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I had more second thoughts about publishing this blog post than any other one I have ever written. I was gonna go through a whole long thing explaining it and hoping that you didn't look at me differently after you read it. But you know what, it is what it is. This is a story I really wanted to share.
Enjoy.
P.S: This is one of my more explicit posts so if you are easily offended do not proceed.
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As much as we gays claim to be so evolved and that traditional masculine-feminine gender roles don't matter to us then why do some of us say the things we say? Some of us seem to have a clear vision of what a top and a bottom should act like. Do you? At the end of the day, how "evolved" are we?
There was this one time I met this guy on the internet. He fit all of my standards. He was like 5'8, 145 lbs, cute-ish face (according to his picture), and a total bottom. I was in love... potentially. He must have liked what he saw as well because he gave me his phone number after about two messages. Usually when someone is quick to give me their number I get a little suspicious and my 'ugly alert' light starts flashing.
I waited a day and then I called him. He answered the phone. I said "Whaddup Jeremy?" He asked me my name. I never got the chance to give it to him online. I told him that he didn't know my name and I gave him my screen name and the name of the website we met on. He was still trying to decipher exactly who I was. I guess he was checking his 'ugly alert' light as well. He wasn't at his computer at the moment and he was trying to mentally connect my picture to my screen name. He still hadn't done that successfully but he figured that if he gave me his number without even knowing my name I couldn't be so bad.
As we conversed he talked a mile a minute, jumping from subject to subject rather erratically. Until that day I had never met someone who talked more than I do. While we were on the phone he was pretty busy doing like 10 other things while he was trying to hold a conversation with me, this caused many interruptions and 'huh, what did u say's?' along the way. That is such a huge pet peeve of mine. He also sounded a little fem on the phone but I didn't really mind that. But the interruption thing was working my nerves. I'm a Leo and I command full attention, dammit! Along the way our conversation got disconnected. I didn't bother calling back because he was half listening to me anyway so I was kinda over it and him by then, it was whatever. A few seconds later he called me back and apologized for being so unconsumed with our prior conversation. He somehow had gotten to a computer by this time and asked me my screen name again. I told him and then his voice perked up:
"Oh yeah, I remember you. That's wsup, I'm glad you called."
I have to admit I was kinda horny so I was definitely feeling the eagerness. I really wasn't in the mood for the whole 'I don't do this, I don't do that on the first day thing', I wanted to fuck tonight. Then he told me that he's moving away the day after tomorrow... score! I know I'ma get me some now cuz this nigga probably wants some goodbye dick! We set up a time to meet later that evening and we hung up. I had about two hours to eat something, take a shower, get myself together and do my male peacock mating dance. I had my finest most colorful plumage all fanned out. I wanted to look good, but not go out good, I wanted to look chillin' in the crib, ready for bed good. I put on a wife beater and basketball shorts. I looked in the mirror, it was sexy. I was fucking tonight.
He arrived at my door and he definitely wasn't cute-ish, he was fine, dayum. Slim, nice body, fat ass, cute face and all, he was boyfriend material. But I couldn't let him know that, I thought he was sexy, he gave me what I needed but I'm far from a fiend. Because he was so dayum cute he didn't really give me the sex vibe I was lookin' for at least not right away, but then again he was leaving town, and he really did wanna meet me tonight. The really cute ones though sometimes play hard to get... sometimes.
Now the mating dance begins. So he sat up on the edge of my bed I laid in the center, cool, calm and collective. His ass was right about where my pelvis would be but like a foot or so to the left of me. He began to talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk some more about a whole bunch of shyt. I couldn't even tell you half of that shyt now. All I did was look at him and get lost in his sexy ass lips moving. In between paragraphs I caught on to the fact that he was really smart. That is such a turn on to me, I love a smart guy. I wanted to fuck him so bad. But I could tell by his body language that he was a little uncomfortable in this particular moment and even more uncomfortable with the idea of meeting guys off the internet. He even mentioned something about being quite sexually inexperienced especially in the area of intercourse and that he had never enjoyed sex before. Dayum, I figured I probably wouldn't get any ass but I resigned myself to at least getting some head out of the deal.
I reached out with my left arm and put it around his waist, pulling myself a little closer to him. I smoothly said:
"You about to fall off the edge of the bed sittin' like that. You can move in a little."
"Well, I wasn't sure how you felt about jeans on your bed. Because I don't let people have their jeans on my bed..."
Just like the bottoms, so meticulous, I love them. At that point I could care less about his jeans on my bed. If anything I wanted them on the floor, under the bed, swinging from my ceiling fan, anywhere but on. I asked him if he minded my arm around his waist he said "no" and I then took his hand and laid it on my stomach and told him that he didn't have to be afraid to touch me. Just then he jumped up because he wanted to compare his abs to mine so he got up and lifted his shirt. Things were starting to get physical, this was a good sign. I saw his chest, his nipples, his stomach I wanted to lick him all over. When it was my turn to show and prove I got up and lifted my wife beater and he noticed that my dick was standing at half mast through my basketball shorts. He looked at it and me mischievously, it was on and poppin'.
So we got back on the bed in our previous positions and decided to sit up next to him wrapping both my arms around him in a sort of half embrace. My face was then really close to his, my lips inches from his. Then he said, motioning toward the side of his neck:
"My, my spot is right there."
So I lightly kissed him there once, twice, three times until his breathing got a little heavier and he licked his lips. The I took lightly took him by the chin with my right hand and guided his face toward mine and kissed him and kissed him and kissed him and then we paused and kissed again. Then he said:
"This would be better if you laid on top of me."
'Oh word', I thought, this little nigga tryna run shyt. Aight, Ima just go with the flow. As I proceeded to lay on top of him he said:
"This would be better with my jeans off."
So I helped him out of his jeans and we had a hot ass foreplay session. I was doing everything first all the touching, kissing, licking anything to make him squirm, breathe hard and lick those sexy ass lips of his that I was dying to have wrapped around my already throbbing dick. This nigga was too sexy and I really like foreplay. I eventually got the underwear off. I laid on top of him between his legs that he slowly began to wrap around mine. My hard dick slid under his ass right in the crack to where it was rubbing his hole. I heard him moan lightly while I had my tongue in his ear. I had this nigga in the zone. I like where this was going. Then as he fought to regain composure, he hit me with the obligatory:
"You know we not gonna do that right?"
"Aight" I said.
Every bottom says that. Usually that's my cue to play dumb and be like 'not gonna do what?' But I wasn't gonna press the issue though. I wanted it but he already told me that he was inexperienced and I was way too horny to play teacher that night. I flipped him over for a little more bump and grind and some tongue action and all of that really got him going. By then you know I was super brick and waiting for the feature presentation. I had put in all that work and now I was ready for this nigga to gobble gobble my dick like it was Thanksgiving.
So I lifted myself off of him and laid on my back and as he straddled me he said:
"So you ready for me to start doing all the work?"
I smiled, agreeing with him.
"Well you know I'm kinda passive about these sorta things. I told you where my spot was. Where is your spot?"
I looked at him and motioned toward my hard, impatient dick. He got the hint. He started licking my nipples, something which most people love but does absolutely nothing for me. He went lower and lower and as he took my dick in his hand talking into the head nervously like it was a microphone at an amateur comedy night he said:
"You know, I really don't have much experience doing this."
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that one... but for some reason I believed him this time. I also believe that there's a first time for everything, gobble, gobble. So he sucked my dick, and that shyt was amazing. Despite his disclaimer I kinda knew it would be good. I could tell by the way he kissed, I can't quite explain it but I can always tell by the way a dude kisses how good his other oral skills will be. A part of me was hoping for the best though because since I wasn't gettin' any ass I really didn't need this nigga to be Edward Scissorteeth tonight, thankfully he wasn't. Not only is he sucking my dick but he's gobbling it whole and making it disappear and that's no easy feat.
After a few minutes of pure ecstasy, he got tired of giving me head and suggested that I beat. 'Oh, word? That's wsup!' I thought, getting excited at this new development. So he got into the the position, on his knees with that perfectly round ass tooted up in the air. The arch in his back was incredible, this was definitely the type of dude I could see myself with, smart, fine as hell, and he's letting me beat on the first date, who could ask for more? I kissed and licked his body again before making my first unsuccessful attempt to penetrate. He was definitely not experienced in this area. That coupled with the fact that I don't have a starter dick (a blessing and a curse) made for a string of unsuccessful attempts.
Finally, four condoms later I was able to get it in. I eased in slowly and let the head rest inside before I slid the rest in. I realize that it takes some getting used to so we passionately kissed while I let my whole dick throb inside of him. He seemed to be getting more an more used to it so I started to thrust lightly yet rhythmically. He was kinda into it but I felt that he wasn't enjoying things as much as other people would have in this situation. His breathing got a little heavier and he went to lick those sexy lips again but his body though was kinda limp. Since I'm not into necrophilia I was kinda getting over this, not him, he was cool, but the sex was wack. So I pulled out and I laid there next to him and looked at him. He said:
"I'm sorry."
"It's aight, you have nothing to be sorry for."
"I, I don't understand. I wanted you so bad. You're cute, and you're the right build and the right height. I love your swagger. You turn me on so much. But when we finally did it..."
"Yeah, but you said you never really enjoyed sex before. I'm sure its gonna take some effort and a few more tries to get it right."
The real question though was was I willing to be the person to put in that kind of effort?
"Yeah."
"Maybe you're a top..."
I said, thinking that may be the reason why he reacted to it the way he did. 'Cuz I know for myself, getting fucked is soooooooooooooooo not my cup of tea. And that's how I reacted when I used to try it back in the days when I was trying to 'find myself'.
"No, I'm not a top."
"But you don't like dick. You didn't even wanna suck my dick..."
"I'm not a top. Look at me. Tops don't look like me."
He was alluding to the fact that he wasn't the hardest rock in the quarry and he wasn't. He was a little fem but it worked for him. I really couldn't see him being any other way though, it was natural for him."Tops come in many different shapes and sizes. Have you ever topped anyone before?"
"No."
"So how can you say that you are a bottom? You clearly don't enjoy being penetrated."
"I really am a bottom I know I am."
He said with the conviction of a civil rights activist.
I busted out laughing. In all my life I have never been in a situation like this. How did a booty call turn into a therapy session? I wasn't gonna argue with him. But I personally think you should give both sides of something a try before so vehemently stick to one. And you shouldn't let the images that society, even our own gay society shoves down our throats dictate your sexual practices.
We tried again. This time in a different position (missionary, for all of you who wanted to know) and it yielded the same results, wack. In an effort to please me he offered to suck my dick again. I happily accepted. He sucked my dick until I came and it shot everywhere (I realize that little tidbit was totally irrelevant to the moral of the story but I decided to include it anyway).
He called me the next day and told me he wanted to come back over. He did and we had sex again. He actually enjoyed it that time. He's no pro but he's definitely a bottom, at least for right now. Hopefully that's something that he is truly happy with.
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Playing In The Background...
"Valerie"
by Mark Ronson feat. Amy Winehouse
from the album "Version"
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