about...

Yeah, it's nice to sing about, but you gotta put it out in the air it'll come back to you. "The Greatest", is a song on there that I feel like will soften the hardest heart. That's gon' be my wedding song, when I walk down the aisle, I'ma be singing "The Greatest". Rico Love actually wrote all of those three songs. He actually did the bulk of my album so it's a consistent kinda flow to it.

So as far as solo releases are concerned, is there friendly competition between you and the girls of Destiny's Child, Beyonce and Kelly? Do you look at their solo success as something you could kinda compare yourself to?

I don't know if I'd say competition. We do look at each other and see what each other is doing. We do our own studying of what it is that we wanna do. Now the world will definitely compare us and put us in competition, but we don't do that with each other. I would never be like "Lemme try to one up her..." I wouldn't do that. You just don't do that to your sisters.

You guys are still really close, right? I saw the pictures of you going to Beyonce's wedding and a few other things...

We're all still very, very, very close. Absolutely.

Will there be a reunion?

[Pause] Maybe one day, I don't know..,

Like a tour or something...?

That would be so hot! We could do a ladies tour.

Especially now since you all have records out. You could do your solo thing and then do your thing together.

Yeah, a lot of people have been asking about that.

This is something we don't hear about very much but are you dating anyone?

No! [laughs] It's not true! I'm not dating Henry Simmons. I'm not dating Chris Tucker. I'm not dating nobody.

Just you and Jesus... [laughs]

Just me and Jesus. [laughs] That settles that.

People ask this kinda thing all the time but I want a real answer to this question. Tell us something about Michelle Williams that nobody knows.

I'm actually a fun, outgoing person. People think I'm quiet and meek. People think I'm at home on the altar slinging blessed oil everywhere. They don't know that I'm talking on the phone to one of my homies, I'm shopping. I go out. I enjoy the nightlife...

You "break the dawn..." [laughs]

I "break the dawn." [laughs]

Who are your favorite designers? What do you like to wear? What are you looking forward to in the next couple of seasons?

Now I'm not just saying this because I've had the pleasure of working with this young lady all my professional life, but Dereon (Beyonce Knowles' clothing company). Baby... the jeans and the shoes are something else. I love Se7en Jeans. I have on J Brand jeans right now. It just depends. I love H&M...

Ain't nothin' wrong with H&M...

This coat is H&M. I am not mad. [laughs]

H&M will get you through. [laughs] You put an H&M piece with a couture piece and put it together and make it happen!

Baby... exactly! And nobody knows. I love all kinds of designers as long as I'm comfortable I don't care if it came from the gift shop at the hotel.

Would you want to do a clothing line?

No, I wouldn't personally wanna do one, but I am working on a cosmetics line, a bath and body line. Right now it's in it's infancy stages but I have created my own body crèmes, bath gels, body scrubs, shea butters. I was actually home pouring a little shea butter and candles and all of that stuff. I got a little science lab in the crib, you know.

So, what's next for Michelle Williams? You've pretty much put your hands into everything so do you want to do more acting?

I would love to do more acting. I love the theatre, so hopefully while I'm here in New York I can check out some shows. I actually wanna originate a show. Because in the past two shows I've stepped in and somebody else has already done the role. I wanna do a role where somebody else has to come in behind me.

Michelle Williams
"Unexpected"
2008 Columbia Records
4.5/5

The best thing about "Unexpected" is that it's a good album. It's not as though I didn't expect it to be good, but do you know how awkward it would be for me to have sat and laughed and talked with Michelle Williams that day and to now have to turn around and trash her album. Thankfully the album is good and that's not the case. Church girl said she wanted to make you dance and she's gonna do just that.

The album starts off with "Hello Heartbreak" a cleverly written, electro-flavored, vocodered, dance pop number that's crying to be the next single. It probably won't get much play in urban markets, but the track is so hot that it doesn't even matter. Next there's there's "We Break The Dawn" the poppy first single from the album that gets an urban facelift as "We Break The Dawn (Part 2)" featuring rapper du jour Flo Rida. This should have been sent to urban radio and urban television via a chopped and screwed version of the regular video with footage of Flo Rida spliced in (a la Janet Jackson's "Son Of A Gun (remix)" featuring Missy Elliott and P. Diddy).

Other standouts include the albums second single "The Greatest", a pop R&B song in the vein of Mariah's "We Belong Together" or Mary J's "Be Without You", which is undoubtedly a good song, but a pick in which Michelle and her people played it very safe.

There's also the upbeat, poppy trio of "Till The End Of The World", "Private Party", and "Hungover" which will definitely get the party started. On "Till The End..." my favorite, of the three, I love it when Michelle coos "Will you be my mine, my mannnn..." in the intro.

The leaked track "Stop This Car" gets a slight musical makeover on the album version, making it sound better than it did before. Lastly there are the midtempo revenge ballads "Unexpected", the title track, in which Michelle displays her best vocals on the disc (a la her performance in "Through With Love" on Destiny's Child's "Destiny Fulfilled" album) and the smartly written "Thank U" in which she tanks her ex for cheating on her so that she could finally find the one who was really good for her.

Not only has church girl made us dance, she wiped our tears when were crying, made us laugh and most importantly has given us a good album to listen to.

If you must download, download: "Hello Heartbreak", "The Greatest", "Till The End Of The World", "We Break The Dawn (Part 2)", "Stop This Car" and "Unexpected"

ALBUM IN STORES TUESDAY, OCTOBER 7th, 2008

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Playing In The Background...
"Unexpected"
by Michelle Williams
from the album "Unexpected"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

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One thing I never, ever claimed to be was an expert as I am very much a work in progress. I'm no dummy though, I know what I know but I've never presented myself as anybody's authority. Nevertheless I must be doing something right because behind the scenes people keep on emailing me asking my for advice and I can only shy away but for so long. So here it is people, you've finally rope-a-doped me into it. I'm about to get all Dan Savage on you now. I'm not sure how all of this is gonna turn out, but however it turns out remember, you asked for it, presenting (dun-da-da-dahhh): Adam's Reluctant Advice Column.

Enjoy.

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.

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Today's letter is from a heterosexual female reader who has fallen in love with her bisexual (but mostly gay) best friend. She's a virgin and is having a hard time telling him that even if they were to have sex he'd have to be tested first. In the words of Samantha Jones of "Sex And The City", "Oh honey..." where do I start with this one. Here's her letter:

Hello Adam,
I am pretty sure that I have fallen in love with my best friend. However, he is bisexual. I don't have a problem with him being bisexual, except he is sexually active with mostly men. Recently he asked me to be his girlfriend, but I'm on the fence because my family and our other friends (mainly heterosexual females who would NOT get with a guy who's bisexual) say I should NOT date him because he's my best friend, but MAINLY because he is "GAY" (he says he likes guys more but I'm an "exception" to the rule). So I wanted another point of view.

Do you think its not a good idea for me (a heterosexual female) to get with a bisexual man who is also my best friend?

Secondly, because I am a virgin, if I were to come close to having sex with him (because sexually active people are more likely to have an STD) how do I tell him that I want him to get tested?

I've tried hinting things by saying things like: "I'm taking ALL my boyfriends to the clinic if we were to come close to having sex..." and stuff like that, but I think that saying it directly would hurt his feelings.

Thank you for your time,
- Stressed Out Friend

Stressed Out Friend, how old are you? You sound like a young woman who is a situation she need not be in. You're way too young for the stress. So I'm gonna keep my answer real short and straight to the point.

First of all, yes you do have a problem with him being bisexual. Your words were and I quote "I don't have a problem with him being bisexual, except he is sexually active with mostly men." And there's nothing wrong with you having a problem with him being bisexual. I have a problem with my boyfriends being homosexual with anyone else before they met me, you wanna know why, because I'm human and I'm jealous and whatever I have I want it for myself as do you and that's okay. I personally wouldn't even think about dealing with a guy who deals with women. Bad enough you have to worry about other women around your man (and we all worry to an extent, if we don't worry we don't care), you gotta watch for men too. What the fuck?

You're young and are still learning about life yourself, you're still a virgin. I think the whole bisexuality thing may be too much for you to deal with right now. And as far as you being an "exception"... Shit, how do I say this without getting in a load of trouble... Fuck it. I'm not a big believer in bisexuality, never have been, with me you're basically one or the other, straight or gay. For me to believe that someone is bisexual, two things would have to be evident. One, their sexuality would have to be at a perfect equilibrium and two, everyone, every woman and every man they've ever involved themselves with would have to know about them, everything, every time, both of which are damn near impossible. You're always gonna like one sex over the other and every one you deal with isn't gonna understand or be supportive of your bisexuality enough for you to tell them. Besides, you can't spend your life with two people, eventually you gotta pick one. For someone who has said that they like guys more than girls to tell you that you are the "exception" is bullshit and something you should give no further thought to.

Unfortunately I can't write this guy off as just another triflin' ass , can't-make-a-decision-ass, quote-unquote "bisexual" that you should just stay away from because this "bisexual" just happens to be your best friend, which is even more of a reason not to deal with him. Continue to be his friend, but don't confuse love and support of him for romantic love. Dealing with him romantically is a disaster waiting to happen and you know it, hence your numerous reservations. That's why you wrote me this letter.

Now I must scold you for a moment. I know you did not sit up here and say that you are having difficulty asking him to take an HIV/STD test. Heifer, have you lost your damn mind!?! This is your life here and there is no room for being nice when it comes down to preserving it. No need for hints and pleasantries here. His feelings won't matter when you're sitting up somewhere with a disease. Y'all are supposed to be best friends. Y'all should be comfortable enough with each other by now that this shouldn't be a big deal. He's probably getting tested regularly anyway, at least I hope so. If he really loved and cared about you, he'd understand. Ask him, more than likely he will. This goes for everybody gay and straight. Never be afraid to ask someone to get tested before you have sex. You need to come straight out to him and say 'If you wanna hit this, you gotta get tested!' Period.

You're special and you're a virgin, you need to save your virginity for someone who you know deep down in your heart is the one, and you know that homeboy is not the one. You know, I admire my sister so much for being a virgin until she got married. It doesn't happen much anymore, but it's still possible. I'm not saying that you have to wait that long but you shouldn't feel uncomfortable if you did.

There are way too many reasons why you should not involve yourself with this boy and most importantly you don't sound too convinced about it yourself. I say listen to your instincts and your homegirls, who happen to be his friends too and more than likely have both of your best interests at heart and don't do it. Don't ruin a friendship for a relationship that you know isn't gonna work. Both of y'all are too young for the drama and you are much more than an "exception" or an experiment. Tell homeboy to find another pussy to play in.

You'll be fine. I promise.
-Adam

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.

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Playing In The Background...
"Love And My Best Friend"
by Janet Jackson
from the album "Janet Jackson"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

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This is one of my favorite poems so I decided to repost it. How many times have we let someone get away with treating us not as good as we deserve to be just because they look good or we think that we're not on their level and are in a sense grateful for being in their presence, as though we aren't good enough. It doesn't even have to be looks that make you stay, it could be about the way he makes you feel or the sex or a combination of the three. What's even worse is when we know it's true and we try to rationalize the shit.

Enjoy.

Originally posted on November 10, 2007 11:12 AM
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If He Was Ugly
by Adam Benjamin Irby

If he was ugly...
Would you let him do the things he do?
Would you let him say what he say to you?
Or act the way he acted,
If you weren't so attracted.
And forgive so automatic.
And live life so tragic.
The longing for better days, you trade,
Your sense, you're like an addict.
Why's he such a prize,
Just a sight for sore eyes.
Telling yourself lies,
Under the guise of compromise.
Disdain in your brain,
Numb like Novocaine.
You fold in your pain, like a collar stain,
On a white collared Polo rugby.
Would you treat him so lovely,
If you didn't think you were so ugly?

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Playing In The Background...
"Why You Gotta Look So Good?" feat. Lloyd Banks
by Mya
from the album "Moodring"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 03:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

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I'm reposting this one because it's one of my absolute favorites and it came to my mind because I'm on my way out to the barber shop to see my fine ass barber right now.

Enjoy.

Originally posted on September 5, 2007 7:14 PM
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Ahhh yes, the barber shop. "The Black Man's Country Club," as a black man the barber shop has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. I remember hating it as a child though. Every other Saturday my mother would give my oldest sister money to take me to the barber shop. She would take me to her friend's barber shop to get my hair cut. And of course her friend was the most popular barber in the shop and of course everyone wanted to go to him to get their hair cut and of course it would take all day long. She would make me wait, and wait, and wait for him even as other barbers anxiously stood around with empty chairs. I hated the barber shop so much that I grew a high top for a few years as a child, but even that you have to fade and shape up. The end of the haircut though was always the worst. That spray with the minty green alcohol would sting so much. What the hell did they used to cut my hair with, a rusty meat cleaver?

In my preteen years I changed barbers and started going to the barbershop by myself. I wouldn't have to wait for my sister's barber friend anymore. I could choose any barber I wanted, whoever's chair was free. I was in and I was out. That's until the first time I got "zeeked". Getting zeeked is getting a fucked up haircut. There was nothing you could do to reverse a zeeking, once it's done, it's done. Your only choices were to go bald or stay indoors until your hair grows back right. I got zeeked by this drunken, yellow-eyed barber (didn't realize that at the time) once when I was 13. He cut my hair way too low and I hadn't fully grown into my head yet, and having hair on my head had caused the top of my head not to tan the color as the rest of my face. I looked crazy. When I looked in that mirror and saw my head I wanted to kill him. As a remedy to the situation I went home and pretended to be sick for a whole week until my hair started to grow back. I could not let the whole eighth grade see me looking like that. To this day my mother doesn't even know I was faking that whole thing.

But when I grew into my teen years and now into my adult years started to became more of a pleasure than a mere necessity. Besides the obvious feeling of wanting to look good. I started getting into how sexy some of these barbers are. The barber shop, like most things can be so homo-erotic. Get into it. There's me, the customer in the big leather chair and my sexy ass barber giving dap to his last customer. He flashes his million dollar smile at me and asks "What do you want?" If he only knew what I really wanted, too bad all these other people are around.

I look ahead and see him in the mirror as he walks up behind me to unfurl the black nylon barber cape that he fastens around my neck ever so gently, his every touch sending electricity to the nether regions of my body. I catch a glimpse of his ass as he turns around and begins to fiddle with his barber's instruments. He stands in front of me at 1:30 and then 10:30, his body slightly leaned over cutting my hair down. The light scent of his cologne is intoxicating as I watch my hair drop to the floor. I close my eyes as he slightly brushes his fingers against my face and I let the hum of his clippers relax me.

He stops, switches clippers and steps to me, the closest he's been to my face yet. His left hand lightly lifting my chin as he lines me up. I look at his face, my eyes tracing his strong masculine features and jawline, then I look to the right at the glass cookie jar filled with condoms and lube packets, then down to the left at the bulge in his jeans, then back up into his beautiful brown eyes that hypnotize me, up to his perfectly edged up hairline and back down to his juicy pink with lips with that thin mustache that rides them so perfectly. I want to kiss him so bad I could taste it. If he could only see how hard I am under this cape. If only he knew how badly I wanted him to rip this cape off me and ride me until we both climax.

He pulls back from me, lightly places his hand over my eyes and sprays three strong misty puffs of green alcohol over my head, then he removes my cape and lets me get a once over in the hand mirror. Alas, my haircut is over and I didn't even get to cum. That stings more than the alcohol. I come back down to reality and see all the pictures that line his barber's station. I forgot, he's straight. I conveniently forget that every week I come in.

I look good though, as usual he did a good job and I give him a good tip, not the tip I would have to have given him though if the situation were different. But it's worth it, anything to see him flash that smile at me again. Now I have to find a way to hide this erection I've got and not make eye contact with anyone as I leave the barbershop. I'll be back next week though.

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Playing In The Background...
"Dirty Mind"
by Prince
from the album "Dirty Mind"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

A miraculous thing has occurred. Last night while I was at the gym my best friend called me to tell me that he scored tickets for the Madonna concert out at the Meadowlands in New Jersey tonight. People have been saying that this may be her last tour and tickets have been sold out for months but by some kind of miracle he got tickets. I can't believe it! This is legendary. I'm going to see motherfuckin' Madonna Louise Ciccone, the icon tonight. What's even crazier is that I'm 25 and this is my first big venue concert and it's Madonna. My ticket only cost me $165, even more than my Janet Jackson ticket for the 16th, but whatever, it's Madonna, she's worth it.

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Playing In The Background...
"Candy Shop"
by Madonna
from the album "Hard Candy"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

It seems like every other day I'm finding that someone I know or used to mess with either used to be in porn or is currently starring in porn. It's like every other homo out there is getting dicked down in some porn, as though this is a viable career or something. I mean hey, I'm not one to judge and I watch my share of porn (especially the ones at Nubian101.com), but anyone can agree that porn isn't exactly the healthiest career choice. I'm guessing, straight people help me out here, that this isn't too much of an issue for y'all. As far as how I feel about it all, the past is the past, I wouldn't necessarily say that I couldn't be with someone who used to do porn, but I can say with much certainty that I couldn't be serious about someone who currently has a career in porn. Now if we just fuckin', then it doesn't matter.

As far as me doing porn, I've been asked a few times by a few different companies, and even by a few dates and as flattering as that all is, I have always declined. There's no way in the world I'm doing porn. I already do this blog, I don't wanna totally give my mother a heart attack.

This social climate where it seems like everybody is doing porn now prompted some friends and I to have this conversation the other day. A friend of mine posed the question: How many porn stars have you slept with? I had to think about about it. How many people had I messed around with who had been or are now doing porn? As of about two weeks ago my number is four. I've fucked four porn stars. Two I knew about and two I didn't.

Who they are you ask? You know them. Three of them are currently working. Am I gonna  give up their names? Hell no. Y'all know I'm not messy like that.

So, how many porn stars have you slept with? Comment and let me know.

By the way, if you haven't noticed, the "Comments" link is now at the top of the posts right under the title instead of the bottom.

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Playing In The Background...
"Save The World"
by Girlicious
from the album "Girlicious"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Believe it or not, there are people out there who don't like me. I know, it's crazy right? I've always felt like I'm a pretty likable guy. I've always felt as though if someone didn't like me it's their issue because I try to be the nicest person I can. I pretty much still hold on to that. Regardless of my theory though, there are five people in this city who I know don't like me. And I mean yeah, I have a whole slew of haters, but these five people actually know me, at least kinda sorta, at least they've had interactions with me. Haters and other people who don't know me and don't like me for no reason, they just simply don't matter.

Anyway, like I was saying, there are five people in this city who I know don't like me in varying degrees and for various reasons, but at the end of the day they just aren't feeling the kid. I'm not losing any major sleep over it, but I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me just a little, especially because some of it is my fault.

So, the First Person who doesn't like me, well he has good reason. We kinda used to be friends, casually though, we even messed around once. Well, I flirted with his boyfriend, it was after they broke up, but still it was wrong. That was my bad. I apologized and everything. It wasn't as heartfelt as it should have been but it was an apology nevertheless. I've seen First Person since the incident and we spoke. I mean it has been a long while, but we're far from cool.

The Second Person who doesn't like me doesn't like me because he got into it with one of my good friends. After a while that all subsided and we would speak when we saw each other, but since then he's gotten really friendly with First Person and as of late isn't speaking to me again. This usually wouldn't bother me as I wouldn't even know that Second Person even existed except for the fact that back when things were good Second Person was at my house once visiting me along with my good friend, so we've met previously and on top of that Second Person works at a neighborhood business that I frequent. So I see him at least a few times a week, but we still don't speak.

The Third Person who doesn't like me is someone who I hooked up with two years ago who's mad at me because on that night I mentioned, when my good friend came to my house with Second Person I mentioned casually that Third Person and I messed around. I figured that it was no big deal and we that we're all adults here. In all actuality I was really talking to my good friend, but Second Person happened to overhear. Little did I know Second Person knew Third Person's boyfriend and told him and everyone else who'd listen about it. Yeah, Third Person had a boyfriend, he didn't mention that on the night he came by at three in the morning. All this talk got back to Third Person and he figured that I was out there trying to brag about having had him when it wasn't even like that. He started popping shit with me over the internet talking about how he wanted to fight me. I told him to bring his ass over, he knew the address, it was the same one he came to when he came looking for dick at 3am. He still never showed up. I saw him last week, the first time I'd seen him since this all went down, we didn't speak.

The Fourth Person who doesn't like me, doesn't like me but I'm really not sure why. We met online last year and I thought he was really attractive. He came over and we talked, nothing happened between us and he left. While Fourth Person was over we talked and discovered that we worked in the same industry and he was told me that he needed a job. I gave him the info for my job (which I never do) and told him to pursue it and not to mention that he knew me (because if they knew that he knew me they probably wouldn't hire hi ). That was the last time I heard from him, he stopped calling me. One day I'm at work, I look up and there he is, Fourth Person, he got the job. It wasn't my job though, it was a position lower than mine. Even with that I didn't give him too much attention though because hey, he stopped calling me. I'm not gonna jock him like that, it's not that serious. A week later I got an email saying that he got fired. I kinda wanted to know what happened. My curiosity getting the better of me, I'd hit him up online intermittently, saying hey, even going as far enough to assure him that I was not trying to pick him up. Still no response. One day I was chilling at my friend's house, he came by he saw me there, we spoke and then he left suddenly. I won't be conceited enough to say that I was the reason why he left but I can't help but wonder. I saw him last week as well and we didn't speak. He can't possibly think I had something to do with him being fired, can he?

The Fifth Person who doesn't like me, doesn't like me in a way a little different from the first four. Fifth Person doesn't like me, like me, like romantically. The first time I saw Fifth Person I saw him at his job, I figured that he got down (was gay) and my feelings were confirmed after seeing him around at parties and in the gay-borhoods of the city. For whatever reason I never walked up and talked to him before. I ain't gon' lie, I get nervous trying to approach guys I like, you wouldn't know though, but even with that, the opportunity never really presented itself. One day I saw him online so I sent him a message. I sent it and he never replied back. I checked the message and he opened it. Damn. On another occasion I sent him a message again. I even told him that I'd developed a little crush on him (yeah, I know, that shit was extra), again same result. He's fine, but he's just not feeling me. I know the cardinal online rule, I'm a proponent of it. You send a message, you wait a while, they're still online and you know they opened it, no reply back, they're not interested. The there's no point in being a stalker and making yourself look crazy. It's just that, as fucked up as it sounds, me saying this about myself but, I'm not used to this kinda thing, rejection from somebody I kinda got into like that. Guys I like don't usually reject me, at least not lately, within the past year or so. A part of me wondered, why is he not feeling me? I don't get it. Oh well, I shook the dust from my feet and moved on. His loss.

It's crazy but, as much I'd like to walk up to each one of these five people, stretch out my hand and proceed to talk and mend fences with them I wonder, how realistic is that? Peace talks happen between two parties, but the two parties have to be willing to talk and settle their differences and be cool. Like I said before, I don't lose much sleep over those who don't like me but if I had my way I'd like for us to all be okay. But considering that there are only five people in the world I can think of who are not okay with me, mostly for dumb ass reasons, I'm a really fortunate guy, believe it or not.

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Playing In The Background...
"Womanizer"
by Britney Spears
from the album "Circus"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Yes, I'm another one of those people all into their MySpace and FaceBook pages, checking messages and collecting friends along the way. So many of you have added me and message me on both sites I appreciate it. What I like the most about the whole thing is that I get to learn more about you for a change.

So here are my page links. If you haven't already, be sure to add me.

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Playing In The Background...
"Radio"
by Girlicious
from the album "Girlicious"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A few days ago I put a call out to all the straight male readers of my gay ass blog to email me and let me know how they found my blog, why they continue to read it and what they get from it. I selected three of those letters and posted them here.

I came across your blog a long time ago when I was googleling something about police brutality and I came across [your] story. I read your blog because it lets me know how at least a few gay black people think or view certain things in society. I don't like being ignorant. So many times people form opinions about something before they get all the facts about it. I just really like getting things from all perspectives.

- Bran745

Hey Adam,
I'm a straight guy who reads your blog. Your blog is just entertaining my brother. I honestly don't come from reading it with a very positive opinion on you most times, but its just entertaining always. My wife actually has you favorited on her computer and she turned me on to your blog, been reading ever since. I liked the post about 'heterophobia', it was very interesting. As was the one about men being 'more attractive' than women, I even commented on that one. And for what its worth, I'll mention that I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters: ALL of whom are gay. Keep up the good work my brother,
- Hammer

Wattup Adam?
I'm a straight dude and i've been an avid reader of your blog for a few months now. I first came across your blog by way of a youtube video i saw...you and some guy named derrick acting like clowns...lol...anyway...I'm a music lover (I never leave home without my ipod..it's my baby...lol) and we have similar music tastes..but i can't get with that "Girls Aloud"..I can't give you cool points for them...lol...I'm also a homebody much like yourself and that's probably why i like reading your blog...our personalities are similar (from what i can tell)...plus I enjoy hearing people's point of views and like people who are real...and your story is one that I just find interesting...I enjoy good and honest writing...that's probably why I'm a fan of so many tv shows (i'm a tv whore btw..lol) ...I'm an observer..the proverbial "fly on the all" type of dude...atleast in my opinion anyway...lol...that's all I can conjure up right now..if I think of something else! I'll be sure to let u kno...so continue to write and live and I'll remain the fly on the wall.

- Molden1320

You're a straight male. If you were that into Girls Aloud, I'd worry. (LOL) Check out my post about my favorite UK girl pop group Girls Aloud here.

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)