About five months ago a good friend of mine and I were having lunch. He was telling me about how he started to hear people talk about my blog and how it was increasing in popularity and playfully said to me that I was becoming a "celebrity" and I was mortified. The New York black gay community is the breeding ground of the "black gay mini-celebrity". That is a person who is doing something that causes them to get a little more attention in our community than the average person and because of that attention they feel as though or act as though they have attained "some type of plastic, pseudo-celebrity status." It's actually quite sickening to watch. I even wrote a blog post about it. Because this sort of thing is everything I despise about the black gay community here in New York I try my best not to fall into it as it is a very subtle thing. On Wednesday, me and that same friend (who actually would be the most valid example of a black gay mini-celebrity, but without the big head) were talking via IM and he hit me with that celebrity shit again and I replied to him "TAKE IT BACK!" playfully, of course.
Things have been changing for me since I started this blog, especially within the last month or so. I've been doing interviews for some online outlets and even for print publications, doing some photo shoots, filming some stuff (for YouTube, Spielberg hasn't called yet lol), and going to some events. Yeah, a few more people recognize me than they did before, a few more dudes try to holla now than they did before (that's cool) but at the end of the day I'm still me. I don't feel any different, I'm not acting any different. And I damn sure don't feel like anybody's celebrity. Maybe once my black ass doesn't have to get up at the crack of dawn and go to work anymore we'll talk about celebrity.
AIso on Wednesday I was talking to Pubby and I told him about how I was adjusting to things lately. I'm really loving that people are getting into the blog. I've said many times before that it warms my heart when people like you read this blog and send me comments and emails about it, especially if you tell me that it has helped you or that you can relate to it in any way. I absolutely love that, that's what makes this all worthwhile. On the other hand, because I have done a provocative photoshoot here and there I have gotten some correspondence that's been more of an overt sexual nature. I'm kind of astonished at myself for saying this but I'm not really feeling that so much. I mean, yeah, you can compliment me on my photos. That's all well and good and I will thank you. But some of these messages are just straight up nasty and surprisingly as much as y'all know I love sex I'm just not feeling that. If somebody wants to ask me on a date, feel free, step up to the plate, kick your game, all I can say is yes or no. But don't think 'cuz I have a few photos with my shirt off and tell an explicit story (that relates to the point of the post) here and there that I'm running an escort service here. I know that I have been promiscuous in the past but I'm trying to leave it there.
Even with all that and as much as some of these advances have annoyed the hell out of me I guess they're somewhat understandable as well and go with the territory. It is what it is. When you put yourself out there you never know what you're gonna get back. All I can do is just be me.
I basically said all of this to Pubby on Wednesday and he told me that I was "full of shit" and that I love every minute of the attention, good and bad, which I felt totally discounted everything I said. When he told me that it kinda stung me. I can't say I was fully hurt by that statement but it was a swift kick in the nuts. I was really trying to pour my heart out to him and I just wanted him to listen. Instead, that's what I got. When he said that I was literally speechless. I had to take a moment to gather myself. It was like a sucker punch to the abdomen. Instead of Pubby I need to start calling him porcupine. He's so cute and you just want to hold him but every time you try to get close he stings you.
I went to an event on Wednesday night and I got a chance to talk to and network with a few people, honestly that's just about the only reason I even go out these days. In the midst of that someone who I didn't know by name but that I had seen around before came up to me and said "Hi Adam!" I was actually a little shocked as they were so just warm, and smiley, and gracious, gushing so hard I had to wipe off my boots. I smiled back and diplomatically returned the graciousness even though I knew that it was rooted in total bull shit. Now that person has seen my black ass in the clubs and around town numerous times before and been all up in my face and never said shit. Now all of a sudden they wanna say "Hi Adam", and gush harder than the Buckingham Fountain... please. Just because I write a blog and ten more people know my name than this week than they did last week now I'm all of a sudden good enough to talk to... whatever. Now I would never come off as nasty or jaded or have a chip on my shoulder because of it. I already know how fake people are so it's just funny to me. All I will ever do is smile and be the pleasant person I always have been. At at the end of the day I'm just glad that someone else is getting into the blog. No hard feelings.
Now I'm not stupid or naive and I realize that because the internet is a worldwide forum of course some form of notoriety is going to come along with doing what I do, especially because it's about my life. Intellectual notoriety though is what I embrace. Be a supporter of the blog, enjoy the writing, tell your friends about it, please, I beg of you, if you see me in the street say "Hi", all of that's great. And if you're attracted to me, ask me on a date, that's all well and good too. It's the notion of this pseudo-celebrity status that I don't like. The idea of me having "fans", and people just wanting to be around me because of how I look or because people know who I am is what disgusts me. Especially because so many so-called mini-celebrities don't even the a body of work to show for their status. They just get so caught up in the by products of the work that the actual work begins to suffer or people forget what hell the work was to begin with. And it's not that I'm so perfect and that I'm above getting get caught up in the hype, sure I can. I'm just making a conscious effort not to, in spite of people who say that I'm gonna change.
What's craziest about the whole mini-celebrity thing is that most of the time it only holds weight inside our immediate community. Outside the black gay community, after the club closes and when the function is over don't nobody know who the hell these people are. They hold regular jobs and live like the average person. How are you a celebrity when you don't even have the money to back the shit up? I personally equate celebrity status with dollars and cents. So let me start making some money and then we'll talk about celebrity. For right now, let's just read the blog and learn from each other like we've been doing, okay?
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Playing In The Background...
"Same Ol' G"
by Ginuwine
from the album "100% Ginuwine"
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