==========
One thing I never, ever claimed to be was an expert as
I am very much a work in progress. I'm no dummy though, I know what I
know but I've never presented myself as anybody's authority.
Nevertheless I must be doing something right because behind the scenes
people keep on emailing me asking my for advice and I can only shy away
but for so long. So here it is people, you've finally rope-a-doped me
into it. I'm about to get all Dan Savage
on you now. I'm not sure how all of this is gonna turn out, but however
it turns out remember, you asked for it, presenting (dun-da-da-dahhh):
Adam's Reluctant Advice Column.
Enjoy.
If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to be
possibly shared here or just wanna say "Hi." Send it to me via the "send me an email" link on the left column. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.
==========
A lot of times we can find lovers and boyfriends and girlfriends who are so right in every area, but sometimes there's that one little freaky-deaky little thing that we want that our partners can't, seemingly can't, or won't do for us. The question is is it enough to leave our otherwise wonderful partner for? Should we just secretly fulfill our need somewhere else in an effort to keep the peace? Or maybe we should deny ourselves, grin and bear it and figure out how to do without it? That's the question one of my lovely readers is asking today. Here's his letter:
Dear Adam,
Thumbs up to your blog. Gotta a question for ya, the scenario is this: I am involved with a wonderful guy who satisfies me to the tenth power, he's a bottom with great walls, but sometimes I get this urge to have nutt (semen) shot on my face, which he is not into. This urge can last for days and I just supress it, until it goes away. I have a nutt fetish, it's been like that since my teens and I already know he is not as "freaky" as I am because I gave him a past scenario of that happening to me and his response was "ewwwww". So I knew right away that he ain't down with that. I respect and care about him, but in that one "particular" department it ain't happenin'. I know "dudes" who would do that for me with no strings attached, hell some even have lovers. If I did that does that necessarily mean I don't care about him or don't want to be with him?
-Nutt All Over My Face
The first problem I see with you guys' situation is expressed in this part of your letter
"I already know he is not as "freaky" as I am because I gave him a past scenario of that happening to me and his response was "ewwwww". So I knew right away that he ain't down with that..."
What do you mean, "you already know"? What do you mean "you knew"? Those statements were inferences, you never came straight out and told him how you felt or asked him to participate in this particular sexual act with you. You've gotta give him a chance before you just write him off and go looking to be satisfied elsewhere. I totally understand why his "ewwww" response may have discouraged you, but you must understand that for him and traditionally for a lot of bottoms (I know I'm generalizing here), ejaculating on their partner's face is not necessarily the norm. It's usually seen through porn movies and the stories of our friends as more of a quote-unquote "top behavior" (I know I'm generalizing again). And as human beings we tend to shun that which we don't understand, hence "ewwww". You telling him that story the way you did shows your facial fetish only as a random event of your past instead of something that is deeply woven in your sexual tapestry or repertoire, if you will. Once he sees that this is something that is important to you he may be much more inclined to warm up to it. I'm sure he'd rather be the one jizzing your face than some random stranger.
On the other hand, I must say this though since you mentioned that your partner is a bottom. I'm assuming that your partner is a strict bottom given the context of your letter. As a strict top who deals with mostly strict bottoms I have to say that your facial fetish can be putting yourself on thin ice with your partner. Strict bottoms like strict tops. All the strict bottoms I know do not like dealing with guys that they feel may have versatile tendencies. The idea of the guy that they are letting fuck them, getting fucked or doing anything sexually that's even slightly considered quote-unquote "bottomish" to them is usually grounds for immediate termination. I'm not trying to question your sexual role or anything but most strict tops I know, myself included do not like the idea of some dude nutting in their face (the idea personally grosses me the fuck out). While openness and honesty is excellent and I don't think you should keep this from him, you need to also be cognizant of the fact that this revelation could be the end of things and be okay with that before you tell him. I also noticed the quotation you put the word "dudes" in your letter? Does the emphasis on this word imply that you don't think your man is quote-unquote "man enough" for you? You also asked the question of not necessarily wanting to be with him, asking me whether your having your urge satisfied with other "dudes" means that you don't want to be with him. Does it? You tell me. Are you creating an excuse to leave him? Think about it.
On the third hand (lol) sneaking behind his back is just wrong and as sure as you do it your ass will eventually get caught. Your facial fetish is something that's been with you for years and you continuing to do it on the low sure ain't gon' help it go nowhere, it'll actually only make your craving for it stronger, making your lies and duplicity even stronger and you can't cheat forever, so it's just not a good idea. And at the end of the day you're dealing with cum and the possibility of disease and shit so let's not forget that.
My advice to you would be to evaluate how much you really need for some cum to be on your face. If it's something you can't live without then you need to go to your partner and tell him. Maybe if you break it down for him earnestly he'll be cool with it, you say he loves you, right? Him squirtin' some man juice on your mug every once in a while won't take too much of his "Beyonce, Naomi Campbell walk" time will it? I personally don't think it's too much to ask. If he's not cool with it and is indeed as disgusted with the idea as you think he is, he just may dump you, but that's the risk you'll have to take. Or you can continue to deny it, and hope that it possibly goes away. Or you can buy yourself a water gun, fill it with warm Buckley's cough syrup, or coconut milk and aim away from the eyes, just a suggestion.
Good luck.
-Adam
If you ever want to email me a question, problem or issue to be possibly shared here or just wanna say "Hi." Send it to me via the "send me an email" link on the left column. And of course whatever you send is anonymous, you don't even have to give your name.
==========
Playing in The Background...
"Rolling Down My Face"
by Amerie
from the album "Touch"
==========
