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Pictures:
- Model and iconic New York socialite Amanda Lepore & Me. It took everything inside of me not to wiggle my face in her breasts.
- Model/icon/my homegirl Isis Tsunami, Me (lookin' like I just ate a whole bucket of chicken LOL) and Laverne Cox of "I Want To Work For Diddy".
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Isis and I attended the Paper Magazine, Patricia Fields party on the Upper East Side last night. It was a trendy shindig, fashion forward, more like fast forward, attended by models, designers and the people who they plus-oned, along with a plethora of New York's most infamous socialite eccentrics. We stopped by for a while, did our twirl, had some drinks, mingled a little, did a little networking and then left to find some real food.

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Playing In The Background...
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough"
by Diana Ross
from the album "Diana Ross"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

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Pictures:
- Blogger, Jared Shuler & Me
- Me & TV Producer, Author, Blogger, Pastor Kevin E. Taylor
- Blogger/Journalist, Steven Emmanuel aka "Queer Kid Of Color"
- Ray, star of BET's "College Hill" and "Christopher Street TV" & Me
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This past Saturday I attended the Derrick L. Briggs topic discussion: "Hate Me Now: Why Gay Men Dislike Eachother", Lord knows I know a little something about that. But contrary to the title all I felt was love in the room from all who attended. I even got a chance to get a few pics with a couple of my fellow bloggers as well. All of this making me even more excited for Blogtopia in April.

If you've never been to a Derrick L. Briggs topic discussion it's quite the experience. They're held monthly, usually here in New York and deal with a variety of subjects that affect gay men, but all are welcome. Bring your business cards 'cuz they're a great place to network and I love to network. You never know who you'll meet.

For more info about attending an upcoming Derrick L. Briggs discussion drop an email to info@derricklbriggs.com.

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Playing In The Background...
"Something To Talk About"
by Bonnie Raitt
from the album "The Best Of Bonnie Raitt"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

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Pictures:
- Keke Wyatt & Me lookin' crazy.
- Fellow blogger Derrick L. Briggs & Me patiently waiting for Keke.
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When I first got wind of Keke Wyatt appearing at SOB's I was excited. The embattled, bi-racial R&B songstress has always been one of my favorite unsung singers. We all first heard her duet on R&B artist Avant's R&B hit "My First Love" back in 2001. Her first solo track was her remake of the Patti Labelle classic "If Only You Knew" on the "How Two Can Play That Game Movie Soundtrack". It was the absolute best remake of a song I'd ever heard, Keke tore that song apart! Her subsequent debut album, "Soul Sista" (MCA Records) is still one of my favorite R&B albums.

Coming to her show, I didn't know what to expect. Looking at the advertising for it there was much promotion for her upcoming project for TVT Records project "Ghetto Rose". Although I wanted to hear the new material I was hoping that she would do songs from "...Sista" like "Nothing In This World", "Don't Take Your Love Away", "I Don't Wanna" and "If Only You Knew".

When we arrived at SOB's we couldn't help but notice how scant the crowd was. I chalked it up to the fact that they couldn't have advertised this event well. The first I heard of it was when I saw Teedra Moses there the week before (read that blog post with video footage here). After waiting and waiting and waiting for Keke to show up, as she was almost two hours late, the already thin crowd started to thin even more. Right as we were about to leave they finally called her up, the backing track for "My First Love" started, no Keke. I knew something was wrong.

Eventually Keke came out. She did her verse of "My First Love", tore down "If Only You Knew" and performed a rather odd rendition stop and start rendition of "Nothing In This World" singing hers and Avant's parts and then that was it. We waited two hours for a ten minute performance. She sounded amazing, especially on "If Only You Knew" but still that was it, not even a song from the new album. The whole thing was so odd, her aura, her whole presence so peculiar. We managed to catch her and snap a few pictures though.

I have uploaded all three, performances on the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel for your viewing enjoyment. Her great performance of "If Only You Knew" I have embedded here. Check out the rest on the channel.

There are seven more videos from this concert and even more live concert footage of Rihanna, Amerie, Teedra Moses, Vivian Green, and more on the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel.

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Playing In The Background...
"If Only You Knew"
by Keke Wyatt
from the album "Soul Sista"
==========

PS: OMG! I just realized I wore that same plaid shirt to Trent Jackson's book signing event back in November. Dammit! See that's what sucks about getting photographed in shit. You can't wear the shit to another event again. I wouldn't normally do that anyway, but in this case I forgot. Oh well.

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

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Teedra Moses & Me
==========

Thursday night I went to see Teedra Moses at SOB's. Because I'm a concierge and I had made arrangements beforehand I was comped and put in the VIP section. As much as my job can try my patience at least it has it's perks at times.

You may remember Teedra and her 2004 album "Complex Simplicity". It's two singles were "You'll Never Find (A Better Woman)" feat. Jadakiss and the sweet mid-tempo ballad "Be Your Girl". The album, while never receiving much mainstream attention has gone on to be a cult classic among R&B lovers and the black gay community.

The show was great, Teedra performed songs from her first album "Complex Simplicity" and did a few new joints from her upcoming album "The Young Lioness" as well. Sprinkled in between songs Teedra gave her brand of no holds barred talk about her music and the not so impending release of her next album. So when is the album coming out you ask? Teedra said from her own mouth at the show that she didn't even know. So I guess we shouldn't hold our breath, huh? In the meantime she does release mixtapes to satiate her fans and even her own love for music.

After the show I got a pic and some light convo with Teedra. She stayed and talked with everyone after the show which I thought was really cool. But enough of me talking. Enjoy the show. I have uploaded it on the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel for your viewing enjoyment. Two of the performances, "Be Your Girl" and her interpolation of Kanye West's "Flashing Lights" I have embedded here. Check out the rest on the channel.

There are seven more videos from this concert and even more live concert footage of Rihanna, Amerie, Chrisette Michele, Vivian Green, and more on the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel.

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Playing In The Background...
"Be Your Girl"
by Teedra Moses
from the album "Complex Simplicity"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 08:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Stepping out of the subway station this morning on the way to work I walked through a gloomy and desolate Times Square. Sanitation trucks, damp, stubborn confetti and freshly moved police barricades the only evidence that over a million people stood right here at this very place, this triangular square, only but a few short hours ago. As I took a shortcut through the corridor outside the Minskoff Theatre I picked up a small, dry square of green confetti and placed it in my coat pocket, knowing that that was the closest I'd ever get to spending my New Year's Eve huddled with a mass of strangers at Times Square. I, like most native New Yorker's would never be caught dead doing such a thing. The whole Times Square, New Year's Eve thing is for tourists. I spend enough time with them, annoying the hell out of me at the hotel everyday, Lord knows they are the last people I want to spend my after hours time with. No thanks. Although I the party I went to last night wasn't nearly as big it sure was interesting.

I started my New Year's Eve off last night like I've started off every New Year's Eve my whole life, at church. The last time I'd been to church was last New Year's Eve, well there was my sister's wedding back in May but I guess that doesn't really count. I went to my best friend Mike's church, like I did last year, for New Year's Eve or Watch Night service. Watch Night service, a years old tradition in Christian churches is an alternative to the debauchery and lasciviousness of secular New Year's Eve celebrations. In more recent times it has taken on an additional meaning in the African American community. Midnight, January 1st, 1863 was when the Emancipation Proclamation was enacted. This document, issued by President Abraham Lincoln basically freed the slaves. Having such a significant moment in history coincide with the Watch Night services and other religious gatherings already going on in the African American community added a new layer of meaning to Watch Night.

The service started at 10, me being me, fashionably late, even for church, I didn't arrive until about 11:40. I had to stop by the ATM, ('cuz ya know I wasn't gonna go to church and not give nothin') and the liquor store on the corner so I'd have something to bring to the party I was going to after church. I also brought a bookbag along to stash the bottle of wine I bought. I didn't need the church folks to be all up in my business. It was hell (forgive the pun) getting a cab, but finally I got one and arrived to church. After the service Mike and I ate baked chicken, with king-sized helpings of baked macaroni and cheese and potato salad, carb city. I'm soooooo not eating like that anymore now that the holidays are over.

From there we left. Mike and I walked to the train station and we parted ways, Mike going downtown to a club, Me going uptown to a party with a new guy I'd just started seeing. Since we're spent New Year's together we're gonna call this guy, "'08". '08 is Dominican, tall, thin, about my height and beautiful, just like I like em'. I told him earlier the day before that I didn't have any concrete party plans for New Year's and he insisted that I spend it with him at the party his family was having. I shied away from the invite at first. I mean, I hardly know '08, and even though I would be introduced to his family as a friend, maybe it was too soon, if at all, for all of this. But he insisted, telling me that it was no big deal and that the party was a birthday celebration for his father and that there'd be a stripper there. Stripper? Like ass-giggling, titty-bouncing, pussy-poppin-on-a-handstand, stripper? Alrighty, I was officially intrigued.

So I arrived to the party, not knowing what exactly to expect. '08 opened the door for me and there I was, a lone black guy in a sea of Spanish-speaking Dominicans, all crowded against the walls of the kitchen and the livingroom, awaiting the arrival of the evening's entertainment. I was right on time. As '08 took my coat and bag I presented his mother with the bottle of wine I'd been hiding from the church folks all night. She smiled warmly at me, shocked that I would think to bring something. I'm nothing if not classy. You can't just roll up in a house party and don't bring nothin'. My mama taught me better than that.

I was finishing my first Corona when I noticed that the house was at it's maximum capacity. I even noticed that a few more black folks had trickled in. The stripper finally came out. As everyone at the party started to crowd around her, '08', the unofficial photographer for the night, brushed past me, took a light grab at my dick and flashed me a sly, sexy smile as the stripper prepared to perform. Eve's "Tambourine" played almost inaudibly on an old stereo in the background.

The stripper was a black woman, she looked like she was around 30, with a long black leather coat with a black faux fur collar on. She whipped the coat off in front of '08's father, sitting on the far side of the living room, revealing a violet-colored, stringy bathing suit, white knee high fishnet stockings, several tattoos, and a plethora of other battle scars. Her and her shiny, golden brown, kanekalon crimped wig and her scant bosom weren't gonna win her any beauty pageants, but it was her ample, gelatinous ass that was paying the bills.

She twirled and tworked around, grinding, writhing and gyrating all over '08's dad to cheers and shouts from all the revelers at the party, male and female. She continued to grind on him and then asked "Where's Mommy?" and grinded on '08's Mom as well, which out of pure discomfort sent her fleeing from the scene. Things didn't start getting interesting until she laid on the floor and started doing tricks. When she threw her legs up and her head back and pulled an illuminated ball and string from her vagina, that's when I dropped my first dollar. Then I realized that this, January 1st, 2008 was the first time I had ever seen a vagina in person before, and frankly (no offense to my female readers, you know I love you all) I wasn't impressed. As you all know I'm a gold star homo and have never been with or had the desire to be with a woman before. Looking into her cavern I began to question myself. Is this was what my mother, and Russell, and all the teenage knuckleheads I grew up with in school made such a big deal about? "Yo, son, you gotta get you some pussy, yo. You gotta get that dick wet. Nigga, I'm telling you all you need is some good pussy, son." Here is pussy, right here in front of me, I mean, I guess it's good, the other guys seem to like it, in fact they're mesmerized by it, staring into it like a Magic Eye puzzle, and I don't want it. I'm officially a homo. I haven't a doubt in my mind.

The poontang pageant didn't end there ladies and gentlemen. She straddled and rode a dildo on the floor of the living room. At which one of the straight male revelers replies "She's such a whore." She poured candle wax down the crack of her ass. She sprayed whipped cream on that same ass and rode an older gentleman's face. She spread eagle on a chair and let the guest of honor fuck her with a glow in the dark dildo. This is when the dollars really began to fly. Some overzealous attendees placed dollar bills on her clitoris at which she snapped "Uh uh, not on my pussy!" And I mean, c'mon guys, how y'all gon' put dirty dollar bills all on the woman's pussy? That's just not right. She even grinded up on me for a little bit and still, no dick movement whatsoever. I'm so gay.

The apex of the evening, the trick of all tricks, the one that amazed the men and had the women at the party taking notes was when she laid back down on the floor, threw them legs up, cocked her head back, opened a bottle of Poland Spring and stuck it in her vagina. I looked on in amazement as the water started to disappear. Her pussy was drinking the water! Just then she spun around on her back, removed the bottle and made water gush from her pussy like Old Faithful. Then she did it again. Oh my goodness, I'd never seen such a thing in all me life! The last time I'd seen "Pussy Control" even close to that was that time with Penelope on the park bench. But even that couldn't compare to this. This was amazing, even the women were in awe. She got two more dollars just for that. Knowing that she had a captive audience she then demanded, Ronnie from "The Player's Club" style, that twenty more dollars be dropped on the floor immediately before she continued to perform. And she got it too. She rolled around on the floor and did some more tricks.

By that time I found a place to sit far away from where I may be sprayed by gushing coochie water, ass-flavored whipped cream, glitter and who knows what else. I had gotten my fill of punanny for the night, for the year actually. Soon after the stripper left, they turned the merengue back on and couples started dancing on the living room floor. By that time I had had my third Corona, I was officially tipsy and an honorary Dominican. Soon after that the party died down and '08 and I left.

The coolest thing about '08's family was their openness about their sexuality. They know, parents, brothers, cousins, friends and neighbors and are all cool with '08 being gay, and having dates and boyfriends and are all so supportive of him. His mother didn't mind her husband having a stripper at the party and she was even there to share in the experience. The women at the party didn't feel put off or uncomfortable about their men enjoying the strip show. How cool is that? I wish my family and friends I grew up with were that cool. What a nurturing environment that must be for him? I'm a little jealous. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but most black families, at least the ones I know of, are way more reserved and repressed when it comes to sexuality than that of our Hispanic counterparts, at least from my experience. I think we all can stand to be more open about our sexuality. People would be less apt to do dangerous and harmful things if they didn't have to deal with being shamed by their loved ones for just being themselves, ya know?

My New Year's Eve 2007, ran the gamut, from church to Coronas, from saints to strippers. I'm sure that few of those revelers down at Times Square last night had as much fun as I did. Just to think, yesterday morning I was uncertain of my plans and then ended up having the best New Year's ever. I can't wait until next year. I'm so ready for all of the wonderful things that 2008 is going to bring. Aren't you?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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Playing In The Background...
"Tambourine"
by Eve
from the album "Here I Am"
and
"Pussy Poppin'"
by Ludacris
from the album "Chicken-n-Beer"
and
"Pussy Control"
by Prince
from the album "The Gold Experience"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Last Saturday I attended a taping of my good friend DJ Baker's Doo-Dirty Radio Show. He was doing some interviews with a few gay porn stars T-Malone, Azucar and Peanut. Urban gay porn magnate Enrique Cruz was there as well. Right before I sat down at the table Azucar asked me "What movies have you starred in?" I have to admit I was flattered. I've always had a secret desire to do a porno movie. I don't see myself going through with it though. Anyway, while we were all just sitting around, Enrique Cruz, the renaissance man he is, pulls out his camera and starts taping their conversation about sex, dicks, porn etc. I even make a cameo as well. Check out the convo while it's hot and while it's still on YouTube:

Just in case you have a problem playing the embedded video here here's the YouTube direct link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZJceeW6884

LINKS:
- For more behind the scenes footage and a view into the life of my favorite porn director Enrique Cruz, check out his blog: EnriqueCruzBlog.com
- Check out the Da Doo-Dirty Radio Show. The best damn radio show ever!

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Playing In The Background...
"Porno Star"
by Joe Budden
from the album "Joe Budden"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

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Pictures:
- The official ad for "Dirty Laundry"
- Me and the hilarious comedienne, actress Erica Watson, who played Clarine in the film
Introducing "Media Inc.", the clique of up and coming media people making moves in the black LGBT community with whom I associate. Consisting of (from left to right in the 3rd image are): SoulGee (the talent booker), Tye Sexy (the model, spokesmodel), Ra Shawn (the writer, blogger, manager), DJ Baker aka DJ Doo-Dirty (the radio show host), Myself, (Adam Benjamin Irby, the blogger, writer), Dwight Powell (the actor, writer, producer, party promoter, makeup artist extraordinare), and Shorty Roc (the rapper, pictured in the 4th image, center)
- Media Inc. with Nathan "Seven" Scott (in the suit)
- Media Inc. outside the movie theatre
- Me and my best friend (since the 7th grade), Arkiem at G Lounge, our second bar of the night, can't you tell?
- Shorty Roc and tipsy-ass Me also at G Lounge
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Last night I attended the New York premiere screening of the new Maurice Jamal film, "Dirty Laundry" starring Rockmond Dunbar ("Soul Food"), Loretta Devine ("Waiting To Exhale", "Boston Public"), Jenifer Lewis ("A Different World", "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air", "Hangin' With Mr. Cooper" and too many other TV shows to name), Terri J. Vaughn ("The Steve Harvey Show", "All Of Us"), comedienne Sommore, and the film's writer/director Maurice Jamal. there were also appearances by gospel music greats Dr. Bobby Jones & the Nashville Super Choir and Dottie Peoples.

You may remember seeing the trailer for this film at the end of the second and third episodes of my mini-series. I won't totally give the movie away, but here's the basic story. It's basically the tale of prodigal son, Sheldon (played by Dunbar) returning from the glamorous, fast-paced life of New York City to his childhood home in rural Paris, Georgia once the result of actions from his past literally come knocking at his door. That's all you're gonna get from me. Oh, and did I mention that Rockmond Dunbar is gay in the movie, uh huh, gay.

This movie is great, better than I thought it was gonna be. It's the first time I've seen a gay character integrated into a black family movie and not be the butt of every third joke. It was a very real movie yet still heartwarming and funny. I have to commend Maurice Jamal on the script as it was not corny or cheesy at all and was not centered around Sheldon's homosexuality. The movie was about family, with Dunbar's character's homosexuality only being a factor in the complexity of the story, much how life really is. The movie parallels a lot of my life as Dunbar struggles to reconcile his family ties in the South with his life as a writer in New York. It paralleled my life so much so that a friend came up to me and said me "Wow, I thought about you all the way through the movie."

The movie was absolutely excellent and funny as all hell so I recommend that you all go see it.

The movie opens in New York and Los Angeles on Friday, December 7th and in select theatres nationwide, Friday, December 28th. GO SEE IT!

And if you see a bootlegger on the street with it, knock his table over and call the police!

For more info check out The Official Dirty Laundry Movie Website.

Shout out to associate producer of the movie, our friend Nathan "Seven" Scott and executive producer, Nathan Hale Williams (who also played "Peanut" in the movie).

Be sure to check out Enrique Cruz's post movie audience reaction footage from the theatre, including an interview with me on his blog.

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Playing In The Background...
"Clean Up Woman"
by Betty Wright
from the album "The Platinum Collection"
and
"Flashing Lights" feat. Dwele
by Kanye West
from the album "Graduation"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 05:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

People are really funny about their friends. Far too often I've been in situations with present and former friends where I meet a friend of theirs and their friend is attracted to me and I to the friend but my friend doesn't want us to date. I always wonder why, why friend can't I date your friend? I mean, we're friends, right? What's the big deal? Why have you forbidden me from this fruit? Don't they realize that that's only gonna make us want each other more? Forbidden fruit is always the best tasting fruit (wink, wink).

When faced with this obstacle, this sanction between me and the one with who I'm newly infatuated, I usually go against my friend's wishes and date the person anyway. My stubborn, independent nature doesn't allow for me to abide by such an edict. It actually pisses me off that my friend would even come at me in such a way anyway, as I have never, haven't ever, and would never mind if things were the other way around. As much as I'm gay and evolved and in touch with my feminine side I can be very macho (Leo, King Of The Jungle) at times and that kinda thing I take (sometimes wrongly, but not always) as a strategy to exert control over me and I never take kindly to that. I mean, shit, you my friend and all but you ain't my fuckin' father! I fuck who the fuck I wanna fuck so fuck you. As a result my sociable dick has lost me a few friends.

A good example is the termination of my friendship with my ex-best friend Chuck. I've mentioned him a few times namely here, here, and here. One major blow to our friendship was the fact that I fucked and subsequently dated two of his friends, people I met through him, after being told not to do so. I took Chuck's instruction not to date his friends very offensively, as though he were trying to control my life. In his case I think he was trying to control me, that withstanding, what I've learned from that experience is that friendships are kinda like relationships, but without the sex (at least for most people), you gotta compromise. Even though I would never hinder friends of mine from dating and I personally see it as a great thing, especially if two people that I brought together find love and stay together, I'd only be concerned about whose side I'm gonna sit on at the commitment ceremony myself, but I digress. People have their own reasons to do what they do and believe what they believe and even though I may not understand the rationale behind it and think that it's absolutely absurd I also realize that if I really value that person's friendship then I may have to acquiesce, roll with the punches, and take one for the team from time to time. And if I really feel like it's that serious then I'll do what I want but at the risk of losing the friendship. 'Cuz honestly, if I didn't get the chance to stick my dick inside my friend's friend, I'd live. The real question is how much is the friendship worth to me?

That brings us to Thursday night. I was at Mr. Man's party at Duvet. I arrived at about 2:30a, fashionably late as usual. I'm standing by the bar sipping on my drink, cranberry vodka, minding my own business while Mr. Man went off to make his rounds through the crowd. That's when I saw Freddy. Freddy is someone I met at a networking event a few weeks ago. He is a friend of my friend, we'll call my friend, Devin. Using "Sex And The City" terms, I would describe Devin and Freddy as "frenemies". Frenemeies are friends that are cordial and somewhat loyal to each other but still have issues with the things that they don't like about each other. Those things they usually never hesitate to point out to others, especially if an inquiry is made about their friend. I wouldn't go so far as to say that they're fake friends, but as the adage goes, keep your friends close and your enemies even closer.

The day I first met Freddy he was very flirtatious, dropping not-so subtle sexual innuendo and double entendre throughout our conversation. That conversation also included Devin, who looked at Freddy in disgust, sick to his stomach at his friend's coquettish ways with someone he had been introduced to only minutes prior. Once Freddy left, Devin filled me in on the years of his and Freddy's history as friends. As Devin spinned it, Freddy's promiscuous ways had come between Devin and his other friends time and time before. It was to a point where Devin didn't even like to bring Freddy around his other friends anymore. This meeting was unfortunately unavoidable. As Devin talked I felt it coming, the passion in his voice, the frustration in his face, the subdued anger in his mannerisms, here it comes... here it comes... oh fuck! The edict:

"Adam, I don't care who you fuck with but you cannot fuck Freddy. If you fuck Freddy I swear I will never speak to you again."

Dammit! Not this shit again. So now I have to add Freddy to the list of people that I should legally, within my rights as an American be able to fuck (well, at least in most in most states) but cannot because my friend doesn't want me to. I mean like, what's the big fuckin' deal? I never understood this shit. I have yet in all my 24 years to tell a friend that they can't fuck somebody. Why cock block? Why hate?

Normally I would have been tight about this sorta thing but I figure that the friendship between Devin and I is good, why cause undue friction over a piece of ass? It's not like Freddy was "the one" or somethin', all he wanted from me was a ride on my dick. Granted, Freddy was sexy, my type, and a freak and I know the sex would be off the hook (his reputation precedes him) and although it'd probably be one night only, no strings attached, it wasn't worth fucking up a friendship with someone I see every other day. So I didn't sweat it and even though I didn't understand why it was such a big deal I shut my mouth, compromised and took this one for the team.

Back to Thursday night. I saw Freddy, we exchanged glances and then smiles and then he walked over to me. We exchanged normal club small talk, the-whaddups, the how-you-beens, the how-long-you-been-heres, we even talked about Devin and his where abouts that evening. He finally got me alone and it didn't take Freddy long to get down to the nitty-gritty.

"Why don't you fuck me so you can write about it on your blog tomorrow?"

"Huh?"

I said, pretending like I hadn't heard him as I over dramatized my tipsy-ness. This nigga is crazy, but it's so fuckin' hot though. Freddy looked back at me seductively, licking his chops like he was a ferocious lion and I was an unassuming, (kinda) innocent little lamb, and I'm supposed to be the Leo here. If he coulda took me in the bathroom right then I believe he would have.

"Shit, we can go in the bathroom right now..."

"Huh?"

I replied, totally dumbfounded and confused. I'm tipsy, this sexy ass dude wants me to fuck him at my ex-boyfriend's party, I'm horny as shit, I promised Devin I wouldn't do it, and even if I did try to do it on the low and swear Freddy to secrecy he's gonna eventually tell Devin, because they're frenemies and Freddy's just that kinda bitch.

"See that's whats wrong with y'all. Niggas is always scared..."

Now he's challenging my manhood, on some reverse psychology shit. Is there like some kinda coquette handbook that he's reading this shit from? 'Cuz the shit works, we exchanged numbers. Although I still wasn't planning to fuck him and I didn't save his number in my phone I didn't wanna look like a total pussy. Hopefully he wouldn't call, and if he did I just wouldn't answer the phone.

I saw Devin again Friday night. While we were out I told him about Freddy's advances at the club. I also reassured him that I wouldn't mess with Freddy because he told me not to. He told me that it was whatever and that he didn't care whether I fucked Freddy or not anymore. I don't believe him though.

It's Sunday and Freddy hasn't called.

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Playing In The Background...
"None Of Your Business"
by Salt-N-Pepa
from the album "Very Necessary"
and
"What About Your Friends"
by TLC
from the album "Ooooooohhh...On the TLC Tip"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

It's Saturday morning and much like last Saturday morning I'm extremely horny. I didn't masturbate... yet. I went out last night. I went to Shelter and even though clubs were never really my thing it doesn't hurt to go out and let the kids see your face sometime. You don't want people to start a rumor that you're dead or anything.

I arrived to the club at the fashionable time of 2:30a. By that time you have to pay the full, after hours price to get in, which in a way kinda sucks because you're gonna actually be at the party for less time than the people who came early and paid less. But I understand it being that my ex, Mr. Man is a club promoter and it's hustle like any other hustle. I look at things this way: Getting to the club at 2:30-3 o'clock, making your rounds, saying your "Hi's" and leaving in an hour, $20. Not having to stand around for four or five hours listening to that ear blistering, awful, homophobic, reggae/dancehall shit or watching grown ass men go off to "Freakum Dress" for the 642nd time, priceless. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with clubs, I think they're great, but as you know I hardly drink, I dance like a white boy, I don't like most rap or reggae music and if I hear another song from the "B-Day" album I'm gonna go on a murderous rampage. So while great for most of the kids my age clubs are just really not my particular scene.

I arrived to the club alone, I was meeting some friends who came from Brooklyn. That of course meant that when we left that we were going in different directions, them to BK and myself back up to Harlem. Coming to the club by myself I don't really mind, but for some reason I hate taking the ride back home alone. I met someone at the club though, actually it wasn't our first meeting, he's a friend of a friend. He's from Harlem, a few blocks down from me. We'd first met a while back. When I ran into him last  night he was a little tipsy, half naked and a little touchy feely. I kinda picked up a little bit of a flirty, sexual vibe from him last time I saw him, but tonight it was on full tilt, sponsored by Grey Goose Vodka and underwritten by Hennessy.

Once my Brooklyn friends left I made my way through the crowd to find my new friend. Don't even ask me what his name was 'cuz I couldn't remember for the life of me. I'm sure he probably couldn't remember my name either. On the train ride home he kept dropping hints that he wanted me to come home with him. I kinda laughed it off at first like I always do in situations like this, but he persisted. So I was gonna have to actually make a decision here. He was attractive, but I wasn't particularly attracted to him as he wasn't my type. I never really looked at him that way, you know? He was just a cool guy.

I can't lie though, I was horny as shit last night and being in a club did not help. On the other hand though, this dude's friend is someone who I have a lot of respect for and I don't wanna have any weirdness between us. If this were a year ago or even a few months ago I wouldn't have given fucking this dude a second thought. I'm horny, he wants it, what's to think about? But I'm learning that sex isn't everything and that I need to consider other people's feelings besides my own sometimes. I'm sure me randomly fucking my friends best friend after a night at Shelter would probably put some type of strain on their relationship. All types of things could develop from this, was it really worth it? Then again on the opposing side of all that logic I really, really, really wanted to get my dick sucked last night. Decisions... decisions. All this pondering was making me tired. We both fell asleep like drunkards on the train.

Awakening just in time, we arrived at our train stop and as we left the train station he asked me again whether I was gonna come home with him. My decision was pretty much made by then. I had slept on it and decided that I needed to go home, jerk off and not create any unnecessary drama for myself. I looked at him as he asked that last time and I saw that there was a certain loneliness and a vulnerable quality in his eyes that really resonated with me. I could see that it was more than just about sex, or a quick hook up. Much like me he just didn't wanna spend another night alone. I totally felt him on that.

In that nanosecond I was reconsidering my decision. Maybe he really did just want company? He lives alone, I live alone. I know what coming home to an empty house after a night a club feels like, it sucks. The fact that I was still only half awake and still tired as shit had also become major factors in my reconsideration process and once the cold night air hit me the decision was made. Fuck it, I'ma go upstairs with this dude because it's 5am, I'm cold, I'm tired and I really don't feel like making the additional eight block trek to my house. I figured I'd stay for a few hours, get a little bit of sleep, we're both adults, nothing has to happen and neither one of us wants to be alone tonight. This is kinda like that episode of "Sex In The City" where Carrie asks the question "Is it sometimes better to fake it than to be alone?" Although we hardly knew each other's names (I figured out what his name was on the train, by the way) we were pretending that we we're whatever we needed last night.

I laid in bed with him and I noticed that his bed was comfortable as hell, I mean hotel comfortable. I really need to step my sheet and bed linens game up. Anyway, we laid there, we spooned, we felt each other up a little bit. You know, outta pure curiosity. The funniest moment was when he grabbed for my boxers and said in the sweetest, most innocent, half drunken voice:

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a big dick?"

Like, how the fuck do you answer a question like that? I didn't wanna say yes, but I'd be lying if I said no. I replied with a hesitant "...yeah" and we both laughed. Of course the question of actually fucking came up. I know I could have beat if I would have pressed the issue, and he did kinda want me to but I didn't want to feel like I was taking advantage. We mutually decided against it, it was for the best. We were pretending and actually fucking would make things all too real. So we spooned and fell asleep. I woke up at around ten and continued my journey home, proud that I hadn't succumb to my hormones.

I got what I really needed last night without the drama and repercussions of actually having hooked up with a friend of a friend. No weird post-hookup phone calls, no awkward look, look away stares whenever I see him again, no expectations of anything. I didn't even have to walk my eight blocks in shame this morning. Walking away from it all is so much easier when it's just make believe.

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Playing In The Background...
"Just Don't Want To Be Lonely"
by The Main Ingredient
from the album "Everybody Plays The Fool: The Best Of The Main Ingredient"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

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This book, "The Velvet Rage" as you know has changed my life and I recommend that every gay man read it (I wrote a review of it in this post). In the book, the author Dr. Alan Downs, Ph.D. gives "10 Lessons On Being An Authentic Gay Man" (authentic as in truthful and living a life of integrity). I am taking those 10 lessons, some of which hit me very hard and am illustrating how they apply to my life in this "The Velvet Rage" category of posts.
Wish me luck.
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Velvet Rage Lesson #3:
When You Have A Problem With Someone, Speak With Him/Her About It First (Instead Of Everyone Else)
(aka Interview With The Vampire)

"The more critical you are of others, the more difficult is is for you to reveal your true self to the world around you. When you have not allowed others to be less than perfect, does it not only follow that you cannot be less than perfect? And since you know that you are not perfect, how can you possibly reveal yourself? Creating an environment for authenticity requires that we give other people the space to be authentic as well."
-page 172-173

This is one of those blog posts that has been sitting around for a long time. I wrote it, and rewrote it, and rewrote it but it never quite came together the way I wanted to, that is until now.

Dr. Downs says that we as gays, a lot of the times, when we argue or have a disagreement with someone, especially in the context of a relationship, we tend not to go directly to that person with how we feel. Instead we fortify our defense by telling our friends and associates how bad that person is or how they did us wrong, usually in an effort to validate our own feelings. In doing so we not only express our individual distaste for that person or their actions but we also gather others against that person. Those people out of their love for us will create for themselves an enemy out of the person solely out of our dislike of the person in question without any direct cause and possibly not even out of fact. And if you and the person ever patch things up you will also have to perform the humiliating task of justifying your patching things up with that person to everyone you badmouthed them to.

In my quest to be a better person, an authentic gay man if you will, I'm trying to be less judgmental, especially with the character of others. If I take the drastic step of not liking somebody and deeming a person unsocializeable (you won't find that one in the dictionary, it's an Adam-ism lol) I definitely want that judgment to be based on solid fact and not in inferences and hearsay.

I had a meeting with someone recently, a pretty visible member of black gay and lesbian society here in New York, who I've characterized as "The Vampire" in the title of this post. To simply say that I'd never heard too many good things about him would be an understatement. The mere mention of her name is usually followed by the sucking of teeth, the rolling of eyes, the turning up of faces, the hard nasal exhale of distaste, and the rhetorical question of "Oh, that asshole?" Rumors swirl around him like the rings of Saturn, gossip like the moons of Jupiter.

I have to admit that because a lot of the things I've heard about her were from sources close to me that I took on my associates distaste for The Vampire without ever having had a formal conversation with him, not more than a "Hi" in passing. I reveled in the vilification of this person without any evidence. In the past few weeks circumstances have played out in such a way that The Vampire and I are directly working on a project together. I would have to be in direct communication with this person that I so disliked. Given this information I almost backed out of the project, one that could look very good on my resume and get some money in my pocket. Then I thought, why exactly do I dislike The Vampire, again? I really couldn't formulate a solid answer. This question is one we all need to ask ourselves regarding the people we say we don't like. If you don't know or can't remember it's probably time to let the grudge go.

With that I thought 'Fuck it. What have I got to lose? If The Vampire is as horrible as people say they are then I just won't do the project.' So at our first meeting I literally conducted an interview with The Vampire. If I was going to work successfully with The Vampire I needed the air to be clear. I needed to be able to work freely with no unanswered questions or unresolved issues looming above us, causing tension and drama.

I entered the meeting personable, professional, friendly, but guarded, my walls were definitely up. Due to The Vampire's reputation I had no idea what to expect. As things went on though, I was pleasantly surprised, not completely sold, but surprised buy The Vampires demeanor. The Vampire wasn't half the terrible person she was made out to be. After a while our rapport was so good that I had to put my machine gun and bullets down. It's like The Vampire became a real person and not just the product of everything I've ever been told. We had a few drinks, I was sipping on cranberry vodka (my new favorite drink for the once in a blue moon I ever drink) and The Vampire sipped on, you guessed it, red wine. After we got past the the core business part of our meeting I, partially fueled by the vodka, was ballsy enough to ask:

"Vampire, you seem like a decent person, at least from what I'm seeing today. Why do so many people not like you?"

The Vampire looked at me surprised and surprisingly slightly concerned. The asshole that people described The Vampire as would surely not be the least bit concerned with being disliked by others. "Who doesn't like me?" The Vampire asked, motioning to make sure the door was closed. Oh hell no, I was not getting rope-a-doped into that shit. I'm way too smart to mention names and situations. This research was for my purposes only. I didn't explain myself any further. I figured that as much as I've heard, that she must know what I'm talking about.

They described situations in which he figured could probably explain certain people's distaste for him. Some of them were familiar to me but I chose for the sake of peace not to confirm or deny any of them. Because at the end of the day this wasn't about them, it was about me and The Vampire. I needed to hear The Vampire's side of the story so I could make an informed judgment of character.

Surprisingly, I was satisfied with the answers and I got and was able to compare and see my associates' and The Vampire's point of view on the situations aforementioned, nobody's perfect. I actually felt bad having harbored the unwarranted feelings I felt toward The Vampire. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a new convert to the Church of The Vampire and I'm not gonna walk around wearing vampire t-shirts and baseball caps and shit. I'm nobody's fool, trust, I was sippin' on vodka, not Kool-Aid that night. While I'm not blindly gonna just up and wholeheartedly trust The Vampire, at least from this day forward whatever relationship I have with The Vampire will be based on my sole interaction with and sound judgment of her without the input of others.

Once the difficult part of the evening was over we continued having regular conversation over dinner and figured out that we actually have a lot in common, which in some ways is scary. Maybe someone who doesn't even know me is sitting at home feeling the same ways about me as I did toward The Vampire. I also found out that the Vampire is even a supporter of my work here on this blog. Upon even further conversation I have found that there's actually a few things that I can learn from The Vampire. But more than that this experience has taught me about myself.

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Playing In The Background...
"I See You In A Different Light" feat. JoJo Hailey
by Chante Moore
from the album "This Moment is Mine"
and
"Free Xone"
by Janet Jackson
from the album "The Velvet Rope"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

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Pictures (from top to bottom):
- Enrique Cruz and Me.
- Me, Trent Jackson, DJ Baker, Shorty Roc, & Dwight O'Neal.
- Me & Jonathan Plummer
- Me, Trent Jackson, & Darian Aaron.
- Me & Trent Jackson.
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This past weekend was absolutely wonderful. I met so many of my brothers out here in the urban gay blogosphere and in the world at large. It was great to finally put faces to all the names.

It all started on Saturday afternoon as when I met Trent Jackson for the first time at a Starbucks in the village. As I was talking to Trent a gentleman stopped me:

"Are you Adam?"

"Yes."

"I read your blog..."

It's so cool when that happens. To have your words touch people you don't even know is such an amazing thing. The guy who stopped me seemed to be in a hurry so I never got a chance to catch his name. But I just wanted to take the time to shout him out. Thanks for all the support.

From there Trent and I made out way to Cosi for his appearance on "Da Doo-Dirty Radio Show" hosted by my new big bro, DJ Baker. On the way I showed Trent the historic Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street. This was his first trip to New York and I was his tour guide so I wanted to make sure that we soaked in all the historic sites. Once we arrived to Cosi we walked in on the middle of DJ's interview with legendary urban gay porn kingpin Enrique Cruz. Do you know how many of this man's movies I have jerked off to? I jokingly told Trent that "Enrique Cruz is half the reason why I'm gay today". After Enrique's interview with DJ I met him and took a picture with him. He is the nicest guy. As we posed for the pictures he rubbed his hand across my chest and said:

"You're gonna have on all these clothes for the picture?"

I just got molested by Enrique Cruz, how cool is that? We exchanged cards and he stopped by the blog. We exchanged links as well. Just in case you didn't know, Enrique is a blogger himself, so be sure to check out his blog sometime.

I stuck around Cosi chit chatting and networking as DJ interviewed more movers and shakers in the LGBT community such as Nathan "Seven" Scott, hip-hop artist Shorty Roc, the cast of the film "Finding Me", Trent Jackson, "Christopher Street TV" star Dwight O'Neal and more. I even participated in a roundtable discussion and plugged my upcoming project "adam: The Miniseries" (which will be released Thursday, I just saw it and I'm so excited).

From there me, Trent, Shorty Roc, Dwight and his business partner Jimmy Grant headed out to the Chocolate Bar in Brooklyn for a Q&A with Jonathan Plummer (ex husband of writer, Terry McMillan "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" etc., etc., if you want more info on all that Google it) who was signing copies of his new book "Balancing Act". I had a short meeting with him, he's really tall, and we posed for a photo together. The event was hosted by Derrick L. Briggs, another fellow blogger. While we were there I met with ShawnQT of the "Dreams In A Fitted" blog and Jay of the "Jay's Distorted World" blog.

It was time to eat and I wanted to give Trent a real taste of New York, literally. So we, all five of us headed down to Downtown Brooklyn's world famous original Junior's Restaurant (the one Diddy made the members of DaBand walk to), home of the world's best cheesecake. I'm more of a strawberry shortcake man myself so I had that for dessert.

And of course no visit to New York is complete without hitting a club. It was Saturday night and Secret on 29th street was our only option. We arrived there and of course there was a line, as usual. Dwight had a convo with the owner and he said that the club was "at capacity". That meant waiting in line for people to come out so that we could go in. It was way too cold for that. As we were standing there deciding what to do next DJ and Trio Entertainment CEO, Soul Gee walk out of the club. So that was it for us, all of our people were outside so there definitely was no reason for us to stick around. So we all headed home.

Sunday morning, I had to work as Trent was preparing for his big day. The New York release party/signing for his newest novel "Full Circle" was later that afternoon. That morning was also when we got wind of the rumor that had been floating around about us. After work I headed up to Billie's Black, the swank, restaurant & lounge (shout out to Adrian & Marie) where Trent's event was held. When I got into the door the first face I saw was that of Darian Aaron, the Atlanta-based blogger extraordinare, who featured my piece "THE SUM OF ALL GAY MEN'S FEARS" on his blog a few months back (shout out to all the readers here who discovered me through Darian's blog). I also got a chance to meet Ken Alston, star of the hit off-broadway show "Three Mo' Tenors". And of course I got my autographed copy of "Full Circle", now I have to start reading it.

Monday afternoon I met back up with Trent, Darian, and his boyfriend Trey. Unfortunately because they had to rush off to the airport Darian and Trey couldn't join Trent and I for lunch at Spanky's BBQ after which Trent had to rush off to the airport for a flight that he ended up missing (Darian told you you was gon' miss that flight Trent! lol). After I said goodbye to Trent I was off to work to begin another week. I can't wait to see what adventures next weekend brings.

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Playing In The Background...
"Weekend Thing"
by Koffee Brown
from the album "Mars/Venus"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Just when I thought I was safe in my self-erected cocoon of pseudo-anonymity, it shattered, falling to the ground underneath a tree in the shady meadow that is black gay society, carried by the swift wind of a rumor. As you know this past weekend was a busy one for me as I was promoting and going to events all over the place, following and leading around Trent Jackson, the L.A. based host of the popular internet radio show "In The Mix With Trent". He's also a fellow blogger, and author of two books, 2006's "At This Moment" and his newest book "Full Circle", which he was doing the New York launch and signing for this past weekend.

He's been a reader of my blog for the past few months now and we're also MySpace friends. He hit me up a few weeks ago to let me know that he was coming to New York. We exchanged numbers and talked, clicking almost immediately. He informed me that this was his first trip to New York and asked if I would show him around. In turn I asked him if I could pick his brain about the book publishing process, we both agreed to each other's terms. Needless to say we'd been hanging out all weekend, going to all the events.

I got a call from Trent on Sunday morning about the rumor, that was the first I'd heard of it. Then came all the other calls, inquiries and mentions of it all day yesterday and today. I wasn't so much shocked by the rumor, given the circumstances and I mean, we're talking about me here, you read this blog don'cha? This little thing was nothing. I'm very aware of the reputation that precedes me. I'd been in far more scandalous situations with far less obvious bedfellows that people don't even know about (I can't blog about everything). What shocked though me was how fast it traveled (it only took only about 7 hours, hours of which most people should have been asleep) and the mouths from which the rumors we're allegedly coming from. I didn't even know these people knew lil' ol' me or give a damn who the fuck I was fucking. Well, I guess I was wrong.

It seems as though every time I proclaim something on this blog (I am not a celebrity, I'm done with CancelCancel, etc.) life always finds a funny way to make me eat my words. So you know what, I'm tired of words, they don't taste very good, they're loaded with carbs and they're fucking up my developing six pack. So from now on I'm just gonna with the flow. Say what you will about me, call me a celebrity, call me a whore, fuck it. I may address it on my blog, then again I may not, who's to say? I've always been a believer that no publicity is bad publicity anyway. So keep on talkin', it's all good. :)

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Playing In The Background...
"Rumors"
by Lindsay Lohan
from the album "Speak"
and
"Secret (Take You Home)"
by Kylie Minogue
from the album "Body Language"
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Tomorrow I will give you all the lowdown on all the events I attended this past weekend with pictures and everything.

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 05:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Now y'all know I was going through it last Tuesday when I wrote this post. But that next day and the days following that even into this weekend and this new week beginning I feel great. I'm learning to relax, let go of expectations and just live, more importantly, live for me. I've been doing a lot for myself in the past week and have been putting dating and expectations of happiness and living out the rest of my days with "the one" on the back burner. The coolest thing about it is that it's not even a big dramatic change this time. I promised myself that I wouldn't run after another guy, I slipped up for a second and now I'm back. Like I said in the last dating update post "no angry phone calls, no declarative emails, no proclamations via text message" I'm just relaxing and letting things come to me now.

When I saw Pubby last Sunday he said that he wanted to meet up on Thursday. I agreed but I wasn't gonna put much on it. If I got a chance to spend time with him, I'd be nice but if I didn't I'd live. Given his track record, I didn't expect much. He texted me Thursday morning:

P: "Morning sweetheart"

A: "What's good, sexy?"

P: "Not much.. in class :("

A: "Awww I just woke up."

P: "Lucky you.. It is freezing and raining outside"

A: "Really, I woke up in the middle of the nite 2 close my windows last nite it was dumb cold"

P: "Yes, and I'm severely underdressed :("

A: "U didn't watch the weather report babe?  Maybe it will get better, maybe it's just a morning thing."

P: "Nah I Was running late"

A little bit later I was online checking my various email, Facebook and MySpace accounts I get a message on MySpace from, you guessed it, the Pubster:

P: "Hello sir :)"

A: "Whaddup babe,
I'm about to run out to the gym real quik and get me a haircut so I can be back in time to get the house ready 4 ur arrival.
((muah))"

P: "So as you may have anticipated.. I'm not gonna come up after all :( I just can't fathom going home on the train at midnight wearing what im wearing and feeling how I'm sure I'll be feeling..."

A: "Aight, Well I guess no need to rush back then, feel better babe. We'll get up some other time. Just him me up n lemme know :)"

P: "I'll hit u when I get home so we can chat... we can have a phone date! :D"

A: "LOL aight babe. ;)"

P: "For real tho I miss u.. wanna see u and hang out.."

Now if this had been last week, I woulda really been tight after having him cancel on me last minute like that. But ever since I wrote and read and reread and reread that blog post from last week and saw the fool I was becoming along with the fact that Pubby started looking different to me anyway ever since that day he snapped on me, it just became real easy to be indifferent about the whole thing. I shocked my damn self. And what was that last line about? Did I read that shit correctly?

Shortly after Pubby canceled on me, CancelCancel hit me up asking me whether I wanted to go out to BBQ's with him that night (they're doing the relay thing again). Now if this were last week I would have jumped at the chance to go out with CancelCancel, especially after Pubby just canceled on me, so in that case the night wouldn't be totally wasted right? Wrong. Why the fuck is a night with me and just me in my house, surrounded by all the lovely shit that I worked so hard to pay for a wasted night? That's bullshit. See, I'm tryna change the way I think. I was already gonna not go to my ab class at the gym that night in order to spend time with Pubby and Lord knows as much as I love me some ribs, BBQ's wasn't gonna do nothin' for my midsection. So I declined his offer, got my haircut, went to my ab class, did some lifting, came home and baked me some low fat buffalo wings and watched "Family Guy". Oh yeah and that phone date Pubby mentioned, it never happened, it's not as though I expected it to anyway.

Friday afternoon I took some more pics with Nathan "Seven" Scott out in Jersey (look out for more collabos between us in the future). After that I came back into the city and stopped by Verlaine, on the Lower East Side to have a drink with a really good friend from school that I hadn't seen in years. The cranberry vodka there is great, it hardly tasted like liquor and it was only four bucks. I scarfed that thing down like it was kool-aid. If I could have stayed there longer I know I woulda been fucked up, like my birthday party, fucked up (read that blog post here), but I had to meet DJ (DJ Baker of the Doo Dirty-Radio Show) who I've said is like my new big brother, at an open mic thingy up in Harlem. He wasn't the only person I was meeting there.

There's this guy who heard my appearance on DJ's radio show. He came to the blog and then he hit me up on MySpace, we messaged back and forth on there, we exchanged numbers and decided to meet up at this event last Friday night. You'd think I meet get hit on via internet by a lot of people, doing this blog but surprisingly I don't. Dont get me wrong, I get my fair share but I wouldn't call it excessive. Anyway back to the guy, he was cool, he's not on nickname status yet, we'll see where it goes. We all, me, him, his friend, and DJ ended up back at my house having a roundtable discussion about relationships into the wee hours of the morning. We were supposed to go to Shelter that night but the time got away from us and we decided against it.

Saturday, I met up with DJ again downtown to be a part of a taped roundtable discussion for to be included in a future radio show. On my way down there I was on the phone with Pubby and he was telling me about all of this dramatic shit that happened at Shelter the night before. I was so thankful that I didn't end up going to Shelter. The last thing I needed to do was to be around more drama, especially after the party I went to last week. While he was on the phone telling the story and just talking about, well, you know, ummm, Pubby stuff, like fashion, clothes, money, parties, being a part of the upper level of the caste system that is the New York black gay scene (which not to sound overly critical, can be a little superficial and somewhat monotonous at times, that is the scene and him talking about it) I mean, hey, I'm gay too and even I have my moments, we all do, but damn! I get tired of hearing about that stuff sometimes. Anyway, I noticed myself drifting in and out of the conversation as though I'd heard it all before and it never was that interesting to begin with. As much as I was trying to hold on he started to notice. He actually stopped a few times to ask me what was wrong with me and to tell me that I seemed disinterested.  Being the person I am I quickly and vehemently denied such accusations as not to sound the least bit shady. Before I would have been so enthralled listening to him go on about these things but I'm not so much anymore.

Actually I think that this is what it is. When I first met Pubby I knew full well that he was a scenester. He's a pretty boy. He looks good and he knows it. He knows people and people know him on the scene. He's used to going out and getting into the clubs for free, he's a snob, and will not associate or interact with with certain people because of it. He's into going out, drinking, partying, socializing, shopping and just living fabulously. I'm the total opposite, I'm not into the scene, I hardly drink or go out, and am pretty much unknown outside of my circle of friends and I'm totally fine with that. I know that it seems as though I'm painting this horrible picture of him and that we're total opposites and in a lot of ways we are and  a lot of our views are different. There are many times during our conversations when I will find myself holding my tongue as not to argue with him. But when we're alone together he's different. He sheds a lot of that public persona and can be a really sweet guy once you get him by himself. Because we haven't been alone together in a little while I haven't really had any tender unmasked moments with him and all I'm getting in our casual encounters lately is the public persona.

After I finished recording the show with DJ, Pubby and I decided to meet up while I was still Downtown. We were walking up the street and my cell phone rang. It was someone whom I've had several phone conversations with and may have been meeting up with later that night after me and Pubby parted ways. It was Saturday night and in true Pubby style he was going out to two or three parties. Me and the caller had a brief conversation as I was not trying to be rude to my present company. As soon as I hung up the phone Pubby said rather angrily:

P: "Do not talk to one of your dates while you're with me! That's disrespectful! I would not do that to you so don't do it to me!"

A: "How did you know it was a date?"
I said with a devilish smirk on my face.

P: "Don't insult my intelligence Adam! If it was not a date you would have said 'it's not a date'"

Silence. We walked up the street in total silence for the next 45 seconds. I'm not sure what the fuck just happened here. Am I in the fuckin' Twilight Zone or some shit? As amused as I could have been at Pubby's slight showing of jealously I was confused. Isn't this what he wanted, no strings, no commitments, just chillin'? Now he's goin' off on me about other dudes. Is it just as simple as I can just do whatever as long as he doesn't know about it? What I don't get is that he coulda had me, all of me, all to himself a few weeks ago and he didn't want that, he wanted to be "free." So now he's free and I'm free and I just got my head bitten off. But, it's all good, I'm not stressing it, honestly, the tinge of jealousy was cool, at least I know his ass is alive.

We ended up at a fast food restaurant where we had a really, really good convo. We laughed and talked about ourselves, our families, gay issues, politics, and other more genuine things. He even shared something with me that he never shared with anything else. As we conversed and I looked into his eyes I remembered why I started to like him so much in the first place. We continued our conversation as walked to the train station together and waited on the platform. We were going in the same direction but on two different trains. He asked me whether I was going out that night. I told him no, because I had to work in the morning. I also reiterated to him that going out wasn't my thing, it was his thing and that he knows that I like to chill at home. To that he said:

P: "Yeah so you can have your hoes come to the house."

A: "I won't even dignify that statement with a response."

He smiled as my train pulled into the station. I embraced him while slipping in a seductive peck on his neck. I hadn't kissed him on his beautiful pink lips in so long. He said that's he'd call me later that night. I smiled and stepped ontp the train knowing better than to expect my phone to ring that night.

Oh what a difference two days make.

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Playing in The Background...
"If I Could"
by Dru Hill
from the album "Dru World Order"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Last night I was coming home from the gym as I normally do two to three nights a week. I stopped by the supermarket like I always do. I was walking down the street with my cell phone in my hand when I noticed this police officer looking at me strangely. He came toward me and put his hand on my chest. Then suddenly he said:

"Get on the fuckin' ground! Get on the fuckin' ground!"

I'm looking at him in total shock, wondering what in the hell is going on and just knowing that this has to be some sort of nightmare. I could not believe that this was happening to me. As I'm laying on the asphalt in the middle of the street I hear the officer saying with such arrogance and confidence:

"This is the one. This is the one we're looking for. He fits the description."

I'm laying on the ground like I'm paralyzed not wanting to move an inch for fear that I might be shot. Then he handcuffs me, yells for me to get up off the ground and throws me against a wall. As he's holding my back against the wall with one arm, calling for back up to come and revel in his accomplishment. He says:

"Yeah, I knew he was the one. His heart was beating a hundred miles and hour."

'Yeah maybe that's because I just came from the gym, you asshole!' I thought to myself with my face against the wall. As the lights from the squad car shined in my face, partially blinding me. I took deep breaths and remained calm, finding solace in my innocence and impending vindication. Even with my being innocent I knew this cop was crazy, cops are crazy and I this crazy cop for some reason was real sure I was the person he was looking for. I did not know how far things were going to go before I'm proven innocent but my goal was to walk away from this incident unscathed because so many innocent black men in this situation haven't. Squinting my eyes I tried my hardest to see the number of his squad car through the light. I know I would need it to eventually report him. I'll be damned if he's not gonna pay for this. He kept on going saying:

"Yeah, he was trying to pretend like he was talking on his cell phone but I knew it was him."

'What a fucking idiot! He's gon' look like such a jackass when he finds out I'm innocent.' I thought. As he sent another officer to rifle through my gym bag for firearms. I heard someone over the walkie-talkie system say that the assailant they were looking for was wearing a green jacket. I was wearing a black leather jacket. How green magically turns into black I don't know. I guess it's the same way Amadou Diallo's wallet magically turned into a gun. Either way I was not trying to find out.

More police units come and the officer employs another officer to hold me up to the wall which is so unnecessary as I'm not resisting at all. As they are readying me for the squad car a female officer walks over to me. I proceed to calmly tell her my name and ask her to take my wallet out of my right pocket to check my identification as Lieutenant Ludicrous never bothered to do so. I'm sorry to say it but women are so much smarter that men. So as Lieutenant Ludicrous continues to boast, mentally clearing a place on his mantle for his commendation, homegirl takes my wallet and runs my ID like she got some damn sense, doing what the fuck he was supposed to do in the first place.

Lo and behold a few minutes later.

"He's innocent, we've got the wrong guy."
She says.

No shit, Sherlock! The officer looks at me with a dumb ass look on his face talkin' about "I'm sorry." You damn right you sorry. As the officers looked at him like the fuckin' dickhead he was, calling half the damn city for some bullshit that his pig ass coulda fuckin' checked six years ago while the real criminal runs free, I told his dumb ass off in the most eloquent way possible.

"I cannot believe this! This is absolutely ridiculous! I have never committed a crime a day in my life! I am a hardworking tax paying US citizen and you treat me like a common criminal!"

"Do you want my badge number?"
He asked, with his foot lodged in his mouth, sounding like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Yes! Give me your badge number! This is not the last you will hear of this!"

I exclaimed. He gave me a pen and I took his badge number as all the other pigs scrambled back to their cars. I wrote that badge number down and kept his fuckin' pen too! Now don't get me wrong. I'm a law abiding citizen who has never committed a crime a day in his life and under normal circumstances has no problems with the police. It's just that this particular police officer was so pompous and arrogant and so sure of himself that he let it get in the way of following the proper procedure and possibly let a real criminal go free. And he made me lie on the dirty ass ground! Oh hayell no! His ass is gon' pay for that!

I went home that night not sure exactly what to do. Thankfully enough didn't happen to make a federal case of anything. I was just glad to be safe. I was really tight though that they had me out there wasting my damn time 'bout to have my groceries spoil over some fraudulent ass bullshit! I was tryna hurry home and get to bed because I knew I had work early this morning and here goes this shit!

Afterwards I called the only two people I can really depend on in times of trouble, my mama and Mr. Man. My mama said that I should call Al Sharpton because even though I not hurt (thank God) and this obviously wasn't gonna be a federal case or nothing, at least they would know better than anybody else how to file and with whom to file a formal complaint. That's true. A lot of people hate on Al Sharpton and Al ain't perfect but if some injustice happens to you he's the only one that gonna really have your back. He's proven that time and time again. His office coincidentally is right down the street from my house.

I called Al Sharpton's people at his Nation Action Network today. The receptionist answered the phone I told her that I wanted to report a police brutality incident and she was on it. She asked me what state was I from. I told her that I was from right here in Harlem and she transferred me to someone right away. I told the gentleman my story and even though it wasn't national headline news he referred me to a civil rights lawyer that they work with. The receptionist at the lawyer's office answered the phone and told me that the lawyer wasn't there. I told her my story and she texted the lawyer my number and he called me back within five minutes. I talked to the lawyer on the phone he told me that he didn't think I had much of a case. I told him that I knew that and that I just wanted to know the best way to file a complaint. He told me that I would need to speak with the New York City Civilian Complains Review Board and if I really felt like I wanted to take things to the next level that I could get the opinion of another attorney. I'm really not tryna be running in and out of court, it's not that serious. I just want want something to go on Lieutenant Ludicrous' record so if he ever tries this again that he gets into some kind of trouble. So even though it sounds like bureaucratic bullshit I'm gonna do my part as a citizen and file my complaint with the New York City Civilian Complains Review Board. It probably won't do much but we'll see. One person can make a difference. If enough people start filing complaints against the Lieutenant Ludicrous' of the world maybe some of these fools will start getting fired. 

And black men, if you ever run into NYPD Officer Rotte (badge number 31049) make sure your heart isn't beating so you won't get arrested.

LINKS:
- Al Sharpton's Nation Action Network
- New York City Civilian Complains Review Board

Robert Jones Jr. of the This Is The Diaspora blog and his boyfriend had a similar experience with the police on Sunday in Brooklyn. The NYPD is getting out of hand. Read his story here.

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Playing In The Background...
"Fuck Tha Police"
by NWA
from the album "Straight Outta Compton"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 07:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

By now you all should know how much I absolutely love Robyn Rihanna Fenty (if you don't read this blog post). And I'm not one of these bandwagon jumping newbies either, all on her jock only since "Umbrella" came out. I've loved Rihanna ever since I heard the first drum beat of "Pon De Replay" back in '05. I look at her meteoric rise to stardom with such pride, knowing that she worked so hard for it. I see her on TV and I hear her interviews and think "What a nice girl? I'm so happy for her."

It has been a joy to watch her grow so much since then. Her look is much more high fashion than it was two years ago ('cuz she looked crazy on that "Music Of The Sun" album cover). Have you seen some of these magazine covers she's been on lately? The camera loves her! After much negotiation with her record label she has been able to fully infused her music with the elements of pop and rock that she has always wanted to incorporate along with her island R&B sound. Contrary to popular opinion, the rock-pop edge of "Good Girl Gone Bad" is not a manufactured concoction of her record label. Rihanna has from the beginning always wanted to branch out with her music but the record label wanted her to play it safe and be the little island girl for her first album back in '05. That next year, when Christina Milian turned down "SOS" Rihanna saw an opportunity and went for it, garnering her her first #1 hit and you know the rest of the story. Even her vocals, though somewhat limited have improved, especially on the ballads. Her rendition of "Unfaithful" at the concert last night was devoid of it's usual nasal-ly vocal character.

I went to the concert with my ex-boyfriend Mr' Man who is like my unofficial event partner and fellow Rihanna supporter (I don't like to use the "f" word). When arrived to the concert we had a choice to stand down on the main level or in the pit right in front of the stage or sit higher up on the back level. We chose the latter. As much as we love Rihanna we really didn't see standing up for three hours squished between a million teenagers for a better glimpse of her or anybody or that matter. So we sat in the back, we were up high but fully capable of seeing everything on stage clearly.

Mr. Man was worried that he would be the oldest person there but he surely wasn't as there were people obviously in their 30's, 40's, 50's and beyond there for the show. I never knew Rihanna appealed to so many different people from so many walks of life, but then again, why wouldn't she? The concert was sold out and packed besides where we were sitting the other two sections were as I said, standing room only and people were still streaming in until a few moments before the opening act. In the darkness all you could see was the sea of illuminated cell phones as the theatre darkened and they introduced the opening act.

Rihanna's opening act was Kat DeLuna who, I'm sorry to say this, just does nothing for me. I heard her album and I didn't like it at all. And hearing live-esque renditions of songs that I didn't like in the first place did nothing to vindicate her. In an effort to not be messy and totally drag her performance through the mud that's all I'll say about that. I'm really mad that the European leg of the tour gets Ciara as a companion act, but I am thankful that unlike the Canadians we didn't have to suffer through a half hour of Akon.

When Rihanna finally did come out it was to much cheering and fanfare. She dusted off her "Umbrella-dominatrix" outfit that you'll probably remember from her performance at the MTV Movie Awards. She started off the show with her debut single "Pon De Replay" and continued into "Break It Off." Unlike Kat DeLuna, Rihanna performed all fifteen of her songs live. But she's been doing that at all of her performances, that was no shock. What surprised me most about the show was the set list. I thought that she would perform all ten of her singles but she left a few off in lieu of some album tracks. The first of these was a rocked-up "Let Me" from "Music Of The Sun", her first album. The next was a beautiful rendition of "Rehab" that the whole audience sung along to (I'm so mad I didn't get video of that!).

After a wardrobe change Rihanna performed "Breakin' Dishes", which of course everybody sung along with as well. Then she switched things up and performed a cover of Bob Marley's "Is This Love". She then rocked out to "Kisses Don't Lie" (one of my favorite songs EVER from her) and stripped down to a sequinned bathing suit and performed a "Fosse-esque" version of "SOS".

She took a seat on stage and in Janet Jackson style she introduced her two backup singers and did an acoustic trilogy of the Ne-Yo penned "Good Girl Gone Bad", "Hate That I Love You" (sans Ne-Yo) and then took to the stage by herself to sing the best rendition of "Unfaithful" I've heard her do yet.

She closed out the show with a hot rendition of the sexy "Sell Me Candy" (another of my favorite songs from her), "Don't Stop The Music", got the crowd all hyped and she donned a racing jacket for a sizzling performance of "Shut Up And Drive."

After a brief intermission and a wardrobe change Rihanna closed the show out with after thanking the audience she sang an extended version of "Umbrella" in which she did an island flavored reprise. Ironically enough it had been raining off and on all day yesterday here in New York so the whole audience opened their umbrellas and swayed them in the air during her performance. The audience sung so loudly that it was a shock that Rihanna got a word in at all.

Last night was not just a concert it was an experience. To see Rihanna grow from almost being overcome by nerves at her MTV Awards performance a few months back to totally owning her stage last night is such a beautiful thing. It doesn't hurt that New York is a big Rihanna town, and just a big music town in general. Besides selling out the Nokia Theatre, everybody goes off when they play her songs in the clubs here, so she definitely was getting much love from the crowd and I know that helps and makes things a lot more fun for her. I could tell she definitely was enjoying herself the whole time. She even promised to "see us again". I know that there is so much more to come from her. Hopefully everyone can catch the tour, if not I hope they at least air it on MTV or something.

Now ya know I got video. Let me warn you, it ain't the best in the world but it gets the job done. Check out the video of "Umbrella" (Part 1) below. For part 2, and the rest of the videos from this concert and live performances by artists like Amerie, Chrisette Michele, Candace Jones and Vivian Green check out the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel. Be sure to subscribe to receive updates.

For the rest of the videos check out the A. Benjamin Irby YouTube Channel.

==========
Playing In The Background...
"Is This Love"
by Rihanna
from her Live In New York Concert From The Nokia Theatre
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Last night Mr. Man (my ex boyfriend who I'm all amicable with now) and I finally went to go see The Color Purple on Broadway. I know we're like the last two black people in the New York Metropolitan Area who haven't seen the show. We get there, we line up, we're going in, everything is fine until we're about 20 feet from the doors and they announce that Fantasia was not going to be in the show and that an understudy would be playing her role. A representative for the theatre said that she was in full hair and makeup and became ill about 10 minutes before show time. The admission line turned into the refund line because just about all of the 2,600 theatre goers that night wanted their money back! Some opted to reschedule for a later show but we decided to take the refund.

I figured rescheduling wasn't the best idea because this isn't the first time Fantasia hasn't shown up for a show. I had some guests at the hotel I work at tell me that Fantasia didn't perform at their show a few weeks ago and there were even people on the refund line last night who said that this was not the first time that they had rescheduled a show due to her not showing up. I'm not one to gossip but the rumor floating around the theatre is that she's pregnant and that that may be the reason for her recent sicknesses. I don't know how true that is but it was floating around last night.

I really do wish that 'Tasia would have done the show last night as I had my hopes all up and really was expecting to see her. When her run in the show is over January 6th, 2008. Chaka Khan, BeBe Winans, and another American Idol cast member LaKisha Jones will star in the show. I may try to get tickets to the show again during 'Tasia's run, but it's a crap shoot, we'll see. If not I'll just wait until next year and see Chaka and BeBe.

In an effort to salvage what was left of the evening after standing in that line for a little over an hour we walked down 7th Avenue about two miles (it never seems that long in Manhattan) down into Chelsea to Cafeteria. Cafeteria is an uber-trendy diner (for lack of a better word) that serves comfort food and traditional favorites in an ultra chic setting. They are known for their meatloaf and macaroni and cheese and have been featured on an episode of "Sex And The City". I'm the only homo in the city who hadn't been there yet. The food was great. I had the crab cake burger with avocado, tomato, and onion slices and the macaroni & cheese (it was good, not as good as mine though) and Mr. Man had the Salmon. We parted ways and I got home a little after midnight. Last night didn't turn not how I thought it would have but it was a decent evening nevertheless.

LINKS:
- The Color Purple Official Website
- A Broadway.com article on Chaka Khan, BeBe Winans, and LaKisha Jones roles in The Color Purple
- A New York Magazine article on Cafeteria

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Playing In The Background...
"Two Week Notice"
by Fantasia
from the album "Fantasia"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

==========
Top: A map of Christopher Street in the West Village, NYC
Left: A street sign indicating the corner of Christopher & Gay Streets. Believe it or not the placement of these streets was a total coincidence.
==========

I know it doesn't look like much, stretching about ten blocks in New York's West (Greenwich) Village but Christopher Street is arguably the most important place in gay culture and the birthplace of the Gay Rights Movement in the United States. Even today it is the home of the Heritage Of Pride parade and festival held annually on the fourth Sunday in June. Attended by one million revelers, this is one of the largest, if not the largest gay pride gathering in the United States. Cities all around the world have Christopher Street Day or CSD gay pride festivals and parades to commemorate the movement that started on this small New York street.

Just about every gay person here in New York has a thought, memory, opinion, or a story involving Christopher Street. For many of us back in our younger days it was the first place where we could feel free to publicly display affection for our same sex lovers. Even today it still continues to attract many newly out and questioning youth.

As a closeted homosexual questioning teen I had no idea that a place such as Christopher Street existed. The first time I heard about it was at church, quite ironically. I remember one Sunday night as the evening service was closing the pastor of the church (who ironically, or not so ironically had gay rumors swirling around him like a tornado at the time, shyt, all the time) I was at was doing the benediction prayer and he said something like this:

"...and Lord, we bind up that Christopher Street spirit right now!"

I remember thinking 'Where in the heck is Christopher Street?' and exactly 'What spirit was he referring to?' I asked one of my older friends, let's call her Teresa, what he meant. She told me that Christopher Street is a hangout for gay people, and a lot of the undercover (or not so undercover) ones in church hang out there on Sunday nights after service. Obviously as a closeted homosexual questioning teen my curiosity was piqued. I remember going home that night and finding this "Christopher Street" on a map. I wanted to go there but due to everything I was taught in church I was deathly afraid and Lord knows I didn't anybody to tell my mama they saw me there.

My first time going to Christopher was a drive by. I remember one night out with my older sister we were driving down 7th Avenue South when out of the corner of my right eye I saw a brown street sign that said "Christopher Street." I was excited! I asked her to turn around so we could drive down Christopher Street and see if we recognized anyone from church. I figured in the safety of the car I was okay. I ducked down really low in the back seat on the right side of her car as we made that right turn onto Christopher Street (to this day I always walk down Christopher on the right side). I spied through the crack of her tinted windows at this forbidden yet wonderful place. Men were holding hands with other men, women with women, talking and carrying on as normal as if what they were doing wasn't going to make them roast in a burning hell when Jesus comes back. I even recognized one guy from church, I didn't really know him though so that was no fun. I wasn't as impressed as I thought I'd be after having my glimpse at Sodom but I was still curious. I was definitely going back and the next time I was gonna be walking.

My next visit to Christopher Street was indeed on foot. One Friday night after dinner at Uno's on 6th Avenue & Waverly Place me, my younger sister and two friends of ours from church, one of them being Teresa, ventured back down Christopher Street. Her and the other older friend of ours, we'll call him Lester, who was obviously gay (but we just didn't talk about things like that in church, at least not to the person's face anyway) had been to Christopher many times before and were shocked at our inexperience with the area. I was already scared to be there and their stories of men randomly touching your butt as you walked down the street didn't help. Of course now I realize that they were just trying to scare me.

As we crossed 7th Avenue South I remember holding on tightly to Teresa's hand. I was nervous. I didn't want them to think I was gay and touch my butt. I figured that if I held Teresa's hand people would think that she was my girlfriend even though Teresa and I looked terribly mismatched as she was twice my size. As I walked down the street hand in hand with Teresa, my sister with Lester, they seemed to know people on every corner, stopping an starting up conversation after conversation. That night I saw a lot of guys from church and it was no big deal. They saw me and no one was shocked, they looked as almost to say 'Oh, you finally made it up here, girl, we always knew anyway.' The most shocking moment was when we saw an older elder who we had just seen in church the other day, he had to be around 60-65, walking hand in hand with a lover half his age. I'll never forget that experience:

Me: "Oh dip! There goes Elder So-And-So with that young guy."

Lester: "Teresa, I dare you to say 'Praise The Lord'..."

Teresa: "Alright."

** Elder So-And-So and his lover get closer to us **

Teresa:  "PRAISE THE LORD ELDER SOANDSO!"
She yells loud enough to raise the dead.

Elder So-And-So: "Praise Him Chile..."
He replies, recognizing Teresa.

Teresa: "ALLLLRIGHT ELDER! See you in church on Sunday."

Elder So-And-So: "Yes chile."

I could not believe what I just saw. This elder from church was on Christopher and really didn't care who saw him. This was so crazy, how can you say one thing in church and live another with no shame or nothin'? You see why I don't mess with church boys (read that post here). Needless to say, Elder So-And-So certainly wasn't the last clergyman I spotted on Christopher.

My most fond memory of Christopher Street was the night I met RuPaul. I didn't just meet RuPaul I had a three hour conversation with the man on a stoop at the corner of Bedford and Christopher right across from the Lucille Lortel Theatre. I remember walking down the street with an ex of mine, we'll call him Michael, my ex best friend, we'll call him Chuck, and his then boyfriend who is one of my best friends now, we'll call him Russell. Michael tapped me and said that the tall bald headed guy walking toward us was RuPaul (of course he was out of drag). I told him that it wasn't, but Michael asked and indeed it was RuPaul. He had his iPod with him and I had mine. We struck up a conversation about our iPods and music in general right under the marquee of the theatre. All five of us ended up sitting on a stoop across the street.

A conversation that should have lasted a few minutes turned into about three hours. We spoke about RuPaul's life, his career, celebrities he's worked with, how he keeps those wigs on his bald head, makeup, what kinds of guys he likes, everything you could possible think of. As much as I write here you can only imagine how many questions I asked. The part of that conversation I cherished most was when he told us the story of the significance of Christopher Street to gay culture and how it was the launching point for the Gay Rights Movement. He felt as though it was his responsibility as an older gay man to pass his knowledge down to younger generations.

Before that day I didn't like drag queens. I thought that they were so "extra" and that they brought shame to "regular" more masculine gay males like me. After that night talking to RuPaul I gained a new sense of respect for who they are and what they do, especially regarding the Gay Rights Movement and the events that happened on Christopher Street. It's the drags who fight for us all. Next time you see a drag queen, give her a hug.

At that time I already knew the story of Christopher Street and the Stonewall Inn Rebellion but it was a joy to hear him retell it. I'll give you the short version:

Back in the '50 and '60's it was illegal to be gay. Even today there are some unenforced sodomy laws still on the books in many states. Police would raid bars where gays would frequent and often have the names and unlawful activities (not sex but things we consider nothing like kissing, holding hands, cross dressing, etc.) of the men in these bars printed in the newspaper. At about 1am Friday night, June 27th or Saturday morning, June 28th, 1969 (accounts differ between the dates) the police raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar on 53 Christopher Street near 7th Avenue South (which still stands today) which was known to not only have gay patrons but many gay patrons of African American and Hispanic descent. Raids were quite frequent and commonplace at this time but this night the gay, lesbian, and transgendered patrons who were there this particular night fought back, causing a riot which was the catalyst for the Gay Rights Movement. Some people associate the death of gay icon Judy Garland a few days before ("Dorothy" from the original "The Wizard Of Oz" and mother of gay icon Liza Minelli) with the event, but most dismiss that as urban legend.

Click here to get more information on this event along with actual newspaper clippings from that day, courtesy of Columbia University.

I met up with my friends on Christopher last Saturday night. I don't get down there much anymore. I actually haven't been down there since pride, back in June and even then I didn't stay too long. Christopher is definitely not the wonderland that it used to be when I first came out. I remember the few times I ever did get to walk up and down the strip and hang out on the pier everyone used to look so good and we used to all have so much fun. We would eat pizza at that pizza shop that nobody knows the name of on the corner of Christopher & Hudson, or the other one on Christopher & 7th next to the cigar shop or have (mostly) bad food but good service at Manatus and desert at the Bread Factory Cafe on Bleecker & Christopher where we could watch people walk by and crack jokes on them, so many memories.

Many of my friends don't hang out there anymore as we're all older now and largely look at Christopher as a place where all the teen queens or queenagers (as Mr. Man would call them), ugly drags, and old washed up queens hang out (mainly at the Hangar & ChiChi's). The cooler, more fashionable people hang out, club and bar hop further north in Chelsea or further south in TriBeCa or have blended so well into straight society that they don't even hang out at quote-unquote 'gay' places anymore. Being back there myself on Saturday I see why they say these things and unfortunately I have to agree.

There are a few new shops and a lot of new faces on Christopher but the magic there is long gone. Christopher Street has become for lack of a better term, the gay ghetto. It's so run down, it's dirty, it's ravaged. It seems to have turned in on itself like the pulling off of an ejaculation filled condom that is tossed into a toilet bowl. Or maybe it was that way all along and it is us who have changed. Either way, love it or hate it Christopher Street is still a part of all of us and it's significance to our culture can't ever be denied. I may not be hanging out there anytime soon but you can count on me to pay me respects at least once a year every 4th Sunday in June.

LINKS:
- More info on the Stonewall Rebellion, courtesy of Columbia University
- The Official Stonewall Inn Website
- Heritage Of Pride Official Website

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Playing In The Background...
"I'm Gonna Live 'Till I Die"
by Queen Latifah
from the album "Trav'lin Light"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Friday night Pubby and I went out on or third date. It was a birthday dinner he put together for one of his best friends. We dined at Forlini's, a very traditional Italian restaurant down in the part of Chinatown/Civic Center that used to be Little Italy. The restaurant looked so traditional with its oversize leather booths and murals of the Italian Riviera that I thought a bloodied member of a mob crime family would come stumbling past our table any second.

Over dinner we were having a heated debate about the internet, namely online dating/sex sites such as BlkGayChat/BGCLive, Adam4Adam, and Men4Now. Half the table, including Pubby, by the way, argued that all those websites are designed for is sex and that it is impossible for people to meet there and have a real relationship. The other half, my half, including the birthday girl, who looked stunning by the way, argued against that, saying that although there is a sexual overtone to those sites and the internet in general that the decision to have a casual fling or a meaningful relationship is that of the individuals involved regardless of where or how they met.

As you know I'm an advocate for internet dating. I think it's great. I've applauded it numerous times and have likened it's ease to that of ordering takeout. Along with the "Online Dating Horror Stories" I've posted here I've also had great experiences with the internet. Have I had flings and one night stands, sure I have, but I've also had relationships, friendships and non-sexual encounters with people I've met online. Often people who argue so fiercely against internet dating have little to no experience with it and blindly oppose it with no real foundation for their opinion as it is usually obtained from pseudo-austere snap judgment.

Anytime I am involved in this argument I notice that my opposition always seems to vilify the internet as though the internet is the sole reason why people hook up or why relationships don't last in the gay community. All the internet is is an avenue, another resource for people to meet. Now once they meet the decision to hook up or to begin dating is theirs. It seems that some of us fail to realize that people have been hooking up long before the internet and even now people still meet in other places, clubs, bath houses, sex parties, sex shops, gyms, and street corners, etc., where there's a will there's always been a way.

As the debate raged on a good point was made by someone from the opposing side. This person, who was older than we all were, said that the internet has chipped away at the organic process of meeting and dating people. As a person who came out after the advent of the internet and a person who's always had the internet as a part of his dating life I can personally attest to this. The internet does make the meeting process way more calculated and streamlined than meeting someone face to face. This is considered good or bad, depending on who you talk to. All or at least most of the relevant facts about a person are at a glance before you've even uttered your first audible 'Hello.'

I believe that most of us agree with the adages "easy come, easy go" and "anything worth having is worth working hard for" at least to some extent. Opponents of the internet often say that the ease of which you meet people on the internet contributes to the casual nature of the relationships of people who meet online. They argue that if you meet someone online and they are not everything you want them to be or if you are ever angry with them instead of working things out it's all too easy to go on the internet and meet someone else. While I see the validity of this argument I feel that this situation speaks more to the morals, relationship philosophy, and sheer self control of the individual. But what if that person has never been exposed to anything but the internet as far as dating is concerned? Wouldn't it be difficult for that person to see the people they meet as more than just a point and a few clicks? Touché (it's so cool when you could have a compelling argument with yourself). I have to admit that at times when I was in a relationship, especially after an argument, I was tempted to go on the internet and "check my messages." But as I stated previously that situation speaks to my individual self control.

In my self improvement effort to be as non-judgmental and objective as I can be I want to give myself the chance to see how the other half lives. How can I argue so vehemently for my side without having experienced the other? That would make my argument as empty and foundation-less as I stated that some of my opponents arguments were. So when I got home Saturday morning I deleted all of my internet dating accounts. Until further notice if I decide to meet anyone else it will be only through organic, non-internet means. Coincidentally, I actually met Pubby through a friend, but CancelCancel and Mr. Man I met originally via the internet. Although I'm not actively looking for anyone else at the moment I want to see how my relationships and my view on relationships differ without the internet as a factor. This is bound to be interesting. As always I'll keep you posted...

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Playing In The Background...
"Empty"
by Janet Jackson
from the album "The Velvet Rope"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

Last Saturday night was my first date with Pubby. I've given him that nickname (that he just told me he doesn't like) because he works in magazine publishing. We had been beating around the bush, flirting via email and text message since our brief first meeting last week until I finally asked him out. I had originally asked him out to dinner but he already had dinner plans for that evening. So I asked him to dessert instead. Earlier that day I was flexing my concierge muscles searching for just the right place to go. After reviewing some of the menus online I realized that some of these dessert bars are a little too foo foo for me. Who the hell ever heard of corn ice cream? Yuk! So I decided to keep it simple and go to Junior's Times Square. Besides, we were meeting up at 11:30p anyway and at least I know they were gonna be open that late.

This date was scheduled on a night when I had to work the next morning which is something rarely ever do. But we had vibed so well over the past few days and really I wanted to see him again so I bended one of my rules a little. In preparation for the date I took a little nap earlier that evening before I went out. I woke up at 10, put on my pre-laid out outfit and bounced out the door around 10:50. Of course I forgot that it was the weekend and that the trains were not only gonna take forever but that they would be running local. I texted Pubby from the train station telling him that I may be running a little late. I'm very good about that kinda stuff. Saturday was unseasonably cold and I didn't want him to have to wait a long time for me. He was cool with it and said that he was gonna be about 15 minutes late as well.

I actually ended up arriving to Times Square basically on time. I looked at my cell phone, it said 11:36. I texted Pubby to tell him. Here is our succession of text messages:

11:38p: A: "I just got off the train at Times Square..."

11:40p: P: "See u in a bit."

11:41p: A: "Aight, I'll be at 45th & Bdwy."

Figuring that he would be a little later than 11:45 I decided to pop into the Virgin Megastore and pick up Lil' Mo's latest CD "Pain And Paper". I was in there at most maybe 15 minutes.

11:47p: P: "Perfect."

11:58p: P: "I'm on my way."

11:58p: A: "Aight."

I settled at the southwest corner of 45th & Broadway. I watched Nicole Scherzinger's "Whatever U Like" video in silence on the huge MTV screen across the street to pass the time. Her and T.I. have really good chemistry together. Then I opened the Lil' Mo CD I just bought and read the liner notes, she thanked Jesus more than most gospel artists. This kid walked by that I met online and went to a party with once. He looked me right in my face but didn't recognize me. I didn't know him well enough to go and say "Hi" or nothin' and besides, it's never been that serious. Then this guy that looked a lot like Kevin Liles (VP of Warner Music) walked by me and made a left onto 45th street. Oh wait, it is Kevin Liles, I know those bags anywhere. Too bad he's such a pompous jerk. Did you see that episode of "Oprah" he was on? I wanted to smack him! The girl he was with was pretty though.

12:10a: A: "Where u @ now?"

Just standing in Times Square, in the unseasonable cold, wiping my runny nose every few minutes. I thought about all of the first dates I've met here. Times Square (or Forty Deuce as they call it where I grew up in Brooklyn) has to be the most popular meeting place in the city. Probably because, most of the trains go here and who doesn't know where it is. This cold that is creeping up in my chest though is really fucking up my stroll down memory lane. 'Where the fuck is Pubby?' I thought, trying my best not to get upset. He said he'd only be 15 minutes late, it's already 25. I occupied myself by counting the hours of sleep I was losing by just being there. I coulda took a longer nap if I knew he was gonna be late like this.

12:15a: He calls me. When I heard his voice the frustration that was building up inside me started to wash away. I felt warm inside. He sounded so dayum good on the phone, but fuck that! I had to let this nigga know that this type of shyt is unacceptable. He apologized profusely for his tardiness and I never let the frustration leave my voice. He told me he was in a cab and on his way. I didn't even ask why his ass wasn't in a cab 30 minutes ago. See this is the shyt about dating that I hate.

12:28a: A: "Where are u?"

As my nose is till running and as I try not to get really pissed. I remind myself that he is in the cab and that there's probably traffic. This is New York.

12:28a: P: "42nd & 7th."

Okay he's a few blocks away. About 10 minutes later I look up to the north and see him come sauntering down Broadway toward me. I was mad at him but still happy to see him at the same time. He was so dayum fine, I couldn't stay mad at him for something like this if I tried. This is the only the first date so I calmed myself. He extended his arms to hug me:

"Sorry I'm late."

"It's okay... Actually no, it's not okay. You had me waiting out here mad long."
I said, asserting myself.

"I know babe, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

You know exactly where my mind went. Shyt, fuck dessert. We can go straight back to my place and let the reparations begin. As we walked down the block toward Junior's I shook myself out of my fantasy.

Once we were seated we began to talk or rather playfully debate about life and music, which is one of my favorite subjects. We did all of this while looking dead into each other's eyes, not missing a syllable. I'm one of those people that looks people directly into their eyes when I talk to them. The eyes tell so much about a person. Even during our brief first meeting the other day it was Pubby's eyes that told me that he was attracted in me.

Originally, my idea for this date was for us to meet up at my place for dessert. I was gonna get some chocolate covered strawberries, whipped cream, ice cream, the works. Pubby texted me and told me that he was a "classicist" and that he was a little uncomfortable with our first date being at my place. I understand that because when you're at someone's house there is that underlying sexual vibe in the air. Even if there is no actual intention to have sex, probability is playing against you. I honestly wanted the date at my place because I knew I had to work the next day so that would have made things a bit easier for me, being at home. But being at Junior's was cool, I didn't love standing in the cold for an hour but I'm over that, I promise.

As time went on things began to get a little more cozy between us. The eye contact, the conversation. The grabbing of each other's legs every so often. As our conversation continued he took his leg and nestled it between my leg and the wall. Physical contact is always a good sign. I explained to him that my original proposal to do this at my place wasn't fueled by sex. I felt I needed to explain as this blog (which he visited prior to our date) seems to sometimes color people's view of how I am. You tell a few sex stories and people think you're the gay Wilt Chamberlain or something. He totally understood and inferred that it wasn't only me he was worried about. I was liking this dude even more.

We finally ordered, he had a warm brownie ala mode and I had the strawberry shortcake. We both had drinks and I was starting to feel mine. Y'all know I don't drink very often and it doesn't take much for me to get a little tipsy. As we continued vibing every so often he would get a phone call. But even those interruptions didn't disturb the groove we were in. We ended up closing out Junior's and after getting dirty looks from the staff we decided to leave but I really didn't want the night to end. By that time though it was after 1am and it was probably best for me to walk him to a cab and take my ass home.

I didn't know at the time but he actually didn't need a cab his friends were coming to pick him up. They were waiting outside, for a while according to one of his friends that's why he kept calling, in a car on 45th Street. I walked him to the car and prepared to say good night when he asked me whether I wanted to go to a club with them. I know I should have said no, as I had to wake up for work in about five and a half hours but I was having fun so I went.

Pubby's friend, the driver, we'll call him Alex is a socialite of sorts. I didn't know him personally but I'd always see him around. As you know I don't go out much but whenever I did go out he was one of the people I would usually see. He and two other people, one of which I actually know are people I would say "make a party." It's almost as though I haven't officially gone out unless I saw one of them. What was even funnier is that during the ride downtown Alex even said that "my face looked familiar."

Being in the car was cool. It gave Pubby and I a chance to get a little closer. Everything was going very well at that moment until I realized that we were going to a black club. Oh brother, I was mentally preparing myself to hear that dayum "Freakum Dress" song for the thirteen millionth time.

After circling and circling around Chelsea in search of a parking space we finally arrived to Secret. From what I heard this was the only black party going on that night and there was no cover. Needless to say, it was packed and the line was crazy. What's really crazy is that after all the websites I've done for the black clubs here in New York I should have known about this place but I'd never really heard of it before.

It was cold and none of us were interested in waiting on that line. Alex and Pubby got on their cell phones trying to contact their connects in the club in an effort to get us in. As we were standing in front of the club some friends of theirs came out and were saying that the party was "late" and that there a lot of young people in there. That's definitely to be expected at a free party. Basically they were saying that it wasn't even worth our time. Their major complaint was that all of the "A-list" people were outside the club while the inside was filled with "nots," people who weren't as popular and therefore didn't deserve to party or even live according to some.

So as we stood there they were talking to their friends as they badmouthed the party and ridiculed some of the younger and not so well put together patrons who were leaving the club. I over heard Pubby saying to another of the more popular scensters waiting outside:

"Don't they know that there's a caste system?"

Unfortunately there is a sort of caste system to the New York black gay scene. You've got your "haves", your "have nots" and even your "untouchables" and then there are those who have been touched way too much. Basically you're no one until someone talks about you. I'm not sure exactly where or even if I fit in somewhere on that scale. Luckily for me I don't give a flying fuck either way.

So we finally got in. Uh huh, niggas talked all that shyt but all they asses was eventually in that club. Squishing my way through the crowd all the reasons why I don't like the black clubs came rushing back to me. Look to the right, there's a guy that tried to talk to me online, look to the left there's another one. I did actually know a few people at this crowded ass party so I gave my salutations as I headed to the bar.

While waiting for his drink I stood behind Pubby as he lightly grinded his ass into me. I grabbed by his waist and did a few light touches and feels, that was cool. We made our way back to the dance floor in time for them to play Britney Spears "Gimme More (remix)" featuring T.I. When that beat dropped the whole club went off, everybody was dancing. I had been feening to hear that song in a club all weekend and I was tight that i didn't hear it when I was out with CancelCancel the night before. I stood on the floor as Pubby and Alex danced on top of a couch with drinks in their hands. It was a very Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie moment.

Soon after I went back to the bar and got myself a cranberry juice as Pubby and Alex made their rounds, being socialites. By that time we'd been at the club a little more than an hour and I was starting to get bored. See that's my issue with clubs, I don't understand how people can do this all night long. After about an hour, which is enough time to say all your "Hi's" and let all the kids see your face I'm ready to go. I was also ready to sit down. I sat on a leather couch in the back of club near the bathrooms. As I sat there on the couch pretty much ready to go this guy came up and tried to talk to me. He did the whole "Why you looking like that?" "What's your name?" spiel. This dude is trying to get my number and I'm supposed to be here on a date. In fact, where the fuck is my date?

I was ready to go. I circled the club looking for Pubby. I at least wanted to at least say goodbye before I left. I couldn't find him. In the midst of my search I did run into one of my good friends who was surprised to see me out at a club. I told him I was out with someone and I couldn't find them at the moment. He told me that I should circle the club one more time and if I didn't see him to bounce. I circled and didn't see Pubby.

As I was preparing to say goodbye via text message the lights came up. It was 4am and the party was over. I went outside and after glances to the right and the left, no Pubby. Right as I was about to push the 'send' button and stroll down the block there goes Pubby behind me. He was having a flirty conversation with some dude, probably an ex-date or something. Either way it's none of my business and jealousy has reared it's ugly head enough this weekend.

Pubby looks over at me, caught by surprise. I told him that I was ready to go as I couldn't find him for the past 45 minutes. It bothered me that the party was over he hadn't bothered looking for me in all that time. I didn't even get as much as a text. It would be easy to blame it on the alcohol but I wasn't gonna mentally brush this off that easily as I've been down this road before. Actually I used to live in a fuckin' condo on that road. This moment recalled some of the frustration I felt at the beginning of the night. I wasn't mad, but what I was was aware. I had concluded that Pubby though, intelligent, sexy, and fine, wasn't the most considerate person in the world.

We still all ended up leaving together though. Back in Alex's car Pubby and I were cuddled up again this time sharing our first kiss. It was nice. I felt a little electricity. He was cool, I like him and it was feeling really good to be close to him right then as Alex sped up 8th Avenue and then Central Park West with Lindsay Lohan and then Keyshia Cole blaring from the speakers. Yeah this was all nice but this evening's events are keeping me from getting too caught up. We'll see...

LINKS:
- Junior's Restaurants

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Playing In The Background...
"A Little More Personal"
by Lindsay Lohan
from the album "A Little More Personal (Raw)"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Friday night CancelCancel and I went out on our second date. It had been exactly two weeks since our first date (click here to read that post). We were supposed to go out last Friday night but we got into an argument of sorts (more like a misunderstanding totally on my part) and ironically I ended up canceling that date. We managed to patch things up since then and we rescheduled our date.

We dined at Bond 45, a nice, but not ultra fancy Italian steakhouse right off Times Square. Dining there was especially fun because CancelCancel told me that he never been to a restaurant of that that caliber before and jokingly promised not to "act ghetto." I told him not to worry and regaled him with the story about me and my best friend's first time dining at a better restaurant. We didn't understand a thing on the menu and ordered whatever had lobster in it. I have to admit dining out in some of these places used to be a little intimidating at first especially seeing that I was usually one of the only black people there (read about one of those experiences in this post) but over time being a concierge I got used to it.

Dinner was great, we ordered the shrimp and scallop antipasti as the appetizer I had seafood over rice as my entree, he had the filet mignon and for dessert I had blueberry cannolis and he had strawberry cheesecake. We didn't have to pay for the check so I made sure to leave a big tip.

CancelCancel texted me earlier that day and said he wanted to go to a club. I was cool as long as it wasn't a black club. As you know I'm totally over the black gay club scene. If I see one more person "snap for the kids" or do a "Naomi Campbell walk" I'm gonna lose my effing mind! I was definitely seeking respite from the ubiquitous juggernaut that is Beyonce.

So we settled on Splash, a two level club in Chelsea. It was a mixed crowd, mostly white there on Friday nights and the change in scenery was more than welcome. No ex dates, no Beyonce, it was great! The indistinguishable house music booming from the speakers was at the perfect tempo for me and CancelCancel to start getting frisky on the dance floor. As the music was pumping I took my place behind him, grabbing his waist and grinding my dick into his backside. Every so often I would grab his hand and place it on my hardening dick, so he could feel it through my jeans and I would kiss his neck a little. It was crazy kinda like how they talk about in all those songs about being on a crowded dance floor and feeling like you're the only two people in the room. It was like that for us, very close, very passionate.

Every so often in between house beats the DJ would play a song that could actually be recognized. Once he played Rihanna's "Don't Stop The Music", the whole club went off. He also played a dance remix of Toni Braxton's "Un-break My Heart" to which everyone sang along. Twice during the night a certain totally wasted African-American weatherman for our local Fox TV affiliate stumbled by us, the second time making eyes with CancelCancel. I always heard that he was gay, now I know for myself.

Soon after we headed around the corner to Club Rush. When we first approached the club it was crowded and people were having trouble getting in. Just then one of the club promoters stepped out of the door, he was actually kinda cute. Then he motioned seductively for CancelCancel. 'Now I know this motherfucker sees us together.' I thought to myself but I was cool as CancelCancel walked over. He then tells him to come in for free. To that he says to the promoter "Well he can come in too, right?" (that was good looking out on his part, he betta had). The promoter said "Yeah" and we walked in.

As we walk in CancelCancel is a few paces in front of me. The club promoter is following behind and he keeps tapping me trying to get my date's attention. I'm looking back mean mugging and ignoring this nigga hoping his dumb ass gets the fuckin' point. At about that third tap I was about to turn around and wild the fuck out on this dude when I realized me and CancelCancel ain't together. Even though we're on a date and this dumbass is being mad fuckin' disrespectful to me right now CancelCancel is free to date whomever he wants. So I'ma chill and inform him that this faggot ass promoter dude wants to speak to him. I wanna see what CancelCancel is gonna do anyway. 'Cuz if he gives this dude his number in my face it's a fuckin' wrap!

So as he walks over to the promoter dude I follow behind and end up a few feet away. He's trying to spit his little weak, corny ass game at my date. I stood to the side, boiling, but I was trying my best to play it cool. I couldn't really hear their conversation but somewhere in the there that faggot asked whether I was CancelCancel's boyfriend. He said "No." He was right, but I have to admit that that did sting just a little bit. As they talked I was steady mean mugging this dude. He looks over and then gives me dap and asks me my name. Oh this faggot is bold as hell. I shoulda wiled the fuck out right then. But CancelCancel is not my dude and so far he hasn't disrespected me so still I kept it cool. From what I saw CancelCancel was humoring him more than anything and no numbers were exchanged so everything was aight. I was still mad though that this punk was really tryna play me like he didn't know what the fuck was goin' on.

CancelCancel did well, he passed this test. The real question though is whether he was just playing this off and woulda gave that dude his number if I wasn't around. He wouldn't have been wrong for it but I can't help but wonder if he was actually attracted to dude.

So we left from over there and got on the dance floor. CancelCancel is tryna dance with me but I'm not moving. I'm still heated. I'm mad that this faggot really just played me just now. I'm off the CancelCancel thing, this was between me and dude. As I stood there fidgeting with my hands I began to make two fists and my knuckles started getting hot. I wanted to punch that nigga in his face. I was ready to fight. This is a feeling I haven't felt since high school. I'm usually a much more level headed person than this, but then again this has never happened to me before.

In retrospect I realize that my anger from the whole situation was at the disrespect more than anything. It bruised my ego. As we all know the male ego is very fragile and even as gay men we aren't exempt from the occasional caveman moment.

It was loud as hell in there. Cancel Cancel kept asking me what was wrong. He knew exactly why I was heated. Rather than try to yell in my ear he decided to text me as there was no point in talking over that loud ass music.

"We had such a great night. Let's not spoil it over some dude at the door."

"I guess I can't really get mad 'cuz we're not "together" but that shyt was mad fuckin' disrespectful and if you woulda gave him ur number that woulda been a wrap! U didn't give him your number did u? His punk ass betta not try no shyt when we leave..."

"Nah I didn't give him my number. I only [talked to him] because he got us in the club for free. He lives in BK and you should know I don't do BK dudes remember?"
Let me explain that statement. About a year ago before CancelCancel and I met in person we used to talk online. The main reason why we never met back then was because he lived in The Bronx and I lived in Brooklyn at the time and the distance was too much for him.

"So if he didn't live in bk...? Anyway, all I know is his ass betta not try no slick shyt or you gon' see the other side 2nite..."

"Pleeeeease don't get in fighting mode. I didn't come out here for that and neither did u. I thought u didn't get jealous."

"I didn't think I was the jealous type either but when u like someone... and that shyt was disrespectful. I don't like that disrespectful shyt, that shyt gets me mad..."

"Ahhhh don't get mad. I'm having such a good time with u. U know how guys are so u should know how it is."

After our text conversation I was pretty much okay. I calmed down. We started dancing and having a good time. I was gettin' my grind back on and we were back to being frisky on the dance floor. The music was a good mix of pop and R&B. The crowd was younger that that of Splash, a lot of college kids. We were there for a good little while. Even though CancelCancel diffused the situation you best believe I was ready for that promoter motherfucker to try some shyt when we left the club. If he woulda said one more thing I woulda lit his ass up. CancelCancel told me later that night that he was hoping that we didn't see him again. All in all I won anyway, I got the dude that nigga wanted and his dumb ass let me in the club for free, saving me 20 bucks. So it was all good.

See this is where the therapy comes in. After writing and now reading this blog entry 36 hours later I'm so happy I didn't let my ego get the best of me. Cuz if I woulda fought that dude the big ass bouncer was there in front and I'm pretty sure woulda been on dude's side. I'm not a punk but I'm smart enough to know I can't beat everybody. And it was a Friday night, in white ass Chelsea. The police woulda been called and we definitely woulda got arrested. We wouldn't have been let out until at least Monday and I had to work today (Sunday). So I would have have gotten arrested and possibly a record and possibly fired and maybe even God forbid, a scratch or a bruise on my face all for my foolish pride. I'm good. some things really aren't worth fighting for.

LINKS:
- Bond 45 Restaurant

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Playing In The Background...
"Don't Stop The Music (The Wideboys Club Mix)"
by Rihanna
from the album "Good Girl Gone Bad (Bonus Remix CD)"
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Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

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I wanted to start this post by giving a shout out to all the readers from Rochester, New York, "The Flower City", "The World's Image Center" on the mighty Genesee River. It warms my heart to know that you care so much. :)
==========

As a part of the divorce settlement my ex-boyfriend and I had dinner last night. We dined at Da Marino, a cozy Italian restaurant in the Theatre District. Thankfully we'd concluded all of our heavy, arduous break up summit last week so last night's conversation was as light and fluffy as lemon meringue. It basically consisted of us talking about how we plan to move forward as friends, how we are both happy to still be in each other's lives, and our future business endeavors.

Our meeting reminded me of the conversation we had a while back where mentioned that a few people have been keeping him abreast of what was being posted on the blog regarding our breakup in the past few weeks. It's funny how I never quite realize the full scope of this thing. I see the numbers but I'm always a little shocked when it comes around full circle like that, funny.

While we were exchanging pleasantries I saw a man come out of the kitchen. I thought he looked a little like Chris Noth, but this guy looked a little too thin. I had actually seen Chris Noth before at a Starbucks in the Village a few years back. But once he turned around we saw that it really was Chris Noth, also known as "Mr. Big/John" from "Sex And The City". He looked like he was in really good shape, which I'm sure is for the "Sex And The City" movie, being filmed now all over the city. He dined with friends a few tables away from us. News just broke that "Dreamgirls" film star Jennifer Hudson will be starring in the movie as well as "Carrie's" (Sarah Jessica Parker's) assistant. As a huge "Sex And The City" fan (I own the whole series on DVD) I'm really looking forward to this movie.

All in all I'm happy than Mr. Man and I have had an amicable breakup and are really gonna remain friends, for real. It felt good to be together without the heaviness that's been hanging over the both of us for the past month or so. This whole thing wasn't as easy as we have made it look (it was miraculous) but it's definitely, definitely worth it.

LINKS:
  - Da Marino Restaurant
  - Chris Noth's Official Website

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Playing In The Background...
"When You Believe"
by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
from the albums "My Love Is Your Love", "#1's", and the "Prince Of Egypt Motion Picture Soundtrack"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I finally went out on a date last Friday with Mr. CancelCancel (I call him that because he had canceled on me twice earlier that week). I met him downtown about 25 minutes late because I couldn't find anything to wear. I'm unfortunately one of those people who has a closet full of clothes but yet can never find anything to wear. I was already late getting home to change clothes for the date because had been running errands all day. And you know how in your mind you have planned out what shirt, jeans, sneakers, belt, fitted you are gonna put on but when you actually put it together it doesn't look right. Yeah, it was one of those days.

This was my first date as a newly single person, I was kinda rusty at this and I wanted it to go well, CancelCancel and I had been corresponding all that week and we were both kinda excited about last Friday. This expectancy also put more pressure on me. I wanted to look good. In an effort not to be too too late I put on one of my tried-and-true-I-know-it-looks-good outfits on and hurried out the door.

CancelCancel had just finished work when I met him and even though I got a text from him giving a disclaimer about his appearance he looked great. He was definitely my type too, 5'8-5'9. about 145 lbs,  a little lighter than me (that doesn't matter so much though), smart, kinda goofy/nerdy the same way I am. That's so sexy to me, he was sexy to me.

Because of my tardiness we missed the showing of "Superbad" that we planned to see so we decided on the showing an hour later which gave us about 45 minutes to play with. We walked to the movie theatre and on the line I looked behind me and saw him taking money from his wallet to buy his ticket. When I reached the box office window before him I took out my debit card and bought both tickets. When we were walking away from the box office he turned to me to give me his money. I looked at him and motioned for him to put away his money as to say 'your money's no good here shawty, Big Daddy got this." Then he said, "Alright then, I'll pay for your popcorn." Good move CancelCancel, nobody likes a gold digger.

So we went to the park and sat on a bench over looking the Hudson River and talked. I wanted to kiss him but with the whole gay thing I wasn't sure how comfortable he would be with kissing in public. There weren't that many people near us, maybe about five or six in a thirty foot radius, mostly couples definitely too busy gettin' their own respective freaks on to be all up in our business. As I get older I care less and less about such things. I wouldn't wantonly tongue CancelCancel down in public, I don't even like it when straight people do that. All I wanted was a light peck or two, or eight. But not knowing how he would react to it I decided against it.

As we made our way into the movie theatre I thought about how many times I had gotten my dick sucked in movie theatres back in the day all the movies that ended up watching me insead of me watching them. Out of sheer force of habit I scanned the empty theatre seats for the coveted back corner pair of seats. You can get away with anything over there. Now that I have my own place I don't do things like that anymore but when you're young and living at home and too broke to get a hotel room you gotta find some way to get your freak on. After shaking myself back into my present reality we found some seats in the back but in the middle of the theatre. I wanted to actually watch this movie.

"Superbad" was good. It was made by the same people who did "Knocked Up" (the funniest movie I have ever seen before in my life, read more about it in my blog post here), that's why I was so anxious to see it. It was funny but it was no "Knocked Up", but I definitely recommend it.

I lifted up the armrest partition that separated us so that I could rest my head on his shoulder. All during the movie our hands would touch and squeeze each other as an exercise of our sexual tension and the mutual infatuation we were developing for one another. About halfway into the movie I grabbed him softly by the chin and kissed him, there were some fireworks there. Then a little later I kissed him again. Toward the end of the movie his hands were searching the crotch of my jeans feeling for my dick, which was already hardening against my left leg. I then adjusted it so he could get a better feel of it. He rested his hand there. Soon after, the lights came up and we left the movie theatre.

Being full on $22 worth of nachos, liquid cheese and a gallon of soda we decided to skip the dinner we planned. As we walked from the theatre toward the train station I didn't want the night to end and I dayum sure wanted to kiss him again. So I nervously asked:

"Do you wanna go back to my place?"

==========
Playing In The Background...
"My First Night With You"
by Mya
from the album "Mya"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 06:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

==========
Cheri Dennis
Left: Promotional photo from her MySpace page.
Right: Promotional photo from her website.
==========

Last night my boyfriend invited me to this R&B artist  showcase down at Spotlight in Times Square. J. Holiday, Bilal, (I'm gonna talk about them in upcoming posts, stay tuned) and Cheri Dennis were all scheduled to perform. Once he told me Cheri was gonna be there I got excited. I've been following her career for a while now but have never gotten the opportunity to see or hear her in person. I've only seen her pictures on her website.

I'm used to these things starting late but I guess because this was on a Tuesday night they decided to start things at a rather conservative time of 9pm. I got off work at 8. I had to come home, get myself together and throw one ol' quickie I-ain't-got-no-time-to-iron-so-Ima-put-on-the-least-wrinkled-thing-in-my-closet outfit together for this thing... We didn't get there until like 11 and by that time Cheri had already performed and we walked in on the middle of J. Holiday's set. Of course I didn't find that out until Ed Lover introduced Bilal as the last act of the evening. I enjoyed Bilal and J. Holiday but I was still heated.

The place was cute though. I had heard about Spotlight and was even supposed to attend a concierge function there a few months back when they first opened but I had never been there until last night. The women were beautiful and the men... (sigh). See, that's the wack part about going to a mixed function you see all these good looking dudes you can't have, or at least you think you can't have, but it's still fun to look though. I will proclaim from every mountainside that New York City has the finest ethnic men on Earth. I'm never leaving this city!

Now back to Cheri, Cheri Dennis, though she doesn't have an official album out is not new to the game. You may remember her song "I Love You (So Don't Break My Heart)" that was playing on the radio and on BET earlier this year and some of her earlier work "So Complete" from P. Diddy's "The Saga Continues" album or "Caught Up" from the Bad Boy "R&B Hits CD/DVD Compilation" or other tracks floating across the internet such as "Freak" feat. Babs. She's been signed to P. Diddy's Bad Boy label since 2001 and so far there's been no official album release from her. Her album titled "I Finally Made It" has been given release dates and has had them pushed back several times. Even with these setbacks there are still people like me and others who enjoy the bits and pieces we've heard from her and are yearning for a full album. So like I said, I was pissed that I missed her show last night.

My boyfriend and I left Spotlight at around midnight. On the way out we ran into my boyfriend's friend who happens to be Cheri's Publicist. He was with this girl, she was cute and very nice she asked whether we enjoyed the show and I said "yes". I shook her hand I didn't get her name. Cheri's publicist said her name but I could hardly hear, it was crazy loud in there and Bilal was still on stage wrapping up his set. So after that my boyfriend and I left to go to our respective homes.

Before I went to bed last night my boyfriend called me and this was our conversation:

"It's a shame we were weren't there on time to see Cheri Dennis but at least you got to meet her."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, we met her, you know the girl my friend introduced you to..."

"That was her? Oh my God, I didn't know that was her..."

"Are you serious? He said her name and everything..."

"Yeah, but he was turned toward you when he said that. He just said to her 'this is Adam' and we shook hands. I didn't hear what her name was and I didn't want to ask. I was going to but I didn't wanna seem rude. I thought that the girl was just a friend of his or someone he works with. And I didn't really know what Cheri Dennis looked like. I saw the picture on her website but she looked much lighter in person and it was kinda dark in there. I shoulda said something. I had my camera. You know I woulda got a picture for the website... I shoulda went with my first instinct. Now I'm heated."

So we ended our conversation there and after a few minutes I called him back again. In the midst of us talking he asked me whether I could get other calls while we were talking. I thought it was a strange question but I figure he was asking me because he knows my cell phone service can be a little spotty in my apartment. While we were talking I got a call on the other line from Cheri's Publicist.

"Hey baby."

"Hello, who is this?"
I put my boyfriend in on conference.

"It's me baby, the one you was lookin' for... What you doin'? I wanna come over?"

"What?"
I laughed nervously as I don't think I've ever heard those words coming from a woman before.

"Lemme stop playin' it's Cheri..."

Oh my goodness, my baby got his friend to get Cheri Dennis to call me at 2 o'clock in the morning. Apparently they were still out partying. I proceeded to tell her how much I appreciated her work and that I had been following her ever since "So Complete". More than anything I just wanted to show her some love because I know it's hard out there on your grind tryna do your thing dealing with all kinds of label politics and setbacks. I wanted to let her know that she's got people out there still waiting for that album to drop. Getting signed is only the beginning all of you aspiring musicians out there. I know what people like Cheri do is work and I appreciate it. She then told me how much she appreciated my support.

Cheri, for taking the time to not only call me but play on my phone and scare the mess outta me at 2 in the morning I not only support you but now I'm a fan for life!

LINKS:
- Cheri Dennis' MySpace Page
- Cheri Dennis' "I Love You" video on YouTube

==========
Song Of The Day:
"It's A Wrap"
by Mary J. Blige
from the album: "Love & Life"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 07:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Whaddup Everyone,

As I said before BET profiled me and my web design company ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR WEB DESIGN (http://www.onehundreddollarwebdesign.com) it aired yesterday and I know that because it was on in the afternoon a lot of you missed it. It was on YouTube but those spineless bitches removed it citing a copyright thingy with Viacom. What, ever so I plan to have it loaded up onto my own server in a few days.

PS: If anybody you know needs a website feel free to hit a brotha up!
http://www.OneHundredDollarWebDesign.com

==========
Song Of The Day:
"Still Standing"
by Kylie Minogue
from the album "Body Language"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I was never really into the movie thing. Sitting in a cold-ass, dark-ass room with people I don't know on a day when I'm probably already tired as hell from work was a recipe for naptime and a wasted ten bucks. When I started dating though the movies became a place where a horny guy like me who still lived at home and had no privacy could take a date and get his feel on and if he's lucky maybe even get some head! And all it would cost me is twenty bucks and having to sit through the first thirty minutes of some corny-ass, terrible-ass movie the date du jour picked out before my payoff came (or rather I came). Ah to not be so young again. Now that I'm a grown-up and have my own place whenever I do get to the movies (which is like three times a year, in a good year) I don't sit in the back in the corner anymore and I actually watch the movie.

Last Friday night I went to the movies, something I really don't do very often but after hearing all the great reviews I was inclined to finally go see "Knocked Up" starring Katherine Heigl of the hit TV show "Grey's Anatomy" and Seth Rogen of a whole bunch of stuff.

I'm not gonna give away too much of the movie but I'll give you the skeletal plot. A really hot girl, Heigl meets a loser guy at club one night, Rogen they get drunk and sleep together. She realizes in the morning what she had done and they end up having to walk "the walk of shame" across her yard (you ever walked that walk?). Then to top things she gets a really, really big promotion at her job to find out that she's pregnant and it's his. They are from two very, very different worlds and throughout the movie they are trying their best to make it work, much to the chagrin of her high strung sister.

As stupid as this movie sounds at the surface it is the witty, clever dialogue that makes this movie great. There were times in this movie where tears were running down my face I was laughing so hard.

I guess you are wondering whether it worked out? You gon' have to take ya ass to the movies to see. So after you've seen "Transformers" or one of the other blockbuster movies du jour "Knocked Up" at least deserves a sneak into the theatre across the hall and don't act like you ain't never done it!

LINKS:
- "Knocked Up" Official Website
Where you can watch the trailer for the movie.

==========
Song Of The Day:
"Precious Is Your Name"
Richard Smallwood with Vision feat. Chaka Khan
From the album: "Journey - Live In New York"
==========

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 04:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Before I start I just wanna wish everybody a Happy 4th. I went out to the MenAreFromMars party last night and someone walked up to me and said that they read the blog and that's always nice to hear. If you ever see me out anywhere don't be afraid to say "Hi." I don't bite unless provoked.

====================

So like I was saying I went out last night and you know what that means... ex-date central. Everybody you've ever hooked up with or dated you know eventually you will see them in a club somewhere, it's inevitable, especially for me.

Some of you know this better than others and some you may even have first hand experience with this (as many of my ex-dates are readers, whaddup y'all?) but before my current relationship I used to be, well, a whore, a nasty top, a say-anything-to-get-in-some-ass-dick-slinging-smooth-talking-whore. My dick has been in more dudes mouths than a thermometer and I've been in more rectums than well... a rectal thermometer (all safe sex of course). A few months ago I sat down and tried to make a list of all the people I have had just intercourse with... I gave up. Needless to say, I can't go to a club, a ball, or anywhere below 14th Street, scratch that, 23rd Street without seeing someone I've had a tryst with and last night was no exception.

I arrived at Mars 2112 at aound 1:30A and took my perch at the front with my boo where they collect the money, tickets, etc. From there I saw everyone as they walked in and out. Faces, eyes, lips that had been wrapped around my dick before, deep throating it ravenously, looks that say remember the night that we... and how it felt when I... and what I did when you... my dick jumped at the memories. On the dancefloor could-be conquests giving me lustful glances with while the music blared from the speakers.

Now back in the day this would have been my cue to get phone numbers and send text messages and I definitely would've had something popping off by the time I started typing this blog post. But now that I'm in a relationship I look at things a little differently. While temptation is ever present, the random hook-up thing is just not as appealing as it used to be. Maybe it's because at this point I've had sex in possible way one could have it. So now I look at it like okay, I can fuck you, and then what... ya know? I'm learning how to think before I act in my old age.

Even in my whore days as nice as it was to be getting some on the regular I really wasn't so much into the variety aspect. If there were someone then that I could have just been with and wanted to be with me all at the same time I could've settled down a little earlier. I remember meeting dudes, fucking the shit out of them, oohs, ahhhs, cum everywhere and then they never call back, or maybe they do call back, only when they want some more dick. Being a top I never understood, how are you gonna meet a dude, let him fuck you, and then that's it? That seems crazy to me but how could I question a bottom for doing it. I'm a top and I sure as hell did it so it would be wrong for me to hold up a double standard.

In my current relationship, my boo (who's no alto in a castrati choir either) like me came into this thing as a top so we are both learning to compromise (that's a whole 'nother series of blog postings) and our relationship is open, no, not in that way, I'm talking about communication, people. It's good to be able to love someone and not feel trapped. We're honest with eachother, we check out dudes together, we tell each other everything, I guess, but whatever he may not be telling me I don't wanna know anyway, as long as he keeps respecting me. We were friends first and that's always important and he means so much to me so I wouldn't wanna do anything to mess that up.

So in the war for independence, my brain, the bigger head, after years of being under the tyrannical rule of the mighty penis (as he likes to be addressed in third person) has finally seceded and is a fully functioning independent republic.

==========
Song Of The Day:
"Fourth Of July"
by Mariah Carey
from the album "Butterfly"
My favorite Mariah song EVER!
==========

Links:

MenAreFromMars Official Website

Wikipdia entry on Castrato

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 09:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

"God has not promised me sunshine,
that's not the way it's going to be.
But a little rain, mixed with God's sunshine.
A little pain, makes me appreciate the good times.

Be-e-e-e-e-e grateful...

God desires to fill your longings.
Every pain that you feel, he feels them.
Just like you
But he can't afford to let you feel only good.
Then you can't appreciate the good times.

Be grateful
Because there's someone else that's worse off than you
Be grateful
Because there's somoene else who'd love to be in your shoes.

Be-e-e-e-e-e grateful...

For it will be alright."

from the selection "Be Grateful"
by Walter Hawkins & the Love Center Choir
from the album "Love Alive 2" (circa 1978)
and like one of the best gospel songs... EVER!

As sadistic as this song makes God sound it has been ringing so true in my life, especially in the past few weeks so much so that I've been working out to it at the gym and it's hardly your standard work out song. Trying to get my web design business off the ground has been just that... trying. I'm doing well but I'm always striving to do better. So that's the song and here's the story.

==============================

So ends another glorious pride weekend here in New York City, well, it was last week, I told y'all I was busy, but anyway. My boo, the party promoter had functions jumping off back to back Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. After having a light panic/anxiety attack-esque episode on the Acela coming back from Washington Friday morning I really was not in the mood for clubbing.

We had gone down there the Thursday before to celebrate a family member of his receiving a prestigious honor. After hanging out down there with friends of his relative, mid 40's early 50's, professional, established, gay and lesbian black people, I looked at their homes and cars and lifestyles in awe as I have a lot to aspire to. While it was comforting to see gay black professionals in their 40's and 50's still looking good and living well it was also a little scary because having seen that raises the bar in my mind higher, much higher than it was before. If they can do it, I can do it and I've only got twenty years to make it happen. While to some twenty years may seem like all the time in the world I know that if I don't break some of my counterproductive bad habits today there's no way I could ever be that successful. I am learning that financial independence and physical fitness in middle and upper age is more a result of a lot of planning, proper decision making, and time management while you're young and much less a result of hard work. All hard (and not smart) work gets you is an early grave and many wasted years.

This glimpse into the lives of the black gay elite mixed with my total creative drought is what caused my breakdown. I had a few websites I had been trying to complete and the ideas just didn't seem to be coming. Being creative can really suck sometimes and along with the fact that I'm a perfectionist and my own worst critic it was a recipe for disaster ie: my episode outside of Wilmington, Delaware.

I'm currently a hotel concierge. I like my job, people even say I'm good at it. But my dream is to be a designer, a graphic designer, web designer or even doing layout for a magazine, I want to eventually have my own business and working for myself and employing others. While my current job is paying well. I don't want it to get in the way of my dreams. So easily we can get caught up in quote-unquote good money right now and totally miss out on what we were put on Earth to do. The paycheck is decent now but I'll be making even more money and be happier once I have achieved my dreams. But I know that achieving a dream isn't easy and it's gonna take me having to deal with the two things I tend to run the furthest way from; risk and sacrifice and having a temporary hiatus from my two best good good girlfriends: disposable income and financial security.

Lately I have been making a lot of sacrifices to get my web design business off the ground. I've taken on less hours at my good-paying day job in order to have more time to grow my business. Most people, (myself included at times) would think I was crazy to be giving up my steady money for something that hasn't been paying nearly as much lately. Especially because I'm so fortunate to be where I am and do what I do at such a young age. But at the end end of the day all I would have is a job, a quote-unquote good job, but a job nevertheless and it doesn't even belong to me. Slaving away in retail and in some of the shoddier of New York hotels in my late teens and earlier 20's has already withered away any false sense of security I've ever had in working for other people. If you are not a doctor or lawyer and work for a company or a business, especially if its not municipal, or for the government, or non-union, no matter how good things are going... Beyonce, said it best "...Don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' you're irreplaceable." They can have "another you in a minute..." It's not even about getting fired so much as businesses close down every day. Remember the .com boom? Nuff said. Of course there are exceptions to every rule but it my experience here in New York this has basically rung true.

Entrepeneurial blood runs through my veins. My mother is an entrepeneur, a holy hustler if you will. Besides making and selling hats to all the church ladies of the world, she did weddings, sold vitamins, real estate, and anything else to keep money in her huge leather pocketbooks growing up. My father worked for the State of New York 40 years before he retired. His job was pretty secure but it wasn't always easy dealing with the higher-ups. I remember days when my father would come home stressed out about work wnd would talk to anyone who stood still long enough about it, enough to bore us all to tears. I didn't realize it then but talking it out was his way of relieving the stress and probably even dealing with worrying about the prospect of losing his job. I found myself doing the same thing with my boyfriend, coming home and regaling him with the boring-ass hotel drama of the day, all in an attempt to deal with my worries and fears. That's when I knew I had to make preparations to work for myself. I'm twenty-three years old. Yes, I've come very far but I'm still young enough to start over and as much as I love him, I'm not my father. I can't even imagine spending 40 years of my life working for someone else to finally, finally have the freedom to enjoy my life in my sixties. Right now I'm working on not being so afraid to start over but in order to succeed I know I must take risks and risks make me very scared.

Oh yeah, and the worst thing about not making as much money is: not making as much money. Yeah, the whole not being able to spend like I used to spend thing is really starting to wear on my psyche! I haven't even gone summer shopping this year. I'm over it! Even my friends are used to me having more money. I was at my apartment a few weeks ago and I was saying that I need money for something and my friend (who shall remain nameless) was like:

"Gurl, don't you always have coins? Since when you been needin' a coin?"

There is no worse feeling than that. Especially for an extremely proud Leo like me. I hung my mighty mane down and placed my paw over my eyes in shame after that comment, that shit hurt me and what was worse was that I know he didn't mean to so I couldn't even be mad. While I know that it's really unhealthy to base any of your self worth on the money you make I can't help it because I've always been making money. I know this sounds terrible but money is the key to my heart. Some people get all wound up over relationships and this guy and that guy... what... ever. I don't love them hoes (of course this doesn't apply to my current boo), it ain't nothin'. As long as my bills are paid and i can still go shopping I'm quickly over relationship drama. It's when you start messing with my money that I'm affected. This is different for me, I know that it's temporary and I'm trying my best not to whine like a little bitch because there are people who have it much worse off than me. And at the end of the day I'm really putting this financial burden on myself.

So like Walter Hawkins said I'm learning to be grateful for the hard times and the good times. Nobody ever said that the road was gonna be easy, right? Success is gonna take a lot of smart (not hard) work and I feel like i'm getting closer every day and even on my worse days I can always find somethng to smile about, I'm still here aren't I? And fortunately, I'm still young and strong and able-bodied. I may not have everything I want right now but all my needs have been supplied and that's what's most important. I'm making to more time for worrying and anxiety attacks, I'm way too busy being grateful.

===================
Song of the day: "Be Grateful"
by Walter Hawkins & the Love Center Choir
from the album "Love Alive 2"
===================

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 04:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

My boyfriend and I just got in the house for the evening and one of his friends called him and gave him a message for me. It went something like this:

"Tell Adam that I'm tired of the raccoon poem."

I know... I know... I'm terrible, I know. It's just been a very, very hectic week and a half especially with all that Pride stuff last weekend but I will return, chock full of posts and updates by the weekend.

Bear with me.

Love,
Adam

PS: I promise this won't be like my May posting slump, I promise.

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 10:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

==========
Top:
Me and Alesha Renee, host of BET's "The 5ive" (I know I'm lookin' crazy in this pic)

Bottom:
Me with some of the other readers including: Front row: Tweetie (co-host of the MTV special "Dances From The Hood"), Nik (runner-up from season 5 of America's Next Top Model), Alesha Renee, Me, and legendary rapper Eric B. Back row: Spry (celebrity stylist, Nathan Hale Williams (TV/film producer), and Darnell Jefferson (actor).
==========

I just came home not too long ago from an event at the Magic Johnson Theatres up the street. About a month ago I was asked to participate in the Harlem USA Read-A-Thon, an event where celebrities, like Nik from "America's Next Top Model" and regular people (like me, cuz ya know I'm no celebrity) read books to kids and then encourage them to read. There were about three hundred kids and twenty of us. I was originally paired with the host of BET's "Hotwired", Alesha Renee, but we didn't end up together. I did end up with Smooth, a co-host of the upcoming MTV special "Dances From The Hood" (airing sun/06/17/07 at 8PM).

I have to admit I was a little nervous reading to the kids thinking that they may not be... well... so receptive... dammit I just thought they might be some bad ass kids! Fortunately I was wrong, the kids were little angels and were very receptive and interested for the most part. Smooth and I traded chapters of "Because Of Winn-Dixie" by Kate DiCamillo, a story about a little girl who meets and falls in love with a stray dog. The kids took over after that. After the reading session was over we had a brief question and answer period with the kids. As the kids asked me more about what I did as far as my web design business I saw how their eyes lit up while I answered them. The children were so impressionable, filled with such innocence and beauty. They can be anything they want to be. They have the power to change the world.

Being an adult now and being around all my fancy adult computers and fancy adult parties and shendigs I forgot what it was like to be a kid, to be around kids. Being with the kids today made me realize how much they need us. And more importantly how much we need them.

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 06:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

==========
Me in front of the "Hollywood" sign in Hollywood, California.
(wed/05/16/07)
==========

"I wish they all could be California girls..."
-The Beach Boys

About two months ago my boyfriend, who's originally from California asked me if I wanted to go to Los Angeles with him to visit his family. I said sure, and went online that night to order my plane ticket. We went on that trip about a month ago but I never got the chance to write about it. The trip happened between May 15th and May 17th, 2007. Here's what happened:

Like all native New Yorkers I had my preconceived notions about LA all set. I thought everyone would be all fake and plastic and everybody was either an actor, trying to be an actor, or a washed up actor. The concierge in me though definitely wanted to take in all the tourists sites I could. I only had two days. As soon as I arrived to LAX I was ready to hit the ground running. LA was gonna know that Adam B. Irby was there! So here's what I saw:

Day One:

Beverly Center:
We've all heard about the celebrity sightings and all the references to this mall on different TV shows and movies but finally seeing it in person I realized it's just a big ass mall. It was a cute mall, with cuter stores than your average suburban mall (we really don't do malls in New York), but a mall nevertheless. We didn't stay there long.

Hollywood:
As we drove through the streets of LA I asked my boyfriend to let me know when we were approaching Hollywood because you know I had to play the song. Jay-Z and Beyonce bumped out of the speakers as we drove down Hollywood Boulevard greeted by lines of tall palm trees on each side of us as far as the eye could see. Most people think Hollywood is a glittery and glitzy place. It's really not. The epicenter of Hollywood, Hollywood Boulevard and Highland Avenue where Grauman's Chinese Theatre and the Walk Of Fame are is very reminiscent to Times Square. Hollywood itself looks like any normal American city with normal sized middle class housing and regular people. It was cool to see the iconic record shaped Capitol Records Building but it was kinda weird though that it leans a little to the left.

Janet Jackson's Star on The Hollywood Walk Of Fame:
I'm a huge Janet Jackson fan, actually we both are. So when my boyfriend first approached me about going to LA the first place I thought about was visiting Janet's star on the Walk Of Fame, which she got in 1990, shortly after the release of the "Rhythm Nation 1814" album. Much to my chagrin, Janet's star was in the ghetto! The Walk Of Fame was much longer than I thought running all the way from Grauman's Theatre several blocks down Hollywood Blvd and even down some side streets. Why is Janet on a side street? To be exact (click here for a Google map of the exact location of Janet's star), Janet's star is located on Vine Street between Selma Street and Sunset Blvd in the middle of the block on the right (east) side of the street next to the parking lot for Washington Mutual Bank right across the street from Smoothie King. While Vine isn't exactly a side street, why couldn't Janet be on Hollywood Boulevard closer to the Chinese Theatre? Even her producers Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis are on the main drag. I'm not gon' lie. I was a little tight about that.

The LA Subway System:
Another one of the first things I wanted to do was take the subway in LA. I actually like to try out the rapid transit system in any city I visit. Here in New York, the subway is a way of life for us, 75% of us (including me) don't drive, so it's a vital thing here and it's the fastest way to get anywhere, especially in Manhattan. In LA where everybody starts driving at 15 and where everything is at least a 30 minute drive from one thing to the next I found the subway to be pretty, very clean, well kept, efficient (for the little ground it covers, LA is big, and really spread out), and very empty. I had to convince my boyfriend to park the car he rented so we could take it as he himself had never taken it before always opting to drive like 99% of LA. There's also this thing about earthquakes and everybody's scared of being underground if one happened... pussies! What's funny was that anytime I mentioned the fact that we took the subway to every friend of his I met in LA they all gave me that same "you took the subway" weird look. What's even funnier is that the subway fare is collected on the honor system. I guess LA is trying to do anything they can do to get people to take the subway.

Downtown LA (Union Station & Olivera Street):
We took the subway to LA's Union Station, which is like LA equivalent New York's Grand Central Terminal (architecturally) and Pennsylvania Station (due to the fact that they both carry Amtrak). Union Station was one of the most beautiful municipal transportation structures I had ever seen. It's construction is a lovely mix of Art Deco and Spanish Architecture. Outside Union Station is historic Downtown Los Angeles. We stood on Olivera Street in front of an ornate cross on the spot where Los Angeles was founded. What's interesting is that Los Angeles is not the city's full name. LA's full name is: "El Pueblo De Nuestra Senora La Reina De Los Ángeles" (translated: "The Town Of Our Lady The Queen Of The Ángels", no wonder why Spanish people have so many names!), founded September 4th 1781. In case you didn't catch it yet, I'm a geography nerd, a road geek, and a history buff. You know I was living for this!

Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles:
Half the fun of traveling for me is to eat at all the different places you can't eat at at home. I already had In & Out Burger right after I got off the plane. Now it was time for dinner. I had dinner that first night at the world famous Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles (the one on Pico Blvd, there are five of them) with my boyfriend and his mother. The chicken and the waffles were excellent. It definitely lived up to all the hype.

South Central LA:
I don't like to go nowhere without visiting the hood and South Central did not disappoint. It is everything you see in the movies. We visited my boyfriend's friend's house over there and it looked just like it did in the John Singleton movies ("Poetic Justice", "Boyz In The Hood" and "Baby Boy") standing on the front stoop of the house I felt like anytime Justice and Iesha (Janet's Jackson and Regina King's character from Poetic Justice) would come walking up the block, poppin' gum and that Tupac was gon' pull up in the mail truck. Then at that instant a police helicopter flew over, it was an amazing moment.

Skid Row:
To continue my tour of the West Coast hoods I got my boo to take me on a late night drive through the back part of downtown to see Skid Row. Due to the fact that the skid row here in New York, the Bowery was cleaned up years ago (now it's the eastern border of NoLIta and lined with overpriced condos) and that our homeless population has gone down considerably (I'm not sure how though, all I know is that I don't see them so much anymore) I thought that places like LA's Skid Row couldn't possibly exist anymore, boy was I wrong. I had never seen such urban devastation in all my life. People sleeping in tents and making shanty towns on the streets, people begging and trying to get into the car even as we stopped at traffic lights. And there was a police station in the midst of it all. Why isn't anything being done about this? You wouldn't think that a place like this would lie in the shadows of the gleaming Library Tower and a few miles from Beverly Hills, Bel Air, and Malibu. I ain't gon' lie I was a bit scared being down there. It's definitely not a place I want to walk through at 1AM.

Day Two:

Hollywood... Again:
After having breakfast at a restaurant in Hollywood near where my boo used to live we drove up to the Hollywood Hills (mountains are more like it) so we could get some pictures by the world famous "Hollywood" sign. Shortly after that I met my boyfriend's father.

Beverly Hills & Bel Air:
Beverly Hills was everything I imagined. Rodeo Drive is like 5th Avenue with sunshine. All of our designer favorites Prada, Louis Vuitton, Versace, etc. were all there. On the corner of Wilshire Boulevard and Rodeo Drive I was excited at the site of the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel, especially because it was the hotel used in one of my favorite movies, "Pretty Woman" starring Julia Roberts. We even had a celebrity sighting, Nicole Richie walked past us on Rodeo Drive.

The Beaches (Santa Monica Pier & Venice Beach):
After driving for what seemed like an eternity down Sunset Blvd we finally got to Pacific Coast Highway. That's it, that's the end of America. It was such a crazy thought. I had never seen the Pacific Ocean before and to know that I had traveled to the other side of the continent amazed me. We didn't spend much time at the beaches because it was still a bit too cold to be on the water. We had a funnel cake at the little amusement park on Santa Monica Pier and we got some fake designer sunglasses and matching henna tattoos at Venice Beach. Even though it was cold I still had to run out into the ocean so I could at least be able to say I dipped my feet into the Pacific.

We were supposed to go clubbing in West Hollywood (LA's gay area) that night but after we had dinner we got back to the hotel and fell asleep. And as y'all know that was fine with me 'cuz I'm not big on the clubbing thing anyway. That next morning before our flight back to New York my boyfriend and I spent some more time with his mother and grandmother. While I had a great time in LA just being able to spend the time with my boo made it all worthwhile.

It's so crazy how this dude all the way from LA came into my life when I wasn't even looking for him. Because New York dudes definitely weren't doing for me. Y'all know, you read the blog. What was so great about that trip was how happy we were then and how he introduced me to his family and friends. Being able to type this now as he lies here asleep next to me knowing that we are even happier now is amazing. I wish they all could be California boys, then maybe some of y'all single hos could be a little happier!

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 06:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

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My best friend Mike, my 'nephew' Drew, and me on the Bleu carpet at the Bleu prom. (thu/6/7/07)
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As much as that Shop Boyz song has been a guilty pleasure of mine since first hearing it on a friends MySpace page and then hearing it again on the radio in Connecticut last week it had since become the soundtrack to last Thursday night.

My boyfriend took me to three parties that night.

The first of which was at Obivia in NoLIta to launch his friends' "Eternal Bachelor" t-shirt brand (my mother would LOVE to see me in that shirt LOL). It was a very nice mid-twenties and up professional crowd, everybody was cute and well groomed, the bar was dimly lit and trendy with bloody dungeon decor. Very grown and sexy. He introduced me to a few people, we mingled and took some pictures before taking a cab ride to party number two.

The second party was a benefit for Bleu, the magazine, not the cheese, the Bleu Prom, held at Strada on 21st & Broadway in the Flatiron. What would be hot is if an LGBT magazine, or organization held a prom for minority NYC LGBT youths who I'm sure are feeling left out this time of year. I read in the New York Times about a gay prom in Long Island but I never heard anything about one here in the five boroughs.

We arrived at the prom pretty early, so early that we left the party and had dinner at Mayrose across the street. Soon after returning to the party which featured performances from Sony's Music With A Twist label (read the press release here), it's their LGBT record label (a concept for which I have no comment). I really enjoyed the performance by fellow Brooklynite, Jonathan Mendelsohn (think Justin Timberlake with some actual soul). He did an original song and then he sung a really good rendition of Stevie Wonder's "Ribbon In The Sky" which me and my boyfriend slow danced to, it was prom after all. The fun though didn't really start until my best friend/brother, Mike arrived with my two 'nephews' (from now on my blog ' ' symbolizes gay family) because I was getting a little bored not really knowing anyone there except my boyfriend, his best friend and his boyfriend. We chatted, mingled and took a few pictures on the "Bleu" carpet (some of which were of me and my boyfriend kissing LOL) and jumped in another cab to head to party number three.

The third party was the after party for the Bleu Prom held at Luke & Leroy's in The Village. I spent most of my time there outside with Mike and my 'nephews' talking and kee kee-ing, and catching up because we hadn't seen each other in a few days. Every so often my boyfriend would grab me or bring someone by for me to be introduced to. On our whirl inside the packed club they played the song again: "Party like a rock... party like a rock star..." As much as I don't want to I can't help but like the song and it was fitting due to the evening I was having. We mingled a little more outside the club before taking a cab back uptown to go home. For a person who hardly ever goes out doing three functions in one night was a first for me. I had fun.

LINKS:

-Bleu Magazine

-Jonathan Mendelsohn's MySpace Page

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 03:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Even though my boyfriend and I (I know y'all 'bout tired of me starting my posts off with those four words) have been together for about four months now and we spend most of our time together I discovered a new side of him, well, more accurately a new side of us last night. After work he stopped by my job to pick me up, we grabbed a few slices of pizza, had a rather lustful walk through Times Square checking out the butch queen remnants of the Puerto Rican day parade crowd (yes, we check out dudes together). Then we went down to Webster Hall for the second installment of the KissMyBlackAss (KMBA) Tea Dance. Basically it's a party that starts earlier in the evening. This one began at 6PM. The organizers are friends of ours and I collaborated with them on the design of their website. We couldn't make it to the inaugural party but we were determined to attend this one.

The KMBA party unlike the 'black' parties I'm used to has it's roots in house music as opposed to hip-hop and is more of a multi-cultural affair. It wasn't exactly go-go boys, glowsticks and Kylie Minogue bumping out the speakers in Chelsea, even though I'm really curious about how the white parties are and I plan to go to one in the near future. It was a happy medium, house music with a touch of urban-ness, definitely an environment where everyone could feel comfortable. What was almost crazy was that there were actual real live... women there. Like real women  with uteruses and fallopian tubes and everything! I haven't seen any of those at a club in like forever.

My boyfriend, who is a club promoter (who does mostly black parties) actually had a night in the club where he wasn't working and could focus on more important things... me. We spent the whole night together all cozy and all over each other. As DJ Quentin Harris' spinning got more intense and the whole crowd started getting more and more into the music (almost like it was a religious experience) my baby started wilding out on the dance floor. He always told me how into dance music he was and how he used to dance back in the day but to see it with my own two eyes was amazing and I have admit, a little funny. He's so cute. Even I started to dance a little bit. As things between us started getting hot and heavy on the dance floor our eyes landed on these two guys that were also together (they were friends though) we even joked about wanting to take them home with us. We were so horny that night.

Unfortunately I had to leave the party early because I had to wake up early for work this morning. I also had to miss the performance by Ultra Naté. But it was a great party, definitely a breath of fresh air, I had a good time before 10 o'clock and was still able to catch enough sleep for work the next day. In a word, perfect.

LINKS:

KissMyBlackAss - A Monthly Tea Dance

Ultra Naté's Official Website '

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 12:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

                                                                     My boyfriend took me to this industry function at Jay-Z's 40/40 club here in New York the other night. He knows a lot more people than I do as y'all know I'm not really much of the 'go out' type but he asked me to come and I came with him. When we got there, surprisingly there were actually a few people that I knew there. After some shared smiles and small talk with them I proceeded to sit down on one of the low tables in the rather cramped room we were in. After a while my boyfriend came over and encouraged me to take this opportunity to do some networking which actually made perfect sense since I'm doing the web design thing now and I had business cards with me. I did a little networking but I didn't overdo it like this actor guy there who just unenthusiastically handed his business card to me and everyone else there without so much as saying a word. I was the industry party networking equivalent to email spam. It's like "Yo! I didn't ask for this shit!" He could have at least said hello.

But anyway, around that time the strangest thing happened to me. This girl, the lovely young lady in the picture on the right above this post came up to me and asked me:

"Excuse me. Can I take a picture with you?"

I was kinda confused as to why in a room of all these 'industry' folks that she would want a picture with me. I hesitated a little but then said "Okay, sure."

Then the gentleman with her (also pictured above on the right) said "I want a picture with you too."

"O... kay." I said, even more confused than ever.

That's when she said "You're A. Benjamin Irby right?

"Yeah."

"We read your blog all the time"

"For real?"

"Yeah, I even tell my friends about it" He chimed in.

"Oh my God! Are you serious? Wow! This is so crazy!" I gushed.

They proceeded to tell me how he, up and coming R&B artist Xavier Raye and his sister An'Drea ended up at the party.

But anyway, you'd think that when I started my blog that I'd know that like "Duh! Adam, People are gonna read it" but having someone who you don't know from Adam (or is that Adam4Adam, either way, forgive the pun) come up to you and say they enjoy your work doesn't make it any less surreal. It's a great feeing especially because I give out so many personal details of my life here. So if you read and enjoy the blog feel free to write a comment or click here to send me an email. Just knowing that I'm not talking to myself means so much.

After I talked to them I started running into even more people I knew. This guy, a model who frequents the same Janet Jackson Message Board as I do, a girl I went to junior high school with and hadn't seen since then, she's tryna break into singing now, and another guy who went to the same church I used to go to. I even saw up and coming R&B singer Chrisette Michele (she's the hook girl from Jay-Z's "Lost Ones" and NaS' song). I even heard that T.I. and Emily King (another up and coming R&B artist whose sampler I snagged from the party, pretty good, 4 full songs one of which is a cover of Bill Withers "Ain't No Sunshine" [one of my favorite songs ever!] and none of those dayum annoying-azz snippets) and some other folks I can't remember made appearances but I didn't see them.

The other interesting story of the night was my encounter with Nik. You remember her, the first runner up from season five of America's Next Top Model. She beat out my homegirl (well I don't actually know her but she seems mad cool and a little ghetto, which I love.) Harlem's own, Bre and she lost to that other girl. I don't even know her name... Anyway. I saw her and said "Hi". Being authentically me I told her that me and my mother were over the fact that she lost to that other girl. She was like 'yeah, but it's cool'. And I was like 'Yeah, it's all good you look good, you're doing your thing." Then we both proceeded to take the photo op and smiled for the picture above this post on the left. I had a good time.

LINKS:

- 40/40 Club New York

- Xavier Raye's MySpace

- An'Drea's MySpace

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

All my life I have always been fascinated with the color green, olive, kelly, mint, sea, I love ‘em all. Some people who know me may even say I’m obsessed with it. My walls are green, half of my clothes are green, I own at least eight green fitted caps, it’s my color. I just like looking at green things. But there is one shade of green that goes way beyond the aesthetic for me and she is Vivian Green.

I know that she’s not number one on the charts all the time and she hasn’t sold a kajillion records (yet) but her two albums “A Love Story” (2002) and “Vivian” (2005) have been lighthouses to guide me through my seas of relationship drama. Heartfelt songs such as “Emotional Rollercoaster”, “What Is Love?”, “No Sittin’ By The Phone”, “Final Hour”, and even more upbeat tracks from the second album such as “Mad”, “Damn”, “Selfish”, “Frustrated”, and “Gotta Go, Gotta Leave” have gotten me through many a rough night. Her songs have resonated so deeply with me that it’s almost as though she has been following me around writing about my life. So when the opportunity came along to see her at BB Kings (a small venue, which I love, I hate big concerts) I jumped on it.

I’m glad we came to BB Kings for the concert and not the food which unlike the concert was not so great. One of the more interesting points of the night was when I arrived with my boyfriend and we sat next to a group of people one of which was a girl who flirted with me the whole night! It’s like yo, two dudes walking in to a Vivian Green show together… we’re obviously gay. LOL I guess that means I still got it. And I guess it also means that with the advent of the whole DL thing exploding everywhere some women still can’t tell. This is why I’m convinced every woman needs a gay friend.

The concert as I had previously mentioned was great. Definitely something you should do before you die. When she performed “No Sittin’ By The Phone” and “Final Hour” you could just feel the pain and emotion from it. Everybody was silent. We all needed to breathe for a minute, it was heavy. I even had a flashback to some of my more painful memories but it was therapy, for me, for Vivian, for all of us. But enough of my yammering, check some of it out for yourself, my boyfriend captured video of Viv doing a church-ified version of “Gotta Go, Gotta Leave”. It’s on YouTube. And you can also watch it below.

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

====================================================================
WARNING:
SOME OF THE LANGUAGE AND/OR SUBJECT MATTER IN MY BLOG MAY BE OFFENSIVE
TO SOME AND IS NOT SUGGESTED READING FOR ANYONE UNDER 18 YEARS OF AGE.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
====================================================================

I took my boyfriend to a somewhat swank concierge function at Top Of The Rock (Rockefeller Center) the other night. Though it was raining and cloudy the view was still great. Looking to the south, the Empire State Building stood straight up towering over the other buildings of Midtown Manhattan like a huge throbbing erection, well, buildings don’t throb, but you get the point. Speaking of erections my beau and I have been together for about three months now. We’re exclusive and things aren’t soooo serious I guess, but we really like eachother, we’re together all the time but we’re not putting too much on that, we’re just taking things one day at a time.

While navigating through the crowd of concierges, tourism professionals and their respective plus ones having meaningless chit-chat conversation after meaningless chit-chat conversation occasionally snacking on vittles courtesy of Cipriani we ran into a colleague of mine. For our purposes we’re gonna call him Mr. President. Mr. President is an older white gentleman whom I’ve had the pleasure of working with several times. He’s 67 (but doesn’t look it), gay (but not a queen), and has an almost regal presence about him, definitely someone I look up to and respect. He and his partner have been together almost 30 years. They were both at this particular function that night and my boyfriend and I ended up having an interesting one-hour conversation with them.

Seeing Mr. President and his partner got me to thinking about the future. It seems as though with the advent of the HIV/AIDS crisis and our quotidian endeavors to stay young, gay, and fabulous that we’ve forgotten about the future. Not so much what we want to be when we grow up and things of a financial nature but where we want to be, where we want to be emotionally and spiritually. We’re so scared of dying and so youth oriented that we seldom think about life as older gay people. Yeah you’re gay or bi or ”messin’ with dudes” now but what will you be in 30 years? Can you seriously see yourself with another man or woman for the rest of your life?

I personally have no problems with being gay and don’t really have any hangups about it. I’ve worked all that stuff out already, you know: the confusion, the acceptance, the whole God-hates-me-I’m-an-evil-abominator-syndrome, the contemplations of suicide, that’s what all those awkward teenage years were for. But I’m a grown up now and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I have no regrets (thanks Madonna) about my past stuggles and mistakes because they’ve helped make me the person I am today and if I had the chance to do it all over again I wouldn’t change a thing (thanks Faith Evans). Oddly enough though, I’ve encountered that not too many of my young, black, gay contemporaries share this sentiment. I hear statements such as:

“I don’t plan to do this for the rest of my life”
and
“I plan to get married and have kids some day”

Some of this I have heard from flaming queens who have very limited or no sexual experience with women. Who am I to judge but it just strikes me as a little odd. And don’t get me started on the role that organized religion and the whole “D.L.” (well, not so DL now) thing does to fry people’s brains and self esteem. So many of us are confused and ashamed of ourselves that it makes me wonder. In 44 years will I be able to say I have my Mr. President? Or better yet, will I even want his insecure, confused, low self esteem havin’ ass?

Anyway… seeing Mr. President with his partner caused a really reassuring feeling to rush over me, over the both of us I’m sure. To actually see a relationship working for so long restores so much of my faith in myself and in all the gays. On top of that Mr. President and his partner have a lot in common with me and my boyfriend. They have a May-December relationship as we do (my dude is a few years my senior and Mr. President is older than his partner) and most alarming is the fact that they moved in together after three months. And you guessed it I’ve been involved with my dude for about three months now. The statement caused some nervous laughter between us but my dude and I aren’t thinking about about moving in together right now. We both have leases to finish.

It was amazing to have Mr. President and his partner share with us their wisdom and experiences. To regale us with stories about the good old days, Studio 54, Andy Warhol, bath houses (by the way that would soooo not ever be my thing) and such. Just hearing about life before HIV/AIDS was so fascinating. Watching their way with eachother and the way they completed eachother’s sentences made us both smile. It gave me a real-live, tangible thing to look forward to. Most of my relationships haven’t lasted past 30 days, not to mention 30 years.

The main piece of advice they gave us wasn’t really advice-like at all. Basically they told us that there was no specific way that they stayed together so long. They obviously liked eachother, they fell in love, and they just worked at it. Mr. President’s lover even said that it was even okay to tell a little white lie every once in a while to spare the other feelings… What? I almost couldn’t believe it. They’re not perfect, they are just normal people like you and me. Normal people who actually took the time and effort to work at a relationship. Even I could do that.

Whether me and my current dude make it for the next thirty years or not at least I can rest easier at night knowing that it is indeed possible.

Top Of The Rock (Official Website)

Cipriani Restaurants

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

====================================================================
WARNING:
SOME OF THE LANGUAGE AND/OR SUBJECT MATTER IN MY BLOG MAY BE OFFENSIVE
TO SOME AND IS NOT SUGGESTED READING FOR ANYONE UNDER 18 YEARS OF AGE.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
====================================================================

I went out to a club last night. See, I'm not really much of a club person. It's good to get dressed and go out and let the kids see your face every once in a while but after about an hour I'm ready to go home. On top of that the fact that I hardly ever drink, don't really dance, or like rap music so much...

Hold on a second, hold that thought, I need to digress. Last time I went out to a club me and a friend of mine were having one of those tilt-your-
head-so-I-can-yell-in-your-ear-over-this-loud-ass-rap-music conversations about how the black gay clubs nowadays hardly play any "gay" music anymore. Or at least music by artists that openly support the LGBT community.

It seems like nowadays everybody's trying so hard (most failing miserably) to be a thug. I haven't heard music anybody like Janet Jackson or any other of our lovely hags (except for Beyonce [ugh!], even though she wasn't always a hag, she's a business woman who just got into who her main audience is, hence the video anthology.) in a club in like forever. I'm not a total hater of rap music but I long for the days when they used to at least mix it up a bit. If half of rap these artists knew how many spins they were getting in gay clubs they'd have a fit. I'm just not into supporting artists who don't support me. These rap dudes with all this "faggot this, faggot that" just don't do it for me. And don't get me started on the reggae and dancehall people...

Alrighty, back to the topic at hand... The real reason why I'm not in love with the club scene is because it is a relationship graveyard. Because the black gay community is a microcosm of a microcosm, our circle, even here in New York, in the largest city in the country is relatively small. Seeing ex- boyfrends, ex-dates, ex-fucks, ex-jumpoffs, ex-threesome people, 'ex-cetera' is always someting I try to prepare myself for but there's no way I could ever be quite prepared. And it started before I even walked in the door...

Mike and I got out of the cab and approached the club. We were on the list so we didn't have to worry about paying or waiting on line or anything. I go into my wallet to get my ID, I look up and then I saw him:

Person #1 was someone I messed with a while back when I first moved to Harlem. He was cool and things didn't end on a bad note or anything I just got busy and he got busy. He wouldn't let me fuck him then I got real busy (LOL) and stopped calling. We talked online before and he gave me his number. I never called. We would see eachother around the way and have small talk here and there but it never went much further. To put things in perspective our meeting wasn't so awkward. I just wish I would have stated what my intentions were and we could have been friends by now. I was such an asshole to not ever call him again, he didn't deserve that. There was nothing wrong with him, except for the whole top thing.

As we were led deeper into the club I took everything in, the strippers, the stilt people (nice touch), the whole vibe of the crowd in general. I looked toward the bar at the left and then I saw him:

Person #2 was someone I had a short interaction with last year. We met online, he sent me his picture and we had a few really nice conversations. After a month or so we still had never met. One day the opportunity came for us to meet and meet we did. I ended up fucking him as well. It was mutually good and soon after that I started developing feelings for him (I used to be such a girl that way). He was always very callous and super aloof about that whole thing. I never understood that though. How are you gonna let a dude beat and then just walk away from it like it's nothing? Well I tried to get closer to him (oh yeah, I never told y'all I used to be stupid like that) and he got more cold so I just gave up, erased his number and changed my number. It was a way for me to rid myself of the temptation to call him, to have him not be able to call me (as though he was really gonna call) and cut off fifty other people I needed to cut off, a three-fold blessing and a real turning point for me. I had actually seen him before outside a club in another city but I'm pretty sure he didn't see me. I didn't even make eye contact. Last night though I'm about ninety percent sure he saw me right when I saw him. A quick glance and we both look away. Welcome to Awkard City, population: us. There is a part of me that wishes I had said something to him last night. Nothing major, just a head nod or something just to show that I was unaffected by the situation. But I guess I really wasn't unaffected and that's okay because the whole experience taught me so much.

Just like in all clubs they have that mind numbing block of reggae music that me and Mike cannot stand (I have nothing prejudicial against Carribean people, culture or music but it's just not for me). We wander into the side room where they are playing house music which for me isn't perfect but a little more tolerable. I look at myself in the mirror, take a few paces toward the bar and then I saw him:

Person # 3 was someone I went on one date with about six months ago. We went back to my place and messed around a little after that. I remember him having to leave that night quite abruptly. I think we talked a few times after that but then I started getting disinterested. He lived kinda far away and I knew I wouldn't see him as much as I would have liked (I can be spoiled like that). I was starting not to see the point so I just stopped answering his phonecalls. Yeah I know I was a total asshole for that. I had actually seen him a few times before but it we did the whole glance and look away thing. He even confronted me about it on my MySpace page. Just when the flight was about to land in Awkward International he grabbed me and said "When you see me you not gonna speak!". I was really taken aback by the whole thing because I really wasn't prepared to speak, at least not right then. He really put me at ease and I was the one who was wrong. Throughout the night when we saw eachother we would speak and have small talk here and there and even share a few laughs. It was a kee-kee (LOL). I felt really bad about what I had done. If I had just been honest from the beginning we could have been talking and being normal months ago.

What makes me saddest about this whole experience is the fact that everything I hate I feel myself becoming. All the shade that was thrown on me in seasons past I see myself starting to throw on others and I really don't like it. My mother always says "hurting people, hurt people" and she's absolutely right. I decided that when this year came in I would be a much more honest and forthright person. This blog is actually helping me move toward that.

I've decided that if I'm ever in a situation with someone that I'm uncomfortable with I'm just gonna be honest. I know that 'breaking things off' conversation is hard and it us much easier at the present time to simply ignore, but it's just not the right thing to do and I know I wouldn't want it done to me. Everybody at least deserves an explanation or at least some notice for why or when they're being broken up with. So next time you see that person's name on your phone and you know that you're just not feeling it anymore, before you press 'ignore' think about how a not-so convenient conversation could save you many awkward moments later.

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

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WARNING:
SOME OF THE LANGUAGE AND/OR SUBJECT MATTER IN MY BLOG MAY BE OFFENSIVE
TO SOME AND IS NOT SUGGESTED READING FOR ANYONE UNDER 18 YEARS OF AGE.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
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Last night Mike and I had the most wonderful dinner at Ben Benson’s Steakhouse on 52nd between 7th & 6th Avenues. When we arrived we were a little caught off guard by the fact that we were the only black folks there (actually there weren’t any other minorities there either) and the place was PACKED! I’m talkin about power suits and ties; definitely the Wall Street, UBS, AXA, investment banker, lawyer crowd. Mike joked that you could turn a date in the bathroom for an “ovah coin.” He was kidding though. I love taking my best friend Mike to these types of places because as ghetto as we can be at times we both know how to switch it right on up if need be.

The food was great. We both had the shrimp scampi as an appetizer and that had to be the biggest shrimp I’ve ever seen. For the main course I had the filet mignon and Mike had the ribeye both of which had to be cut in half because the cuts of meat were so thick. The side dishes were huge and for desert I had a bowl of berries with whipped cream and Mike had the carrot cake.

The funniest thing is what happened in the small bathroom upstairs. I walked in to use the urinal and there were two other gentlemen in there, a black guy and a white guy. As soon as the white guy left the black guy lingered around a little suspiciously. I thought he was cruising me but then he commented:

“There ain’t too many of us up in here.”
“There sure aren’t.” I replied.
“We gon’ have to change that.”
“For real.”

While he made a valid point I still think he was tea (gay). He stayed in there a little bit too long for my comfort level and I don’t do pick ups in bathrooms… anymore. Nah lemme stop. LOL

But all in all the food was good and we got a chance to kee-cackle like two old white sorority sisters. It was fabulous! The bill came out to $197 but in the words of Lil’ Kim “And y’all know it didn’t pay for it!”. But I left a really good tip tho.

Ben Benson’s Steakhouse Official Website

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 02:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

====================================================================
WARNING:
SOME OF THE LANGUAGE AND/OR SUBJECT MATTER IN MY BLOG MAY BE OFFENSIVE
TO SOME AND IS NOT SUGGESTED READING FOR ANYONE UNDER 18 YEARS OF AGE.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
====================================================================

Due to the fact that I’m a hotel concierge there are times that I’m given the opportunity to go and see Broadway and Off-Broadway theatre (yes, ‘theatre’ not ‘theater’ I hate when people spell it like that!) productions for free. Being nowhere near anybody’s theatre queen, most of these offers I don’t accept but the opening of a new off-broadway show seem to pique my interest. Well I was actually more interested in the cute dominican guy in the huge wall ad in my subway station. The other day the opportunity came along to score two comp tickets so I jumped at the chance. I called my best friend Mike and we went.
After arriving at the show a little late (all Mike’s fault) we had to be seated on the mezzanine and not at our orchestra H seats but it was all good. Once we got over the initial weirdness of walking in late to the theatre we saw a great show.

"In The Heights" is centered aroud a group of people of various hispanic descents living on a block (probably around 181st Street due to the faux "A" train station on the set, with tiles and all) in the Northern Manhattan neighborhood of Washington Heights. Being a native New Yorker I could honestly say that the two level set was beautiful while still being functional and very authentic looking with its own taxi dispatch, bodega, beauty salon, and view of the George Washington Bridge.

I won’t give too much of the story away but it centers around Nina (played by Mandy Gonzalez), a girl who is back home in Washington Heights for the summer and is trying to decide whether to go back to Stamford University; the expensive school her parents (played by John Herrera and Priscilla Lopez) are struggling to afford or to stay in the neighborhood go to a community college, help out her family, and be with the love of her life Benny (played by Christopher Jackson, check out his MySpace) who me and Mike happened to notice was blessed in certain areas (and I ain’t talkin’ dancin’ and singin’) he gave me and Mike trouser snake in those black slacks from all the way up on the balcony! I’m sure we weren’t the only one’s who noticed. They even referenced it in one of the songs.

This and the other stories of the show (which I’m not gon’ tell you about here; you gon’ have to go see the show!) are tied together by it’s music and lyric writer Usnavi, the bodega owner (played by Lin-Manuel Miranda, aka the cute guy from the poster). He uses spoken word, song and rhyme to set moods and narrate the story. By the end of the show me and Mike we’re calling him “Hey-Z” (a spanish version of Jay-Z, get it? [insert rimshot here]). Other honorable mentions are Usnavi’s love interest Vanessa (played by Karen Olivo) who dances her ass off and his lovable younger cousin Sonny (played by Robin De Jesus).

The costumes which were mostly regular clothes were styled perfectly. Eventhough the show is not a period piece, so to speak, due to context clues (Northern Manhattan gentrification, the discontinuation of the 9 train) it’s definitely taking place in pretty current tmes and the clothes were picked out perfectly. From the blue patent leather pumps and loud colored dresses the salon owner, Daniela (played by Andrea’ Burns) wears (which are soooo Spanish lady) in this show to the loose fitting garments Abuela Claudia (played by Olga Meridiz) wears (which are sooo old Spanish lady), and the Bape sneakers some of the kids in the ensemble wear. Everything was put together perfectly.

So what have we got here? A good story, a fun show, a beautiful set, great actors, great clothes, and a little trouser snake action, what’s not to like? This replaces Blue Man Group as my favorite Broadway/Off-Broadway theatre production (sorry guys). I wanna see the show again. Next time I’ll take a date and buy an overpriced t-shirt. They had green ones.

"In The Heights" Official Website

Posted by Adam Benjamin Irby at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)