Relationships: August 2007 Archives

I've slept with a good amount of my friends. But it's not what you're thinking... they didn't start as friends. For some reason the gays get together and when things don't work out between them they pretend as though each other never existed, how mature? That leads to awkward stare, look away, stare, look aways at common homosexual meeting places such as clubs, Greenwich Village, Chelsea, really anywhere in Manhattan below 23rd, Harlem, etc (read more about my awkward encounters with exes in this post). I've always tried to end things as amicably as possible with my exes and it usually works out with us becoming really good friends, not right away though, usually after at least a few weeks of not speaking. I guess you would consider that processing time. Sometimes the resulting friendship works out so well that we even wonder how we ever had sex. The other night was definitely a shining example of that.

I was walking to the bus stop from the gym and I got a phone call from who for our purposes here we'll call Friend #1:

"What you givin'?"

"What you takin'?"

"Bitch, where you at?"

"I'm on the corner of (my location) waiting for the bus. I just came from the gym. What's up? What you doin? Where you stayin' at again?"

"I'm at (his location)."

"Oh aight, that's four blocks away. You want me to come meet you?"

"Yeah."

So we met up and walked a few blocks and then we settled on stoop in front of a school. I hadn't seen him in almost a year as he had just moved back to New York from a stint elsewhere. We sat there and talked and then we went to Central Park and sat by Harlem Meer (thankfully there was only one small raccoon this time [click here to read about my run in with the Central Park raccoons]) and talked some more. As he talked and I looked at his eyes and his lips as they moved and I thought that while yes I still find him attractive he is really my good girlfriend now. All the sexual attraction to him just like all floated away somewhere. I had no nasty thoughts, my dick didn't move,  I didn't even flirt, I just listened to everything he said. It's weird, it's like I couldn't even imagine us in a sexual place again. He ended up walking me to my next friend's house. We'll call him Friend #2.

Now me and Friend #2 never had a quote-unquote "relationship". We met online about a year and a half, or two years ago, we lost and then got back in contact with eachother like six months later, from there we had a few intense online and phone conversations. We finally met up to hook up about a year ago. I remember taking that long ass train ride from East New York, Brooklyn to Harlem at two in the morning to meet him. Shiiiit, I never traveled that far for a piece of ass before... well there was the trip to Florida, and that time to Delaware (that is one ol' blog post right there) but who's counting, right? Anyway I got the ass, it was good and worth the trip and I ended up staying the night. This happened a few months before I made the move to live Harlem myself.

Unfortunately though I must have gotten the wrong impression from our phone and internet conversations because I put forth the effort to get to know Friend #2 better. My effort was met with unanswered phone calls and instant messages. The player got played, "Boomerang"-style. I was pissed, when I finally got to him online about a week or so later I told his ass off. The conversation online went something like this:

Friend #2: I'm sorry but, we could be friends.

Adam: Friends, this is how your treat your friends. I don't wanna be your friend!

Friend #2: We're gonna be neighbors soon.

System message: User Adam is no longer signed on.

Yeah, I went off like that... In retrospect I see that that was so NOT cool and not in accordance with the laid-back, aloof vibe I usually give. After going off on Friend #2 online we didn't talk for another seven or eight months.

One night last winter after I had been living up here in Harlem for about four months I get an IM. It was from Friend #2 asking me how was I, how I had been doing, etc., etc., etc. We ended up exchanging numbers and he told me why he ended things with me so abruptly. It was because he was talking to someone else at the time we hooked up and our meeting was basically the last fling before things got serious between them. I was like the stripper the bride sleeps with at the bachelorette party. Keep in mind though that at that present time they were still together. But what he didn't know was that I already knew who his boyfriend was. Friend #2's boyfriend tried to talk to me a few weeks prior and with the help of my friend we put the pieces together. Just to be clear I had NO interest in his boyfriend whatsoever, I'm not attracted to him at all, he was a fellow top (ewww, yuk!) and he was an asshole, well he was drunk that night but nevertheless an asshole. In an effort to not be messy didn't bother imparting that little tidbit.

After that conversation all was well between us and we became really good friends. We both worked in Midtown so every so often we would get together during our breaks and have "Sex And The City"-esque lunches, discussing our lives and current romantic situations. We'd actually grown fairly close on a platonic level but I still felt like I could hit it if I wanted to. The other night was our first chill session at his house and by this time him and his boyfriend had broken up. Now if I was gonna try something this was certainly the time. If I were evil enough just to fuck him for spite I had my golden opportunity, but fortunately for all the citizens of our planet, I'm not that evil.

We met up and all we did was talk. He told me about his current romantic situation, well really the lack thereof and how that came about. I regaled him with my current drama (ie the "pending litigation" I alluded to in this post) and it was nice to see that someone else agreed with me. Thank God for normal people. But anyway, throughout all our time together I realized that if I wanted to push the sexual envelope I could have. There was a room with a bed (like I really need a bed to have sex). But I really didn't want to. I realized the value of Friend #2's friendship and getting my nutt off wasn't that serious to me anymore. What the fuck? Did I just say that?

Am I actually growing up?

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Playing In The Background...
"Violet Stars Happy Hunting"
by Janelle Monae
from the album "Metropolis"
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One of the coolest things about being gay is that you eventually get to tell people about it and laugh at the expressions on their faces and their awkward dead silences. That is, after you've cried and prayed and prayed and cried and contemplated suicide and have finally accepted it yourself. Anyway, as you have read my 24th birthday party was a "coming out" party of sorts to a lot of my straight friends who have known me from back in the day. One of those people was Kelly Robinson (that ain't her real name) who I went to junior high and high school with. She's known me from when I was thirteen years old, the apex of my awkward youth up until I was eighteen, right when I started cultivating my sexy and becoming the love machine you see before you today.

Kelly was the love of my thirteen year old life. I had the biggest crush on her (and this other boy in my school) and I'm not really sure why. She was pretty, she was popular, but she wasn't really very nice to me now that I think about it. She wasn't malicious but she treated me the same way Laura Winslow treated Steve Urkel. She was cool with me and liked me as a person, but now that I think about it was probably was annoyed by my constant romantic overtures, which probably came off as a little mean at times. Like Laura and Steve we were friends, I guess, in a roundabout way but we were never close, close. I remember the guys she used to go out with, one of them was a real jerk (we'll call him Boy #2). I remember he used to pick on me at times back then (If I saw him today I would so kick his ass!). Not only did he pick on me but he didn't treat Kelly so well either. I would have been a much better boyfriend. Toward the end of the eighth grade I started getting over her and kinda thought she was a bitch (sorry Kelly you know I love you gurl). By the time I transferred into her high school when I was sixteen all my romantic feelings toward her had dissipated and it was all about the boys by then.

A few months back I found her via MySpace. I sent her a message basically saying "Hi, how are ya?" and giving her a very general update on my life. I didn't include the whole gay thing, this was her reply back:

"My my my how you have changed so much from the Adam in 218"

Our junior high school was IS 218, here in Brooklyn, NY. I guess me changing refers to me being all grown now and I'm sure all the shirtless pics on my MySpace didn't hurt. And I said:

"yeah, we've all gotta grow the hell up some time... lol"

I sounded so cool typing that, you gotta admit that shyt was cool. I typed that in my deep, Billy Dee Williams sexy voice, sexy, but still nonchalant. That lol, that was actually a light sexy chuckle. Then she said:

"It seems like a good grow up though"

Say what! Did I read that shyt right? Did Kelly Robinson just flirt with ME? Me, Adam Irby, the boy who loved her in junior high school, the boy she gave NO PLAY to back in the day. At that moment I was brought back to the eighth grade. I thought about how cool I woulda been if Kelly Robinson were my girlfriend back then. I wanted to flirt back just to see how far it would go but then I remembered, oh yeah, I'm gay, I almost forgot there for a second. And besides I had no sexual interest in Kelly anymore, she's a nice girl and everything but... nah. Maybe we go shopping one day or something.

Kelly and I kept in contact via MySpace and would exchange pleasantries here and there. She finally gave me her phone number. At the end of eighth grade she wrote her phone number in my yearbook... only six digits though. Gosh she was a total bitch!(Sorry Kelly you know I still love you gurl!) What did I see in her? Anyway, I called her and in that conversation I ended up inviting her to my birthday party and of course I told her that it was being held at my boyfriend's apartment. All she said was "okay", kinda the same way Brendan (my straight male friend) did. I have to admit that I was taken aback by the fact that she had nothing to say about my being gay. Had she sensed it all along?

Unfortunately, Kelly couldn't make it to the party. I sent her and anyone else who couldn't make it to the party a link to my blog post about it via MySpace. This was her reply back:

"...I remember when u told me on da phone dat ur boyfriend was planning ur party...n da first thing I said was since when is Adam gay...he had a crush on me. Sweetie...y didn't u jus tell me that u were gonna go da other way if I didn't date u...I wud've given u da chance u deserved lmao..."

Then she went on to say:

"...I had great taste back then didn't I. Boy #1 and Boy #2...I'm not sure who ws the bigger idiot lol. U kno Boy #2 was transfered 2 my H.S. and made my life a livin hell."

Then she went on to ask about my boyfriend:

"...what's he like? How did u meet? how long have u been gay? how long have u been together? and any other mushy stuff u wanna throw in there lol."

Wow, she said she would have given me the chance I deserved. There you have it, total and complete vindication. And she admitted Boy #2 was an asshole, because he so was! I never replied to her MySpace message. I've just  super busy since then. We talked before about meeting up one day and catching up. but you know it's one of those things you say you're gonna do but you never really intend to actually do it. I'm sure it's that way on both of our parts. If we never see or hear from or speak to each other again I have everything I need right here. Thanks Kelly.

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Playing In The Background...
"Mr. Radio"
by Chrisette Michele
from the album "I Am"
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Two lions doing what we do best!
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"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."
Proverbs 16:18 (KJV)

I am an extremely proud person and I'm actually proud to say that. I hate depending on anyone for anything and I'll go without before I have to actually ask for something. I don't like to take things from people because deep in my psyche I feel as though to accept something that you need from someone or to show someone that you are lacking and letting them fulfill a need for you gives them a sense of control over you. The control, whether exerted or not is still a factor in my mind. Even if someone wants to help me out of the goodness of their heart I still feel like that control factor is laying dormant to be thrown back in my face when I least expect it. That is the worst nightmare of a proud Leo like me.

Pride cometh before the fall. Leo (July 23 - August 22) is the last full astrological sign to come before autumn, i.e. the fall. And for the most part we are a proud bunch. It's even proven in the lives of famous Leo's such as Former President Bill Clinton (August 19th), Former First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis (July 28th, we have the same birthday! Click here to read about what happened on my birthday.), Fidel Castro (August 13th), Jennifer Lopez (July 24th), Whitney Houston (August 9th), Andy Warhol (August 5th), and Madonna (August 16th). We are leaders (king/queen of the jungle), we make our own rules and are hard headed and stubborn. Our symbol of course is the lion and a group of lions is called a pride, interesting.

Pride cometh before a fall. The last few months have been some the most humbling I've ever experienced. And that is because I'm in a relationship and have fallen in love. Now that I'm in a relationship it's not just about me anymore I have two people to think about now and situations have come along where I've had to depend on him for support. That is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's not easy but I'm learning to lay my pride aside. He's a Leo too so at least I'm not in the struggle alone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELLOW LEOS!

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Playing In The Background...
"Human Nature"
by Madonna
from the album "Bedtime Stories"
and
"I'm Gonna Be Alright"
by Jennifer Lopez
from the album "j.Lo"
and
"It's Not Right, But It's Okay"
by Whitney Houston
from the album "My Love Is Your Love"
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There comes a time in every relationship where things can get a little... stale, no that's not right... mundane, no that's not it either... redundant, well, that's not totally it either. I guess the best way to describe it would be to say that things are not the way they used to be. As much as I love my boyfriend I think that we were starting to get kinda used to each other. This past week marked the six month anniversary (a lifetime in gay years and the longest serious relationship I've ever been in) of our whirlwind romance that somehow, somewhere, by no fault of any one of us, started to kinda lose steam.

We'd been busy, we were overworked and stressed out. Which of course means we weren't having sex as much and when I was ready he was tired and when he was ready I was tired, we just weren't in sync anymore. In our efforts to not start an argument or hurt the other person's feelings there were times in which we didn't communicate how we truly felt. It seems like we were so busy trying to sacrifice for the relationship that we lost ourselves in it. And of course all this miscommunication led to all the arguing and hurt feelings we were trying to avoid in the first place. And all of that led to a rocky last week and a half or so for us. In our own way we both realized that the honeymoon is over and we are officially in a relationship.

On last Wednesday or Thursday he came to me with the idea of going to the Fire Island Black Out event out at Cherry Grove. I was excited because I had never been to Fire Island before and had heard so many wonderful things about it. Namely that it's America's first gay vacation community and rivals Key West, Florida for being the gayest place on Earth. The only catch is that if we went our laptops and cell phones were not allowed. As much as we love each other it was killing us to not have our beloved MacBooks with us. But we also knew that those types of distractions were a major part of our recent problems.

When we arrived on last Friday evening, the day before the event, the weather was terrible. It was cold and rainy and the island was quiet with no one on the beaches or in any of the outdoor restaurants. After checking into our room which definitely wasn't a suite at the Hilton but whose subtle shabbiness suited the laid back vibe of the island perfectly, we bought some supplies for the evening (don't ask) and made our first sojourn to Fire Island Pines, the next community over. To get there we had to go through a place the locals affectionately call "The Meat Rack", and yes wherever your mind just wandered you are on the right track. That place makes Mount Morris Park look like a school playground. That aspect of The Meat Rack we had yet to discover. All The Meat Rack was at this point was a sandy, brush-filled and quite scary maze that we didn't quite make it through. After realizing how dark it was getting and how Fire Island has no streetlights we decided to turn back around. We ended up having a nice quiet, romantic seafood dinner back at Cherry Grove.

Afterwards we met up with some friends, another couple who came out a day early for the event but were staying on Long Island. We all hung out for a while and took in a really good drag show, hosted by Porshe, a drag queen who could actually sing and impersonate female singers without lip-syncing (finally a drag queen with real talent!). Then we retired to our small room with no TV or phone and somehow found a way to keep ourselves entertained (wink, wink).

After a night of great sex we woke up the next morning feeling quite frisky, frisky enough to survey the land from the exterior corridor of our second floor room butt-ass naked and we have pictures to prove it. As far as who took those pictures... in the words of the late 20th century scholars Salt-N-Pepa that's "none of yo' business!" :) After our naked adventure we had breakfast at one of the lovely little restaurants on the island.

Later in the day all the other people from the city started arriving for the event. The beach was packed with sexy chocolate, mocha, and alabaster bodies all laid out before the summer sun. All these eyes looking and surveying and undressing, the sexual tension was thicker than tire rubber. After meeting up on the beach with friends we made our second foray into The Meat Rack where we found slight rumblings behind the bushes. Upon further investigation we found dudes back there doing all the sucking and fucking that The Meat Rack was famous for. We even saw a guy who had breakfast in the same restaurant we did getting his dick sucked by a group of white men. The Meat Rack crowd and Fire Island itself whose population is mostly white presumably doesn't get much dark meat on their rack and I'm sure a few of the rack dwellers were living for the dark trade that invaded their island (and their whatever else) that day. As freaky as I am I had never seen sex out here in the daylight like this before. It definitely was enough to get the blood flowing to all the right extremities. What did I do at The Meat Rack you ask...? In the words of the late 20th century scholars Salt-N-Pepa that's "none of yo' business!" :)

Later, when we finally did make it to The Pines we caught a local art show which we strolled through casually, hand-in-hand enjoying the summer breeze. All throughout the day people looked at us, which is somewhat normal (I don't mean to sound conceited there) but some people were taking pictures, like unwarranted, paparazzi-esque pictures, a little weird but I obviously have nothing to hide, you read the blog. I guess we will see where those end up.

After the evening wind came in and the beach cleared out the most important thing about our trip to Fire Island is that we were together. In the midst of our hi-jinx we did get a chance to talk and re-examine what we mean to each other and why we love each other so much. So if you and you baby have hit a rough spot don't fret, you've put in way too much time and effort to just throw it all away. Sometimes an inexpensive change of scenery can help you get back to the basics of why you fell in love to begin with. And for us it was good just to turn those dayum computers off for a day and a half!

LINKS:
- The Official Fire Island Website
- Fire Island Black Out

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Playing In the Background...
"Long Hot Summer"
by Girls Aloud
from their album "Chemistry"
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