Sent From My Blackberry: February 2008 Archives

Anyone who talks to me for more than five minutes can tell you that I love New York, I absolutely love it here. There's no place like it and I feel so fortunate to have been born and raised here. The best thing about New York, I know I've said this before, is that this city has the finest ethnic gay men anywhere. The streets are teeming with attractive gay life, especially in Manhattan and especially around the shopping districts. Retail draws the gays like a moths to a flame. I haven't gone shopping in a minute, but yesterday I was asked to tag along on an income tax return mini-shopping spree with a friend of mine and after going from store to store, seeing all these fine ass dudes I was inspired to write.

I started typing this blog post into my Blackberry after walking into Urban Outfitters on 72nd & Broadway and seeing the fine ass dude working the door. Brownskinned and thin, about 5'9, 150 lbs, in a hoodie and jeans, he greeted me with a smile and the customary company greeting as I undressed him with my eyes. Returning the greeting, I walked past him, looking back at his ass, further fueling my fantasies. Later in SoHo at the Levi Store there's an even finer dude at the register, beautiful skin, million dollar smile, waves deep enough to swim in, in jeans hanging off his ass just right, his white bottom belt encircling the middle of his ass like the equator, giving a little hint of underwear, definitely makin' a nigga wanna visit the tropics. Damn, I'm already lovin' the equator, now I'm wondering what the prime meridian is like (get it?). Then this little hispanic chulo just walked past me with dark eyebrows and the most luscious, pink, kissable, I would love to have them wrapped around my dick-able ass lips I have ever seen. And at Uniqlo, this fine ass lightskin dude with a thin mustache and goatee just walked past me... 'May I help you?' Yes, you most certainly can, in more ways than one. Can you show me to the fitting room 'cuz I got something for you that's just your size and if it's too big I bet you I can make it fit. Either way, it's definitely a purchase you won't regret and will never go out of season. Damn, dudes were not this fine when I used to work in retail. My friend keeps asking me how he looks in shit and I just can't seem to pay attention. He's clothes shopping and I'm boyfriend shopping. Making eyes and checking out asses puts a whole new spin on re-TAIL therapy.

Just when you think that there are no good looking men left after searching online and in the clubs, don't give up hope, they're just all out shopping. And to all of you jumping ship and leaving New York for Charlotte, Atlanta and the West Coast, have good time and don't forget to write. I'm staying riiiiiight here.

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Playing In The Background...
"In Those Jeans"
by Ginuwine
from the album "The Senior"
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Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"He holds the stars in the sky
He holds the land back from the sea
And if he can do all of that
Surely he can take good care of you and me..."
-Shirley Caesar
from the song "He's Got It All In Control"

I know, I know, it's been a while since I posted on the blog, going on four days to be exact. While I know that's not a big deal on most personal blogs, Y'all know I post like every day or every other day. Well, life has been a little crazy this week. There has been a major change since the last time I blogged, thankfully, for the better, but nevertheless scary. I can't give you details right now but the one thing I can say is that God is good and when a door closes he certainly opens windows. He's got it all in control.

In dating news, I met a guy this week. He's nice, we have a whole lot in common. We chilled, we had a good time. We'll see.

But in the meantime, don't worry about me. I'll be back to blogging regularly in the next few days.

Love,
-Adam

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Playing In The Background...
"He's Got It All In Control"
by Shirley Caesar
from the album "All Her Best"
and
"Newness"
by Musiq Soulchild
from the album "Juslisen"
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Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Bros over hoes," the age old pact between straight male friends that puts the value of their friendship above that of romantic relationships with women, or in this case, hoes. The concept seems to work so well for them, at least while the males are still young and not ready to marry. The partakers in this pact seem to realize that relationships, lusts and infatuations come and go but the brotherly bond between men can last a lifetime. It seems as though this is never the case for gay men, at least from what I've seen.

How many times have your gay friends ditched you for some date? How many times have your gay friends canceled plans with you for some date? How many times has a gay friend tried to flirt with, act sexually inappropriate toward, slept with, or straight up tried to steal your date? Not to mention the friends you've ditched, the plans with friends you've canceled and the friends dates you've slept with or stolen. Uh huh, thought so. I guess "bros over hoes" don't work so well when all the hoes are bros and vice versa.

The sad thing about all this though is the apparent absence of strong friendships between gay men. Is it all just a farce? Are our gay male friends really our friends or just people were not attracted to enough to sleep with or perhaps even just someone to keep us company between relationships? For many of us, our whole world seems to revolve around the presence or absence of a man. As much as we don't like to admit it, maybe we as gay men are more like the stereotypical straight woman than we think.

Comedienne, Mo'nique said in one of her televised comedy shows something to the effect of "When I leave, all the bitches in the house leave..." talking about how she doesn't trust other women around her man up to and including her Mama! While this bit got big laughs from the audience it exhibits a very serious problem that's no laughing matter. This sort of mistrust between women obviously can't be applied to all, but it's prevalence can't be denied. I'm sure we all know at least one woman that has exhibited this sort of behavior toward other women before as we also know at least one gay man who doesn't trust other gay men around his man, sounding familiar?

What's the main thing you see girls in the hood, girls on talk shows, and the girls you know fighting about? Men. He's my man, bitch! Don't look at my man, bitch! You can't have my man, bitch! That bitch tried to steal my man. The absence or presence of a man has split up the bonds between women all throughout the ages, aunts and nieces, mothers and daughters, sisters, shit, my sisters, they had a big falling out over a man last year. Often in a love triangle situation involving two straight women and a man the blame for it all is never even placed on the man, even though he's the cause of it all.

That same triangular situation between two straight male friends and a woman will usually turn out a little differently. Once the woman is found to be sleeping with both male parties involved they will usually write her off as a "ho", "a trick", or "just a piece of ass", give each other a pound/dap/hand shake, compare stories, have a beer and move the hell on. Even if the two straight men fight, that anger is usually only momentary, unlike the endless grudges, animosity, and shade that the gay men and straight women hold on to toward each other long after a situation has run its course. Looking at both situations it's quite peculiar that if a love triangle played out between three gay men that more than likely the two gay friends response would be more like that of the two straight women than that of the two straight men. When it happened to you what was your response like? Crazy, huh?

Relationships between gay men are so intense, yet fragile. The begin so suddenly, develop so quickly and break so easily. How many times have we let the men we love, like, stalk, date, obsess over, fuck, or let fuck us turn our whole world upside down, forsaking all others, friends, family, work, ourselves just to be with them? Lord knows I have. It's to the point now where if me or any one of my close friends gets with a guy we as the friends basically expect to be shafted for the date. How sad is that? We, me, you, I have to remember that life goes on whether we have a boyfriend or not and that no one's life should revolve so much around a person, boyfriend or friend that their presence makes or breaks us.

At the end of the day it's all about balance, bros don't have to necessarily be over hoes or vice versa. We just have to learn how to spread ourselves a little more evenly and not neglect anyone. While enjoying the splendor and excitement of a romantic relationship, especially when its new, we can't forget about our friends. Because once the date is long gone, I mean that is if things don't work out of course, your real friends are gonna be there for you, just like mine are there for me. Now I've gotta start taking my own advice.

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Playing In The Background...
"Over A Man"
by Sharissa
from the album "No Half Steppin'"
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Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile