Adam's Opinion On...: September 2008 Archives

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This a series of posts that I've been thinking long and hard about writing. I've been so deep in thought about it because I'd be stating my honest opinion, mostly venting about shit that gets on my motherfuckin' natural black nerves and I fully know and realize going in, unlike most times where I don't know and realize going in that I'm gonna offend someone. But, fuck it (not butt fuck it LOL), it's my blog. I'ma say what I want, whoever doesn't like it doesn't have to read it. Shit, that's what the "comments" section is for. I gotta let some stuff out and I may even educate or inform someone in the process. This thought process is actually the birth of a series of posts that I've titled: "Adam's Opinion On..."

-Adam
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Today's Subject: Closeted Gay Men

I'm gay. I'm gay and damn proud of it and wouldn't change it for all the tea in China. One of the things I love most about myself is my great sense of self-acceptance. I love me, all of me, even the stuff that gets on my nerves sometimes, and whatever things about me that get on my nerves I'm not so much looking to change, but to improve for the sake of the overall me, to make me a better me, more efficient me. So the words "I wish I weren't gay" would never escape my lips, gay is a part of me. I love being gay. I love everything about it, even the stuff you don't like, because in it's own little way it's helped to shape me into the lovely me that you see before you today. On my worst gay day the last thing I would ever wanna be is straight (and I'm sure straights feel the same way, they should). With that said these homos running around here wishing that they weren't gay get on my last nerve.

Closeted men. How tired is that? Knowing full well that your ass is gay, fucking asses and taking dicks, but then when asked you lie and say you're not gay. That's so tired. So what, you like dick, don't be a fuckin' pussy about it! It's not just tired, it's sad, to continually deny who you are over and over again must kill you a little more inside each time you do it. I could see it if you were young and still living at home or it was to save your job or if you were in immediate danger or something like that and even those non-ideal situations the people in them don't want to be in them and are trying to make their way out if at all possible. Who wouldn't wanna live their lives in total freedom? Who wants to live in secret? To straight up lie, just for the sake of acceptance is just crazy to me.

Just so that we're clear. I'm making the distinction here between closeted men, gay men who know they're gay but lie about it for acceptance sake (I guess) and DL men, men who date and even marry women but still fuck around with men. DL men are just totally gross and a disgrace to all men gay and straight. They're a horse of another color, not only don't I have respect for them I can't stand them, but that's a whole 'nother blog post.

With that said, let's continue. A friend of mine told me a story of two men he knew that bought a two bedroom condo that they couldn't afford just so that when their parents and other people came over one could sleep in the other room so that they could live under the guise of being roommates. Two single and available men, over 30, no girlfriends, no ex-wives, no kids, living together for years and years and they really don't think that people don't know what's going on, like they're really fooling somebody. The question is are they trying to fool other people or fool themselves? How ridiculous is this? To fuck your finances and credit up to maintain a facade of a life solely for the approval of other people. In what life does that make sense? These are grown ass men living their lives in hiding like little kids. How are you gonna let other people rule how you live your life in your house, that you pay for? That's crazy. Couldn't be me.

All of this though is my opinion. I mean hey, if you wanna be a closet case, be a closet case, that's your life, your right as an American, just keep the shit away from me. Due to what I do (the blogging and such) and my overall nature I can't be friends with you ('cuz everyone knows I'm gay and don't deny it, so being around me is gonna out you sooner or later) and I most certainly won't date you. If someone tries to talk to me at a club or hits me up online and says anything even remotely to the effect that they are not out, that ends the conversation. That is unless they continue it, then a debate usually ensues.

Yesterday, a guy hit me up online. I looked at his profile. It said that he was "not out". Let's call this guy CedarChest (cedar, because he's in the closet). I politely ended the conversation, he continued it and the debate ensued and of course I've added my sidebar comments:

CedarChest: "whas good"

Me: "nothin chillin, sorry but im not into dudes that arent out about their sexuality."

Sidebar: Politely ending the conversation.

CedarChest: "thas kool but u should respect someones choice to not b captain gay. i wasnt tryna holla at u on that level jus wanted to chat wit see how convo goes"

Sidebar: Sure you weren't... but either way, a closet case having a convo with "Captain Gay" ain't gon' go but so far.

Me: "<=== Captain Gay and proud. I'm gonna take on that moniker, thank you. Nah I actually don't have respect for any grown ass man who's on the DL. I'm not saying be a drag queen but if someone asks you whether you're gay and you lie and say no, then no I have no respect for you."

Sidebar: CedarChest is older than me according to his profile, which makes it even more tired.

CedarChest: "well if that works for u im happy for u. but n e way whas ya name"

Me: "Captain Homo S. Gay LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"

CedarChest: "see this is y regular dudes like me dont like fem dudes like u."

Sidebar: Bitch can't take a joke now all of a sudden I gotta be fem. Good thing that I'm a secure gay man who wouldn't take that as an insult.

Me: "I'm actually not fem, but okay. LOL And if by "regular" you must not be speaking of normal, because a normal man stands up for who he is and what he does and isn't DL. And a DL man not liking me is no surprise, how can you like me when you don't even like you?"

Sidebar: I don't like that I used the term "DL" there. I should have used the term "closeted".

CedarChest: "a normal doesnt have to b a poster boi for homosexuality. a normal man dnt care who knos but wont run around tellin everyone he is gay. now go have fun this convo wit u is a waste"

Sidebar: Yeah, but you obviously care who knows you're gay, hence why you're in the closet. Yeah, this convo, a waste, yeah. I was tryna tell you that.

Some may look at my stance as extreme but it's whatever. Being an openly gay man, with my blog, on the internet and in my community I have to deal with people's homophobic bullshit all the time. Now yes, I live in New York, a very liberal city and no I don't walk around in a dress, but I have the utmost respect for those who do. In fact most people who meet me and don't ask me about it don't even realize that I'm gay, but even a person in my situation still has homophobic attitudes to deal with. As gays we are not a societal norm and at times it's a struggle, it's be a battle for us just to live our lives like everyone else at times, it's unfortunate but it is what it is. So while I'm on the forefront of this battle, writing, blogging, voting and being a voice in the world I really don't have the patience for a closet case. I'm like Harriet Tubman, holding niggas up with my pistol on the Underground Railroad, if you wanna be free come with me and let's fight this fight, if not I'm leaving your punk ass behind because the movement can't wait for scary ass niggas to get their shit together. In a world where gays are fighting for the rights to marry, have hospital visitation, insurance and things like that who needs a closet case running around here being a nuisance.

Remember, this is MY opinion and once you hit the close button at the top of your web browser, "Poof!" it's gone.

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Playing In The Background...
"Your Secret Love"
by Luther Vandross
from the album "Your Secret Love"
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This is one of those posts that I've been thinking long and hard about writing. I've been so deep in thought about it because I'd be stating my honest opinion, mostly venting about shit that gets on my motherfuckin' natural black nerves and I fully know and realize going in, unlike most times where I don't know and realize going in that I'm gonna offend someone. It's been in the back of my mind for the last week or so and I've been weighing out the pros and cons, stewing in my own mental juices thinking of the things that annoy me, about men, and dating, and this whole war, and the Obama/McCain/Palin and the other guy bullshit, the mental steam building looking for a way in which to escape. Yesterday and today when someone and someone else did two of the things that drive me absolutely crazy, the latter person asked me for my opinion of his actions. I saw it as a sign. Fuck it, it's my blog. I'ma say what I want, whoever doesn't like it doesn't have to read it. Shit, that's what the "comments" section is for. I gotta let some stuff out and I may even educate or inform someone in the process. This thought process is actually the birth of a series of posts that I've titled: ""Well, Since You Asked..." Adam's Opinion On:"

-Adam
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Today's Subject: Online Dating, Tongue Rings and Mohawks

Usually when someone hits me up online and I'm not attracted to them I don't bother to reply to them. No response means you're not interested, that goes vice versa, it's like the cardinal unspoken online rule. You hit someone up, they don't hit you back, obviously they're obviously not interested and you move on. Like Mama said, if you nothing nice to say, just shut the fuck up.

Someone hit me up yesterday, let's call him Onlineus (ahn-len-ee-yus). I saw his pictures, I wasn't interested, he wasn't totally unattractive, but I had my reasons for not being into him, and I didn't bother hitting him back. Here goes:

September 23rd, 2008:

300p - Onlineous: "wats up sexc ! how are u doing ?"

I looked at his pictures. I wasn't really into them. I didn't reply back, moved on with my life and eventually logged out of the website. Nine hours later he hit me back up again. I guess Onlineous was absent on the day they handed out the rulebook:

September 24th, 2008:

1215a - Onlineous: "yo i am that ugly to u"

See, this annoys me. Okay so, Onlineous hit me up and I did not hit Onlineus back. He sees that I did not hit him back and obviously he took the extra step of going into his sent messages to confirm that. Why would he then hit me back after that? Like, doesn't he get the hint? To ask me whether I think he's "that ugly"... what? That shows me lack of confidence and that is soooo not sexy. Onlineous described himself as "very cute" on his page so who gives a fuck what I think? He doesn't know me, he's never met me. I'm just a man who lives in the computer screen to him at this point and I plan to remain that way. I was annoyed and planned to continue to ignore him, but I guess since he saw that I was back online his messaging continued:

1220a - Onlineous: "wats up"

Okay I'm gonna need to nip this thing in the bud. He wasn't ugly and I didn't want him to think that that's what I thought of him. Usually I would have just kept ignoring his ass but that obviously isn't gonna work. I decided to try something different and just be totally honest with him. Oh, why the fuck not? What gave I got to lose? Ignoring his ass ain't enough to get him to leave me alone:

1225a - Adam: "It's not like ur particularly ugly or anything I just hate tongue rings. I think they're incredibly gross. They turn me off. Especially when people take those pictures with their tongues sticking out to show the world that they have volunteered to have someone put a needless hole and a tacky ass metal bar in their tongue, displaying their folly proudly like that shit is cute. Yuk! I can't stand it. What professional career can you have with that thing in your mouth? Who would hire you? This is what I was thinking when I saw your pictures. I would have normally kept my feelings to myself but you asked so here it is. No offense, remember, you asked."

Okay so I went off a little. He was annoying me, but dammit he needed to know the truth. I don't feel that what I said was coming from an evil, or mean place. I just told him the whole truth, exactly what I thought of what I saw. He asked my opinion and I told him. He wasn't ugly, actually I don't like to call anyone ugly, we're all God's creations so who am I to make that judgment, but I just can't stand tongue rings and I didn't want to just leave it there. I wanted to be thorough and tell him why. You'd think that this would be the last of the correspondence, but no:

1235a - Onlineous: "ok !"

1240a - Onlineous: "good nite"

About 10 hours later:

1030a - Onlineous: "hi"

Even all that wasn't enough to keep him away. Go figure. This is a great segue into the second thing I can't stand, tongue rings. There may be someone reading this now who is twirling a metal bar and some sort of multicolored plastic ball in their mouths and I'm sorry if I have offended you and I'm sorry to have to reiterate it this way but that shit is just not cute. That shit wasn't even cute like in '99 - 2000 when the shit was supposed to be cute and was lauded by it's own theme song "Lem-lemme see, lemme see, lemme see ya tongue ring..." by the Academy Award winning rap group Three 6 Mafia (and you wonder why I stopped watching Award shows). If you are not a stripper or don't have the suffix "teen" at the end of your age you ain't got no business with no damn tongue ring in your mouth. Love it or hate it, but that's my opinion.

And then there's the mohawk. I don't have an iron clad rationale behind my hate of the mohawk except that it's just a rebellious fad that has collapsed upon itself. The first time I saw a mohawk was in the 80's, watching Mr. T on "The A Team". The staunch and proper 80's were the backlash of the free love and reckless abandon of the 60's and 70's, Reaganomics, the war on drugs, AIDS, shoulder pads, "Dynasty" and such and here goes this nigga Mr. T with this strip down the middle of his head. He was a renegade, cool to watch but everyone in the hood wasn't gonna cut their hair just like him.

Fast forward to November 2003, P. Diddy runs the New York City Marathon, "Diddy Runs The City" he touted it, all to raise money for children. He appeared on Oprah after the marathon, toe bloody sneakers and all (ala Whoopi Goldberg in "The Long Walk Home") sporting a mohawk. I guess it was his attempt at being aerodynamic. From then on there was a surge in mohawk wearage, negroes in barbershops all around the country wanting to be like Diddy, even after Diddy himself let the haircut go. A year or so later the fad kinda died down and now it's back in full swing with the homos seemingly leading the way with it this time, making it so commonplace that all of the rebelliousness of it has gone away, now it's just another haircut. A monkey see, monkey do fad that unlike the Parasuco, colorful stripe down the side jean fad of '96-'97 (ugh!) just doesn't seem to be going away.

My other issue with the mohawk is this. If you're gonna have that thing atop your head the least you can do is keep the shit up. Nothing is worse than seeing an overgrown, un-taken care of mohawk, the epitome of tacky. If you are reading this blog post and are running your fingers through a bush of hair down the middle of your otherwise bald head just ask yourself why you have done this to yourself? Is this what you really wanted or have you done this because you saw someone else with it and thought it was cute. At the end of the day, this is just one person's opinion, do what you want but if you hit me up online you won't have to wonder why I didn't hit you back.

Remember, this is MY opinion and once you hit the close button at the top of your web browser, "Poof!" it's gone.

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Playing In The Background...
"Tongue Ring"
by Three 6 Mafia
from the album "When the Smoke Clears: Sixty 6, Sixty 1"
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