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I was working on another blog post when someone emailed me this question in reference to the blog post from yesterday ("May The Force Be With YOU, Not Me...") I stopped what I was doing and answered it. I'll post the one I was previously working on up tomorrow.
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One thing I never, ever claimed to be was an expert as
I am very much a work in progress. I'm no dummy though, I know what I
know but I've never presented myself as anybody's authority.
Nevertheless I must be doing something right because behind the scenes
people keep on emailing me asking my for advice and I can only shy away
but for so long. So here it is people, you've finally rope-a-doped me
into it. I'm about to get all Dan Savage
on you now. I'm not sure how all of this is gonna turn out, but however
it turns out remember, you asked for it, presenting (dun-da-da-dahhh):
Adam's Reluctant Advice Column.
Enjoy.
If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to be
possibly shared here or just wanna say "Hi." Send it to me via the "send me an email" link on the left column. And of course whatever you send is anonymous you don't even have to give your name.
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"Dear Adam,
I'm working somewhere where I'm not happy all the time, but it pays the bills. I don't really know what I want to do with my life. I wake up at 5AM M-F to leave my house at 6 to be at work at 7.. I leave at 3 (sometimes.. more so I leave after), I get home at 4 and the mothaf*ckin force is waiting for me when I get home. I got a pile of clean laundry waiting to be put up.. I've been packing away some items which are still sitting in boxes in my room.. My room as a whole is in disarray.. What do I do? How do I get motivated to do what I know I need to do..?"
-The Force Is With Me
Dear TFIWM,
The key to getting motivated is to find
out what motivates you. We are all motivated by something, money,
success, validation, independence etc. and the things that motivate us
can all be good for us in their proper dosages. These things can often
be just the incentive we need to get off of our asses and do what we
need to do for ourselves. There are also certain things that as much
as we want to do them they seem impossible simply because we may just need a
little help. Sometimes we're not motivated to do things because we're
overwhelmed and we simply can't do them alone.
The same way you feel about organizing is the same way I feel about cleaning.
I hate it. I'm not a total slob and I manage to keep things somewhat
tidy in my apartment but I loathe washing dishes. I avoid it like the
plague. My dishes would never get washed if it were up to me. But what
I hate more than washing dishes is having friends or a date come over
and my sink being full of dirty dishes. So therein I have found my
motivation to wash dishes. I don't like looking like a slob in front of other people and it's been proven time and time again that I'm more likely to get some from a date when my crib is clean. Oh look, another motivation.
If taken to the extreme my desire to not to look bad in the presence of others and my desire to get some could get me in a lot of trouble but in this case it's just the kick in the balls I need to keep moss from growing out of my sink. So maybe you should consider having a small gathering at your place. Set a date and invite a few friends over. The date of the party will be the deadline for your cleaning project and because you have publicized it you will be forced to keep it. It can be a celebration of your accomplishment. Or instead of a party maybe you could have a date come over to chill or watch a movie. It's much easier to be charming and romantic when you're not tripping over boxes. Either way you have to give yourself an incentive to get organized. As much as you may want to do something if you don't see the point in it you're not gonna view it as important and because it's not important you will just end up not doing it.
As much as you hate putting way your clean laundry I hate doing my dirty laundry. My gym shorts in my bag right now are dirty and instead of finding the time to wash them I'm gonna go and buy some new ones before I go to the gym tonight. I'm also this way when it comes to my socks. I'll throw socks away and buy new ones before I ever get to a washing machine. At home I let my dirty laundry pile up into a small mountain. And it's not that I'm such a dirty person, and it's not that I don't like clean clothes. It's just that with my day job, and writing, and all of my other activities. I really don't have time to watch my clothes tumble round and round for hours through a big metal machine. So instead of feeling apathetic about it I have enlisted the help of the lady at the local laundromat who washes all of my clothes for me at $0.80 a pound. I realized that I can't do everything and laundry is just one of those things.
Maybe this cleaning and organizing job is too much for you to do alone. Maybe you can call over a friend to help you. And if worse comes to worse do what I did and hire somebody. And if you don't want to part with your money then there's all the motivation you need to get your lazy ass up on your days off, stop making excuses and do it your damn self.
So now that those small things are out of the way you can focus on the big picture, what it is you love to do. You've gotta love doing something. I just hope it's not sex. The last thing this world needs is another black gay porn star. Find your passion and start doing it. Use your current job, even though you're not in love with it (As you will probably never be in love with a job and you shouldn't be. Jobs are not designed with your happiness in mind). Stop dwelling on how bad your job is, think about the positive things about it and use your current job to financially support your passion. And may the force NOT be with you.
-Adam
adamsweblog.com
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Playing In The Background...
"Provider"
by N*E*R*D
from the album "In Search Of..."
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