I started out doing this, this blog in February 2007, as a chronicle of my search for love. As of late I haven't quite been searching for love. In fact, I haven't been looking for anything and then whatever has just happened to come around I haven't been too excited about either. Nowadays I'm just really indifferent. Nigga stay, nigga leave, don't matter to me.
Things that used to really make me really happy just don't do it anymore. I've been out on a few dates and have met a few guys lately but none of them, as lovely as they are haven't been able to hold my interest. The best date I've had in weeks was me at home alone, eating two fried chicken breasts, dirty rice, a biscuit, and a Hi-C mixed with lime seltzer water watching a DVR-ed episode of "90210" (my new favorite show) from earlier in the week. It was pure bliss, more fun than I've had with a date in ages. I laughed, I gasped, I talked to the TV all by my damn self, having the time of my life. What is wrong with me?
Even the gym, something I used to hate has become fun to me. I've actually been canceling and postponing dates just to go to the gym when before I'd try to find any reason I could for not going. I'll be up in the gym, benchpressing, with the new Girls Aloud album blasting on my iPod, silently singing along and everything, having the time of my life, all by myself. That's how I've spent all my Friday nights for the past month and that's just how I plan to spend tonight as well. The crazy thing is that it's absolutely fine with me. I'm kinda looking forward to it.
I've had a few non-sexual sleepovers in the past few weeks. I remember this time last year longing for someone to cuddle with and share my bed with, even going as far as getting myself a "cuddle-buddy" for the holiday season. Cuddling up when we slept was one of my favorite things about having a boyfriend. Why is it that lately whenever a guy stays over and wants to cuddle up on me and lay on my chest and grind their ass up on me and spoon and all that lovey-dovey shit, my ass can't sleep! He's knocked out and I'm up half the night, over it. Dying for morning to come so he can go home and I can get some real sleep. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Even sex seems to have lost it's lustre. Jumpoffs and people I know are just coming over for the dick have been hitting me up and I haven't been hitting them back. And this guy who I met up with and stayed over once last week, we had a really hot, everything but session, like you know, doing everything but sex. It was really hot and when I invited him over again two days later at my first glance of him I just wasn't into him anymore and wished that he'd just turn around and go home, but it was late and cold, and raining and I invited him. It wasn't him, it was me. I was just all of a sudden over it. Then there was this other guy, who I made the mistake of initially meeting by going on a date with first before having him come over and chill first (I'll tell you why I don't go out on dates with guys before chilling with them behind closed doors first in a later post. There's a method to my madness, I promise.) and once I got him alone at my house I realized that I wasn't attracted to him and I wanted him to go home, but it was late and I invited him too. And hooking up, hell no. I'm so over meeting these monster-lookin' niggas online. They're obviously not all monsters online, I mean hey, I'm online too (more as a means of entertainment nowadays), but many of them do abound.
On a side note. Anybody who's a little too thirsty to get fucked scares the hell out of me. I know we all got needs but damn, curb that shit. Even if you end up giving it to me on the first night at least make a nigga think that it's a little bit of a challenge. Make me feel special. Damn. And any of y'all bottoms out there with open hole ass pics on your online profiles, yuk! That shit is just fucking gross. If that's you, cut that shit out! We get it, you like dick and that's okay, but there's no need to take it all the way there. I'm actually not one for posting any naked pics online anymore. I used to be legendary for posting dick shots in seasons past, some shots I've heard are still circulating, but that's a whole 'nother blog post (No, seriously it is. I have a story to tell y'all). It's crazy, but some of my most gratifying sex lately has been with just me and my hand. When did I become such a prude?
I'm not sure what's come over me lately and I can't say it's necessarily a bad thing. While I am a little concerned that my need for sex and romantic affection has been waning, I must say that not fiending to be with some nigga feels damn good for a change.
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Playing In The Background...
"I Am Changing"
by Jennifer Hudson
from the "Dreamgirls Movie Soundtrack"
and
"Sexy! No No No..."
by Girls Aloud
from the album "Tangled Up"
and
"Moratorium"
by Alanis Morrisette
from the album "Flavors Of Entanglement"
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