Sex: July 2008 Archives

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I know this post may seem a little too top/bottom-male/female-role-centric for some of you. But I'm a top who has pretty much exclusively dated bottoms so this is all I know.

Enjoy.
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"...Pussy is power/Lemme school you girl/Don't get up off it 'til he move you girl/Let no playin' nigga rule ya world/And screw you girl/I got 'em hatin' me/Throws the pussy down/Keep 'em chasin' me/Basically..."
  -Foxy Brown
 from the song "I Can't"

"The power of the p-u-s-s-y/That's why every motherfucka in the world dress fly/Every baller that can afford it, they cop the best ride/For the power of the p-u-s-s-y.../I know this girl we call her Sweet Cooch Brown/Hands down, mami had the bombest pussy in town/One dip in the girl pool, that's all it took/One sample of the snapple, and ya ass was whupped/Have you buyin' Gucci sandals, matchin' pocket books/Blowin' up her beeper ringin' her phone off the hook..."
  -Jay-Z
 from the song "P-U-S-S-Y"

In all of my dating experience, relationship to relationship, person to person, there's something, a place, this thing, this point, that I have inevitably run into with almost every single person I've been involved with. So we're arguing, we disagree, I'm doing or am planning to do something that you don't want me to do. In a last ditch effort to get your way you say "Well, if you do that I'm not giving you no ass..."

If I had a dime for every time I heard that one I'd be blogging from a triplex penthouse condo downtown somewhere. So you're gonna use sex, well in this case the lack thereof, as a method of manipulation to get your way, like dude are you serious? We're not Ward & June Cleaver, Mike & Carol Brady, Cliff & Clair Huxtable here. This is not the 50's, this is 2008 my dude. The ol' "close up shop" withholding sex number doesn't work for us, like, hello, we're gay and as beautiful as you are and as many designer bags as you may carry, you're still not a woman and as much as I don't get fucked I'm still not a straight man. Actually that shit probably doesn't even work as well on straight dudes anymore. For this to work the dude you try this on would have to be just so wack and desperate and have like no confidence in himself and that's so not me. I mean come on, you think I'm just supposed to give in to whatever you say because I so desperately must have your ass that I'm willing to sacrifice however it is I feel. Like that's just supposed to shut me down, stop me in my tracks, suddenly change my mind. I don't think so. You been listening to way too many Foxy Brown songs. It's not even about getting it from somewhere else, of course we know that's always an available option, but I'd rather turn my back to you and beat off my own dick and still be faithful rather than sacrifice my dignity. Because at that point if you can just throw your ass up as insurance for my compliance to your whims or simply for the sake of winning an argument, I don't even want it anymore. You can have it. I'm good.

As you've read this tactic is basically wasted on me. I've heard it so many times that it's funny to me now. I think it's really tacky, and immature to throw sex into an argument like that, especially if the argument isn't even about sex. I guess when someone does that they expect the argument to go like this:

"I wanna go to the museum..."

"Nah, let's catch a movie..."

"I wanna go to THE MUSEUM!"

"I said I wanna catch A MOVIE!"

"Fine, we'll see your dumb ass movie but you ain't gettin' no ass tonight..."

"Aight baby, I'm sorry let's go to the museum."

The argument with me would go a little differently:

"I wanna go to the museum..."

"Nah, let's catch a movie..."

"I wanna go to THE MUSEUM!"

"I said I wanna catch A MOVIE!"

"Fine, we'll see your dumb ass movie but you ain't gettin' no ass tonight..."

"Oh word, it's like that? Yo, you don't even gotta come with me nowhere. Go to your museum. I'm good."

"Fine."

"Aight."

See, both of us going our separate ways, angry at each other leaving ourselves open for anything to happen. As nice a guy as I am I probably would have given in and suffered through the museum had he not thrown the sex thing up in my face. After that I was mad and thought 'fuck it.'

The thing that makes me so angry about this whole thing is that it reduces me, the top to some type of animal or something. Like I'm stupid or something? Like all I'm about is sex and that's what the whole relationship is about. It also makes me feel as though the sex we are having isn't authentic. I believe that sex should be equally enjoyable for both the parties involved. If you feel like sex is just a faucet you can turn on and off at any whim, like it's not something you need from me then what's the point? Half the fun of sex is to be desired. Nobody wants to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with them. Assertions like this really make me question the relationship. I have yet to say to someone "Fine then, if you don't do XYZ, then you ain't gettin' no more dick!" Why? Because that's retarded, why would I bring our sex life into an unrelated subject? Relationship sex should be a special moment for that couple, something that only they share, not something to be stored up as collateral just in case of a rainy relationship day.

So, bottoms of the world and I guess tops too, all men, women too, next time you and your partner get into an argument and you feel the words at the tip of your tongue, stop yourself, okay. There are much better ways to win an argument. And besides, yes, we aren't Ward & June Cleaver, Mike & Carol Brady or Cliff & Clair Huxtable, but you may be setting yourself up to be like Bill & Hillary Clinton. You know how the old saying goes "What you won't do, your sister will." Think about it. The power is not in the pussy or the ass or in the dick for that matter and your ability to withhold it from your partner. The power is in communication and the lack of it can fuck up the whole relationship.

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Playing In The Background...
"I Can't" feat. Total
by Foxy Brown
from the album "Chyna Doll"
and
"P-U-S-S-Y" feat. Devin The Dude
by Jay-Z & R. Kelly
from the album "Best Of Both Worlds"
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I'm a top, a full top. Most of my friends are bottoms or vers-bottoms or versatile. Basically, they like penis in some capacity or another, I don't. I'd rather not even give head. Word on the street is that there's a top shortage. A lot of my friends have been burned by that guy, you know the one that says he's a masculine top and sells them the whole thug, trade boy thing only to find out he's getting fucked by someone else or voguing in a dress and pumps all over YouTube (that's a true story). Not that voguing in a dress and pumps all over YouTube automatically makes you a bottom, or gay even, because it obviously doesn't, oddly enough, a good portion of transsexuals and fem queens are tops, but it's just not the kinda thing my bottom friends are into.

I always thought that in gay society that everyone would want to be a top. In some ways I guess it's a little easier, right? I mean, you don't have to deal with all that preparation and stuff, you know that stuff y'all do. And as a top you're in control, at least sexually. You're the aggressor, right? Either way, I think it's great. Some of my bottom friends don't think so. One of them told me that the idea of "messin with a boy's butt" is nasty. I guess that's more for me.

I love everything about being a top. I like ass. I like lean bodies, smooth skin and pretty faces. I like dudes that are a little on the fem side. Not too crazy with it, like with make up and stuff but lemme put it this way, I definitely like a guy who people can tell is gay, you know the fashionable, Vuitton bag carrying kind, the total opposite of me. Most of the guys I've dated are stylists, dancers, and models. That's who I'm most attracted to. I know tops who are looking for the illusive super-masculine bottom. I personally think that that shit is non-existent. Any top that's out looking for a super-thug bottom, you know the guy who they walk down the street with and not get clocked is gonna eventually end up getting fucked, but that's just my opinion. We're all gay and a little femininity here and there is just a part of the deal.

Sex as a top is great. I love having sex with bottoms, even more than vers dudes or dudes who are tops that think I'm just so sexy that they just wanna quote-unquote "bottom only just for me" (if I had a quarter for every time I heard that line...) I love to lay a dude down, to be deep inside him, to feel him surrender to me, to feel his body tense up and relax all around me, to hear him moan my name, call me "Daddy", yell expletives, and tell me how good this dick is, to hold him in place and long stroke him into face contorting, pillow and headboard grabbing, uncontrollable ecstasy as our bodies writhe together. I don't understand how anybody could want to deny themselves of all that pleasure. I'm thankful for it though, 'cuz we can't all be tops. I mean there are the versatile people who get the best of both worlds but they're evil and I don't trust they asses. Pick a side dammit! LOL But as wonderful as sex is for me as a top, sex with me as a bottom must be great well at least that's they tell me.

So how am I so sure of my top status? How can I so confidently assert my position? Well, I lost my virginity as a top. Yup, I been fuckin' since day one. But some may say, well you can't knock the whole bottom thing until you've tried it, right? Well I've tried it. I've been fucked about ten times in my life, every time ending unsuccessfully. All accept for twice it's been with some really nice boyfriend that I tried to "compromise" for usually after coming down from a heartbreak in a previous relationship (I soooo don't play that game anymore.) Ten may seem like a lot to some people but that's merely a drop in the bucket compared to the times I've fucked. I stopped counting that number years ago. There's a big counter in Times Square that does that for me. (I'm kidding about that by the way.) LOL

I remember the first time I took the plunge and decided to try getting fucked. I was young and curious, curious because all the guys I fucked seemed to be having such a good time. I wanted to join in the fun, to see what the fuss was all about. I found this guy on the internet. He was really good looking. I figured that if I was gonna do this it should be with someone I don't know so they can never throw it in my face. So I met him and he did it. I was lying on my back, it was missionary position. He was really into it, literally. Face all screwed up, tellin me how good it felt. I wasn't. The best way to describe the experience would be to say it was like Whitney Houston's sex scene in "Waiting To Exhale" ("...grrr huh?" Exactly.) I was there but I wasn't. It didn't feel as though I was having sex, it felt like sex was happening to me. Sex should not be something that happens to you. It was like "The Color Purple", "mista was on top of me doin' his business..." It didn't really hurt, it didn't not hurt, it just didn't, and it wasn't. I remember calling the guy later that night just to talk and he didn't even remember who I was. That's when I really realized that this bottom thing was so not for me.

Well I guess you'd say, well you didn't like it Adam because it was your first time and you didn't know the guy and he played you. I wouldn't say that either. I remember an ex-boyfriend I had. He was so good to me and I loved him so much. He treated me better than anyone else ever has (in fact he still holds the record) but he was not a bottom. I figured hey, what's getting poked every once in a while to give for being treated like a king? I remember avoiding that penis like the plague. I faked sleep so many times and after a while just straight up avoided sex altogether. I didn't even want to fuck him anymore because I knew that the subject of fucking me was gonna come up. There was this one night when I just said fuck it, I'ma just do it, throw caution to the wind and my legs up in the air and please my man. He would try to open my legs and do his whole top thing and it repulsed me, the man I loved repulsed the shit outta me. He finally got it in and upon looking at my contorted face, a mixture of pain, disgust, and nigga-just-get-this-over-with-ishness he stopped, looked me in my eyes and said: "You really don't like this do you?" I told him "No." We tried to work around it, threesomes, foursomes and such, all that mess, until we, well, I couldn't keep up the charade anymore. I more than anyone knows the value of a good bottom. He deserved someone that fully enjoyed him sexually. I thought it was unfair that I got to fuck him and then carelessly send him off to fuck other people. It never bothered me that he fucked other people, as long as he wasn't giving them the ass, in fact the shit was my idea. I figured that way he'd stop whining to me about it. And I mean, that's no way to be, especially if you say you love someone. Months after our breakup he confessed that trying to fuck me was like pulling teeth and not enjoyable for him either. This same sentiment was expressed by the other boyfriends I tried to bottom for. He also said that he didn't believe that there was a such thing as a total top until he met me.

Even the sex industry is feeling the effect. I have a friend who runs a porn site and he says that even he has a hard time finding tops for his films. Most of his applicants want to bottom. As of late he's taken the drastic measure of distributing literature at gay clubs calling specifically for tops for his films, offering them top dollar (forgive the pun, I couldn't help myself) to fuck his harem of willing bottoms on camera. The top well has gotten so dry that at times he's had to come out of his retirement and fuck on some of his own films. He's asked me to appear in his films a few times, so has FlavaMen and of course I declined.

So there you have it. I'm a top. There's nothing wrong with being a bottom. It's great, it's just not for me. I even gave it a try, ten of them and I still didn't like it. The thought of it... just not for me. While it's great for me that less guys are tops than bottoms because that leaves me more to choose from it's still something that I'm concerned with, well not really concerned with, that's not the proper term, worried about, that's not right either, well, whatever, however I feel about it doesn't occupy too much of my thoughts 'cuz I'm too busy fucking to care.

For more of my penis avoidance hi jinx, check out my Online Dating Horror Story #4.

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Playing In The Background...
"Trading Places"
by Usher
from the album "Here I Stand"
and
"Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?"
by Paula Cole
from the album "This Fire"
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