Remember a while back when I did an interview with television producer Carlos King about a new reality show he was putting together chronicling the lives of the Hot Boyz, a clique of black gay men, popular on the New York party scene. I also talked to two members of The Hot Boyz, Rahlo (the "mother" of the clique) and Reemo (the "father" of the clique) about what we could expect from the show. Well, Carlos emailed me the other day to tell me that the show is done and the trailer has been released.

On the trailer Rahlo, the self-proclaimed "head bitch in charge" narrates an overview of the events we'll see on "The Hot Boyz Show" this season and gives us the run down on all of his "children" as only a true mother can. There's Reemo, the "father" and business partner to Rahlo, no Rahlo and Reemo aren't a couple, but according to Rahlo they have "history". That and their opposing parenting styles always seem to keep them at odds. Then there's Shai, the larger than life party boy whose drinking problem seems to be driving a wedge between mother and son. There's 28 year-old Walter who's trying to repair the strained relationship between him and his biological mother while trying to deal with the pressures of re-jump starting his professional dance career. There's Jai, the only female of the crew who always finds a way to add her own spice to everything. And lastly there's Ronnie, the promiscuous, mysterious, muscle-bound, pretty boy who's chronically unemployed but far from broke.

I'm not sure exactly what to expect from "The Hot Boyz Show" but it's bound to be interesting. Watch the trailer below and stay tuned.

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 04:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

As you guys know, I'm the webmaster/designer of TheBleuMag.com, The official website of Bleu Magazine. Besides that, I'm also a writer for Bleu and music is one of the areas I cover.

So from now on all the music reviews I'd normally write and post here, I will post on their website.

Click here to check out my review.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Dirty Desire"
by Utada
from the album "This Is The One"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 03:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

As you guys know, I'm the webmaster/designer of TheBleuMag.com, The official website of Bleu Magazine. Besides that, I'm also a writer for Bleu and music is one of the areas I cover.

So from now on all the music reviews I'd normally write and post here, I will post on their website.

Click here to check out my review.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"How Does It Feel"
by Keri Hilson
from the album "In A Perfect World..."
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 03:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There's an article about me in the Dartmouth Free Press, the school newspaper of Dartmouth College, an Ivy League school in New Hampshire. It's in relation to my appearance at Yale University's Black Solidarity Conference a few weeks back. Check it out below:

Black Sexuality
Overcoming Homophobia
by Michelle T. Domingue
Published in Issue 9.9 of the Dartmouth Free Press

Twenty-six Dartmouth students packed their things, crammed their bodies and luggage into three cars and two vans, and headed to Yale University, the site of the 14th Annual Black Solidarity Conference. The goal of this two-day gathering of nearly 50 post-secondary institutions, themed “Beyond Black: Our Identity in Technicolor,” was to stimulate healthy, intellectual conversation about issues affecting the black community. Panel discussions encompassed a very broad array of topics: blacks in media and entertainment, spirituality and wellness in the black community, and an analysis of the black family The most intriguing workshop was entitled, “Disrobed: An Exposé of Black Sexuality.” Participants in the this panel stated their goal as, “to examine and engage critically the many historical and contemporary notions that form popular conceptions of black sexuality.”

Black sexuality is at the forefront of many discussions regarding the black community. From debating the perpetuation of misogyny and the sexual exploitation of black women to discussing the clash of orthodox religious beliefs with homosexuality, the topic of black sexuality extends into many areas. To discuss black sexuality in relation to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ) issues, the conference organized a panel comprised of such respected people as YouTube personality B. Scott, upcoming author Adam Benjamin Irby, and Yale lecturer Shana Goldin-Perschbacher.

Standing poised, tall, and energetic, B. Scott made his way across the stage to the seat closest to the moderator, Yale Senior Donté Donald, an African American Studies major. Adam soon followed, dressed in semi-casual clothing, accessorized with diamond earrings and a black leather fitted cap. Finally, Shana took the stage with assertive grace, smiling and waving to the audience as she took her seat next to Adam. Donald launched the round with a question addressing the comfort level of the black community with people of different sexual orientations and gender identities. Adam broke the momentary silence of the room by stating that the black community is “not as comfortable as [it] should be,” and in order for genuine progress to continue, “integration is key.” The “integration” Adam refers to is the successful coexistence of blacks of varying sexual orientations and gender classifications. He also commented on the desire of members in the black gay community to push legislation regarding same-sex marriage. Adam asserted that no results would arise without other blacks’ “acknowledgement of black homosexuals as ‘regular’ people. We can worry about legislation after we gain support from our own communities.”

The message Adam conveys reinforces the need to end all forms of segregation. Historically, the black community has been ostracized by whites who insisted on their racial superiority. Since this color barrier already exists, why do people insist on further fragmentation of a community that is already a minority? This question has yet to be answered by those who continue to hold prejudiced beliefs, stemming from religion or from parental influence. Rutgers University Senior Dymir Arthur brought up these concerns, questioning the panel about “religion and homophobia within the black Church.” With a piercing, concerned glare, B. Scott nodded his head and cracked a slight smile before deeming it “ironic [that] homophobia exists within the [black] Church.” He further stated that a “large portion of the choir members, deacons, and sometimes the preachers” engage in homosexual activity or openly identify themselves as gay. The irony comes into play when, according to B. Scott, ministers then stand before their congregations and “focus on the condemnation of men,” rather than “focus[ing] on teaching others to become more Christ-like, who teaches all to love, accept, and uplift fellow men.” The message is clear. According to B. Scott, these “Men of God” are essentially “responsible” for many things, including “the increase in HIV/AIDS cases and teen pregnancies” in the black community because they refuse to “talk about these things in church.” This in turn creates “a mentality that people should be ashamed of themselves,” leading to a decrease in the use of protection during sexual encounters. B. Scott further said that when people fail to practice safe-sex methods, they develop a sense of “worthlessness” and a “loss of respect for themselves and for the people they’re involved with.”

The intersection of black sexuality and the black church lies at the center of much of the debate about the black community’s regard for black homosexuals. Conflict arises due to the black church’s emphasis on the specific gender roles traditionally associated with each sex. Aja-Monet Bacquie, a nationally acclaimed “spoken word” poet from Sarah Lawrence College, questioned performative identities and gender schematics, asking more explicitly, “How do we change the way we perform identities that perpetuate stigmas [of] the black gay community?” Shana responded by suggesting if “one is aware of one’s urges, then requests or proposals can be made to the culture by nonviolently resisting [those] ‘boxes’ we are placed into at birth.” The “assimilation and normalization” to which black Americans are subjected further accounts for the “limited respectability” and “subtle discrimination” that arises when some embrace “non-conformity.” Shana believes that ultimately, this “normalcy” becomes “translated into different spheres,” such as sexes and socio-economic statuses. She expanded on this notion by reminding the audience, “the human character is dynamic.” This statement epitomizes the exact idea that needs to become accepted by the black community.

Disregarding the unfamiliar and unknown does not advance any person’s understanding. Dialogue and discovery dictate what the black community should try to accomplish. This de jure segregation will eventually become such a detriment to the race as a whole that marginalization may again occur in the future. Regardless of what anyone’s sexual preferences may be, everyone should take advice from the spiritually wise B. Scott and “let your light so shine.” The black community should not be reduced to simple color; instead, it is made up of an array of different personalities and beliefs that comprise the unique facets of beautiful black gems. Urge others not to discriminate—educate them about other people’s experiences, and elevate their minds. Black people, stand up for your fellow brothers and sisters as we move toward a higher mark as ordained by no one else but us.

Click here to check out the article on the Dartmouth Free Press' website.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Extra, Extra" feat. Keith Sweat
by Immature
from the album "The Journey"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 04:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

==========
Welcome to yet another "Ask Adam..." blog post. Where readers of the blog send me their life, love, sex, relationship and other pressing questions. I'll do my best to answer and advise them here on the blog and other readers will be able to weigh in too.

Enjoy.

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.
==========

Today's letter is about another situation I'm sure we've all been through in some way or another...

Hey Adam,

I'm in a pretty confusing situation. There's this boy I like but he's "straight", although, I don't get that impression at all. He's asked me to kiss him on various occasions, asked me whether I'm after just sex or a boyfriend, said he'd suck me off on one occasion and seems to stick to me like glue at house parties.

I've been contemplating confronting him about it, asking what the deal is "Are you bi?" "Are you gay?" etc, but my friends tell me not to 'cause it could ruin everything I have with him.

What would you advise I do?

Do you think it's likely he's bi-curious or just playing with my sexuality?

 -Confused In A Confusing Situation

Dear CIACS,
Oh brother... here goes yet another probable bi-curious closet case playing with a gay boy's emotions. I can't go all the way out on a limb and say that yes this guy is unequivocally gay, but if he's said and done the things you said, but still maintains that he's "straight" then he's obviously curious and probably wants to be experimental on some level.

See the problem I have with this type of situation is this. Already, gay men are portrayed as desperate whores who will sleep with anything with a penis by the media. How many times have you seen a movie or a TV show with a gay man who has a crush on every straight man he sees? Images like this would lead a straight man to believe that every gay guy is gonna naturally fall over him, because hey, that's what gay guys do, we want every man we see. I've said that to say this, this guy is obviously playing games with you. He's only playing this game with you because he knows that you will let him continue to get away with it. He can live his otherwise straight life with the rest of the world while testing out his secret gay curiosities on you. I mean why not, you're a gay guy, you're desperate for his attention anyway, right? Not right.

The question is not of him being gay, we don't know, the jury's still out on that one. The question is about you being gay and better than this situation. My advice to you is to confront him on it, be straightforward and real about it, be like "Yo, you talking about sucking my dick, you always all up on me, talkin' about how you wanna kiss me and whatnot, my dude, are you gay?" Having it put to him that way will shock his ass into either admitting it to himself and moving forward or into leaving you alone and moving onto the next desperate fag that will entertain his foolishness. Let him know that if he's gay or bi, it's okay to be that, if he's straight, it's okay to be that (without all the hanky panky talk), but don't allow him to continue to play with your sexuality and your feelings. You're no toy and you're no experiment. I mean shit, you may as well, you ain't got shit to lose, 'cuz for y'all to ever be together, he's gonna have to admit that he's gay anyway. Confronting him is a way to make him confront himself about his possible homosexual feelings, so you're actually doing him a favor.

As far as what your friends said about not confronting him as not to lose what you have with him? What kinda low self esteem having bitches are you hanging out with? You ain't got shit with him and nothing to lose. Confront him for once and for all, end the games now.

-Adam

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"You Gets No Love"
by Faith Evans
from the album "Faithfully"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

==========
Welcome to yet another "Ask Adam..." blog post. Where readers of the blog send me their life, love, sex, relationship and other pressing questions. I'll do my best to answer and advise them here on the blog and other readers will be able to weigh in too.

Enjoy.

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.
==========

Today's letter is about a situation I'm sure we've all been through in some way or another...

Hey Adam,

I'm new to your blog and I must say that I really love it. I know that you sometimes give advice on issues, so I wanted to get your advice on something. I'm a 25 year old male and I've been dating dudes for a while. Recently my best friend said that he was talking to someone online that sounds a lot like a dude I used to date. Come to find out it was and he asked me if it was okay to talk to him. I told him do what his heart tells him to do, but deep down I really don't like the idea. Me and the dude were not serious or anything. My question to you is, when is it ok for friends to date the same dude or is it ever? I know its kind of difficult in this lifestyle not to run into this but it still gets under my skin.

 -Over It

Dear Over It,
In the words of Kim Catrall a.k.a. Samantha Jones from "Sex And The City", I must say to you, "Oh honey..." I wish I could feel sorry for you, but unfortunately you've done this to yourself, you've fucked on your bed and now you have to lie in the wet spot. Before we get into your specific situation, I'll answer your general question first.

Yes, the gay scene and more specifically, the ethnic gay scene is a microcosm of a microcosm, so even here in New York, the largest city in this great nation of the United States you're bound to run into some of the same players in different capacities from time to time. The situation of 'my best friend wants to date my ex' is all too common and now that I think about it I'm kinda surprised that it's taken this long for this particular issue to have come up here. I can't give a solid general answer as to whether this whole thing is universally okay or not. I believe that it should be dealt with on a case-by-case, person-by-person basis, contingent upon the parties involved.

In my experience I've tended to look at things this way. If I'm broken up with someone, like really broken up, all emotional and sexual ties have been severed, a considerable amount of time has elapsed, all wounds have healed, and better yet, we've even become amicable or friendly, and that person that I have broken up with can find happiness with my friend and or my friend can find happiness with them, however or whoever initially put things into motion, and they went about connecting with each other in the most honest and forthright way with respect to my feelings, I say why not, who am I to block someone else's blessing? Just because we didn't work doesn't mean it can't work with a friend or an associate. The being forthright thing though is extremely important as not being forthright about things could imply that the ex and the friend were messing around all along. That's also where good judgment is important. Obviously best friend and ex aren't, or rather shouldn't get together two weeks after y'all break up, this situation, even if born of genuine innocence (which I'd highly doubt) would still leave room for speculation of preexisting wrongdoing.

I remember a time once when there was a guy who really liked me and he was really going hard trying to get my attention. I told him that nothing could ever happen between us because he dated my best friend. I figured that he probably wasn't serious about me anyway, just only physically attracted to me and was using my best friend's absence as an opportunity to mess around. After having squelched his advances toward me retorting that same thing over and over again he took it upon himself one day to call my best friend on speakerphone in my presence to tell him how he felt about me and ask whether it was all okay. Although at that moment I really wasn't so much into him and previously didn't trust his motives, having seen him take that action, being so forthright and respectful of my best friend's feelings made me see him in a different light. My best friend was actually fine with it and I decided, 'hey why not?' and gave the guy a shot. It was a total fucking disaster, biggest mistake ever, but for unrelated reasons.

For this sort of thing to work smoothly three things are absolutely imperative:
1. You and your ex must have had to had broken up on good terms and if not on good terms at least by now have worked past all that and are amicable or friendly even with no lingering romantic feelings from either party.
2. The ex and the friend must approach the idea of forming their union in the most forthright and honest way with regard to your feelings on the matter. Meaning, they have to tell you what's going on before they engage in anything serious like dating, sex, etc.
3. Most importantly, you must agree to it all.

See, this what you did. Okay, so alright, out of your own mouth you said that the ex wasn't exactly the love of your life, it wasn't that serious, okay. So your friend 'innocently' stumbled across a guy online that turned out to be your ex and he asked you whether it was okay to date him. Your friend in his own way followed steps one and two, you fucked up step three. When he asked you whether it was okay you had the power to stop this from happening, but instead of saying how you really felt, you gave the passive-aggressive, answer of "do what your heart tells you to do", say what? What kinda shit is that? You asked for this. I mean, follow what his heart tells him to do, his heart was gon' tell him to go after the guy, like duh, but you expected for his heart to sense your reluctance and give him pause after you already gave him the green light. Instead of being the quote-unquote 'bad guy' and/or admitting or making it seem like you still had feelings for your ex by stopping this from happening, you expected your best friend to stop things himself.

I realize that your feelings of discomfort with this may not even be from having lingering romantic feelings for your ex. I mean an ex is an ex for a reason, maybe you just don't want him around you anymore, hence the break up, and you know that if he gets with your best friend, naturally you're gonna have to be around him again, maybe you just don't like the potential weirdness of it all. Whatever the reason, it was up to you to decide, your best friend didn't sneak around your back. He came to you, giving you the full opportunity to stop things if you chose to do so, you chose not to do so. Kids, one of these days we're gonna realize that most people aren't mind readers and that if we want something from someone we must verbalize it, specifying to that person exactly what it is we want and if we don't do that and subsequently don't get what we want we cannot under any circumstances be mad about it.

So what do we do now? There isn't much to do except to talk to your friend. I'm presuming that this involvement between him and your ex is fairly new and they probably haven't made wedding plans as of yet. Tell him exactly how you feel, don't lie or sugarcoat, if you still want the ex, don't wanna be around the ex, whatever it is let your friend know the absolute truth. Now the ball is in his court. More than likely, if he's your best friend like you say he is, then he probably wouldn't wanna let a new relationship cause potential strife between you and him, and would probably break things off. Although if he decided to stick with his new relationship with your ex he's well within his rights to do so and if you are his best friend like you say you are then you'd have to suck it up and deal with it, with no whining, bitching, or complaining. See what happens when you give your power to someone else?

-Adam

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Not Anymore"
by LeToya
from the album "Lady Love"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

==========
Welcome to yet another "Ask Adam..." blog post. Where readers of the blog send me their life, love, sex, relationship and other pressing questions. I'll do my best to answer and advise them here on the blog and other readers will be able to weigh in too.

Enjoy.

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.
==========

After all the drama I've been going through in the past few weeks I'm shocked that anyone would think to ask my advice about anything and yet the letters still roll in. The subject of today's reader letter is one I know all too well.

Hey Adam,

First off I just wanna say that I'm a girl and I love your blog. Shout out to the ladies. WHOOT! WHOOT! I know I'm stupid. But anyway, I have a problem.

I've been dating this guy for a few months now and we're fine, but I'm having a problem with his friends, it's like they're jealous of our relationship or something. In the beginning I tried to be nice to them, but they were always so stank with me, so now I'm like fuck y'all too. It's like they are always around and even when they're not around they just tend to just pop up unannounced, especially when we're alone and it's mad disrespectful. I mean damn, do they all gotta see each other every day? The shit is not normal. I know my man and his boys are like brothers and they go way back to his childhood and they've been through a lot of shit together, but he's a grown man now with a woman in his life and I feel like the same way I respect his relationship with them he needs to make them respect his relationship with me. Am I crazy, am I justified or am I just being an overly sensitive girl?

 -Pissed Off Lady

Hey POL,
I was cracking up inside as I read your letter because, believe it or not I went through the exact same situation with someone I used to date. This dude, let's call him Maurice, was really tight with his group of boys, it was like four of them and all four of them would literally see each other and/or hang out like every single day. I kid you not, it was the weirdest thing to me. I love my friends, love them to death, but there is not a friend in this world that I hang out with every day, not to mention a group of friends, so I totally feel you on this. I live alone and the only one who sees me every day is Jesus.

It's weird because me and my friends are the exact opposite of that. In fact, some of my closest friends don't even live in New York so I may see them every couple of months or even once a year, but that still doesn't make us any less close. And as far as relationships go, we have a deep, serious and almost reverent respect for each other's romantic relationships. We tend to look at it this way. If we're friends, we'll always be friends, I don't have to see you or be with you everyday to know that you have my back if I need you and vice versa. So if we start to see one of us a little less when one of us gets a new shawty in his life we all naturally fall back because we realize how volatile relationships can be and how much extra attention they require, especially in the beginning, and that no matter what we all aren't any less friends because of it. And besides, our boy gotta fuck somebody, we all got needs. We can chalk your boyfriend's friends resentment toward you to insecurity, jealousy, feeling like you are taking their friend from them, or maybe they just simply don't like you, but what they fail to realize is that you being in your boyfriend's life isn't their call to make.

You definitely need to tackle this issue from a stance of understanding and respect and it seems as though you are trying, or rather have tried your best to do that. While it would be all too easy to fight back with his friends and stoop to their level, resorting to rude, disrespectful shenanigans of your own, you have to be bigger than that. You have to understand that their friendship dynamic, albeit weird to you, and me, is indeed theirs and was established long before you came into the picture. Your job now is to find the best way to let your boyfriend know that he needs to establish balance and boundaries between his relationship with you and his friendship with them and make this whole situation is his to take care of.

Just don't make the mistake of trying to get his friends to like you. Of course, always be nice, always smile, always be courteous, do your part and hopefully everything turns out peachy, but whether they like you or not isn't your concern. In my situation with Maurice I was pretty sure that his friends for whatever reason did not care for me and I never thought it necessary to waste my time trying to prove my virtues to them. I was not in a relationship with them, I was with Maurice and casual association with them was only a mere by-product of that. What Maurice and I had had nothing to do with them. So if they try to throw you shade, resist the temptation to throw it back and pay them no mind, you know your place and all the shade in the world ain't gon' change that and if it does shake it off, walk away and let him cuddle up to his boys at night.

Take into consideration that you have yet to adequately communicate your concerns to your boyfriend. Even if you've said something before he obviously doesn't get it, or at least doesn't get the seriousness of the situation. He's probably thinking that this is all no big deal and that because he loves you and he loves them that you all would just naturally hit it off. He may be totally oblivious of the way you feel you are being disrespected by them. He may think because they are his friends that they're your friends too and that you enjoy their company as much as he does. Also realize that you aren't his first girlfriend, I'm sure there have been a string of girls before you that have been pushed away by his friends. It may be their weird way of protecting their boy or it may be their way of keeping their boy single and out at the clubs with them. They may even subconsciously be thinking 'If we can't get no pussy, we won't let nobody else get none' and ruin each other's relationships on purpose, you know misery loves company. Think about all the girls that may have come along and broken his heart and at the end of the day his boys were there, he himself may be insecure about opening his heart to you and could be using his boys as a protective barrier.

You need to sit him down and let him know that you are not happy with the way things are and that you expect for him to get off his ass and do something about it. You need to let him know that he needs to big a big boy and let his friends know that the time y'all spend together is y'alls personal time. There's a time to be social but there's most certainly a time to be private. I'm sure you don't want to be fucking your man for an audience. I'm sure you're not that kinda girl, those kinda girls don't read this blog. LOL Reassure him that while you aren't trying to take him from his precious boys, that he needs to establish boundaries and properly balance his time.

After a serious talk more than likely things will eventually end up smoothing out between you and his boys, you all don't have to like each other but you will have to learn to respect and tolerate eachother for his sake. Once your boyfriend puts his foot down and they see that you aren't going anywhere they will have no choice but to relax. Let your boyfriend know how you feel and you must put the situation in his hands to straighten out. If he loves you, he'll do it, cuz, I mean hey, at the end of the day you can give him something his boys can't. And if he doesn't move on to a man that isn't so co-dependent.

-Adam

If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to possibly be shared here or just wanna say "Hi." click here to send me an email. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Lovers & Friends" feat. Usher and Ludacris
by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz
from the album "Crunk Juice"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 05:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Y'all know how I love my international music...

My girl, Utada, the biggest selling artist in Japan and one of the biggest selling artists in the world (52 million copies sold and you've never even heard of her) is back with her third English language album "This Is The One" which releases on digitally March 24th, 2009 and physically on May 12th, 2009 on Island/DefJam Records and features production by Stargate (Ne-Yo) and Tricky Stewart (Britney Spears). She's done collaboratons with Foxy Brown and Ne-Yo and has worked with Timbaland on her last English language album.

The thing I love most about Utada is that she pens all of her music and although she sings pop music which is seen my most to be usually lacking in lyrical content, Utada finds a way to drop in quirky, cerebral lyrics and subtle nuances that you have really get into to get. I think that's why her fanbase is so strong, Utada's not the kinda of artist that you just listen to, you have to 'get' her.

Below is the video for the album's first single "Come Back To Me" a midtempo R&B/pop song produced by Stargate. Even if you're not into her, watching the guy with her in the video makes the four minutes worthwhile.

Wanna hear more Utada, click here to check out my last post on her where you can hear 7 more of her songs, including her song with Foxy Brown.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Come Back To Me"
by Utada
from the album "This Is The One"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 03:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Think about the person you are currently loving, or the one you used to love, remember when you first met 'em, before all the bullshit, that is of course if there is or was bullshit in your relationship, if there isn't or wasn't just ignore that part. But anyway, can you remember the first time you spoke to them on the phone? After they gave you their number at a club or online or you took it from a bathroom wall, you know, however you got it (no judgment), remember the tinge of nervousness in your stomach as you dialed their number for the first time, hoping you copied their shit right, or if they wrote it that it's their real number and not Kentucky Fried Chicken, even though a two piece and a biscuit is always lovely.

Remember that slight feeling of nervous euphoria when they finally answered the phone after all those seemingly endless rings, or when their mama passed them the phone after all those seemingly endless rings, or however they got to the phone. Remember telling them that you think that they look good and them telling you that you look good and you smiling all big and them smiling all big and although neither of you can see each other smiling you still know you're smiling? Remember that nervous activity you performed while you guys were on the phone, twirling the phone cord around your finger, doodling on a piece of paper, biting your nails? Remember how you tried your best to sound sexy, deepening your voice so you could sound more masculine or softening your voice so you could sound more fem? Remember how you both flirtatiously talked about sex, while not really talking about sex, using all kinds of double entendre?

Remember when things were new and all the possibilities in the world were possible? It's nice to go back sometimes. Ask that person you love today about how they were feeling and what they were doing during that first phone call.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Newness"
by Musiq Soulchild
from the album "Juslisen"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

==========
Pictures:
- Yale University
- B. Scott and me after our panel discussion
==========

I wanna thank everybody from the Black Solidarity Conference and Yale University at large for all the love, support and hospitality they showed me this past weekend. I spoke on a panel up there about black sexuality with YouTube Superstar and Blogger Extraordinare B. Scott along with LGBT Studies lecturer Shana Goldin-Perschbacher.

It was definitely so good to see so many of you, those who came out from the New Haven, CT area and around the country and see lil' ol' me. It's still crazy to me that people actually paid good money to hear what I had to say. That's just nuts to me, but I'm nonetheless grateful for it. As excited as some members of the audience expressed that they were to meet me, I was ten times more excited to meet all of them.

Really this was such an immense honor and I'm truly humbled by the experience. My black ass, speaking at Yale, who'da thunk it? What a great way to celebrate the blog's second anniversary.

For more pics from the event, click here to check out my Yale Universtiy BSC Facebook photo gallery. And if by now we aren't friends on FaceBook, what's the hold up, request me.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Nothing Left To Say"
by Mint Condition
from the album "E-Life"
==========

PS: Shoutouts to: Jamilah Prince-Stewart, Donte Donald, Nigel Tann, Frederick Angell, Courtney Miller, Keisha Francis (my homegirl from wayyyyyyyyyy back in the day), and Branden Asemah

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 09:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)