Adam's Web Log Poll Questions: February 2008 Archives

==========
Hey everybody. I'm back. Thanks for holding me and the blog down while I was gone.

-Adam
==========

Remember that guy I told you about (in this post), the one I met last week? It's over. Yes, over before it even had a chance to begin. Let me tell you why.

When we meet people, like people, look to date people, there's certain things we want them to know. Stuff, you know, like their ABC's, how to talk, social graces, mingling, speaking to people, how to dress, how to fuck, or in my case, be fucked, how to suck dick, you know, all the things we like, everybody's different. The person could be damn near perfect, knowing everything and doing everything right. But I've seen time and time again that the one thing that can burst your bubble, that can pull the rug right up under you, that can pop the helium balloon of bliss you two are floating on is who you know. What's crazy is that in the largest city of the most powerful country in the world, with one of the largest black gay communities in the world that everybody knows everybody and the chances of you or your date having coincidental relationship or sexual overlap is damn near unavoidable.

So, yeah, I liked him but he knew somebody. He admitted it to me last night. He's friends with an ex of mine who is now a friend of mine and even though I'm not giving you much detail, trust me, going further with our relationship would definitely put a strain on the relationship between me and my friend. So I had a decision to make. A year ago I probably would have said, fuck it, he's cute, I like him, my friend will get over it. But today, I realize that possibly wrecking the great friendship with my ex that we worked so hard to attain after our breakup really wasn't worth it, even if the guy is cute. Who knows how me and the new date will feel about each other in two weeks? By then I could be over him or he could be over me, and then what? You know how the homos are. So I broke it off.

Last night, instead of bunking with a cute guy I snuggled up under the covers with my maturity. Bah humbug.

So that brings me to this week's poll question: Would you date a friend's ex? Vote in the poll below and tell us your opinion in the comments section.

Every week I will update the blog with a new poll question.
Click here to check out all the previous Adam's Web Log Polls.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"No More Drama (P. Diddy Remix)
by Mary J. Blige
from the album "No More Drama"
==========

PS: And you best believe I told my friend about this. Adam ain't nobody's fool.

I just want to say for the record that I'm not really into threesomes, especially in the context of a relationship. I mean, I've had them, I've experimented, but for the most part they are just not my thing. At one point I, a top was in a relationship with a versatile-top. Although we got along pretty well, sexually it just wasn't working. In an effort to save our relationship we decided to try to incorporate threesomes as a regular part of our sexual practices. I mean it's just sex, right? In the words of Julia Roberts in the movie "Pretty Woman" that was a "big mistake, huge..." Having that extra person there, even though it was supposedly all in the name of sex, created all kinds of tension between us, mistrust, competition, resentment, and even a lack of sexual fulfillment, believe it or not, it was a mess. Not to even mention the third person's feelings, there were situations in which the third person liked one more than the other. Not to mention the possibility of situations where the third person could try to get in contact for a meeting with one partner without the other partner knowing about it. Like I said, just a mess.

Eventually that relationship ended, after a post-relationship rough patch, we're friends now and I realize that that's what we should have been all along. We give each other everything that we were giving before, just sans sex. When we realized that sex was gonna be an issue for us we shouldn't have moved forward. Granted, not moving forward when everything else feels so right is not the easiest thing in the world to do, but I've learned that sometimes sex is a bigger deal than we think it is and we must regard it as such.

I've heard that a lot of older couples use threesomes to bring back the spice into their relationships after years and years of monogamy. I can't really say much on that because I'm not what anyone would consider "older" yet and I have yet to experience years and years of monogamy with anyone. But as a young person I've realized even from my limited experience, that the whole threesome thing should not be introduced as an integral part of a budding relationship. I look at things this way, If you've been together less than a few years, that other person should be more than enough for you. There are too many freaky-deaky two person things to explore to have to be calling in reinforcements so soon. I mean, of course there may be some exceptions to this rule. But if you really think that one person or just that one person isn't enough for you then maybe you just aren't ready for a monogamous relationship with them yet  or ever and that''s perfectly okay. Just be honest, tell your partner, there's no need to string anyone along.

Also, really big, majorly important, never let your partner talk you into doing anything you are not comfortable with, especially threesomes. Never feel like you have to feel like you have to participate in threesomes to quote-unquote "save the relationship". All forcing yourself into something you don't want to do will do is make you harbor resentment toward your partner. If you're gonna participate in a menage a trois it should be something you both enjoy, not your partner's half-assed way of keeping you around but still getting to legally fuck someone else. Everybody should be equally participating, you shouldn't be just standing there, sitting there, laying there, watching your partner go at it with someone else as if you weren't there. All that says is that you probably shouldn't be there. Either way, if you both aren't equally into the threesome thing and are just doing it to "save your relationship" you're just prolonging the inevitable. In that case, walk away while you still can stand each other.

So that's my opinion, but what do you think about the whole idea of threesomes? Vote in the poll below and tell us your opinion in the comments section.

Every week I will update the blog with a new poll question.
Click here to check out all the previous Adam's Web Log Polls.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Threesome"
by Ruff Endz
from the album "Someone To Love You"
==========